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Mr. Kotter
12-22-2004, 07:24 AM
'Twas the Night Before Christmas!
(Politically Correct!)

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck.

How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to Elves,

Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole

Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,

Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear

That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,

Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;

The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops

When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.

His fur trimmed red suit was called Unenlightened.

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,

Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,

Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,

Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,

Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion

That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,

Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.

Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.

Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.

Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets, they were bad for the tooth.

Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,

Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological

Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football; someone could get hurt;

Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;

And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;

He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,

But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;

Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might

Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,

Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,

Everyone, everywhere, even you.

So here is that gift, it's priced beyond worth.

May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.



Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich.

Free to distribute without changes as long as this notice remains intact.

Cochise
12-22-2004, 07:41 AM
Pssst... you can't say ______mas and be politicially correct. Say "winter holiday" or something.

Saulbadguy
12-22-2004, 07:52 AM
Pssst... you can't say ______mas and be politicially correct. Say "winter holiday" or something.
I wish people would just say "Merry Christmas". I am certainly not offended by it. What other holidays of relevance are there at this time, to Americans? Channukah, sure...but in the scheme of things, Channukah isn't a very big holiday, its just been artificially "inflated" because of Christmas. I don't even know what Kwanzaa is. :shrug:

Cochise
12-22-2004, 07:59 AM
I wish people would just say "Merry Christmas". I am certainly not offended by it. What other holidays of relevance are there at this time, to Americans? Channukah, sure...but in the scheme of things, Channukah isn't a very big holiday, its just been artificially "inflated" because of Christmas. I don't even know what Kwanzaa is. :shrug:

I don't get it either. If someone put up a sign in their cube at work that said Channukah/Kwanzaa/Ramadan/Festivus etc, I certainly wouldn't care. You do your thing and let everyone else do theirs. :shrug:

Some organizations it seems though, take great pleasure in firing off threatening letters to any organization who would use the C-word.

KC Kings
12-22-2004, 08:08 AM
I wish people would just say "Merry Christmas". I am certainly not offended by it. What other holidays of relevance are there at this time, to Americans? Channukah, sure...but in the scheme of things, Channukah isn't a very big holiday, its just been artificially "inflated" because of Christmas. I don't even know what Kwanzaa is. :shrug:

Kwanzaa is a 50 year old holiday to celebrate African American heritage. I have nothing against African Americans, and nothing against a holiday that celebrate heritage such as St. Patricks Day, but I think it is ridiculous that our politcally correct society has put Kwanzaa on the same level as thousand year old religous holidays.

I also don't see how mentioning Christmas can offend somebody. Muslims and Jews both acknowledge Jesus as a great person, so even if you don't believe he was sent as a savior to take offense at the mention of a guys birthday is ridiculous.

Sorry for the rant, and I am unbiased and realize that the BS politcal correctness goes both ways. I am a Christian and was in church every Sunday as the importance of values was mentioned time and time again during the election. Somehow Bush's pro-life stance gave him better values even through he was the govenor of Texas who killed more people on death row than any other state during his tenor. I am all for killing people on death row and against abortion, but it is impossible for me to use the Bible to help my skewed stance because "Thou Shalt Not Kill" has no amendments and applies to all humans.

Dr. Facebook Fever
12-22-2004, 08:41 AM
Merry celebration of the birth of the figure a certain sector of the earth's population worships as it's lord and savior day everyone.

Cochise
12-22-2004, 08:42 AM
Kwanzaa is a 50 year old holiday to celebrate African American heritage. I have nothing against African Americans, and nothing against a holiday that celebrate heritage such as St. Patricks Day, but I think it is ridiculous that our politcally correct society has put Kwanzaa on the same level as thousand year old religous holidays.

I also don't see how mentioning Christmas can offend somebody. Muslims and Jews both acknowledge Jesus as a great person, so even if you don't believe he was sent as a savior to take offense at the mention of a guys birthday is ridiculous.

Sorry for the rant, and I am unbiased and realize that the BS politcal correctness goes both ways. I am a Christian and was in church every Sunday as the importance of values was mentioned time and time again during the election. Somehow Bush's pro-life stance gave him better values even through he was the govenor of Texas who killed more people on death row than any other state during his tenor. I am all for killing people on death row and against abortion, but it is impossible for me to use the Bible to help my skewed stance because "Thou Shalt Not Kill" has no amendments and applies to all humans.

That's it. If one more person says _____mas in here I'm calling the ACLU.

Mr. Kotter
12-22-2004, 09:11 AM
I don't get it either. If someone put up a sign in their cube at work that said Channukah/Kwanzaa/Ramadan/Festivus etc, I certainly wouldn't care. You do your thing and let everyone else do theirs. :shrug:

Some organizations it seems though, take great pleasure in firing off threatening letters to any organization who would use the C-word.

The amazing thing to me about people who preach "tolerance," is how INTOLERANT they really are of anyone who dares to disagree with them.... :shake:

:banghead:

Iowanian
12-22-2004, 09:30 AM
I'm a big fan of Larry the Cable Guy's renditions of Politically correct story telling.

that said...........Merry Christmas.
Chirstmas........Christ mass.........celebration of the Birth of Christ...gifts given, in symblance of the wisemen delivering gifts to Christ.

My work has 20 cards this morning.........2 of which mention Christmas.

In My Opinion, if you can't say or don't want to Celebrate Christmas..........and particularly if the use of the Word, or sight of a Manger scene offends you.......get your ass back to work that day.

KWANZA is an imaginary Holiday...It should be moved to Feb. where it would be more relevant and of equal significance to St Pats day(without green beer and leprachans....so insensitive!) and Cinco De Mayo..which at least has some historical significance.

Andoverer
12-22-2004, 10:08 AM
Merry celebration of the birth of the figure a certain sector of the earth's population worships as it's lord and savior day everyone.

And a very merry celebration of the birth of the figure a certain
sector of the earth's population worships as it's lord and savior day to
you too!

InChiefsHell
12-22-2004, 10:22 AM
Happy Ramahanukwansmas, everybody!!

(Stole that from the Glenn Beck show, but it seems appropriate...)

Mr. Kotter
12-22-2004, 10:52 AM
...In My Opinion, if you can't say or don't want to Celebrate Christmas..........and particularly if the use of the Word, or sight of a Manger scene offends you.......get your ass back to work that day.
...

:thumb:

ROFL

Saulbadguy
12-22-2004, 11:57 AM
KWANZA is an imaginary Holiday...It should be moved to Feb. where it would be more relevant and of equal significance to St Pats day(without green beer and leprachans....so insensitive!) and Cinco De Mayo..which at least has some historical significance.
I agree. Cinco de Mayo doesn't have all that much historical significane IMO. Its just the day the battle for Mexican independence "turned". It would be like celebrating a holiday 3 months before American Independence day, to celebrate when we "started to win".