View Full Version : Funny How One Little Word Changes Everything!

12-10-2004, 07:14 AM
Replace the word "reading" with the word "masturbating/masturbation" and you have the same story, just a different meaning. In most cases it's rather funny, in some lines unfortunately, it just doesn't make any sense.

DAWES: In Praise of Reading (Masturbation)

Dec 09, 2004, 10:39:46 AM by Media Watch by Rufus Dawes (http://www.kcchiefs.com/news/media_watch/)

“Lege totum si vis scire totum.”*
- Latin proverb

Booknotes, the long-running series of interviews with authors of non-fiction books, concluded last week after more than 15 years on C-SPAN. By his own calculation, host and CEO of C-SPAN, Brian Lamb, figures he’s committed about “1.8 years of his life to reading (masturbating) for the series” and he wants to get on to other things. At first glance, over a year’s total of time spent reading (masturbating) seems staggering. Consider the time most of you spend reading (masturbating) online and over the remainder of your life it’s likely you will still not approach Mr. Lamb’s number if not the quality of his intake. Nothing personal, but Lamb’s reading (masturbating) list is likely to be a bit more esoteric than the average citizen.

To those of you who visit the site regularly, reading (masturbating) about sports plays a central role in your interest in the game. But reading (masturbating) the sports scores or the sports columnists online should never take the place of solitary reading (masturbating) of books in a room by yourself or in bed before you go to sleep. I have found in books and music the serenity of a well-rounded ordered life of peace and contentment.

Reading (Masturbation) is a very private and personal experience. It’s not surprising that movies and television cannot capture the uniqueness of classic works of fiction when they attempt to do so. Movies and television, as entertaining as they can be at their best, do not allow for the degree of imaginative participation that first-rate writing can. They can neither do justice to the lives of men, the great captains of nations, armies, industry, or sports. D. S. Freeman, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author who also happened to be a newspaper editor believed that a contact with books and especially biography is necessary for completeness in life. “No honor that ever comes to man in life is greater than the honor that may be yours by learning thoroughly the life of one of the great men,” he said in a public address back in 1953.
The truth is, reading (masturbating) is one of the last great things you can do alone. Wherever you are, books, Richard De Bury believed, are always there waiting for you. As “you approach them, they are not asleep; if, investigating, you interrogate them, they conceal nothing; if you mistake them, they never grumble; if you are ignorant, they cannot laugh at you.”

* “Read all of it if you wish to understand the whole.” Later next week, the site’s columnists will offer their book suggestions for Christmas gift-givers.
The opinions offered in this column do not necessarily reflect those of the Kansas City Chiefs.(

Mr. Kotter
12-10-2004, 07:56 AM
Peanut Butter.

12-10-2004, 08:12 AM
Peanut Butter.

Mint Jelly

Mr. Kotter
12-10-2004, 08:14 AM
Mint Jelly

Mint? Never heard of mint jelly...

Boisenberry Jam