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View Full Version : Endelt's calling... Modern Drunkard Magazine


Taco John
01-06-2005, 04:37 PM
http://www.drunkard.com


It's located in Denver, but if anyone I know should be applying for a job with Modern Drunkard Magazine, it's Endelt!

ENDelt260
01-06-2005, 04:38 PM
That's based out of Denver? I've picked up copies in Vegas bars before. I believe my sig on OrangeMane right now is a quote I lifted from that fine publication.

Phobia
01-06-2005, 04:39 PM
Yeah, some dipshit posted this a couple days ago.

ENDelt260
01-06-2005, 04:39 PM
ROFL

http://www.drunkard.com/issues/10_04/images/survival-hdr.jpg

HOW TO SURVIVE AN A.A. MEETING

1.) Do not make eye contact.
If you do, make sure your eyes do not flicker toward the flask in your pocket because your eyes will always give you away.

2.) Do not surrender your will.
When asked to stand up and confess you are an alcoholic, you should mumble “I am an agoraholic.” If they catch on to your ruse, let out a yelp and bolt outside to prove you are indeed addicted to wide open spaces.

3.) Do not brag about your drinking prowess.
If you catch yourself mentioning the time you chugged tequila while being held upside down by four nude hookers, make sure you close the story with, “Man, that totally sucked.”

4.) Refrain from making “lip farts” (fig. 1) or other disparaging sounds during members’ tearful confessions.
Keep in mind that some segments of society consider drinking a twelve-pack of beer in a single sitting to be “hardcore boozing.”

5.) Avoid getting drawn into the prayer circle at the end of the meeting.
This can sometimes lead to hugging. Announce that you belong to an animist sect and bark aggressively if anyone attempts to hold your hand.

MOhillbilly
01-06-2005, 04:40 PM
Yeah, some dipshit posted this a couple days ago.

this dumbass posted it months ago.

Phobia
01-06-2005, 04:41 PM
this dumbass posted it months ago.

Plus....

When did ENDelt get the monopoloy on "drunk"?

Donger
01-06-2005, 04:41 PM
Keep in mind that some segments of society consider drinking a twelve-pack of beer in a single sitting to be “hardcore boozing.”


Isn't it?

ENDelt260
01-06-2005, 04:41 PM
HOW TO FEND OFF A RELIGIOUS NUT

1.) Smile tolerantly when he speaks negatively about alcohol.
An angry reaction will only reinforce their sense of self-righteousness. You should smile in the way our G.I. forefathers smiled at Frenchmen relating war stories.

2.) Remind him the Bible has many pro-drinking passages.
Say: “Christ turned water into wine and you, uh, want to do the opposite. So, logically speaking, that must make you . . .” At this point you should stroke your chin and pretend to be concentrating very deeply.

3.) Drive your point home.
Shriek: “Holy shit! You’re the ****ing Antichrist!” while backing away and making a cross out of your index fingers.

Ah, more good stuff.

Taco John
01-06-2005, 04:41 PM
That's based out of Denver? I've picked up copies in Vegas bars before. I believe my sig on OrangeMane right now is a quote I lifted from that fine publication.



Yeah... actually out of an apartment in Denver, which is just about what I'd expect... ROFL

MOhillbilly
01-06-2005, 04:41 PM
4.) Refrain from making “lip farts” (fig. 1) or other disparaging sounds during members’ tearful confessions.
Keep in mind that some segments of society consider drinking a twelve-pack of beer in a single sitting to be “hardcore boozing.”


thats a light night. WTF. If they didnt want you to drink it in a twelve pak they wouldnt sell it in twelve paks.

ENDelt260
01-06-2005, 04:42 PM
Isn't it?
Not necessarily.

Sometimes it's just a quiet evening at home watching TV.

Donger
01-06-2005, 04:42 PM
Not necessarily.

Sometimes it's just a quiet evening at home watching TV.

Damn.

Jenny Gump
01-06-2005, 04:49 PM
OMG. I can't imagine what I would be like after a 12 pack. I had two last night and would describe myself as moderately boozed.

Phobia
01-06-2005, 04:50 PM
OMG. I can't imagine what I would be like after a 12 pack. I had two last night and would describe myself as moderately boozed.

You're perfect. I'll take her.

ENDelt260
01-06-2005, 04:52 PM
You're perfect. I'll take her.
No kiddin'. I'm still disappointed I didn't get the opportunity to feed her the promised tequilla shots in September.

That aside, this Drunkard Survival Guide thing is comedy.

Jenny Gump
01-06-2005, 04:54 PM
Not to be all "me, me, me, me" and stuff, but I think a fun experiment would be for me to sit down at the computer, and drink a 12 pack and see how my posting ability deteriorates. I would prolly be banned by the time it was through.

Ok, back to your drinky magazine.

ENDelt260
01-06-2005, 04:54 PM
Awesome

HOW TO SURVIVE A WORLD-CLASS HANGOVER

1.) Fend off any feelings of guilt.
If there is anyone nearby ask them why they let you drink so much.

2.) Get some exercise.
Vigorously punch your fingers at your telephone, briskly call off work, then warm down by wandering around your apartment looking for your keys and wallet.

3.) Rehydrate your body.
Refrain from drinking liquor, as it is mostly alcohol. Instead, drink beer as it is mostly beer.

4.) Wait it out.
By the end of Happy Hour you will no longer be hungover, because you will be drunk.

easymobee
01-06-2005, 04:54 PM
MDM has roots in Denver and one other city too that escapes me.

Then is distributed.

ENDelt260
01-06-2005, 04:55 PM
Not to be all "me, me, me, me" and stuff, but I think a fun experiment would be for me to sit down at the computer, and drink a 12 pack and see how my posting ability deteriorates. I would prolly be banned by the time it was through.

You'd probably just pass out after four and we'd all think you were dead.

For safety's sake, you should probably conduct this experiment while I'm present. I'll be sure to document everything w/ my digital camera.

MOhillbilly
01-06-2005, 04:55 PM
OMG. I can't imagine what I would be like after a 12 pack.


i can.

Jenny Gump
01-06-2005, 04:56 PM
You'd probably just pass out after four and we'd all think you were dead.

For safety's sake, you should probably conduct this experiment while I'm present. I'll be sure to document everything w/ my digital camera.

I like the way you are always looking out for me. You really are a great friend.

ENDelt260
01-06-2005, 04:56 PM
I like the way you are always looking out for me. You really are a great friend.
Hey, I do what I can.