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OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:03 PM
I have what I think could turn out to be a problem with my 11 year old daughter and I thought what better place than the Chiefs Mental Ward to seek help.

In the last few months she has developed this habit of hitting people whenever they joke around with her about anything. It doesn't matter what it is, her response is always double up her fist and hit you in the arm as hard as she can.

There has never been violence in our home and I don't think she has been around it with any of her friends but It seems to be getting worse and I have no answer for it. My wife and her sister get on to her every time she does it but she just keeps doing it. I tried to tell her she needs to break that habit before someone hits her back. She's a junior cheerleader and a gymnast and she has some power behind those punches. I can't help but think there's something I'm missing. I don't think it's just to get attention.

Saulbadguy
11-15-2004, 11:05 PM
I'd seek professional therapy.

KcMizzou
11-15-2004, 11:05 PM
Heh... when I was a kid I'd have been backhanded for it. Times have changed.

Saulbadguy
11-15-2004, 11:06 PM
Heh... when I was a kid I'd have been backhanded for it. Times have changed.
Violence begets violence. :shake:

KcMizzou
11-15-2004, 11:07 PM
Violence begets violence. :shake: Yeah, I wasn't suggesting it. Just remembering ...

Frazod
11-15-2004, 11:08 PM
Violence begets violence. :shake:

Not if it's applied in sufficient force.... :$2500:

Count Alex's Losses
11-15-2004, 11:10 PM
Oh, this is too easy.

Everytime she hits someone, take away her privileges. Maybe she likes to talk on the phone or something, or has a favorite TV show.

If she hits someone...suspend that privilege for a week. Soon she will learn.

stevieray
11-15-2004, 11:10 PM
Violence begets violence. :shake:


KCMIzzou is a child abuser?

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:11 PM
Heh... when I was a kid I'd have been backhanded for it. Times have changed.

She only does it as a response to anyone joking around with her about something, nothing special that I can put my finger on like short jokes, blond jokes, etc... just anything joking with her.

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:12 PM
Oh, this is too easy.

Everytime she hits someone, take away her privileges. Maybe she likes to talk on the phone or something, or has a favorite TV show.

If she hits someone...suspend that privilege for a week. Soon she will learn.

Iv'e threatened that but I havent done it yet.

KcMizzou
11-15-2004, 11:12 PM
Oh, this is too easy.

Everytime she hits someone, take away her privileges. Maybe she likes to talk on the phone or something, or has a favorite TV show.

If she hits someone...suspend that privilege for a week. Soon she will learn.My kid was a bit of a bully in first grade... and that's basically what I had to do. No video games (that's the one that really killed him), no cartoons, no playing outside, etc. Just good old fashioned grounding. :shrug:

Count Alex's Losses
11-15-2004, 11:13 PM
Iv'e threatened that but I havent done it yet.

Then get tough with the kid! Show her who is boss! Jeez! :shake:

I had my bottom roasted with the belt many times when I was younger and I'm an upright prude because of it! If I put a toe out of line my ass felt the results!

Now teeing off, all of Chiefsplanet! :D

KcMizzou
11-15-2004, 11:13 PM
She only does it as a response to anyone joking around with her about something, nothing special that I can put my finger on like short jokes, blond jokes, etc... just anything joking with her.Which I assume makes it hard to punish her, because you kind of feel like she's joking too.

Saulbadguy
11-15-2004, 11:14 PM
KCMIzzou is a child abuser?
The MU Tigers are a KCMizzou abuser. :)

2bikemike
11-15-2004, 11:14 PM
Iv'e threatened that but I havent done it yet.

Don't threaten do it. Otherwise you look weak.

Pants
11-15-2004, 11:14 PM
She only does it as a response to anyone joking around with her about something, nothing special that I can put my finger on like short jokes, blond jokes, etc... just anything joking with her.

Sounds like she might be a little insecure. Try and explain to her that they don't mean what they say, they are only joking (of course you might have done that already).

KcMizzou
11-15-2004, 11:14 PM
The MU Tigers are a KCMizzou abuser. :)ROFL Aint that the truth.

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:15 PM
Then get tough with the kid! Show her who is boss! Jeez! :shake:

I grounded her to her room a few weeks ago for talking back to her mom but her mom let her out. I don't think her mom is the cause of her hitting tho.

KcMizzou
11-15-2004, 11:16 PM
I grounded her to her room a few weeks ago for talking back to her mom but her mom let her out. Wow. You have to present a united front, dontcha?

stevieray
11-15-2004, 11:16 PM
The MU Tigers are a KCMizzou abuser. :)

That and the prison record.

KCWolfman
11-15-2004, 11:17 PM
Violence begets violence. :shake:
When have you seen a 12 year old kid hit their dad back?

There is a difference between violence and discipline.

KcMizzou
11-15-2004, 11:17 PM
That and the prison record.Heh... bastard. :p

SNR
11-15-2004, 11:19 PM
Err: Shoot her the bird

Ignignokt: Yes, give her the finger.

Fairplay
11-15-2004, 11:19 PM
I would laugh when my kid sister hit me. She tried to hurt me but she knew she couldn't. Then i'd finally hit hurt back and she'd run off crying.

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:20 PM
Sounds like she might be a little insecure. Try and explain to her that they don't mean what they say, they are only joking (of course you might have done that already).

I have talked to her about that but it hasnt changed, It's as if she thinks her only response is to hit. She is a smart kid and can out wit if she wanted to but she chooses to just smile and hit as hard as she can.

KCWolfman
11-15-2004, 11:20 PM
OTC - Whatever discipline you decide, stick to it. Honestly, it will probably hit you harder than her (especially when she begins complaining). I guarantee if you are tough with the punishment and don't let up, she will stop in just a couple of weeks.

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:23 PM
When have you seen a 12 year old kid hit their dad back?

There is a difference between violence and discipline.


At 11 she's past spanking age IMO.

big nasty kcnut
11-15-2004, 11:25 PM
Well maybe you need to set up a place to let her hit so she can release anything that bugging her.

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:29 PM
Well maybe you need to set up a place to let her hit so she can release anything that bugging her.

I'm trying to figure out if it is something thats bugging her, but I can't.

Count Alex's Losses
11-15-2004, 11:30 PM
I'm trying to figure out if it is something thats bugging her, but I can't.

Sounds to me like you need to sit her down and have a good heart-to-heart. I think you might need to nip this in the bud before it escalates into bigger problems down the road.

Fairplay
11-15-2004, 11:30 PM
At 11 she's past spanking age IMO.




After they are 18 they might want to get spanked. ;) :D

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:33 PM
Which I assume makes it hard to punish her, because you kind of feel like she's joking too.


Exactly, up untill the last few days Ive looked the other way.

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:34 PM
After they are 18 they might want to get spanked. ;) :D


ROFL

I'm sure she hasnt broke into my porno stash yet.

KCWolfman
11-15-2004, 11:37 PM
Exactly, up untill the last few days Ive looked the other way.
Play it straight from the hip.

"X, I have noticed when you react to someone teasing you, you do so with violence. While it seems like a natural reaction to you, I assure you, it is not. If I hit my boss at work, or your mother punched me when she disagreed, there would be repercussions for such actions. While I don't like doing this (especially since you seem to be reacting in jest), I have to tell you that I am going to punish you when you hit someone.

e.g. You will get two warnings from me or your mother. After the second warning, you will have to write 75 lines on why hitting another person is not a positive way to communicate. Each time after, you will be assessed an additional 25 lines. Keep in mind that each document you write must be unique and cannot duplicate another document. You will not have any free time until the document is 100% complete and reviewed by me or your mother."


MOST IMPORTANT"Do you understand, X?"

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:38 PM
Sounds to me like you need to sit her down and have a good heart-to-heart. I think you might need to nip this in the bud before it escalates into bigger problems down the road.

That's why it kinda worries me know, it has been escalating. I think I'll try the grounding again and talk to her mother about sticking to our guns about the time limit.

Phobia
11-15-2004, 11:44 PM
I grounded her to her room a few weeks ago for talking back to her mom but her mom let her out. I don't think her mom is the cause of her hitting tho.

It sounds to me like you're both the problem. Threats of punishment with no follow-through. Punishment cut short for some reason, who knows?

If you want your kids to respect you, you have to say what you mean and do it. Mom has to support Dad and Dad; Mom.

You guys need to find a Parenting for Dummies book. I'm not kidding and I'm not trying to insult you. It sounds like you need parenting training.

Regarding the hitting thing - sounds like a phase to me. People probably laughed the first time she did it and she thinks it's cool. Have a chat with her about it and maybe things will improve.

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:47 PM
Play it straight from the hip.

"X, I have noticed when you react to someone teasing you, you do so with violence. While it seems like a natural reaction to you, I assure you, it is not. If I hit my boss at work, or your mother punched me when she disagreed, there would be repercussions for such actions. While I don't like doing this (especially since you seem to be reacting in jest), I have to tell you that I am going to punish you when you hit someone.

e.g. You will get two warnings from me or your mother. After the second warning, you will have to write 75 lines on why hitting another person is not a positive way to communicate. Each time after, you will be assessed an additional 25 lines. Keep in mind that each document you write must be unique and cannot duplicate another document. You will not have any free time until the document is 100% complete and reviewed by me or your mother."


MOST IMPORTANT"Do you understand, X?"

Basicallly I've tried this but you worded it much better than I did. I'm going to memorize this post and try it again, I just don't think she takes me seriously on the punishment part so I'll need to make sure she understands that I mean it. I like the way you give warnings because she wont believe me the first time.

Thanks KC

|Zach|
11-15-2004, 11:51 PM
Err: Shoot her the bird

Ignignokt: Yes, give her the finger.

KCWolfman
11-15-2004, 11:52 PM
Basicallly I've tried this but you worded it much better than I did. I'm going to memorize this post and try it again, I just don't think she takes me seriously on the punishment part so I'll need to make sure she understands that I mean it. I like the way you give warnings because she wont believe me the first time.

Thanks KC
My kids didn't either. Watching the 11 year old cry because she had to write a full page was tough at first. I had to go into another room until she was done. But it does work.

OldTownChief
11-15-2004, 11:54 PM
It sounds to me like you're both the problem. Threats of punishment with no follow-through. Punishment cut short for some reason, who knows?

If you want your kids to respect you, you have to say what you mean and do it. Mom has to support Dad and Dad; Mom.

You guys need to find a Parenting for Dummies book. I'm not kidding and I'm not trying to insult you. It sounds like you need parenting training.

Regarding the hitting thing - sounds like a phase to me. People probably laughed the first time she did it and she thinks it's cool. Have a chat with her about it and maybe things will improve.

I agree with you on the first point and I hope your right on the 3rd but I dont think I'm a dummy when it comes to my kid. What is parenting training? Are all kids the same? I also have a 24 year old that went through collage and from what I can tell she is perfect. I didn't need the training with her.

Phobia
11-15-2004, 11:58 PM
I agree with you on the first point and I hope your right on the 3rd but I dont think I'm a dummy when it comes to my kid. What is parenting training? Are all kids the same? I also have a 24 year old that went through collage and from what I can tell she is perfect. I didn't need the training with her.

I'm not saying you're a dummy. I was saying that you should pick up a book on parenting that will teach you and your wife to present a united front and to be consistent with the child. If you allow the kid to manipulate you, she won't have respect for you. If she doesn't have respect for you, there's a helluva lot more troubles coming in the next few years. There are churches and clinics - all kinds of organizations offering parental training. But, the point I was really trying to make was my second sentence in this post.

Count Alex's Losses
11-16-2004, 12:01 AM
If you allow the kid to manipulate you, she won't have respect for you. .

There you go. I had that whipped out of me as a kid. I would think about doing bad stuff but then I thought "I might get the belt if I do that - better not." And here I am today.

Fairplay
11-16-2004, 12:03 AM
Sounds to me like you need to sit her down and have a good heart-to-heart. I think you might need to nip this in the bud before it escalates into bigger problems down the road.





Yeah, haven't you watched enough episodes of Leave it to Beaver to know how to handle family issues by now?

Fairplay
11-16-2004, 12:06 AM
I'm going to memorize this post and try it again
Thanks KC




There will be a test on your memorzation of it. Be prepared.

Count Alex's Losses
11-16-2004, 12:06 AM
Fairplay, who's the babe?

OldTownChief
11-16-2004, 12:06 AM
I'm not saying you're a dummy. I was saying that you should pick up a book on parenting that will teach you and your wife to present a united front and to be consistent with the child. If you allow the kid to manipulate you, she won't have respect for you. If she doesn't have respect for you, there's a helluva lot more troubles coming in the next few years. There are churches and clinics - all kinds of organizations offering parental training. But, the point I was really trying to make was my second sentence in this post.


Your second second sentence made a lot of sense. Her mom just thought she was healed after about 2 hours when I grounded her for two days and I let it go at the time. Her mom and I have talked about that and she knows that was a mistake and we'll need to stick to the inital punishment from now on. We don't need classes when we have ChiefsPlanet. :p

OldTownChief
11-16-2004, 12:09 AM
There will be a test on your memorzation of it. Be prepared.


If I'm tested on the result of the suggestion I am confident.

Phobia
11-16-2004, 12:11 AM
We don't need classes when we have ChiefsPlanet. :p

Heh heh. People laugh or refuse to admit to gaining anything valuable from online communication, but I've learned a helluva lot from ChiefsPlanet and other forums which predated this site. You don't always get solid advice, but sometimes there's a gem here and there. There's a lot of wisdom on this site.

FWIW, the moderators at ChiefsPlanet don't always agree on everything, but we support one another's decisions. We have to or all hell would break loose. Same principle.

OldTownChief
11-16-2004, 12:19 AM
Heh heh. People laugh or refuse to admit to gaining anything valuable from online communication, but I've learned a helluva lot from ChiefsPlanet and other forums which predated this site. You don't always get solid advice, but sometimes there's a gem here and there. There's a lot of wisdom on this site.

FWIW, the moderators at ChiefsPlanet don't always agree on everything, but we support one another's decisions. We have to or all hell would break loose. Same principle.

ChiefsPlanet gave me Mozilla Firefox, Thunderbird, a renewed dis-like for the left wing, a progran to copy DVD's, AVG software, and the list goes on and on, the reason I started this thread.

Fairplay
11-16-2004, 12:28 AM
Heh heh. People laugh or refuse to admit to gaining anything valuable from online communication, but I've learned a helluva lot from ChiefsPlanet and other forums which predated this site.



Rausch showed me how to get drunk one time.

go bowe
11-16-2004, 12:28 AM
Heh heh. People laugh or refuse to admit to gaining anything valuable from online communication, but I've learned a helluva lot from ChiefsPlanet and other forums which predated this site. You don't always get solid advice, but sometimes there's a gem here and there. There's a lot of wisdom on this site.
. . .:thumb: :thumb: :thumb:

Fairplay
11-16-2004, 12:32 AM
Fairplay, who's the babe?



Ummm, i forgot. Let me research this important issue.

David.
11-16-2004, 02:39 AM
Then get tough with the kid! Show her who is boss! Jeez! :shake:

I had my bottom roasted with the belt many times when I was younger and I'm an upright prude because of it! If I put a toe out of line my ass felt the results!

Now teeing off, all of Chiefsplanet! :D


oh shut up already

digi2fish
11-16-2004, 03:05 AM
Sounds like she might be a little insecure. Try and explain to her that they don't mean what they say, they are only joking (of course you might have done that already).

this one really makes sense.
try teach her how to joke them back with wisdom instead of violence.

Demonpenz
11-16-2004, 03:20 AM
you should show your kid ODB, a true rollmodel

Fairplay
11-16-2004, 03:52 AM
We don't need classes when we have ChiefsPlanet. :p




Who do we see about getting a diploma from this place? :hmmm:

Fairplay
11-16-2004, 03:54 AM
Violence begets violence. :shake:




I thought the Fightclub was a cool movie.

Rausch
11-16-2004, 03:58 AM
Who do we see about getting a diploma from this place? :hmmm:

Not me...

Fairplay
11-16-2004, 04:03 AM
Not me...




I bet Madmax knows.

Rausch
11-16-2004, 04:54 AM
Sounds to me like a young lady who is given $#it a lot. She doesn't like it and that's how she's choosing to say so.

Does she just hit family members or boys (people she considers "safe" to hit) or is she punching girls at school?

My guess is she isn't hitting girls. My guess would also be that she's not very good at giving or handling insults so this is her way of saying "I hate that. I take enough of that at school."

I could be wrong, but I knew a girl at school who was the same way. She just kinda' took it at school but it bothered her. I think if she was running around punching people at school you'd have already heard about it by now...