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View Full Version : Hypothetical: Aliens invade the U.S.


Rain Man
01-13-2005, 05:57 PM
They have seized most of Georgia and South Carolina, and parts of North Carolina, and the probing is brutal and ruthless. Alien paratroopers have also seized footholds in Boise, San Antonio, and Charleston, West Virginia (the latter being by mistake after they intended to land in Charleston, South Carolina). In terms of appearance, the aliens are a mix of a Skye Terrier, a bullfrog, and Andre Rison, standing six feet tall at the shoulder. They have technology quite similar to that of Germany.

In response to this invasion, the president begins a mandatory military draft. However, in the spirit of the times, you can request a particular branch of the service, and if you score high on the aptitude tests and/or have political connections, you can go to whichever branch you want.

Which branch would you request?

htismaqe
01-13-2005, 05:58 PM
Coast Guard.

Phobia
01-13-2005, 06:00 PM
I chose the Air Force because that's kinda like a vacation in comparison to the Marines.

Skip Towne
01-13-2005, 06:04 PM
You've been resting your brain all day and this is the best you could come up with?

Misplaced_Chiefs_Fan
01-13-2005, 06:05 PM
Well, since I did 15 years in the Army, I don't see much point in re-joining any other service.

As long as I get my old grade back (and get to keep my civilian pay level ;) )

2bikemike
01-13-2005, 06:05 PM
You can always tell when Rainmans business gets a little slow!

go bowe
01-13-2005, 06:06 PM
why would they want an old broken down fart like me?

but you haven't told us much about the aliens...

are they physically superior?

do they have any weaknesses that we know about?

will they keep flying or stop halfway through the war?

Skip Towne
01-13-2005, 06:06 PM
I chose the Air Force because that's kinda like a vacation in comparison to the Marines.
Us Air Force guys could never see how the Marines got anyone to join. We figured you guys must be retarded.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 06:07 PM
You'll all thank me when the aliens invade and you can make your decision quickly.

tk13
01-13-2005, 06:07 PM
I think if aliens invade the U.S. they'll choose to settle down in Rutherford, Ohio, and try to blend in and study our culture inconspicuously....

Bwana
01-13-2005, 06:08 PM
I hear they taste like chicken.

Bob Dole
01-13-2005, 06:08 PM
They have seized most of Georgia and South Carolina, and parts of North Carolina, and the probing is brutal and ruthless. Alien paratroopers have also seized footholds in Boise, San Antonio, and Charleston, West Virginia (the latter being by mistake after they intended to land in Charleston, South Carolina). In terms of appearance, the aliens are a mix of a Skye Terrier, a bullfrog, and Andre Rison, standing six feet tall at the shoulder. They have technology quite similar to that of Germany.

In response to this invasion, the president begins a mandatory military draft. However, in the spirit of the times, you can request a particular branch of the service, and if you score high on the aptitude tests and/or have political connections, you can go to whichever branch you want.

Which branch would you request?

Your entire premise is ****ed, Kevin.

Why would we suddenly implement a draft due to a simple influx of immigrants?

2bikemike
01-13-2005, 06:10 PM
Well like others I picked my original branch of the Military. The Navy.

But after careful consideration I started thinking. If you attack an alien space ship while on a ship the ship would probably be destroyed. So that would eliminate the desire to chose the Navy or the Coast Guard.

Since I don't fly jets. ( another prime target for Aliens) I would probably be safe in the Air Force.

htismaqe
01-13-2005, 06:10 PM
I'm telling you guys, join the Coast Guard.

They have ample experience and are equipped to deal with aliens.

Of course, the one's we're talking about here come from space, not Cuba...

Phobia
01-13-2005, 06:11 PM
Us Air Force guys could never see how the Marines got anyone to join. We figured you guys must be retarded.

I was actually abducted for 5 years. I don't know where they get the other 175,000 active Marines, though.

Inspector
01-13-2005, 06:13 PM
I wan to go with whoever will give me a bronze star. YOU CAN'T TALT TO ME ABOUT FIGHTING ALIENS UNTIL YOU HAVE MARCHED ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE!!!




eh...I just want the fuggen bronze star thingy....TO PROVE I'M A REAL MAN - NOT TO BE MESSED WITH!!!!

Wile_E_Coyote
01-13-2005, 07:40 PM
all that anal probing in the south will mean they will be bogged down with warbrides

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 07:44 PM
Screw them. They can have the Carolinas.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 07:48 PM
But it's just one step from the Carolinas to Chattanooga. We can't lose Chattanooga.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 07:50 PM
I would totally join the aliens. Two reasons:

1. Aliens are cool.

2. They will eventually win. I mean c'mon, they're aliens.

3. Even if they lose, this planet is dull and I get to go back with them to their awesome planet. Sweet!

4. I gotta peek some of that extraterrestrial meat, baby! Woo!

So in conclusion, I would join the aliens.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 07:53 PM
2. They will eventually win. I mean c'mon, they're aliens.



What are you talking about? The aliens never win. The home team always wins. Even when the Empire went to the Ewoks, the teddy bears with spears won.

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 07:54 PM
Hmmmm. Tough choice. Why are you asking? Are we going to have an Alien/American offseason war game that we only get halfway through?:) Actually, if I could score high enough, I'd love to fly and the airforce would probably give me the best chance of that. Besides, WHEN we run them out, the war move to outer space, say, wait, what about NASA?. If I couldn't score high enough to pilot, I'd side with either the Army or Marines - choosing whichever promised me the biggest and coolest weapon to shoot.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 07:55 PM
What are you talking about? The aliens never win. The home team always wins. Even when the Empire went to the Ewoks, the teddy bears with spears won.

You're not reading the right science fiction books.

Besides, there are no Aliens in the Empire anyway. It's all humans, for the most part.

Amnorix
01-13-2005, 07:57 PM
Given your description of the aliens and the locations they have landed, I'm wonder how anyone would know that we've been invaded in the first place? :shrug:




:p

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 07:59 PM
2. They will eventually win. I mean c'mon, they're aliens.




If that were the case, then how come on Star Trek all of the Starfleet leaders are from Earth? Kirk, Picard, Sisko, Janeway, & Hercules?

Looks to me like we beat them, then they joined us.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:01 PM
You're not reading the right science fiction books.

The aliens never win. Never. The home field advantage is just too great.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:02 PM
You're not reading the right science fiction books.

Besides, there are no Aliens in the Empire anyway. It's all humans, for the most part.


But humans are aliens on any world besides Earth.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:03 PM
If that were the case, then how come on Star Trek all of the Starfleet leaders are from Earth? Kirk, Picard, Sisko, Janeway, & Hercules?

Looks to me like we beat them, then they joined us.

Because Starfleet is earth-based. The friggin' home base is in San Francisco.

Besides, all the other alien races have their own "starfleet." The Klingons, Romulans, etc.

Also Spock became a captain, and he was a Vulcan. A bigger nerd would know of the alien admirals and captains I'm sure.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:04 PM
But humans are aliens on any world besides Earth.

Earth doesn't exist in the Star Wars universe. For the intents of our discussion, "aliens" are non-humans.

I think the only alien Admiral in the SW universe was Grand Admiral Thrawn.

http://www.yodaboys.com/thrawn.jpg

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 08:05 PM
Because Starfleet is earth-based. The friggin' home base is in San Francisco.





Like I said, like I said.

And the earth captains always end up beating the Romulan and Klingon captains.

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:05 PM
I bet Earth is actually Coruscant, but was renamed long ago. The Star Wars universe is older than anyone really knows. The Old Republic goes back tens of thousands of years.

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 08:05 PM
Earth doesn't exist in the Star Wars universe. For the intents of our discussion, "aliens" are non-humans.



Point of Order. Rainman started the thread so he gets to define what an alien is in his thread.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:06 PM
How can you have humans if Earth doesn't exist? Such a thing is impossible.

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:06 PM
Earth doesn't exist in the Star Wars universe. For the intents of our discussion, "aliens" are non-humans.

I think the only alien Admiral in the SW universe was Grand Admiral Thrawn.

http://www.yodaboys.com/thrawn.jpg
With a stupid Ysalimiri. I thought that was a bit ridiculous..

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:07 PM
How can you have humans if Earth doesn't exist? Such a thing is impossible.
Humans overtime spread out throughout the universe. Earth could have been destroyed, renamed, or something else. Remember, Star Wars took place a long time ago , in a galaxy far far away.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:07 PM
Like I said, like I said.

And the earth captains always end up beating the Romulan and Klingon captains.

Not ALWAYS.

Sure, starfleet dominates the other races. That's because Starfleet is made up of many planets, not just earth. The Romulans and Klingons are outnumbered.

Hell, the Klingons are ALLIED WITH THE FEDERATION!!!

There are many examples of the federation getting its ass kicked. The Borg, that race from the delta quadrant (can't remember right now, dammit), Species 4273 or whatever they were called.

Cochise
01-13-2005, 08:08 PM
I picked the Marines because of that cool commercial with the Marine rock-climbing.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:08 PM
How can you have humans if Earth doesn't exist? Such a thing is impossible.

How do you know humans originated on earth? It's entirely possible we didn't.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:09 PM
With a stupid Ysalimiri. I thought that was a bit ridiculous..

No! The ysalamiri are cool as hell. In Jedi Knight multiplayer they have "capture the ysalamiri" mode.


I'm taking it you read Zahn's trilogy?

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:11 PM
No! The ysalamiri are cool as hell.

I'm taking it you read Zahn's trilogy?
Quite awhile ago, back when it first came out. I remember those, and Mara Jade, and all that.

It was still a good trilogy. I think I liked the Jedi Academy (I think thats what it was called) trilogy better, with Kyp Durron, the sun crusher, darksaber, and all that. I forget. :shrug:

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:11 PM
This is big news. Humans originated on another planet, and came to earth a long, long time ago?

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:13 PM
This is big news. Humans originated on another planet, and came to earth a long, long time ago?

It's entirely possible. I mean, how else are there humans in a galaxy far, far away?

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:13 PM
This is big news. Humans originated on another planet, and came to earth a long, long time ago?
No. There is a possiblity for human life on other planets though, in either field of thought, be it creationism or evolution.

A) God created the universe. As far as we know right now, the universe is very large, could be infinite. Surely he didn't just create a bunch of empty planets.

B) Evolution, there has to be numbers of planets that support the evolution of human life as we know it.


I'd wager on humans elsewhere in this universe.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:14 PM
Quite awhile ago, back when it first came out. I remember those, and Mara Jade, and all that.

It was still a good trilogy. I think I liked the Jedi Academy (I think thats what it was called) trilogy better, with Kyp Durron, the sun crusher, darksaber, and all that. I forget. :shrug:

No way! Jedi Academey is good but it's a bit cheesy. Kevin J. Anderson ain't the best author, either.

Zahn's trilogy has better characters and a MUCH better plot. I couldn't put that shit down.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:14 PM
Is Darwinism still valid? Do we share a common ancestor with Ewoks?

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 08:14 PM
This is big news. Humans originated on another planet, and came to earth a long, long time ago?



But how did they get on that planet???

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:15 PM
Is Darwinism still valid? Do we share a common ancestor with Ewoks?

Of course not. We're trying to have a serious discussion here. Don't be silly.

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:15 PM
No way! Jedi Academey is good but it's a bit cheesy. Kevin J. Anderson ain't the best author, either.

Zahn's trilogy has better characters and a MUCH better plot. I couldn't put that shit down.
Like I said, I can't remember much. Truce at Bakura was decent, but I couldn't even finish the Black fleet crisis..that shit sucked. Also read the x-wing series, the "tales of..." series. Crystal Star was another shitty book.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:15 PM
But how did they get on that planet???

Someone or SOMETHING (DUN DUN DUN) put them there.

tk13
01-13-2005, 08:17 PM
At what point has gochiefs officially taken over the Planet when we have large-scale discussions on the scientific classificiation of creatures in various science-fiction universes?

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:17 PM
GoChiefs has taken over the planet? Can I be Secretary of the Wookie?

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:18 PM
But how did they get on that planet???


Dinosaur-piloted spaceship?

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:18 PM
Like I said, I can't remember much. Truce at Bakura was decent, but I couldn't even finish the Black fleet crisis..that shit sucked. Also read the x-wing series, the "tales of..." series. Crystal Star was another shitty book.

Truce at Bakura is absolute crap.

I hate most of the other Star Wars books. This is all I own:

Zahn Trilogy
Jedi Academy Trilogy
Darksaber
Vision of the Future
Shadows of the Empire
Tales from Jabbas Palace
Tales of the Bounty Hunters
One of the Boba Fett books (need to buy the other two).

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:18 PM
Dinosaur-piloted spaceship?
The pyramids.

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 08:19 PM
At what point has gochiefs officially taken over the Planet when we have large-scale discussions on the scientific classificiation of creatures in various science-fiction universes?



Blame Rainman. He started it.

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:19 PM
Truce at Bakura is absolute crap.

I hate most of the other Star Wars books. This is all I own:

Zahn Trilogy
Jedi Academy Trilogy
Darksaber
Vision of the Future
Shadows of the Empire
Tales from Jabbas Palace
Tales of the Bounty Hunters
One of the Boba Fett books (need to buy the other two).
Come on. They rode around on rancors. That was awesome.

I don't own any of them anymore. Sold em all..they were all old and beat up.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:20 PM
At what point has gochiefs officially taken over the Planet when we have large-scale discussions on the scientific classificiation of creatures in various science-fiction universes?


Technically, he only has control of Georgia and South Carolina.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:21 PM
The pyramids.


Dinosaurs built the pyramids?

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 08:21 PM
Technically, he only has control of Georgia and South Carolina.



Actually, I'd probably just give him the blue states out west and in the NE, but I feel the need to fight for those they are red ones.

tk13
01-13-2005, 08:22 PM
Technically, he only has control of Georgia and South Carolina.
Oh, well then that's no big deal. Carry on.

Saulbadguy
01-13-2005, 08:22 PM
Dinosaurs built the pyramids?
Nope. Jews did. I bet they were controlled by Aliens though. Thats how the plagues happened.

Ari Chi3fs
01-13-2005, 08:24 PM
There are many theories in the conspiracy world that this is the ploy that the global elite will use to bring the world together into the One World Govt.

They used Orwell's War of the Worlds as sort of a beta test to gauge the mass hysteria.

Not my belief, personally... but who knows?

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:25 PM
At what point has gochiefs officially taken over the Planet when we have large-scale discussions on the scientific classificiation of creatures in various science-fiction universes?

Wow, you're really behind. I've been in control of the planet for some time now.

Count Zarth
01-13-2005, 08:27 PM
There are many theories in the conspiracy world that this is the ploy that the global elite will use to bring the world together into the One World Govt.

They used Orwell's War of the Worlds as sort of a beta test to gauge the mass hysteria.

Not my belief, personally... but who knows?

That would be sweet as hell. People dressed up as aliens.

I'd probably die of shock.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:27 PM
I think the aliens walk among us now. They're disguising themselves as Mexican immigrants to blend in.

CosmicPal
01-13-2005, 08:43 PM
I just read this thread to a Bronco fan. I failed to mention it was hypothetical. Anyways, he jumped out the window and was hit by a passing car.

I'll have to be nicer next time.

htismaqe
01-14-2005, 07:38 AM
That would be sweet as hell. People dressed up as aliens.

I'd probably die of shock.

Or loss of fluids...

Lightning Rod
01-14-2005, 09:56 AM
I have the Secret weapon