View Full Version : Doggity Report: Donks Vs Chiefs

12-20-2004, 10:02 AM
Here's the advance copy of the Doggity Report for yesterday's game. It'll be posted tonight on my website. You can read Mr. Doggity's back issues, and reports from the last two years...check it out. It's on my Chiefs webpage at:

The Doggity Chiefs Report

Week 14 - 2004

Chiefs vs Jackasses – The Head, Kansas City, MO

From in front of the big screen at Curtis’ with an 80 pound dog in my lap. As always, you can find the Doggity Reports from this and previous years at www.georgeblowfish.com! And visit “Radio Blowfish”- RadBlow is featuring the year’s best tunes from the JYIS blog. If you know others who might want to get this report in the ‘junk’ folder of their e-mail inbox – send me their addresses so we can add them to the list of people who have nothing better to do than read the Doggity Report each week. Remember our privacy policy - “We won’t ever mention your diaper problem during a press conference.”

Overview –Raise your hand if this was the team you were expecting to show up in Denver on September 12th. Me too. I have mixed emotions about this one. On the one hand – the Chiefs dominated the Donkeys in every facet of the game.* We finally saw “Seldom Seen” against the number five run D in the league. Johnson hung a buck-and-a-half on them – plus two scores, all before the fourth quarter started. The Chiefs finally took the tarps off Sammie Parker and Kris Wilson. Parker really stepped up. The defensive front four played their best game of the year. Still, why now? Why do they wait until it doesn’t matter anymore to play like that? Now the only thing they can accomplish is the moral victory of finishing at .500 – and the opportunity to fall so far back in the draft that the impact players will be gone. Still – anytime you can spank the cheating Donkeys and coach Ratbert, and put a bullet in their playoff hopes – it’s worth it. It was especially gratifying after the asinine comment this week by Denver D-coordinator, Larry Coyer that the KC O-line are cheaters. That ANYONE from Denver would call another O-line cheaters is ironic humor at its best. Nobody cheats like the Donkey O-line. Just follow the trail littered by the injuries of defenders caused by their chop-blocking and clipping. By the way, in this game – Denver’s offense had 3 offensive holding and one clipping penalty. KC’s offense had no holding or clipping penalties.* Here’s that salute back atcha, Jake.
Offense –Imagine what might have been. Sammie Parker flies down the sideline – a tight spiral drops perfectly over his right shoulder, never breaking his stride into the endzone. Kris Wilson, Marc Boerigter – Priest running outside and Johnson busting it up the gut. Kennison burns Champ Bailey and then actually holds onto the ball! Trent is just one drop away from a perfect QB rating.* This would have come in handy during the Houston game – or the Saints game – or the Panthers, or any of the eight losses this year.* The magic convergence of the talent on this offense has rarely ever been seen before – and not likely to be repeated any time soon due to cap constraints. And spare me the, “Yeah – what about the Colts?” comments. What about them? KC’s offense is better.If you have to play in the snow, or burn the clock, would you rather pin that on Peyton-to-Harrison, or run Priest, Blaylock and Johnson behind Roaf and Shields? Not to mention that Brian Waters is THE FREAKING BEST offensive lineman in the league, yet he will likely not get to Hawaii because his team isn’t in the playoffs. People said earlier in the year that KC was doomed if anything happened to Priest – yet since Priest went down they have played their best football. What a waste.

Defense –Time to give the D some love. The only other game this defense attended this year was against Atlanta. The front four played an awesome game. Six sacks against the cheaters on the Denver O-line. Rookie Jared “Subway” Allen was actually double-teamed! Jake the Joke ran for his life, threw junk up in the sky and had two balls picked off – and would have had a third if Kawika Mitchell doesn’tdrop a ball that landed right in his hands.* Oh! Dexter! was the target du jour – and even though he gave up some yardage – he had two picks.The return of Monte Beisel seemed to spark this unit.I’mnot sure why, because he didn’t directly impact many plays. Maybe they were motivated by all the bad press after they embarrassed themselves on Monday Night Football. Whatever the reason, if this defense had been on the bus all season, we’d be sending in the checks for the playoff tickets. PLEASE Carl, this does not mean we can win with these players! The linebackers are still dreadful, and we need another cornerback. But today, we won’t focus on the problems. Its Christmas week – today is about spreading the love.

Special Teams –Dante versus Denver is becoming a classic. Talk about making a statement early! Taking the opening kick 97 yards to the house will do that. And no whining from the Donkeys this year about being held. Beisel, Richardson, Pile, Stills, Caver and Wilkerson all had key positions and blocks that made a four-lane interstate for Dante to fly down. The only Donkey close was shoved out the back of the endzone by Gary Stills as Hall crossed over the pylon. Everything about the special kids is improving except the kicking. The punts were beyond awful. A 32 yard average– and kickoffs that barely crossed the 20 will not get it done.**

The AFC West –

KC Chiefs – A steaming helping of whoopa$$, with a side order of “Shut up” (thanks Willie).**

Denver Donkeys – Where’s that finger now, Jake?

San Diego Bolts – The beach boys win in a snow storm on Marty’s return to the Dog Pound.

East Bay Convicts – These guys are so bad they can’t even lose when they need to. The Titans have this thing figured out. Look promising, but lose anyway. You encourage your fans for next year but don’t mess up your draft position.

Throw Him A Bone Award –

There are a number of people deserving this week. Johnson, Green, Waters, Hicks, Dalton and McCleon all come to mind – but a guy who has quietly become a serious threat over the past few weeks is Fast Eddie Kennison. A guy who sounded like “Leon” in the beer ads before last year’s Denver game has become humble, religious and is finally playing like he did in his rookie year. He runs crafty routes, out runs pro-bowl corners, is fighting for the tough catch and actually hanging on to the ball now. Go long Eddie – here comes your bone.**


The Doggity Dog –

It isn’t often that a guy gets his first two sacks of the season and still winds up with the paper upside the muzzle. Kawika Mitchell gets that honor. Mitchell, despite being in on two “hey, lookie what I found” sacks, was constantly out of position – over running plays and generally messing things up. Even when he had a chance to be a hero, he muffed it. Jake the Joke was whacked by Dalton and Hicks forcing a jump-ball that dropped right in Mitchell’s hands. Bad place to hit him. This guy and Crispy Bartee are the poster children for what went wrong this year.*

Tailgate Recipe of the Week –*

For Christmas, why not the Needless-Markup (Neiman-Marcus) cookie recipe?
Neiman-Marcus’ Famous Cookies

(Recipe may be halved)
2 cups butter
24 oz. chocolate chips
4 cups flour
2 cups brown sugar
2 tsp. soda
1 tsp. salt
2 cups sugar
1 8 oz. Hershey Bar (grated)
5 cups blended oatmeal
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. vanilla
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)

Measure oatmeal, and blend in a blender to a fine powder. Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips, Hershey Bar, and nuts. Roll into balls, and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet.

Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees.
Makes about 7-8 dozen
Send your recipes to the Dog, by e-mail or fax them to 913-831-1307.

Next week –

In the true spirit of the season, the Chiefs host Christmas for the less-fortunate in the California penal system. A weird time for the Chiefs-Roiders game – 4:00 Central (5:00 Eastern) on Saturday.**

Your faithful scribe,

Mr. Doggity