PDA

View Full Version : The Pornographic 12 Days of Christmas


Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 07:47 AM
...by beer me.

The sad/great thing is that I actually get paid to come up with this kind of shit...all in the name of show prep. The bad thing is I'd probably get fired if I aired this on the station I work at. HOWEVER... there are stations and comedy networks that are happy to buy it!

:thumb:

So...I present to you....my Chiefs Planet bretheren.....in this the most joyous of seasons..................................................................

"The Pornographic 12 Days of Christmas"


On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
5 goooooolllllden showeeerrrrrrrssssss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeerrrrrsssss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the eight day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
9 blow up dolls, 8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
10 person gang bang, 9 blow up dolls, 8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
11 MILF's a milking, 10 person gang bang, 9 blow up dolls, 8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the twelvth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
12 money shots, 11 MILF's a milking, 10 person gang bang, 9 blow up dolls, 8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

Merry Christmas everyone.


I'm going to hell...

:spock:

Cochise
12-17-2004, 07:49 AM
:spock:

stumppy
12-17-2004, 07:49 AM
...by beer me.




I'm going to hell...

:spock:


ROFL
You just now figure that out ?

Saulbadguy
12-17-2004, 07:49 AM
heh.

ROYC75
12-17-2004, 07:59 AM
:shake: Brings an unclean spirit to Christmas, don't ya think ?

:fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire:







But in a way, funny too . :hmmm:

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 08:02 AM
:shake: Brings an unclean spirit to Christmas, don't ya think ?

:fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire:







But in a way, funny too . :hmmm:
I'm gonna have to pray hard.

Cochise
12-17-2004, 08:06 AM
But in a way, funny too . :hmmm:

What way?

Uncle_Ted
12-17-2004, 08:07 AM
Dammit man! You forgot the fluffers fluffin' ... :)

Just had to give a shout-out to those hard-working gals behind the scenes that are essential to every good porn production!

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 08:07 AM
What way?
In the immortal words of the Grinch.....lighten up dude....it's Christmas.



:D

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 08:08 AM
Dammit man! You forgot the fluffers fluffin' ... :)


:banghead:

Cochise
12-17-2004, 08:10 AM
In the immortal words of the Grinch.....lighten up dude....it's Christmas.



:D

This is why I dont listen to radio.

Don't forget to ring the bell and blow on the slide whistle after each one!

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 08:16 AM
This is why I dont listen to radio.

Don't forget to ring the bell and blow on the slide whistle after each one!
Here's an idea.... if you're offended by something...STOP OPENING THE THREAD! It's not like I hid it in the title after all.

Merry Christmas Cochise.

Cochise
12-17-2004, 08:18 AM
Here's an idea.... if you're offended by something...STOP OPENING THE THREAD! It's not like I hid it in the title after all.

Merry Christmas Cochise.

I'm not offended I just didn't think it was funny ROFL

Allright, enough enflaming you, it's been fun though. :thumb:

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 08:27 AM
I'm not offended I just didn't think it was funny ROFL

Allright, enough enflaming you, it's been fun though. :thumb:
Like I said... Merry Christmas buddy.


:)

ChiefsOne
12-17-2004, 09:49 AM
That was a great little story.

Cochise
12-17-2004, 09:56 AM
Like I said... Merry Christmas buddy.


:)

Hey dickweed, you're supposed to be angry for me pissing all over your thread, that's what I do around here. :harumph:

Calcountry
12-17-2004, 11:03 AM
...by beer me.

The sad/great thing is that I actually get paid to come up with this kind of shit...all in the name of show prep. The bad thing is I'd probably get fired if I aired this on the station I work at. HOWEVER... there are stations and comedy networks that are happy to buy it!

:thumb:

So...I present to you....my Chiefs Planet bretheren.....in this the most joyous of seasons..................................................................

"The Pornographic 12 Days of Christmas"


On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
5 goooooolllllden showeeerrrrrrrssssss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeerrrrrsssss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the eight day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
9 blow up dolls, 8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
10 person gang bang, 9 blow up dolls, 8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
11 MILF's a milking, 10 person gang bang, 9 blow up dolls, 8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

On the twelvth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
12 money shots, 11 MILF's a milking, 10 person gang bang, 9 blow up dolls, 8 double dildos, 7 inch vibrator, 6 flavored condoms, 5 gooolllden showeeerrrsss, 4 anal beads, 3 cock rings, 2 breast implants and a Jenna Jameson DVD.

Merry Christmas everyone.


I'm going to hell...

:spock:
EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!

whoman69
12-17-2004, 11:23 AM
Could be worse, it could be the twelve days of the Dallas Cowboys

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 02:01 PM
Hey dickweed, you're supposed to be angry for me pissing all over your thread, that's what I do around here. :harumph:
Naw......I know you just need a hug. I'm sure denise will oblige.


:p

badgirl
12-17-2004, 02:32 PM
I thought it was funny, sounds like you'd have one hell of a xmas by the time the day actually came around. :)

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 02:55 PM
I thought it was funny, sounds like you'd have one hell of a xmas by the time the day actually came around. :)
Glad you enjoyed. Some people just don't seem to get the true spirit of the season.

:p

Saulbadguy
12-17-2004, 03:01 PM
Some people just don't seem to get the true spirit of the season.

:p
Porn?

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 03:02 PM
Porn?
uh.......................sure.......................... I was joking.

Yes Saul, porn is the real reason for the season.

badgirl
12-17-2004, 03:18 PM
uh.......................sure.......................... I was joking.

Yes Saul, porn is the real reason for the season.
Why do you think Santa is so damn jolly this time of year? Just cause he has to fly all over the world passing out gifts? NO, NO, No, its cause Ms Santa knows how to please her man, Santa probably gets those gifts on the list every year. (plus some we've never heard of) I did buy my x husband 2 porn movies for us to enjoy all year thru last xmas. I thought it was a pretty good gift, one that keeps on giving. :p

FloridaChief
12-17-2004, 03:28 PM
I'm not offended I just didn't think it was funny ROFL


Cochise has a point. This sounds like some of that "wacky" morning zoo nuthut shit--You're not one of those nuthut morning show hosts, are you? Cause if you are, I'd like to thank you for doing your own small part in helping to kill off commercial radio...

Cochise
12-17-2004, 03:35 PM
Cochise has a point. This sounds like some of that "wacky" morning zoo nuthut shit--You're not one of those nuthut morning show hosts, are you? Cause if you are, I'd like to thank you for doing your own small part in helping to kill off commercial radio...

I really hate those morning bellringer phags.

When are radio stations going to get it... I don't want to listen to some dumbass DJ making prank calls, 3 hours of dick and fart jokes, or their stooge running down the street naked. I have a radio because I want to listen to MUSIC! Not some 3rd grade attempt at boob humor. :cuss:

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 03:36 PM
Cochise has a point. This sounds like some of that "wacky" morning zoo nuthut shit--You're not one of those nuthut morning show hosts, are you? Cause if you are, I'd like to thank you for doing your own small part in helping to kill off commercial radio...
ROFL

OK.

Some of you are taking this way too seriously.

Btw...commercial radio is what Howard Stern, Mancow and all like them are all about. But no, I'm not one of them. I work at a Hot AC station and we don't have a morning "zoo"...I hate that overused term. :rolleyes:

Feel free to hate those wacky morning nuthut shows. They makes tons of money without you.

Douche Baggins
12-17-2004, 03:37 PM
John Valby's version is better.

TWELVE TWATS A' TWITCHINnnnG'...
11 TESTICLES TINGLING
10 NIPPLES DRIBBLING
9 LEZZIES LICKING
8 ASSHOLES LICKING
7 SCROTUMS SWINING
6 SACKS A' SHIT
FIIIIIIIIIIIIVE MOOOOOOOOOTHER FUUUUU*******ERS
4 COCKSUCKERS
3 FRENCH TICKLERS
2 TONS OF TIT
AND A HUM JOB IN A PEAR TREEEEEE

http://jastermereel.homestead.com/files/funny_shit_-_Dirty_Parody_of_12_Days_Of_Christmas..mp3

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 03:39 PM
I really hate those morning bellringer phags.

When are radio stations going to get it... I don't want to listen to some dumbass DJ making prank calls, 3 hours of dick and fart jokes, or their stooge running down the street naked. I have a radio because I want to listen to MUSIC! Not some 3rd grade attempt at boob humor. :cuss:
There are plenty of stations that don't have morning "zoo's." In fact the only ones that do are generally in large markets. There's also satelite radio.

Radio stations get it. They get what makes them money hand over fist. That's why they do it.

FloridaChief
12-17-2004, 03:59 PM
ROFL

OK.

Some of you are taking this way too seriously.

Btw...commercial radio is what Howard Stern, Mancow and all like them are all about. But no, I'm not one of them. I work at a Hot AC station and we don't have a morning "zoo"...I hate that overused term. :rolleyes:

Feel free to hate those wacky morning nuthut shows. They makes tons of money without you.

Ehh, my post wasn't very well thought out, that's for sure. Nothing personal, beer me...

I actually think *some* of morning radio isn't that bad. Stern and Mancow come to mind. I sometimes enjoyed listening to Bubba The Love Sponge when he was on the air here in Tampa--but all these guys are best taken in small doses. Their acts get tiresome on repeated listening. But it's true they're successful and make scads of money--when their parent companies aren't paying of exorbanent fines to the FCC.

My ire is reserved more for the "second tier" hosts. The "Bob & Tom's", the "Lex and Terry's"--ugh, lame. And more and more, they seem to set the tone for copycat morning zoo shows (Sorry...)

I'm thinking Stern going to satellite is the first salvo against "free" radio. More hosts will follow in his footsteps for the lucrative contracts and the freedom from FCC tyranny...

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 04:08 PM
Ehh, my post wasn't very well thought out, that's for sure. Nothing personal, beer me...

I actually think *some* of morning radio isn't that bad. Stern and Mancow come to mind. I sometimes enjoyed listening to Bubba The Love Sponge when he was on the air here in Tampa--but all these guys are best taken in small doses. Their acts get tiresome on repeated listening. But it's true they're successful and make scads of money--when their parent companies aren't paying of exorbanent fines to the FCC.

My ire is reserved more for the "second tier" hosts. The "Bob & Tom's", the "Lex and Terry's"--ugh, lame. And more and more, they seem to set the tone for copycat morning zoo shows (Sorry...)

I'm thinking Stern going to satellite is the first salvo against "free" radio. More hosts will follow in his footsteps for the lucrative contracts and the freedom from FCC tyranny...
I actually agree with you about many of the crappy zoo shows. Bob & Tom are horrible imo...and John Boy and Billy are just wretched. Very low brow humor.

I believe in a fun, listener oriented show with humor but I've never gotten real raunchy...at least as compared to the ones we're taking about. We did have some "borderline" bits at a rock station I used to work at...but then that's the audience for a rock station generally speaking.
I actually strive to be tasteful. Can't you tell from the thread starter....

:p

Cochise
12-17-2004, 04:11 PM
There are plenty of stations that don't have morning "zoo's." In fact the only ones that do are generally in large markets. There's also satelite radio.

Radio stations get it. They get what makes them money hand over fist. That's why they do it.

Ah the 13 year old girls listening to that crap don't buy anything from the advertisers anyway :cuss:

Well, maybe they do, but the point is that if people weren't so stupid they wouldnt exist :cuss:

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-17-2004, 04:18 PM
Ah the 13 year old girls listening to that crap don't buy anything from the advertisers anyway :cuss:

Well, maybe they do, but the point is that if people weren't so stupid they wouldnt exist :cuss:
I hate to tell you but a stations general manager, sales manager and certainly ownership doesn't give a flying leap what a 13 year old does. "Morning zoo's" target a mostly male audience from 18 to 35 years old. They sell beer and tires on those shows and a lot of it. If a 13 year old wanders in and listens and is affected adversly by something they hear, the radio station tells the parents to start parenting. They don't want the 13 year old listening anyway. Believe me, they don't. No one wants to be known as "the kid station." It kills sales.

In the meantime, don't let your 13 year olds watch Will & Grace or 75% of the rest of the crap on prime time national tv during the "familiy programming hours" between 7pm and 10pm.