PDA

View Full Version : My close encounter with a big funny-looking dog.


Rain Man
12-01-2004, 09:45 PM
My company does a lot of different kinds of work, and one of the things we do involves standing around on street corners watching drivers.

Sometimes they're busy street corners and sometimes they're not, and today I found myself on a very quiet street corner in a residential area in the middle of Colorado Springs. Other than the occasional car, there wasn't much action since it was a little cul-de-sac area.

It was my last stop of the day, and it was getting dark. Visibility was starting to wane pretty badly, especially in areas away from the street light I was camped under.

I'm standing there all bundled up because it's cold outside, and since there aren't a lot of cars driving by I'm thinking about other things like Cheerios and those cow things on the fronts of trains. At some point I snap out of my musings, and all of a sudden something catches my eye. About 75 feet from me, just a silhouette in the darkness, is the biggest freaking dog I've ever not quite seen, standing right in the middle of the street. I kid you not - this thing was up to my chest and was built like a horse. I couldn't see anything but it's shape, but it's head was down and it was dead silent and it was coming toward me, which are three things I don't want to see in a giant dog.

The car's off to my right at about 2 o'clock in airplane terms, about 50 feet away, and it's locked. There's no way I can make a break for it since the shadow dog is coming in basically right off my prow at about 11 o'clock. All I'm holding is a clipboard and pen, and there's nothing handy in the form of rocks or sticks, and I'm really starting to sweat. It keeps moving toward me.

Well, I start sidling to my right, and pull my keys out of my pocket, and just hope that maybe it will hold off until I can sidle all the way to the car. I move right, and move right, and then suddenly I end up with the animal between me and a street light down the block.

It was a freaking deer.

It came another 20 feet or so, and then wandered off to attack a bush. That thing had me scared half to death.

Dave Lane
12-01-2004, 09:51 PM
Those are cool looking up close.

Dave

Wile_E_Coyote
12-01-2004, 10:04 PM
I would have thought the deer's hooves would have clopped on the pavement. I have never heard a deer walk on a paved road, maybe they are silent, or you thought they where claws...that would be scary as hell

Earthling
12-01-2004, 10:11 PM
Could it have been Fi-doe??

Jenny Gump
12-01-2004, 10:13 PM
I had a close encounter with a funny looking dog today too. Except it wasn't a dog, it was a large woman. And it wasn't a "close" encounter, but rather she walked by my office, 29 times today, with bells on her shoes.

Rain Man
12-01-2004, 10:15 PM
I think this deer was female, too.

cheeeefs
12-01-2004, 10:17 PM
oh Jenny, I feel your pain. I would have set up an ambush, tripped her annoying ass and cut off those bells with a nice pair of scissors, then thrown them out a window while I laughed maniacly and screamed

NO MORE BELLS! JUST BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN BE AN ANNOYING B|TCH!

then sat down and act like nothing out of the ordinary happened.

Brando
12-01-2004, 10:18 PM
I had a close encounter with a funny looking dog today too. Except it wasn't a dog, it was a large woman. And it wasn't a "close" encounter, but rather she walked by my office, 29 times today, with bells on her shoes.
ROFL Are the bells just a christmas touch or is her fashion sense as skewed as her waistline?

Phobia
12-01-2004, 10:19 PM
I had a close encounter with a funny looking dog today too. Except it wasn't a dog, it was a large woman. And it wasn't a "close" encounter, but rather she walked by my office, 29 times today, with bells on her shoes.

$1000 to hurt her - $10000 to make her go away.

Taco John
12-01-2004, 10:20 PM
Your job requires you to stand on corners and count things?

Brando
12-01-2004, 10:21 PM
$1000 to hurt her - $10000 to make her go away.
I've got a couple at work that I might want to take you up on.
Will you accept a six pack and a six month old bag of beef jerky as payment?

Brando
12-01-2004, 10:22 PM
Your job requires you to stand on corners and count things?
No one said that pimpin' was easy.

cheeeefs
12-01-2004, 10:24 PM
Rainman is in the wierd facts business

statistics doesn't suck

Phobia
12-01-2004, 10:25 PM
I've got a couple at work that I might want to take you up on.
Will you accept a six pack and a six month old bag of beef jerky as payment?

A 6 pack? That will get you the first 3 words of a mean sounding email.

Rain Man
12-01-2004, 10:26 PM
Your job requires you to stand on corners and count things?


It's a living.

Brando
12-01-2004, 10:27 PM
A 6 pack? That will get you the first 3 words of a mean sounding email.
:banghead:

go bowe
12-01-2004, 10:29 PM
$1000 to hurt her - $10000 to make her go away.that sounds very reasonable...

do you offer group discounts?

Skip Towne
12-01-2004, 10:29 PM
I had a close encounter with a funny looking dog today too. Except it wasn't a dog, it was a large woman. And it wasn't a "close" encounter, but rather she walked by my office, 29 times today, with bells on her shoes.
If you would like to employ my services, I can send you an email. I hate large women and I'll take her out for you.

Brando
12-01-2004, 10:30 PM
If you would like to employ my services, I can send you an email. I hate large women and I'll take her out for you.
Would it be more efficient for you to harm her or to have her emotionally crippled by making drunkin' sloppy love to ENDelt?

Phobia
12-01-2004, 10:32 PM
that sounds very reasonable...

do you offer group discounts?

Only to your wife. Is your life insurance paid up?

Taco John
12-01-2004, 10:33 PM
It's a living.



I'm not knocking it. I'm just trying to figure out what the galactic command has you counting.

Skip Towne
12-01-2004, 10:35 PM
Would it be more efficient for you to harm her or to have her emotionally crippled by making drunkin' sloppy love to ENDelt?
I don't think even Endelt does fat women with bells on her shoes. But I could check.

Taco John
12-01-2004, 10:36 PM
I don't think even Endelt does fat women with bells on her shoes. But I could check.



You underestimate how drunk he gets.

cheeeefs
12-01-2004, 10:36 PM
yeah Rainman, I'm kind of more interested in why you were on the corner counting cars then about a dumb deer :D

Brando
12-01-2004, 10:42 PM
I don't think even Endelt does fat women with bells on her shoes. But I could check.
From what I hear he does the ones with bells on their necks

philfree
12-01-2004, 10:44 PM
I thought I was gonna get charged by a couple dogs when i was out huntin the other day. They were pretty aggressive and were trying to sneak up on us in the cover we were hunting. They got close enough that I discharged a round in the air and gave'em my "get out of here you mangy mutts". They moved off but never really left the area. I'da blew their freaking heads off if they came any closer. I've come cross strays before while hunting but never dogs that were agressive like these. I figured they belonged to someone close but I'd killed them if they made me.

PhilFree :arrow:

Pants
12-01-2004, 11:42 PM
What cow things on the fronts of trains?

Phobia
12-01-2004, 11:44 PM
What cow things on the fronts of trains?

A cow catcher, dork. Do you think they put those things on locomotives to make them look racey?

http://www.ics.uci.edu/~eppstein/pix/sv/fb/CowCatcher-m.jpg

Brando
12-01-2004, 11:46 PM
A cow catcher, dork. Do you think they put those things on locomotives to make them look racey?

http://www.ics.uci.edu/~eppstein/pix/sv/fb/CowCatcher-m.jpg
I thought that they were for improving the downforce on the short track. ROFL

Pants
12-01-2004, 11:50 PM
A cow catcher, dork. Do you think they put those things on locomotives to make them look racey?

http://www.ics.uci.edu/~eppstein/pix/sv/fb/CowCatcher-m.jpg

Pffft. I thought it was for anything in the way of the train, to prevent derailings. Cows just never occured to me. Thanks for clarifying it in a friendly manner, bitch.

Phobia
12-01-2004, 11:51 PM
Thanks for clarifying it in a friendly manner, bitch.

My pleasure. :D

Count Zarth
12-01-2004, 11:52 PM
I wonder what it would feel like to get your legs cut off by a train. Would you survive?

Phobia
12-01-2004, 11:53 PM
I wonder what it would feel like to get your legs cut off by a train. Would you survive?

Are you up for an experiment?

Pants
12-01-2004, 11:55 PM
I wonder what it would feel like to get your legs cut off by a train. Would you survive?

In some cases people do.

In some cases like that German dude, they don't.

go bowe
12-01-2004, 11:55 PM
Only to your wife. Is your life insurance paid up?no, i'm worth more alive than dead, unfortunately... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Jenny Gump
12-02-2004, 09:19 AM
ROFL Are the bells just a christmas touch or is her fashion sense as skewed as her waistline?

Roger that.

Brando
12-02-2004, 09:37 AM
Roger that.
Every time she walks by your office step up to the door and announce to everyone in a loud, commanding voice, "Last train to Christmas Fat Kid Camp leaves the station in five minutes. All rotund individuals with bells on their feet please board promptly."
I found that obnoxious fat people can be scared into submission. I work with a guy that goes about 400 lbs. He liked to make fun of the fact that I'm short. That changed when I started yelling out, "Go choke on a pork chop fatty!" or "at least I don't have to stand over a mirror to see if I still have balls fat ass."