PDA

View Full Version : Daily "Poop" Report


Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 01:44 PM
(Inspired by ENDelt's "dinner" thread.... ;) )

** IMPORTANT: Unlike ENDelt's thread, NO pics....please!

6 AM - Normal, after the shower BM; medium sized floater....2 pieces.

11 AM- Large "snuck up on me" 'surprise, hard round specimen; floater.

2 PM - Normal, after lunch BM: dense/solid, "clinger"/sinker (one long slippery piece), with visible corn.

And how was YOURS today???

Pants
01-13-2005, 01:45 PM
WTF. You are a shit factory. I usually only shit once a day, maybe twice depending on other factors. Seriously you pooped 3 times by 2PM? How many times a day do you poop, 12?

siberian khatru
01-13-2005, 01:46 PM
(Inspired by ENDelt's "dinner" thread.... ;) )

[I]6 AM - Normal, after the shower BM; medium sized floater....2 pieces.

[/SIZE]

I much prefer before-the-shower dumps -- I hate soiling my freshly-scrubbed butt so soon after, er, scrubbing it.

tomahawk kid
01-13-2005, 01:48 PM
WTF. You are a shit factory. I usually only shit once a day, maybe twice depending on other factors. Seriously you pooped 3 times by 2PM? How many times a day do you poop, 12?

I agree and am of the same "regularity" as Metrolike.

I think that 3 dumps by 2pm should necessitate a call to your physician.

Either that or put down the fast food sporty.

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 01:48 PM
WTF. You are a shit factory. I usually only shit once a day, maybe twice depending on other factors. Seriously you pooped 3 times by 2PM? How many times a day do you poop, 12?

Usually 3-4 times. Only once after 3 pm though.

My wife, and two of my kids, are "save it for couple days, and clog the fuggin' toilet" type. Needless to say, we keep a plunger near the toilet. Fuggin' wierdos. :banghead:

Pants
01-13-2005, 01:48 PM
Usually 3-4 times. Only once after 3 pm though.

My wife, and two of my kids, are "save it for couple days, and clog the fuggin' toilet" type. Needless to say, we keep a plunger near the toilet. Fuggin' wierdos. :banghead:

ROFL

tomahawk kid
01-13-2005, 01:49 PM
Usually 3-4 times. Only once after 3 pm though.

My wife, and two of my kids, are "save it for couple days, and clog the fuggin' toilet" type. Needless to say, we keep a plunger near the toilet. Fuggin' wierdos. :banghead:


ok, To me going once every 2 days is more normal than 3-4 times daily.

How much freaking Charmin do you go through?

Have you been reduced to swiping TP from work, chain restaurants or local gas stations to off set the resulting financial strain on your family?

journeyscarab
01-13-2005, 01:49 PM
I much prefer before-the-shower dumps -- I hate soiling my freshly-scrubbed butt so soon after, er, scrubbing it.

Agreed. Get 'er done and then shower. Fresh for the day.

siberian khatru
01-13-2005, 01:49 PM
Proof that SDChiefsfan is full of shit ... literally.

yunghungwell
01-13-2005, 01:54 PM
OMG!! Where is Iowanian? I can't believe that he hasn't caught on to this thread yet. This reminds me, I was thinking that I had an "Ask Iowanian" question.

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 01:56 PM
OMG!! Where is Iowanian? I can't believe that he hasn't caught on to this thread yet. This reminds me, I was thinking that I had an "Ask Iowanian" question.

Do I need to be afraid? :(

Chief Henry
01-13-2005, 01:58 PM
This can't be happening

gblowfish
01-13-2005, 02:01 PM
Oh joy...another CP "scat' thread. Gee, when you discuss volume, texture, odor, frequency, etc. that's TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!!

Here's a website you might find indispensible:
http://www.formetopoopon.com/

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 02:02 PM
This can't be happening

That's what I thought about Brian's "dinner" thread, and the thing keeps goin' and goin' and goin'.....so I figured, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

shakesthecat
01-13-2005, 02:05 PM
Just when I thought the bar couldn't get any lower here, along come SDSybil to prove me wrong.

Well done.

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 02:06 PM
Just when I thought the bar couldn't get any lower here, along come SDChiefsfan to prove me wrong.

Well done.

Hey, no one MADE you click on the thread. :harumph:

yunghungwell
01-13-2005, 02:06 PM
Do I need to be afraid? :(

No, I just thought that this thread was right up his ally. Not his "ally". Just that I have seen him post about his "paid vacations" at work and I have personally heard more than one conversation involving him about feces.

KC Kings
01-13-2005, 02:07 PM
Usually 3-4 times. Only once after 3 pm though.

My wife, and two of my kids, are "save it for couple days, and clog the fuggin' toilet" type. Needless to say, we keep a plunger near the toilet. Fuggin' wierdos. :banghead:

My son has a daily BM, and is disappointed if he doesn't clog the toilet.

I don't think anything is wrong with 3-4 times a day. I take a healthy sqat after each meal. I have a 3 pound salad with nothing but green for lunch every day so that helps out. Most mornings I can wait until as soon as I get to work, (why poop at home for free, when I could get paid for it?), but I usually job or get on the treadmill in the morning, and that always conjurs up squirter. Sometimes I can relieve some gas with small burst, on each stride for about 20 yards, but sometimes the jogging shakes one lose, and you have no other choice but to jog home with only one sock.

BRB, I got a new Sears ad I need to read.

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 02:07 PM
No, I just thought that this thread was right up his ally. Not his "ally". Just that I have seen him post about his "paid vacations" at work and I have personally heard more than one conversation involving him about feces.

Guess I'll look forward to his contributions then.

FTR, your poop report is? :hmmm:

Phobia
01-13-2005, 02:12 PM
I've just returned from my daily squat. I'm a little late today, though. Usually, I'm an 11:00 AM shitter or a 7:00 PM shitter. I'm unsure WTF happened today.

If I've really be oinking out, I'll take one at 11:00 AM and 7:00 PM, but that schedule is generally reserved for the holidays.

Phobia
01-13-2005, 02:13 PM
For those of you who plug toilets excessively, give me a holler. I can fix that forever. Seriously.

beavis
01-13-2005, 02:13 PM
This place is really going to shit.

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 02:16 PM
For those of you who plug toilets excessively, give me a holler. I can fix that forever. Seriously.

One of those "20 golf ball" toilets? They really work? :hmmm:

Phobia
01-13-2005, 02:18 PM
One of those "20 golf ball" toilets? They really work? :hmmm:


Absolutely. I have 2 installed here. I haven't used a plunger since installation. Previously, I used a plunger more than once a week.

Ghostof
01-13-2005, 02:20 PM
I usually go maybe once a week, I've gone as long as two weeks.


Its all a mind thing. If alot of people are talking about it around you, it triggers your mind to do a fast check to see if you need to release as well. If you can block those thoughts then you can go for days and days without taking a dump.

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 02:20 PM
Absolutely. I have 2 installed here. I haven't used a plunger since installation. Previously, I used a plunger more than once a week.

Damn, guess I've got some work to do then. :hmmm:

Thanks. :thumb:

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 02:21 PM
I usually go maybe once a week, I've gone as long as two weeks.


Its all a ming thing. If alot of people are talking about it around you, it triggers your mind to do a fast check to see if you need to release as well. If you can block those thoughts then you can go for days and days without taking a dump.

A fuggin' WEEK!? :eek:

You gotta be shittin' us? :hmmm:

siberian khatru
01-13-2005, 02:25 PM
A fuggin' WEEK!? :eek:

You gotta be shittin' us? :hmmm:

He's obviously not shitting himself, at least not often.

Bob Dole
01-13-2005, 02:26 PM
Hey, no one MADE you click on the thread. :harumph:

Actually, they did.

You're not familiar with shakes' situation?

Phobia
01-13-2005, 02:27 PM
A fuggin' WEEK!? :eek:

You gotta be shittin' us? :hmmm:

Had a buddy in the USMC didn't shit for 2 weeks when we hit the desert. I couldn't believe it.

However, I usually don't go for a day or two when I go somewhere new.

Ghostof
01-13-2005, 02:28 PM
"and you have no other choice but to jog home with only one sock"



Reminds me of a story. I had been hunting several miles from home in the dead of winter. Damn that was a cold day. I came home with one glove. The other was left in the brush.

Phobia
01-13-2005, 02:30 PM
"and you have no other choice but to jog home with only one sock"



Reminds me of a story. I had been hunting several miles from home in the dead of winter. Damn that was a cold day. I came home with one glove. The other was left in the brush.

I don't know why you wouldn't leaf it.

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 02:30 PM
Had a buddy in the USMC didn't shit for 2 weeks when we hit the desert. I couldn't believe it.

However, I usually don't go for a day or two when I go somewhere new.

I guess I remember goin' two or three days, when we were down range....but a week or two? Wow.

I'd be givin' birth to log bigger than most babies every week or so. :shake:

Ouch.

Pants
01-13-2005, 02:30 PM
Had a buddy in the USMC didn't shit for 2 weeks when we hit the desert. I couldn't believe it.

However, I usually don't go for a day or two when I go somewhere new.

It's the same with me. Seriously, shitting a lot takes all the joy out of it. What's better 17 tiny poops in a day, or one big relieving one?

Bob Dole
01-13-2005, 02:32 PM
This thread is worthless withou...

Ugh.

Nevermind.

NewChief
01-13-2005, 02:32 PM
Had a buddy in the USMC didn't shit for 2 weeks when we hit the desert. I couldn't believe it.

However, I usually don't go for a day or two when I go somewhere new.

I was backpacking around Greece in 96, and for some reason I hadn't dropped a load in well over a week. Of course, when it finally hit me, I was in some godforsaken goat herder community on the isle of Crete. I desperately started looking for a bathroom. I finally found one, but it was nothing more than a hole in the floor with little footpads on either side for you to stand on. There was also about 3" of shit surrounding the footpads.

With turtles starting to peek, I ended up running down the beach, hopping behind a sand dune, digging a quick hole, and unloading. I overflowed the hole and then some. People were right on the other side of the dune the whole time I was unloading. It was gawdawful. Then, of course, I had zilch for paper on me. The only thing I could find was my Eurail pass. Since it had expired I used it, which was probably the best use I got out of the thing.

NewChief
01-13-2005, 02:33 PM
I don't know why you wouldn't leaf it.

Just make sure you can identify poison ivy if you decide to leaf it.

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 02:33 PM
....If you can block those thoughts then you can go for days and days without taking a dump.

Why? Takin' a dump is one of life's pleasures--one that I"m in control of.....unlike life's biggest pleasure. :banghead:

siberian khatru
01-13-2005, 02:37 PM
....unlike life's biggest pleasure. :banghead:

The Chiefs winning a Super Bowl?

Bob Dole
01-13-2005, 02:37 PM
Why? Takin' a dump is one of life's pleasures--one that I"m in control of.....unlike life's biggest pleasure. :banghead:

You can't control when and how you kill people you find annoying?

Ghostof
01-13-2005, 02:37 PM
My ex always liked anal sex after going to the bathroom since her browneye would be relaxed.


If she didnt wipe, then we wouldnt have to worry about lube...especially on her diarhhea days. . .

siberian khatru
01-13-2005, 02:38 PM
My ex always liked anal sex after going to the bathroom since her browneye would be relaxed.


If she didnt wipe, then we wouldnt have to worry about lube...especially on her diarhhea days. . .

Wow, um, too bad she's your "ex."

ChiTown
01-13-2005, 02:38 PM
Once a day

Usually around 9:13 am

If I've been drinking alcohol or eating lots of onions then I'll shat a 2nd time shortly after lunch 12:58 or so.............

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 02:40 PM
My ex always liked anal sex after going to the bathroom since her browneye would be relaxed.


If she didnt wipe, then we wouldnt have to worry about lube...especially on her diarhhea days. . .

Holy crap! Are we playin' "gross out," here? :(

Yeah, yeah....I guess I started it.... ROFL

go bowe
01-13-2005, 02:42 PM
Just when I thought the bar couldn't get any lower here, along come SDSybil to prove me wrong.

Well done.well, ya can't say he's not reliable, at least... :D

Calcountry
01-13-2005, 02:49 PM
I much prefer before-the-shower dumps -- I hate soiling my freshly-scrubbed butt so soon after, er, scrubbing it.
This post is sure to spawn another Donger, should I? thread.

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 02:51 PM
When i'm travelling I won't shit for days. I don't know why. Call it "travelers constipation" or something. Usually i'm a once a day, sometimes twice.

journeyscarab
01-13-2005, 02:52 PM
When i'm travelling I won't shit for days. I don't know why. Call it "travelers constipation" or something. Usually i'm a once a day, sometimes twice.

I have that problem especially when I fly - I thinks because I hate flying.

ChiTown
01-13-2005, 02:55 PM
I have that problem especially when I fly - I thinks because I hate flying.

I've never taken a plane ride that didn't get baptized wtih my poop. The gravitational pull from the plane really does a number on my bowels. Matter a fact, I generally leave 2 days worth of poop on a typical plane ride. It's better than eatin' a bowl of Colon Blow for me.

go bowe
01-13-2005, 02:55 PM
Had a buddy in the USMC didn't shit for 2 weeks when we hit the desert. I couldn't believe it.

However, I usually don't go for a day or two when I go somewhere new.there ya go again, telling war stories to puff up your argument...

shame on you...

journeyscarab
01-13-2005, 02:57 PM
I've never taken a plane ride that didn't get baptized wtih my poop. The gravitational pull from the plane really does a number on my bowels. Matter a fact, I generally leave 2 days worth of poop on a typical plane ride. It's better than eatin' a bowl of Colon Blow for me.

Smoking a cigarette with move me like that. Must be the urine and phormalahyde in them. :)

Chief Henry
01-13-2005, 03:00 PM
One of those "20 golf ball" toilets? They really work? :hmmm:



Whats this ? Please provide more info please.

Phobia
01-13-2005, 03:02 PM
there ya go again, telling war stories to puff up your argument...

shame on you...

Heh heh. Too damn funny.

Phobia
01-13-2005, 03:05 PM
Whats this ? Please provide more info please.

American Standard Champion line.

Great toilets. Expect to spend between $250 and 300 for one. But you'll never use a plunger again.

KC Kings
01-13-2005, 03:24 PM
I don't know why you wouldn't leaf it.

It was atumn. I would rather run home with one sock then run home with bits of dried up leafs stuck to my rear.

Mr. Kotter
01-13-2005, 03:46 PM
It was atumn. I would rather run home with one sock then run home with bits of dried up leafs stuck to my rear.

I'd have gone with leaves, unless I wasn't sure what they were...

Douche Baggins
01-13-2005, 03:55 PM
I have a long history of clogging toilets...but I've become pretty good at plunging them.

I don't dump everyday, I'd say on average, once every two days. I've taken some monster shites.

Today I had a normal sized load...nothing special. Two or three apple-sized turds. Went down easy.

I do tend to use a lot of toilet paper. I like to get my ass nice and clean.

bogie
01-13-2005, 04:14 PM
Once a day, every day. Always in the morning before showering. I keep Golf magazines, Woodworking magazines and This Old House magazines beside the toilet for reading pleasure. On Sundays I read the comics. Nobody ever interupts me when I'm takin' a shit. It's heavenly.

Douche Baggins
01-13-2005, 04:16 PM
Once a day, every day. Always in the morning before showering. I keep Golf magazines, Woodworking magazines and This Old House magazines beside the toilet for reading pleasure. On Sundays I read the comics. Nobody ever interupts me when I'm takin' a shit. It's heavenly.

I have this theory that haven is just one long eatin', ****in' and shittin' place. With some great reading material.

Sitting on the pot, getting blown and eating all at the same time.

bogie
01-13-2005, 04:21 PM
I have this theory that haven is just one long eatin', ****in' and shittin' place. With some great reading material.

Sitting on the pot, getting blown and eating all at the same time.

Sounds like heaven to me.

Douche Baggins
01-13-2005, 04:23 PM
Sounds like heaven to me.

Hell is the same thing, except the toilet never flushes, you're being fed beets, and Marilyn Manson is blowing you.

bogie
01-13-2005, 04:33 PM
Hell is the same thing, except the toilet never flushes, you're being fed beets, and Marilyn Manson is blowing you.

Yep. That would be hell.

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 04:34 PM
(Inspired by ENDelt's "dinner" thread.... ;) )

** IMPORTANT: Unlike ENDelt's thread, NO pics....please!

6 AM - Normal, after the shower BM; medium sized floater....2 pieces.

11 AM- Large "snuck up on me" 'surprise, hard round specimen; floater.

2 PM - Normal, after lunch BM: dense/solid, "clinger"/sinker (one long slippery piece), with visible corn.

And how was YOURS today???
Good Lord, you shit three times a day?

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 04:36 PM
That's what I thought about Brian's "dinner" thread, and the thing keeps goin' and goin' and goin'.....so I figured, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
While that thread may have started as a flimsy excuse to play with my new camera, some folks started trading recipes in there.

What positives do you expect to grow out of this turd?

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 04:38 PM
(why poop at home for free, when I could get paid for it?)

While I am normally a big proponent of this... it can really suck on a day when something's out of whack and you gotta make an unusual number of visits. The John Wayne toilet paper ("Rougher than hell, and don't take shit off nobody") starts to take its toll after awhile.

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 04:39 PM
For those of you who plug toilets excessively, give me a holler. I can fix that forever. Seriously.
Is the operation you're going to perform on the toilet... or the person?

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 04:42 PM
I've never taken a plane ride that didn't get baptized wtih my poop. The gravitational pull from the plane really does a number on my bowels. Matter a fact, I generally leave 2 days worth of poop on a typical plane ride. It's better than eatin' a bowl of Colon Blow for me.
As a public service, could you please post your pic? If I ever see you get on a plane I'm on, I'm gonna pay the fee to switch flights.

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 04:43 PM
Smoking a cigarette with move me like that. Must be the urine and phormalahyde in them. :)
Smoking a cigarette makes me have to shit, too.

I thought I was the only one... everyone I had ever mentioned it to looked at me funny. Until a few weeks ago for some reason I mentioned it to my neighbor, and he said it had the same effect on him.

At least there's three of us.

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 04:45 PM
Sitting on the pot, getting blown and eating all at the same time.

Perhaps it's my poor diet, but my bowel movements smell like... well, shit. It's not very appetizing.

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 04:46 PM
Marilyn Manson is blowing you.

Do you have inside information that he gives bad head?

Inspector
01-13-2005, 05:00 PM
None of you knows ANYTHING about shitting! I have zipped up my flack jacket and taken shits for the good of my country. I have a bronze medal to show for my shitting ability. Don't talk to me about shitting if you aren't man enough to shit for your country!

















...obviously this is gonna be a looong off season.

Douche Baggins
01-13-2005, 05:05 PM
Perhaps it's my poor diet, but my bowel movements smell like... well, shit. It's not very appetizing.

I can't really smell my poops when I'm on the pot. I think I could sit there and enjoy a nice meal quite easily.

Phobia
01-13-2005, 05:56 PM
None of you knows ANYTHING about shitting! I have zipped up my flack jacket and taken shits for the good of my country. I have a bronze medal to show for my shitting ability. Don't talk to me about shitting if you aren't man enough to shit for your country!

















...obviously this is gonna be a looong off season.


Yeah, but I don't see how it could possibly get old for anybody but him.

Phobia
01-13-2005, 05:57 PM
I can't really smell my poops when I'm on the pot. I think I could sit there and enjoy a nice meal quite easily.

Yeah, but getting oral, too? No thanks. I think I have more courtesy than that. The BJ can wait until I've finished making a nasty.

Douche Baggins
01-13-2005, 07:54 PM
Yeah, but getting oral, too? No thanks. I think I have more courtesy than that. The BJ can wait until I've finished making a nasty.

Courtesy? Who gives a shit. It's heaven. The designated penisucker probably enjoys giving blowjobs to porcelain-bound simpletons.

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 07:55 PM
Yeah, but getting oral, too? No thanks. I think I have more courtesy than that. The BJ can wait until I've finished making a nasty.
I've always wanted a blumpkin. Just once.

Cochise
01-13-2005, 08:03 PM
Is it normal to only drop one once every two or three days?

Deberg_1990
01-13-2005, 08:55 PM
(Inspired by ENDelt's "dinner" thread.... ;) )

** IMPORTANT: Unlike ENDelt's thread, NO pics....please!

6 AM - Normal, after the shower BM; medium sized floater....2 pieces.

11 AM- Large "snuck up on me" 'surprise, hard round specimen; floater.

2 PM - Normal, after lunch BM: dense/solid, "clinger"/sinker (one long slippery piece), with visible corn.

And how was YOURS today???

This thread is worthless without pics.....

Ari Chi3fs
01-13-2005, 11:44 PM
(Inspired by ENDelt's "dinner" thread.... ;) )

** IMPORTANT: Unlike ENDelt's thread, NO pics....please!

6 AM - Normal, after the shower BM; medium sized floater....2 pieces.

11 AM- Large "snuck up on me" 'surprise, hard round specimen; floater.

2 PM - Normal, after lunch BM: dense/solid, "clinger"/sinker (one long slippery piece), with visible corn.

And how was YOURS today???

I dont know if anyone has pointed this out, but Rob, you are full of shit.

Saggysack
01-14-2005, 04:50 AM
Today I had a normal sized load...nothing special. Two or three apple-sized turds. Went down easy.

.

I dunno who told you 2 or 3 "apple" size turds is normal, but, it isn't normal.

Mr. Kotter
01-14-2005, 06:27 AM
I dont know if anyone has pointed this out, but Rob, you are full of shit.

All the time; I don't get it though. :shrug:

I gotta admit, yesterday was unusual. I'm usually a 2-3 times a day kinda guy. Four was consequence of porkin' out on my wife's Lasagne the previous day. Yummy.

ChiTown
01-14-2005, 08:05 AM
As a public service, could you please post your pic? If I ever see you get on a plane I'm on, I'm gonna pay the fee to switch flights.

No problem

http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/data/media/1/3.jpg

ChiTown
01-14-2005, 08:10 AM
My brother also has a similar problem, you might need his pic as well.

http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/data/media/1/47.jpg

bkkcoh
01-14-2005, 08:19 AM
I dont know if anyone has pointed this out, but Rob, you are full of shit.


Not anymore.... :banghead:

Saggysack
01-14-2005, 08:20 AM
No problem

http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/data/media/1/3.jpg

Rogaine must make a body wash now. How's that workin out for ya?

bkkcoh
01-14-2005, 08:20 AM
Is it normal to only drop one once every two or three days?

Definitely not for me, that wouldn't be normal.

:thumb: :hmmm:

Douche Baggins
01-14-2005, 08:36 AM
I dunno who told you 2 or 3 "apple" size turds is normal, but, it isn't normal.

Small apples.

Mr. Kotter
01-14-2005, 08:41 AM
Friday, Jan 14th Report:

6:10 AM Large Tubular/bi-texture dark/light cone-like log sinker...."courtesy flush" required.

No rumblings this morning; expecting a 2 or 3 load day today. :thumb:

Douche Baggins
01-14-2005, 08:43 AM
Friday, Jan 14th Report:

6:10 AM Large Tubular/bi-texture dark/light cone-like log sinker...."courtesy flush" required.

No rumblings this morning; expecting a 2 or 3 load day today. :thumb:

I'm looking forward to a multicolored Indian poop today.

Mr. Kotter
01-14-2005, 08:44 AM
I'm looking forward to a multicolored Indian poop today.

Multi-color is always cool.

journeyscarab
01-14-2005, 08:49 AM
If you havent seen this......


GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait are the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!


*************

That's gotta be worth a little rep! :)

journeyscarab
01-14-2005, 09:19 AM
Here's one about pooping at work:

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

NewChief
01-14-2005, 09:34 AM
Here's one about pooping at work:

How to Poop at Work



Needs to be one for the following situation, which happened to me last night at the hospital where my wife and I are taking birthing classes.

I gotta pee, so I go to the bathroom to discover that it is seriously foul smelling. I quickly pee and exit only to find someone waiting at the door to enter next. Now I'm taking the blame for someone else's gas cloud when all I did was take a leak.

I loudly announced, "God someone's rotten" as I left, to let the other guy know it wasn't me.

ENDelt260
01-14-2005, 09:42 AM
I loudly announced, "God someone's rotten" as I left, to let the other guy know it wasn't me.

Of course, that just seems like an obvious cover. I'm sure you were still blamed in their mind.

NewChief
01-14-2005, 09:43 AM
Of course, that just seems like an obvious cover. I'm sure you were still blamed in their mind.

Yeah, I realize he probably didn't buy it, but what can you do?

siberian khatru
01-14-2005, 09:43 AM
Of course, that just seems like an obvious cover. I'm sure you were still blamed in their mind.

The one who denied it, supplied it.

Ghostof
01-14-2005, 09:45 AM
People have too much time on their hands to ANALyze all this CRAP.

ENDelt260
01-14-2005, 11:58 AM
I just finished off two rather big slices of some sort of taco salad pizza. Good lawd that thing was greasy... I predict rumbling should start soon, and it won't be long after that until I'm shittin' through a screen door w/out hittin' the wires.

ENDelt260
01-14-2005, 12:01 PM
I can already feel my stomach recoiling in horror..

"AAAck! What is this abomination you've subjected me to?"

Mr. Kotter
01-14-2005, 01:04 PM
I can already feel my stomach recoiling in horror..

"AAAck! What is this abomination you've subjected me to?"

"Details at....................... 4:38 pm?"

ROFL

ENDelt260
01-14-2005, 01:05 PM
"Details at....................... 4:38 pm?"

ROFL
It may be delayed longer.

I took a shit awhile ago.. but, it was a nice, healthy, solid one. I guess my body wanted to clear out some room to really go to work on this greasy taco pizza.

cadmonkey
01-14-2005, 01:19 PM
This sucks, I had lunch and had to go right after. I get there, full house.

I try again, still a full house.

I just went to check again. What the hell, full house again. I refuse to believe that this many people need to crap today. I think they are f*cking with me.

The Turle is poking his head out for christ's sake.

Mr. Kotter
01-14-2005, 01:21 PM
...The Turle is poking his head out for christ's sake.


I'd be takin' a walk somewhere....anywhere about that time.

badgirl
01-14-2005, 01:31 PM
probably never thought a woman would post on this thread but I have a story:


When I used to drive the big truck, running team, we had a fridge in the truck, we would stop at Superwalmart and buy sandwich stuff, that cup of soup, pop, milk, cereal, just stuff we could eat in the truck on paper plates.

When you run team, you really don't have any time to actually go in and sit down to a hot meal, so eating real food was rare, but everytime we did get a chance to eat, we'd either end up with the runs, sometime before we even finished our meal, or I'd end up getting sick at my stomach.

It took a while for my system to start eating real food again, even now I may only eat a sandwich, and a bowl of cereal all day, and I can go days without eating much of anything. :deevee:

Mr. Kotter
01-14-2005, 01:37 PM
probably never thought a woman would post on this thread but I have a story:


When I used to drive the big truck, running team, we had a fridge in the truck, we would stop at Superwalmart and buy sandwich stuff, that cup of soup, pop, milk, cereal, just stuff we could eat in the truck on paper plates.

When you run team, you really don't have any time to actually go in and sit down to a hot meal, so eating real food was rare, but everytime we did get a chance to eat, we'd either end up with the runs, sometime before we even finished our meal, or I'd end up getting sick at my stomach.

It took a while for my system to start eating real food again, even now I may only eat a sandwich, and a bowl of cereal all day, and I can go days without eating much of anything. :deevee:

You were a truck driver? Cool. :hmmm:

Runnin' "team" would suck; I traveled summers with my Uncle as a kid, as his hired "help." Truck stop food was generally pretty good, as I remember it.

badgirl
01-14-2005, 01:39 PM
You were a truck driver? Cool. :hmmm:

Runnin' "team" would suck; I traveled summers with my Uncle as a kid, as his hired "help." Truck stop food was generally pretty good, as I remember it.


I went to truck driving school through Prime back in 98, I hated driving, actually I hated being gone so long, I finished school in March and didn't see home till June,

All the big truck stops have pretty big named restraunts in them now, but I like the mom and pop restraunts we came upon the best.

Mr. Kotter
01-14-2005, 01:42 PM
....but I like the mom and pop restraunts we came upon the best.

Same here. Sometimes when I travel, I still look for places like that.

badgirl
01-14-2005, 01:45 PM
Same here. Sometimes when I travel, I still look for places like that.


I remember going to California across I-10, there are hundreds of miles of desert going that way, you feel like you're not even in the same country, no traffic, no population, nothing, but we happened upon one of the small restraunts out in the middle of nowhere, I thought that was kinda strange. :hmmm: Like the twilight zone or something.

cadmonkey
01-14-2005, 01:47 PM
Well, I went. I wasn't great. How does that old poem go?

"Here I sit so broken hearted, came to shit but only farted."

It was a lot like that.

ENDelt260
01-14-2005, 01:47 PM
I remember going to California across I-10, there are hundreds of miles of desert going that way

Some call that "Arizona"

badgirl
01-14-2005, 01:54 PM
Some call that "Arizona"


and texas and part of new mexico.... :Poke:

NewChief
01-14-2005, 02:25 PM
Working one up, and I'm stopping by the fly shop on my way home. I'll probably get a dip while I'm there. The guys at the shop will be lucky if I get out of their shop without dropping a load in their bathroom.

Mr. Kotter
01-14-2005, 03:26 PM
Working one up, and I'm stopping by the fly shop on my way home. I'll probably get a dip while I'm there. The guys at the shop will be lucky if I get out of their shop without dropping a load in their bathroom.

Yeah, my second "drop the kids at the pool" is creepin' up on me; colleagues better get the hell out of Dodge...

journeyscarab
01-14-2005, 03:39 PM
No activity yet ....could have a good one tonight. Big meal at J. Alexanders at lunch.