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Bwana
12-16-2004, 01:50 PM
The letter carrier who delivers our mail is a nice guy and does a good job come snow, rain, heat or gloom of night. There is only one time of year when I hate to see him coming up the driveway. In the days leading up to Christmas I know that somewhere in his mail pouch will be the dreaded Snerd Family Christmas letter.

It is a well known fact that a number of people feel depressed during the holiday season and I am convinced that people like the Snerds are largely responsible.

It has been years since we’ve seen the Snerds but there is no statute of limitations when it comes to assaulting people with Christmas letters.

The letter usually goes something like this…

Hello again!!! It’s been another wonderful year for the Snerd family and we know you are anxious to hear about what’s been going on in our lives. Following the election, Gaylord received phone calls almost every day from the White House urging him to be the next Secretary of State but he declined, saying it would mean spending less time with his loving family. By the way, while Gaylord did treat himself to a new Rolls Royce after winning the $200-million Powerball lottery, he has not forgotten the less fortunate and just yesterday dropped a ten dollar bill into a Salvation Army kettle.

Beulah, as you undoubtedly know won the Pulitzer Prize for poetry and received a silver medallion for heroism for rescuing that family from a burning building.Gaylord Jr. is president of the Honor Society and was named the most valuable player on the football team, the basketball team and the baseball team. Fido, our delightful poodle won sixteen blue ribbons at the National Dog Show.

Now if you’re one of the people receiving the Snerd family Christmas letter and the highlight of your year was walking around for three hours trying to remember where you parked your car in the Wal-Mart parking lot, you have every reason to feel depressed.

For the Snerds, I have this heartfelt holiday wish. May your upcoming year be filled with countless exciting events, beginning with having the horn on your new Rolls Royce get stuck while you are following a Hells Angels motorcycle gang down a deserted highway.