View Full Version : Hereís How I Envision My Night To BeÖ

10-04-2004, 02:32 PM
I leave the office around 4PM- Fire up the SUV, and pull out of our company garage. Iíll pull onto I-25 north, and hopefully meet traffic at full speed instead of this stop-n-go crap.

Iíll pull up to my house roughly ten minutes later, but realistically, it will be like 35 minutes later- Many thanks to you T-Rex and the Californication of Colorado.

My dog, Montana, will greet me excitedly at the door. Heíll jump up on my chest, and Iíll say, ďDown!Ē He wonít understand, and instead continue jumping at my chest until we both walk down the hallway to my room where Iíll change into something more comfortable.

Iíll take Montana to Washington Park for a long walk. Roughly an hour later, we will both arrive at the house, where Iíll change again. Iíll consider wearing one of my Chiefs sweatshirts, but then Iíll talk myself out of it, and instead pull on a flannel shirt and jeans.

When I get home, Iíll put on ESPN and watch the pre-game show. Iíll get disgusted as they persistently hammer the ineffectiveness of the Chiefs, and actually reveal to millions of people just how ineffective they really are by diagramming plays on the TV. Iíll get mad, and shove the middle finger toward the TV and say some inappropriate words. Then Iíll listen as they ramble on for long durations about Jamal Lewis and his sentence to be served at a later date. Iíll say something like, ďDamn right, that beetch oughta be in jail now phucking that beetch Martha Stewart!Ē

Iíll then check my messages, and consider those Iíll call back now, those Iíll call later, and those Iíll never call. Iíll then check my wallet for any cash. Iíll check my pack of cigarettes for any cigarettes that havenít been broken or bent. Iíll make sure Montana has plenty of food and water, and then head out the door. Since it is pool league night, Iíll have to go to Sobo 151, which is a Czech sports bar with authentic Czech drinks, Czech bartenders, and great Czech food.

Iíll start off with a mixed drink. I donít know yet, for Iíll ponder the choice of the drink for long minutes while studying the bar for single, drunken women I might want to hit on should the Chiefs put me in a jovial mood or should I be in a bad mood. Iíll locate the one woman who might be charmed by my ďbad boyĒ image and attitude should the Chiefs be losing, and Iíll select the one lucky gal who will be the benefactor of my ďcomedianĒ likeness should the Chiefs be winning.

Iíll finish the drink before the bartender turned his back and order another one. Iíll continue poking my face up toward the TV as I watch ESPN, now somewhat muted by the din of the tavern. I can only imagine what they might be saying about my Chiefs
Iíll curse underneath my breath as I order another mixed drink while pulling out a fresh cigarette to smoke.

The pool team will show up and weíll all say our standard greetings and such. Some of them will jokingly suggest the Chiefs will lose tonight. Some will even say they wish me luck, but I know they are only saying that to be nice- Ďcause deep down, they are really nothing more than stupid donkey fans who are very insecure about some things in life- like their needs to be liked. Fantasy football topics will then be shoved in between the talk of tonightís game, and some dufus friend of mine will remind me how well he did with his weekly picks when I know all too well how bad I did.

Iíll order another drink, and ask Peter, the Czech bartender, to make my drinks stronger from here on out. Iíll fire up another cigarette while fidgeting for the game to begin. The game will begin as more people file in, and Iíll have to ask Peter to turn the TV up so I can hear it over these ignorant pusses who donít care to watch the game like I do. I will then have to listen to another ten minutes of garbage as Michaels and Madden both shun the Chiefs and remind everyone how the defense sucks, how they didnít pick anyone up, and blah, blah, blah mercy old blah, and then Iíll smirk and yell out, ďShudd the phug up Madden ya pussy!Ē

Iíll order another drink. And this time, Iíll ask Peter for a menu for Iím getting that maybe I should eat something feeling.

The drink arrives, as does the menu. I poke and prod at the menu- indecisive about what Iíd like to eat and decide Iím not hungry after all. Instead, I slam another drink and pull from another cigarette.

The game begins. I watch nervously- often ripping at my fingernails and pulling from a burning cigarette. I continue to drink-only the mixed drinks are getting to me now- so, I instead ask Peter for a black & tan with a Harp. The pool team interrupts my viewing of the game and asks if Iíd like to play. I refuse, and state to everyone Iíd prefer to watch the game.

As the game goes along, I continue to drink and smoke until I end up having to borrow cigarettes from strangers. On good plays- Iíll yell out my support like a Scotsman in Braveheart. On bad plays- Iíll curse like a drunken Irish rugby player, thus forcing women to move even further away from me.

At the end of the night, Iíll have forgotten which gal I picked for my resulting mood, ask Peter for my check, and consider taking a cab back home. I do take a cab home.

In the morning, I wake up with a smile- for the Chiefs had won- but, I donít remember much of it, so I have to go to Chiefsplanet to find out what I missed while I was in my drunken stupor.

Hammock Parties
10-04-2004, 02:37 PM
I love you.

10-04-2004, 02:40 PM
you get off work at 4pm?

10-04-2004, 02:42 PM
I suspect I'll watch it at home.

And put a significant dent in a 1.75 of Seagram's 7.

10-04-2004, 02:46 PM
you get off work at 4pm?


kinda nice...tomorrow will be brutal though- since I have to be here early

10-04-2004, 02:56 PM
"black & tan with a Harp"
making my mouth water.

10-04-2004, 02:57 PM
I love you.

You do?

Well....I don't know what to say....but, that's weird.

10-04-2004, 03:39 PM
This is not a flame, but more of a "Buck-Bundy aka Married-with-Children-Parody."

Montanaís Friday night while his master is gone. . .

After seeing my master leave for the bar, I rummage through the trash, scattering garbage everywhere. Since he comes home toasted he wonít notice the mess and will think he knocked it over in the morning. A few hours go by and I have managed to chase my tail out of pure frustration and even chewed up all his favorite Chiefs jerseys because I suffer from separation anxiety.

I look at the clock and its only 10 P.M. Yes I can read time and I can even lick my nut sack, can you? Tonight, like most Fridays, heíll come home reeking of Czech food, which I cant stand, so Iíll make sure to have a healthy sh*t right before he comes home and clean myself up afterwards, waiting to give him a big slobbering kiss.

In the meantime, I sneak out the backdoor and bang the neighbors twin poodles and watch the national televised dog shows. I usually make it home in time as he comes through the front door. Ah, I have the perfect life.

10-04-2004, 03:41 PM
I am going over to Big Daddy's pad to watch it.

10-04-2004, 03:42 PM
I am going over to Big Daddy's pad to watch it.
Does Big Daddy know this?

Rain Man
10-04-2004, 04:03 PM
I stopped reading as soon as I saw "I-25" and "full speed" in the same sentence. At least try to be realistic.

Skip Towne
10-04-2004, 05:44 PM
I stopped reading as soon as I saw "I-25" and "full speed" in the same sentence. At least try to be realistic.
Hey, it's Denver. You gotta expect some retardation.

10-05-2004, 09:22 PM

I envisioned my Monday night pretty well. Except for the fact when I got home, Montana had torn the carpet from the floor board and experienced a day long search and destroy mission with my house.

Therefore, I never did make it to Sobo, but I did have the drinks, the smokes, and watched ESPN, and cursed at Madden and Michaels, and most importantly- the Chiefs won! :thumb:

I didn't have to take a cab home for I was already home, but I thought about it...


10-05-2004, 09:33 PM
I didn't have to take a cab home for I was already home, but I thought about it...

ROFL I've had a couple nights like that.