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View Full Version : Hypothetical: You're hiking in the woods unarmed.


Rain Man
01-13-2005, 07:32 PM
See poll. Assume that you and the animal are 50 feet apart when you meet.

go bowe
01-13-2005, 07:53 PM
bears can maul you for no particular reason, while mountain lions are more likely to avoid humans...

unless, of course, the mountain lion is hungry... :D

Bwana
01-13-2005, 07:55 PM
A mountain lion.

Coach
01-13-2005, 07:56 PM
Whenever you go hiking, make sure you are armed with something, even mace. You just never know.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 07:59 PM
What the heck? How did I spell mountain lion like that? I am spiraling downward toward imbecility every day. Can a mod please correct that?

go bowe
01-13-2005, 08:02 PM
What the heck? How did I spell mountain lion like that? I am spiraling downward toward imbecility every day. Can a mod please correct that?mountion?

sounds like the motion of mounting or something...

i'm just sure there is some sort of sexual connotation...

mountion...

it just rolls off the tongue... :p :p :p

morphius
01-13-2005, 08:04 PM
What the heck? How did I spell mountain lion like that? I am spiraling downward toward imbecility every day. Can a mod please correct that?
It's good to see I'm rubbing off on someone.

KCWolfman
01-13-2005, 08:06 PM
Is that right? I never could spell well.

Michael Michigan
01-13-2005, 08:06 PM
Who in the hell would hike in the woods unarmed?

;)

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 08:07 PM
Is that right? I never could spell well.
Haha. That beats the hell out of what I was gonna do.

KCWolfman
01-13-2005, 08:09 PM
Who in the hell would hike in the woods unarmed?

;)
Christopher Reeves wouldn't, but since he couldn't move them it wouldn't matter.

OldTownChief
01-13-2005, 08:15 PM
Christopher Reeves wouldn't, but since he couldn't move them it wouldn't matter.

HOW DARE YOU make fun of a dead man HOW DARE YOU.

tk13
01-13-2005, 08:16 PM
Bears suck, but I imagine being mounted and violated by a Lion isn't much fun either.

Rain Man
01-13-2005, 08:16 PM
Is that right? I never could spell well.


Yeah, that looks right.


(The spiral continues unabated.)

stevieray
01-13-2005, 08:18 PM
I'd let Jenny take care of it, help build her self-esteem.

Iowanian
01-13-2005, 08:22 PM
Shit,

I'd pull the tail off of the cougar and use it to choke the Bar!

make some Dandy necklaces outta the claws and some Coin Purses to sell the Indians for those Mink Pelts.

KCWolfman
01-13-2005, 09:08 PM
HOW DARE YOU make fun of a dead man HOW DARE YOU.
Dead quadripalegic man, you mean.

Cochise
01-13-2005, 09:09 PM
I'd just neg-rep the bear so it would attack Skip instead.

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 09:10 PM
I'd just neg-rep the bear so it would attack Skip instead.



ROFL ROFL

Nothing like cross-thread humor!

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 09:12 PM
Gotta go for option 3. As long as I saw it 50 feet away, it'd be dead before it got to me. Now quick, let's hide the carcuss before the game warden comes by.

OldTownChief
01-13-2005, 09:12 PM
Dead quadripalegic man, you mean.

Yes that would have made my statement more riveting but I couldn't spell that.

Count Alex's Losses
01-13-2005, 09:12 PM
The Mountain Lion.

First of all, the Bear is slower. Yes, I know you shouldn't run from Bears and they can chase down most humans, but they aren't as fast as a Mountain Lion.

Second, if you play dead there's a chance the Bear leaves you alone.

PastorMikH
01-13-2005, 09:13 PM
Who in the ____ would hike in the woods unarmed?

;)



I know I never have.:thumb:

CosmicPal
01-13-2005, 09:17 PM
True story here:

A couple of summers ago I went hiking in Roxborough State Park. It's about a good 45 min drive SW of Denver. Roxborough is an absolutely gorgeous park with spring meadows, ancient red rock formations, and a nice view of Denver once you reach the acme of one of the hills.

Anyways, so I pull up to the entrance and I'm not shitting you- the ranger says, "Welllllllll, today is your lucky day?"
"Why's that?" I asked rather uninterested wishing to just pay and move on.
"We have a couple of interesting visitors to the park today."
"Oh really. What kind of visitors?"
"There's been a lot of reports floatin' round about a mother brown bear and her cubs combing the woods. ANNNNNDDDDDDD, there's also been reports of a MOUNTAIN LION loose in the woods."
"You're joking...right?"
"Nope."
"Well, I AM okay to hike?"
"Ohhhhhh yea, you'll be fine. Just don't disturb them."
"WHAT? Don't disturbe them? I plan on hiking, dammit."
"Just stay on the trail."
"(Expletive). So, have you been telling everyone today about our denizens?"
"Oh yea. And almost all of them turned around and went home."
"Well, no shit Sherlock- It's like showing up at the beach only to have the lifeguard telling you there's a shark and a barricuda lurking in the waters..."

Needless to say, I went hiking anyways. I'm still alive.

tk13
01-13-2005, 09:19 PM
True story here:

A couple of summers ago I went hiking in Roxborough State Park. It's about a good 45 min drive SW of Denver. Roxborough is an absolutely gorgeous park with spring meadows, ancient red rock formations, and a nice view of Denver once you reach the acme of one of the hills.

Anyways, so I pull up to the entrance and I'm not shitting you- the ranger says, "Welllllllll, today is your lucky day?"
"Why's that?" I asked rather uninterested wishing to just pay and move on.
"We have a couple of interesting visitors to the park today."
"Oh really. What kind of visitors?"
"There's been a lot of reports floatin' round about a mother brown bear and her cubs combing the woods. ANNNNNDDDDDDD, there's also been reports of a MOUNTAIN LION loose in the woods."
"You're joking...right?"
"Nope."
"Well, I AM okay to hike?"
"Ohhhhhh yea, you'll be fine. Just don't disturb them."
"WHAT? Don't disturbe them? I plan on hiking, dammit."
"Just stay on the trail."
"(Expletive). So, have you been telling everyone today about our denizens?"
"Oh yea. And almost all of them turned around and went home."
"Well, no shit Sherlock- It's like showing up at the beach only to have the lifeguard telling you there's a shark and a barricuda lurking in the waters..."

Needless to say, I went hiking anyways. I'm still alive.
The Bears were probably too busy on BearPlanet.com posting polls about whether they'd want to come across a human or a mountain lion in the woods.

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 09:23 PM
True story here:

A couple of summers ago I went hiking in Roxborough State Park.

Just because it's you posting, I got this far before i thought of Mitch Hedberg's story of doing acid in the woods because you're less likely to run into an authority figure...

We met a bear. My friend's all talking to it... promising not to start forest fires. After we got out of there, he says, "Whoa... Smokey is so much more intense in person."

BigOlChiefsfan
01-13-2005, 09:57 PM
Hmmm...reminds me of the intro to an article by Mark Steyn:

Among my Christmas presents was a copy of Survive, a recent collection by Sports Afield magazine of helpful tips for the great outdoors. Most of the stuff was familiar - rub a raw potato on poison ivy, roast a wood bug before you eat it - but on page 70 I was surprised by this novel approach to mountain lions: "Do not approach one, especially if it is feeding or with its young. Most will avoid confrontation, so provide an escape. Do all you can to appear larger. Raise your anus, and open your jacket if you have one on." I can't say I did that the last time I saw a mountain lion, but maybe I had a lucky escape. And then I realised it's meant to be "raise your arms" and that the item is a cautionary tale in the pitfalls of computer "scanning".

One hopes the misprint doesn't lead the less seasoned hiker into an awkward situation, and that any mountain lion confronted by city folks dutifully adopting the prescribed position will think "What the hell do they mean by that?" and wander off shaking his head rather than flying into a carnivorous rage.

Dave Lane
01-13-2005, 10:19 PM
Well a mounting lion might hump me to death while a bear could attack me. Gotta go with the mounting lion.

Dave

Loki
01-13-2005, 10:30 PM
mountain lion.

ENDelt260
01-13-2005, 11:47 PM
Yikes, BOCF... raising your anus to a mounting lion sounds like a really bad plan, indeed.

RedandGold
01-14-2005, 07:21 AM
Well a mounting lion might hump me to death while a bear could attack me. Gotta go with the mounting lion.

Dave

Amen, brotha!

:thumb:

MichaelH
01-14-2005, 07:28 AM
I've been within ten feet of a black bear while hunting deer in Pennsylvania. It slowly walked up to me, sniffed the air, turned and walked away. It couldn't see me because my back was against a large oak tree. I never felt in danger, although it was nice to have a rifle in my hands. I've never been around a mountain lion, but the fact they can jump almost 40 feet horizontally tells me they're more dangerous than a black bear.

cdcox
01-14-2005, 08:21 AM
Black bears are among the least dangerous of the bear. You don't want to get between a mother bear and her cubs. Other than you will probably survive encounters with black bears even if you are stupid. In the Cades Cove area of the Great Smokey Mountain National Park, I've seen tourists get out of their car to get a better look at a bear and end up chasing the bear up a tree.

Otter
01-14-2005, 08:29 AM
I've been fly fishing for about 10 years, often by myself and never carried a firearm until just recently. Standing in the stream, minding my own business and a dog comes walking up to the edge of the water sniffing and coming maybe a foot into the water and then retreating.

Not being afraid of dogs in the least I ignored it and waited for the owner to catch up. Not five seconds later 2 more dogs come up and start doing the same thing.

Take a good look at them and notice they have no collar, no owner are mangy and unclean and have blood around thier mouths. So I start to shit my pants because I'm 10 miles back in the woods without even a cell phone.

Anyway, buzzed a couple rocks and after a couple hits they took off. If I wasn't in water I'm pretty sure they would have tried to take me down.

That night I call Bwana and he gives me the top 5 pistols for killing anything the size of a black bear and down, the best type of bullet to use, its trajectory decent every 50 yards, a formula for calculating moving victim leads and the rotations per seconds by rifling bore and length of barrel.

Now the proud owner of a .357 revolver.

Oh yeah, mountain lion. You don't usually see them unless their looking for you.

Skip Towne
01-14-2005, 08:44 AM
Mounting lion.

Saggysack
01-14-2005, 09:14 AM
Chances are if a black bear is attacking you he wants to eat you. A Grizzly on the other hand isn't that way. I think the standard is, if a black bear attacks you, you better fight back. If a Grizzly attacks you, curl up in a little ball or lie flat on your stomach with your hands back behind protecting your neck. Fighting back with a Grizzly will only make him fight more.

Saggysack
01-14-2005, 09:18 AM
Black bears are among the least dangerous of the bear. You don't want to get between a mother bear and her cubs. Other than you will probably survive encounters with black bears even if you are stupid. In the Cades Cove area of the Great Smokey Mountain National Park, I've seen tourists get out of their car to get a better look at a bear and end up chasing the bear up a tree.

I strongly disagree. Black bears are extremely dangerous when encountered. I hope for your sake you never encounter a black bear.

Lightning Rod
01-14-2005, 09:20 AM
Living in Kansas about the most dangerous thing Iím likely to run into is a Skunk. While I have no desire to become a meal for either a Black Bear or a Mountain Lion your odds of being attacked by one even if your stupid are pretty slim. Grizzly/Brown bears or (if I decided to take a little walk way up north) a Polar bear would concern me a great deal more.

Otter
01-14-2005, 09:56 AM
Chances are if a black bear is attacking you he wants to eat you. A Grizzly on the other hand isn't that way. I think the standard is, if a black bear attacks you, you better fight back. If a Grizzly attacks you, curl up in a little ball or lie flat on your stomach with your hands back behind protecting your neck. Fighting back with a Grizzly will only make him fight more.

Some interesting input on that matter on the below link. At least two of the particpants in the discussion are guides in Alaska.

http://outdoorsbest.zeroforum.com/zerothread?id=182459

cdcox
01-14-2005, 10:18 AM
I strongly disagree. Black bears are extremely dangerous when encountered. I hope for your sake you never encounter a black bear.


This article indicates that the danger posed by black bears greatly depends on geography. Me, I would give them the respect they deserve as a potentially dangerous wild animal.

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/bears/17275

PastorMikH
01-14-2005, 10:25 AM
Some interesting input on that matter on the below link. At least two of the particpants in the discussion are guides in Alaska.

http://outdoorsbest.zeroforum.com/zerothread?id=182459



Interesting read. Though I did notice how the guy that started the thread by asking a question sorta ended up giving everyone else advice before it was all over with.:)



I agree most with the guy saying the best defense is the marlin 45-70. Though it would be the item I would least like to carry along with all the fishing gear.