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View Full Version : Bill Simmons: Why Gates is the best TE in the NFL


tk13
12-10-2004, 03:53 PM
ROFL

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/041210

Chiefs (+2) over TITANS
Well, it's official: Antonio Gates finally passed Tony Gonzalez as the best tight end in the league, thanks to his quotes in Sports Illustrated about his surprisingly easy transition from basketball to football. Let's have Antonio explain:

"You know what helped? Playing Madden. I was always the Chargers. After I got here, I'd play the game and notice things about the defenses. I started recognizing formations in the (video) game, then I'd get to practice and see them there."

(Go get 'em Antonio! You're paving the way for my buddy Gus to become the new Broncos offensive coordinator!)

Yes, that is sarcasm. In case you're interested in what he means by the Gus comment...

Rams (+6.5) over PANTHERS
Another ridiculous line. And since I have nothing else to add, here's a fantastic e-mail about "Madden 2005" that I received from my buddy Gus this week:

"After handling the Browns in a wild-card game, the Broncos went into Foxboro without Champ Bailey who tore his pectoral and will miss the remainder of the season. Up 31-24 late in the game the Pats are driving and the Broncos are in the corner with their hands up by their face trying to hang on. On third-and-goal Brady throws one right into Al Wilson's hands and he drops it! Fourth down. Pass batted down by Lenny Walls. Broncos can't get a first as the Pats use up their timeouts and we punt from our own 12 with 1:00 to go. Here come the Pats. :16 left and Brady hits Watson on the 3-yard line. Timeout Denver!!! What? Al Wilson is hurt on the play, stopping the clock for the Pats. Next play, TD to Deion Branch. Pats kick off and Droughns returns it to the Denver 40 with 10 seconds left. First down, incomplete. Second down slant play to Lelie gets Denver to the Pats 46. Timeout Denver. Elam is on the field trying a 63-yarder with :04 left ... .the controller is thumping, palms are sweaty, Jackie should be asking me a question about Christmas cards ... the kick is up ... it's good!!!!

"Pound the Chargers in the AFC title game. Play Clinton Portis and the the Redskins in the Super Bowl. Down 44-38 with :10 left, Tatum Bell splits wide out of the backfield, gets behind the safety ... 55-yard TOUCHDOWN!!! Broncos win the All-Madden level Super Bowl 45-44. Other than beating the Puma, my greatest video game moment."

(By the way, he's married with two kids. And yes, "Beating the Puma" was a reference to the old Nintendo Wrestling game from the late '80s. Let's just move on.)

David.
12-10-2004, 05:43 PM
ahaha, wow.

ENDelt260
12-10-2004, 08:25 PM
ROFL "other than beating the Puma"

Deberg_1990
12-10-2004, 08:29 PM
Hes good, real good as a matter of fact, but lets see him string together 8 straight seasons like Tony G has before we declare him the "best" So far hes a "one year wonder".

ZootedGranny
12-10-2004, 08:29 PM
I really wish he wouldn't have explained the Puma line. Some things should just not be explained.

My favorite character in that game is by far Amazon. Kin Corn Carn was an asshole though. I remember the first time I found out how to jump out of the ring and pancake people.

Miles
12-10-2004, 08:31 PM
I have havent seen him much outside of highlights on ESPN. How is his blocking? Seems like he may be a little thin to be much of a blocker.

Deberg_1990
12-10-2004, 08:32 PM
I have havent seen him much outside of highlights on ESPN. How is his blocking? Seems like he may be a little thin to be much of a blocker.

What??? TE are required to block?? Tell that to the media! Oh wait, ESPN could care less about that stuff.

|Zach|
12-10-2004, 08:34 PM
What??? TE are required to block?? Tell that to the media! Oh wait, ESPN could care less about that stuff.
Do you think Sports Center should start off with highlights of TEs blocking?

tk13
12-10-2004, 08:36 PM
Do you think Sports Center should start off with highlights of TEs blocking?
"I'm Stu Scott. Watch Jason Dunn pancake Donnie Spragan right here... BOO YAH!"

|Zach|
12-10-2004, 08:36 PM
"I'm Stu Scott. Watch Jason Dunn pancake Donnie Spragan right here... BOO YAH!"
ROFL

Deberg_1990
12-10-2004, 08:37 PM
Do you think Sports Center should start off with highlights of TEs blocking?

haha...I see your point. They didnt get where they are at by showing Shannon Sharpe and Tony Gonzalez Pancake blocks.

|Zach|
12-10-2004, 08:39 PM
haha...I see your point. They didnt get where they are at by showing Shannon Sharpe and Tony Gonzalez Pancake blocks.
Generally in the shows where they get down to the analysis they will show great blocks...weather it be by lead blocking lineman...TE...or fullback. Or Trent Green on London Fletcher.

dtebbe
12-10-2004, 09:53 PM
"I'm Stu Scott. Watch Jason Dunn pancake Donnie Spragan right here... BOO YAH!"

Sorry, but that is not nearly ghetto-riffic enuf fo mi boyeee Stu.

It's funny, Chris Berman's schtick took 10 years to get on my nerves. Stu Scott, less than what... 3?


DT

Skip Towne
12-10-2004, 10:02 PM
He makes pretty good Bar-B-Que.

Digital Takawira
12-11-2004, 02:58 AM
http://www.canoe.ca/WrestlingPromoPics/prowestling.jpg

knuckle up, biznatch!

oh, and bill simmons is quickly climbing my "needs to put the business end of a desert eagle to work on his face" list.

Spicy McHaggis
12-11-2004, 12:52 PM
I love the roughly translated Japanese to English slogan on the side of the ring. "GO FIGHT!" thats classic/

KcMizzou
12-11-2004, 01:00 PM
Heh.. I played that game when it was new.