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Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 09:36 PM
whacking off to Internet porn AT MY DESK!

I walk into the office at 10:15 p.m., only 5 hours after we close. I'm picking up some more stuff for my day tomorrow and clocking out... I walk back to my desk, the door's closed and I think, "Hmm... the door's closed. That's weird." I open it up and there's my coworker, who frantically turns the monitor off (I didn't see what kind of porn it was) and begins zipping his fly. I didn't actually notice him zipping up till I said, "Hey, what are you still doing here?" That's when I saw him buttoning/zipping the pants...

Then he proceeds to say, "Nothing, what are you doing here?" I answer, "Just clocking out." By this time, I'm back in the hallway, so he knows I'm not standing there just looking at him. Then he asks again... I answer again. He asks again... like f*cking Rainman (not you, Rainman... Dustin Hoffman's Rainman, which isn't actually Dustin Hoffman, but you know what I mean...). Then he skiddadles out of the office without saying anything (which I don't blame him for).

Now, I had been noticing over the last few months porn sites on my computer's history... I wasn't worried about being caught or anything, I'm the tech guy and I know it wasn't me. That's what I have a home computer for. I hope this little scare will convince him that he probably shouldn't do that at work anymore... but, damn... now I gotta get a new keyboard and I just got this one. Sick f*cker.

Phobia
02-18-2005, 09:42 PM
I'd make him pay. Really. I wouldn't blackmail him or anything, but he should be responsible for damages. I'd get about $10k to walk in on some dude masturbating - so if any of you pervs are looking for that kind of thing feel free to email me.

The Pedestrian
02-18-2005, 09:42 PM
You might want to get a new chair and monitor, too....

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 09:43 PM
I work next to the dude every damn day. Like right next to... two feet away from...

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 09:43 PM
This was at your newspaper office?

|Zach|
02-18-2005, 09:44 PM
Suonds rude of you not to let him finish. You should feel like an asshole. Sen the guy a card of apology or something.

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 09:46 PM
This was at your newspaper office?
I'm not saying... I have three jobs so I'll just leave it at "one of my offices." Or even more vague, "one of my desks," since at my three jobs I have a total of four desks.

Deberg_1990
02-18-2005, 09:47 PM
You may want to sanitize your keyboard and mouse now.

Pants
02-18-2005, 09:49 PM
Wait, he doesn't have his own computer? Or was he afraid of getting caught? What a f*cking douche nozzle.

siberian khatru
02-18-2005, 09:49 PM
I answer, "Just clocking out."

And it sounds like he was just cocking out.

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 09:50 PM
Wait, he doesn't have his own computer? Or was he afraid of getting caught? What a f*cking douche nozzle.
Doesn't have his own computer...

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 09:52 PM
I'm not saying... I have three jobs so I'll just leave it at "one of my offices." Or even more vague, "one of my desks," since at my three jobs I have a total of four desks.

I see. Well I have a little story to share.

At my first newspaper job I had the place all alone to myself one night (I had a night class and being the editor, a key to the office :D). I decided to let off a little steam before class.

Pants
02-18-2005, 09:54 PM
I see. Well I have a little story to share.

At my first newspaper job I had the place all alone to myself one night (I had a night class and being the editor, a key to the office :D). I decided to let off a little steam before class.

:shake:

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 09:57 PM
I see. Well I have a little story to share.

At my first newspaper job I had the place all alone to myself one night (I had a night class and being the editor, a key to the office :D). I decided to let off a little steam before class.
%(/

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 10:00 PM
Haha! The difference was I was sure no one was going to walk in on me.

stumppy
02-18-2005, 10:01 PM
I see. Well I have a little story to share.

At my first newspaper job I had the place all alone to myself one night (I had a night class and being the editor, a key to the office :D). I decided to let off a little steam before class.

Gee, who woulda thought you'd want to turn a masturbation thread into something about yourself.






Seen this coming a mile away.

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 10:01 PM
Gee, who woulda thought you'd want to turn a masturbation thread into something about yourself.






Seen this coming a mile away.

What? It's completely relevant to the topic. Stop being a harpy.

stumppy
02-18-2005, 10:06 PM
What? It's completely relevant to the topic. Stop being a harpy.

We all know.
It's ALWAYS about you isn't it ?

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:07 PM
HEY! Take is somewhere else... we have a bigger problem here. There's splooge on my desk! CAN'T YOU SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE?

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 10:08 PM
We all know.
It's ALWAYS about you isn't it ?

No. I haven't even been here for the last two hours.

Spott
02-18-2005, 10:08 PM
I see. Well I have a little story to share.

At my first newspaper job I had the place all alone to myself one night (I had a night class and being the editor, a key to the office :D). I decided to let off a little steam before class.

They have Star Wars porn sites?

:p

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 10:08 PM
HEY! Take is somewhere else... we have a bigger problem here. There's splooge on my desk! CAN'T YOU SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE?

He didn't even clean up? Gross.

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 10:08 PM
They have Star Wars porn sites?

:p

Dude, they have porn sites for EVERYTHING.

stumppy
02-18-2005, 10:08 PM
HEY! Take is somewhere else... we have a bigger problem here. There's splooge on my desk! CAN'T YOU SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE?
ROFL
UH, I probably could if your screen wasn't smeered.

Miles
02-18-2005, 10:09 PM
Sounds like you will need to burn everything.

mcan
02-18-2005, 10:09 PM
No big whoop...

You should enthusiastically drop euphamisms and puns all day for the next couple of weeks. Then let him off the hook with a Hallmark Card that says something like,

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
and so are your balls apparently...

CHIEF4EVER
02-18-2005, 10:11 PM
whacking off to Internet porn AT MY DESK!

I walk into the office at 10:15 p.m., only 5 hours after we close. I'm picking up some more stuff for my day tomorrow and clocking out... I walk back to my desk, the door's closed and I think, "Hmm... the door's closed. That's weird." I open it up and there's my coworker, who frantically turns the monitor off (I didn't see what kind of porn it was) and begins zipping his fly. I didn't actually notice him zipping up till I said, "Hey, what are you still doing here?" That's when I saw him buttoning/zipping the pants...

Then he proceeds to say, "Nothing, what are you doing here?" I answer, "Just clocking out." By this time, I'm back in the hallway, so he knows I'm not standing there just looking at him. Then he asks again... I answer again. He asks again... like f*cking Rainman (not you, Rainman... Dustin Hoffman's Rainman, which isn't actually Dustin Hoffman, but you know what I mean...). Then he skiddadles out of the office without saying anything (which I don't blame him for).

Now, I had been noticing over the last few months porn sites on my computer's history... I wasn't worried about being caught or anything, I'm the tech guy and I know it wasn't me. That's what I have a home computer for. I hope this little scare will convince him that he probably shouldn't do that at work anymore... but, damn... now I gotta get a new keyboard and I just got this one. Sick f*cker.



:Lin: Unbelievable...

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:11 PM
He didn't even clean up? Gross.
I assume he didn't even finish... I certainly didn't stick around to find out. I was assuming the worst.

Michael Michigan
02-18-2005, 10:12 PM
whacking off to Internet porn AT MY DESK!

I walk into the office at 10:15 p.m., only 5 hours after we close. I'm picking up some more stuff for my day tomorrow and clocking out... I walk back to my desk, the door's closed and I think, "Hmm... the door's closed. That's weird." I open it up and there's my coworker, who frantically turns the monitor off (I didn't see what kind of porn it was) and begins zipping his fly. I didn't actually notice him zipping up till I said, "Hey, what are you still doing here?"


That's when I saw him buttoning/zipping the pants...

I'd give him a break.

If he can zip and button his pants with a hard johnson he's probably seen enough embarrassment for one lifetime.

Wile_E_Coyote
02-18-2005, 10:18 PM
how did you gain access to this site so quickly...no wait, you have shared enough for one day

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 10:19 PM
how did you gain access to this site so quickly

What the hell?

I'd imagine he sat down and pointed his browser to Chiefsplanet.

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:20 PM
I came home... that's where I am now.

Wile_E_Coyote
02-18-2005, 10:21 PM
ewwww

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 10:23 PM
FMB

Seen anything good lately? Seems like there's mostly crap in the theatre this time of year. I heard Constantine was a pile of trash.

What does your username mean?

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:24 PM
FMB

Seen anything good lately? Seems like there's mostly crap in the theatre this time of year. I heard Constantine was a pile of trash.

What does your username mean?
I'll make another thread... don't wanna turn this one into a movie thread. Fire Me Boy! was the Human Bullet's son/sidekick from the animated The Tick series.

Miles
02-18-2005, 10:27 PM
I'll make another thread... don't wanna turn this one into a movie thread.

Yeah its too classic of a f#cked up story to derail it.

|Zach|
02-18-2005, 10:28 PM
I can't believe Fire Me Boy is painting himself as the victim in this when he is clearly the bag guy in the situation.

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:29 PM
Yeah, I'm a dickhead. I gave the guy blue balls because I wouldn't let him finish over my keyboard.

Miles
02-18-2005, 10:30 PM
I can't believe Fire Me Boy is painting himself as the victim in this when he is clearly the bag guy in the situation.

Yeah no dorm room style jiggle of the doorknob ;)

|Zach|
02-18-2005, 10:30 PM
Yeah, I'm a dickhead. I gave the guy blue balls because I wouldn't let him finish over my keyboard.
Bingo. :)

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:32 PM
Bingo. :)
I'm gonna hit you with the stick, too. %(/

|Zach|
02-18-2005, 10:33 PM
I'm gonna hit you with the stick, too. %(/
I could tell you I don't deserve that but its just not true.

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:34 PM
I could tell you I don't deserve that but its just not true.
My wife says I should be careful which "stick" I use... she's a bitch.

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:39 PM
I think I'm going to have to bump this thread after the weekend is over. Get the regular full-time job guys in on it...

|Zach|
02-18-2005, 10:39 PM
she's a bitch.
You want me to kick her ass?

I'll do it im crazy.

Count Zarth
02-18-2005, 10:39 PM
I think I'm going to have to bump this thread after the weekend is over. Get the regular full-time job guys in on it...

They'll be back around tonight I suspect. I think Phobia's doing something with Pink right about now.

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:42 PM
Naw... I'll beat her with my stick later.

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:43 PM
I'm not working overnight tonight, so I'm off. I'll check back tomorrow. Later guys... wish me NON-masturbatory dreams.

|Zach|
02-18-2005, 10:43 PM
Naw... I'll beat her with my stick later.
Ok, just tell me when that happens so I can swoop in and steal any cmeras or camera equipment you may have.

Fire Me Boy!
02-18-2005, 10:44 PM
Ok, just tell me when that happens so I can swoop in and steal any cmeras or camera equipment you may have.
Sure... :shake:

Miles
02-18-2005, 10:44 PM
I'm not working overnight tonight, so I'm off. I'll check back tomorrow. Later guys... wish me NON-masturbatory dreams.

Yeah thats good. Using that computer at work tonight would be pretty rough.

Talisman
02-18-2005, 10:53 PM
Were you dressed as a pizza delivery guy or a cable repairman?

Miles
02-18-2005, 10:55 PM
You can imagine where it goes from here...He fixes the cable?

|Zach|
02-18-2005, 10:57 PM
Sure... :shake:
;) Just kiddin bud

go bowe
02-18-2005, 11:26 PM
;) Just kiddin budsure you are, darlin'...

sure you are...

Mr. Kotter
02-18-2005, 11:44 PM
sure you are, darlin'...

sure you are...

You two should get a room... :shake:

:p

BIG_DADDY
02-18-2005, 11:45 PM
And you wondered why your keyboard was sticky.

Cannibal
02-19-2005, 12:09 AM
This is one of the funniest threads I've seen in a while. Although, goat cheese is a fuking nerd, I must say he was FUNNY on this thread. And I guess my inner nerd is coming out, but I'm totally with goat on HK (hunter killer). HK is one the best characters (movie or video game) to come out in a while IMO.

tk13
02-19-2005, 12:10 AM
And all this time his wife thought he was bored when he said he just jacked off at work all the time...

Rausch
02-19-2005, 01:18 AM
ROFL

Demonpenz
02-19-2005, 02:09 AM
i have walked into situations like this but it was at peoples houses/apt. In those cases i just was like it's their computers let them wack away, but if it is the companys time, it is not time for wackatime

Fire Me Boy!
02-19-2005, 06:07 AM
i have walked into situations like this but it was at peoples houses/apt. In those cases i just was like it's their computers let them wack away, but if it is the companys time, it is not time for wackatime
Well, I have no doubt that he was NOT on the clock, so it wasn't really "work time." I don't even really care that he was doing it at work after hours... my problem is that he was doing it at MY F-ING DESK!

stumppy
02-19-2005, 06:19 AM
my problem is that he was doing it at MY F-ING DESK!

Was it your F-ING desk or your JERKING desk ?
:hmmm:

I'm begging to think Zach is right. Maybe you are the bad guy here.

Fairplay
02-19-2005, 06:23 AM
Maybe he wanted you to join him in a circle jerk.

Over-Head
02-19-2005, 06:55 AM
That is just so wrong :shake:

gblowfish
02-19-2005, 07:11 AM
HEY! Take is somewhere else... we have a bigger problem here. There's splooge on my desk! CAN'T YOU SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE?At least the guy could bottle it for you so you could recycle it at the sperm bank. They pay big bucks for that stuff. He's let hundreds of dollars slip right thru his fingers! (one of the oldest jokes ever, btw)...

Fairplay
02-19-2005, 07:16 AM
This reminds me of a similar event that happened at my work.

A maintenance worker found some paper towels, a chair and a playboy tucked away in a room where boxs of files are stored. He told a couple of people to keep an eye to see if anyone goes in the room. Soon word got out about the jerk off bandit. And people began speculateing who it could be.

The thing about this room is it can only be accessed through another room and that is only opened by a coded lock. Only the supervisors knew the number to get in there, and maintenance. Anyway a couple workers noted a night supervisor going in that room, returning about 20 minutes later.

He later was fired. His life was a mess and he was loseing it so to speak at work.
Very erractic behavior. The guy was turning into a basket case. He was never caught in the act. But the whole thing caused lots of laughs for a few weeks.

mikey23545
02-19-2005, 07:48 AM
I think you have to give a lot of credit to a worker who stays late, off the clock, to finish up a job.

Bwana
02-19-2005, 08:32 AM
Damn, that's just wrong. I have never had that happen to me, but I had a girl I was dating catch my roommate pumping the pooch. I was gone elk hunting and told my girfriend to go over to the house and check up on my dogs. She walked in the house and old "Scooter" was laying there on the couch naked making moaning noises, watching porn and working the ole strokestick.

She chimes in with "what are you doing?" I guess the poor bastard grabbed a blanket and covered himself up and changed the channel in about 2 seconds. You should have heard that cell message from my girlfriend when I got in cell range after leaving the mountains. ROFL

KCWolfman
02-19-2005, 08:35 AM
Suonds rude of you not to let him finish. You should feel like an asshole. Sen the guy a card of apology or something.
LOL

Fire Me Boy!
02-19-2005, 09:08 AM
Was it your F-ING desk or your JERKING desk ?
:hmmm:

I'm begging to think Zach is right. Maybe you are the bad guy here.
That's just wrong... OK, to clear anything up: it wasn't my F-ing desk, nor was it my jerking desk. Just a desk, for neither f-ing nor jerking.

%(/

crossbow
02-19-2005, 12:20 PM
No proxy server? Livin' dangerously if not. Hey if your employer is concerned about such things then its YOUR job that is at risk because you can't prove who is accessing these sites and there is a trail of them on your computer.

I sure as hell wouldn't take a bullet for some guy I happen to work with. But you may work at a small business and not have to worry about it. It is realy up to you to decide what kind of problems you may face from this.

RedNFeisty
02-19-2005, 12:22 PM
Damn, glad that I have never been caught!!

Talisman
02-19-2005, 12:27 PM
Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "I gave at the office."

stumppy
02-19-2005, 12:32 PM
That's just wrong... OK, to clear anything up: it wasn't my F-ing desk, nor was it my jerking desk. Just a desk, for neither f-ing nor jerking.

%(/

:shake:
How do you expect a guy to do his job if you don't even provide him a proper desk to work at.

Man, it'd suck having to work with someone like you.

Baby Lee
02-19-2005, 12:33 PM
Damn, glad that I have never been caught!!
To quote Paris Hilton, 'that's hot!'

Fire Me Boy!
02-19-2005, 12:33 PM
Damn, glad that I have never been caught!!
Too bad I didn't catch you...

Fire Me Boy!
02-19-2005, 12:35 PM
:shake:
How do you expect a guy to do his job if you don't even provide him a proper desk to work at.

Man, it'd suck having to work with someone like you.
He does have his own desk, just no computer (his job doesn't even remotely require one. Besides, we've already established that I'm the bad guy here. :harumph:

RedNFeisty
02-19-2005, 12:36 PM
Too bad I didn't catch you...

If I were to do that, I don't think I would get caught!

RedNFeisty
02-19-2005, 12:36 PM
To quote Paris Hilton, 'that's hot!'

It would make a better video then hers did!!

Fire Me Boy!
02-19-2005, 12:36 PM
If I were to do that, I don't think I would get caught!
Don't say that, you'll mess up the fantasy.

Bowser
02-19-2005, 12:37 PM
It would make a better video then hers did!!

Link?

RedNFeisty
02-19-2005, 12:42 PM
Sorry. Don't want to mess up your fantasy of a 300lb whale getting itself off!!

ROFL

stumppy
02-19-2005, 12:47 PM
He does have his own desk, just no computer (his job doesn't even remotely require one. Besides, we've already established that I'm the bad guy here. :harumph:

And you're bitching about him using yours!!
I've read all I need to to know who the real jack-off is here.















:p

RedNFeisty
02-19-2005, 12:50 PM
Link?

The post production of Redheads from Hell is almost complete!

The Pedestrian
02-19-2005, 12:52 PM
This actually reminds me of something that happened at school...

One day a couple of girls got bored and started searching files on their computers...one of them found a folder of at least 50 porn files, and the other went to a folder of the same name and found the same files. They told a friend sitting next to me, she looked it up, and found it on her account...so everyone figured out that these files were on every computer and the "last opened" date was about 12:30 AM that morning. I didn't bother trying to find the folder myself, so I was looking at the list of files on the screen of the person next to me. The titles consisted of everything from "XXX Girls" to "Wild Teen Girls"...a couple others that were a little more shocking, but I can't remember them right now. Anyway, I was looking at her monitor and see this smudge at the top left of her screen. After it was pointed out to her, she jumps out of her chair and pretty much yells, "OH MY GOD! SOME PERVERT WAS DOING THAT IN MY CHAIR!!!" Since she was unable to tell the teacher that it was nothing, she told about everything that was found. Everyone had assumed that it was one of the janitors, but jumped to a different conclusion when someone from administration was fired and kicked out of their house about a month later.

Iowanian
02-19-2005, 02:02 PM
If you don't torture that guy, with at least one idea that comes from the day crew, every day for a month.......you're a puss.

1. I'd be using the cleaning equivilent of Napalm on everything within 3' of my desk.

I think you should go immediately to ToysRUs and buy one of those BopBags with a clown picture on it.......blow it up, and put it on his desk before he comes in Monday.

Immediately change his nametag to "spanky"

Some Monkey Spank haiku is also required.

Barn Door is open.
So, At work you punch the Clown
Cleanup on Isle 5

Baby Lee
02-19-2005, 02:08 PM
Work is so boring
Fire Me Boy's computer calls
shut the door and spank.

Ari Chi3fs
02-19-2005, 02:15 PM
Im bored... what to do?
Ill whack it at this comp here...
Oh yeah!! wait, who's there?

Iowanian
02-19-2005, 02:21 PM
Drop your peewee Taco
nasty crap spackled keyboard
cheeto bag, Yours.

Fire Me Boy!
02-19-2005, 02:25 PM
ROFL

Ari Chi3fs
02-19-2005, 02:26 PM
Ah, masturbating.
I love working overtime.
Getting paid to spank.

Baby Lee
02-19-2005, 02:27 PM
open mesh task chair
liquid paper lubricates
love in afternoon

Iowanian
02-19-2005, 02:37 PM
Came to work to check the clock,
Suprised to see you tug your cock
Tug and Pull and all the rest
What Fug?! You're At MY DESK?

Drop your Prick and step away
The Porn you picked, Midget Gay?
Don't slow down, going faster
When it comes to Baiting,
You're the Master

Baby Lee
02-19-2005, 02:43 PM
A monitor and door is all you need
To spill the junk we use to breed.

Bowser
02-19-2005, 02:44 PM
Hickory dickory dock
Stop whacking off at my desk!

4th and Long
02-19-2005, 02:45 PM
Hickory dickory dock
Stop whacking off at my desk!
ROFL Not poetic but appropriate. :)

Baby Lee
02-19-2005, 02:46 PM
Hickory dickory dock
Stop whacking off at my desk!
ROFL ROFL - you're a true poet soul.

stevieray
02-19-2005, 02:47 PM
It is very nice of you to not mention he was at the planet looking at a pic of phob....

was it bookmarked bighead?

stumppy
02-19-2005, 02:51 PM
Fire Me Boys office
His underwear is not here
Guess I'll surf the net

gblowfish
02-19-2005, 02:52 PM
Reading thru the thread
The Chicken Choking Haiiku
Spit Coke out my nose!

Iowanian
02-20-2005, 07:34 PM
This isn't slipping past the day crew on my watch.

Fire Me Boy!
02-20-2005, 08:33 PM
Yeah, I was going to bump it tomorrow.

jcroft
02-20-2005, 11:01 PM
Heh. Great story. Here's what I'd do:

If you work at a big company with "big brother" type security, then I think you have to rat the guy out. Otherwise, you stand to lose your job for looking at porn (which you didn't do). If you "are the tech guy," as you say, and you no that no one else is checking your computer's history, I'd probably just tormet the guy over the next few months with tons of pun and maturbatory euphamisims.

Of course, I'd wipe down the stuff on your desk. but honestly, being overly concerned about heath in this situation is silly. Sperm and most diseases can't live outside of the body for long at all, and are usually easily killed with basic cleaning supplies like Windex. Just wipe shit down, and you'll be fine.

Finally, next time you are stroking it on company time (we all do it, right?), I'd walk over to his cube, cum in his lap, and leave without saying a word.

Pants
02-20-2005, 11:03 PM
Sperm dies instantly if the temperature isn't right. Still gross as f*ck. Piss is sterile, but you don't drink it (well most of us don't).

jcroft
02-20-2005, 11:07 PM
Sperm dies instantly if the temperature isn't right. Still gross as f*ck. Piss is sterile, but you don't drink it (well most of us don't).

No doubt. It's gross. That's why I said wipe that shit down.

But saying things like "I'd be using the cleaning equlivent of napalm" is a bit silly, and seems more homophobic than anything else.

Out of curiosity: if a hot girl had been masturbating to porn in your chair, would you guys have been as concerned about using industrial strength cleaners?

My point is simply that cum in your chair is gross, but it's not a health risk. That's all.

Pants
02-20-2005, 11:12 PM
Out of curiosity: if a hot girl had been masturbating to porn in your chair, would you guys have been as concerned about using industrial strength cleaners?


No, I'd ask if I could watch.

J Diddy
02-20-2005, 11:43 PM
No doubt. It's gross. That's why I said wipe that shit down.

But saying things like "I'd be using the cleaning equlivent of napalm" is a bit silly, and seems more homophobic than anything else.

Out of curiosity: if a hot girl had been masturbating to porn in your chair, would you guys have been as concerned about using industrial strength cleaners?

My point is simply that cum in your chair is gross, but it's not a health risk. That's all.

I would consider it a health risk in that, if I saw cum in my chair, I would either die or that mofo would die.

Geez, at least have the common courtesy to hit the waste basket.

Rausch
02-20-2005, 11:47 PM
No doubt. It's gross. That's why I said wipe that shit down.

But saying things like "I'd be using the cleaning equlivent of napalm" is a bit silly, and seems more homophobic than anything else.

There's a huge difference between hating gay people and not wanting to drown your hands in some guys d!ck-snot...

Rausch
02-20-2005, 11:48 PM
Geez, at least have the common courtesy to hit the waste basket.

At home...

Fire Me Boy!
02-21-2005, 07:15 AM
I'm not concerned about the health risks, there are none. I'm not concerned about getting fired -- it's a small company and I'm the ONLY person here that would have any frickin' clue as to how to track something like this (that's why I'm the tech guy). I'm only concerned about the "ewwww" factor, which hits about a 9.8. Although, I'm not concerned about spunk in my chair because apparently, I interrupted him.

Fire Me Boy!
02-21-2005, 07:15 AM
At home...
No sh*t... couldn't agree more.

milkman
02-21-2005, 07:25 AM
I'm not concerned about the health risks, there are none. I'm not concerned about getting fired -- it's a small company and I'm the ONLY person here that would have any frickin' clue as to how to track something like this (that's why I'm the tech guy). I'm only concerned about the "ewwww" factor, which hits about a 9.8. Although, I'm not concerned about spunk in my chair because apparently, I interrupted him.

This time.

Ari Chi3fs
02-21-2005, 07:26 AM
Although, I'm not concerned about spunk in my chair because apparently, I interrupted him.

THIS TIME... heh. Think of all the other times that your hand has touched the mouse after his spunk episodes. hahah ahah ahah ahah

Joe Seahawk
02-21-2005, 07:27 AM
You can clean your monitor with this..err these..

WARNING boobie pic inside.

http://www.25-88.com/clean_your_monitor/brush.swf

Ari Chi3fs
02-21-2005, 07:29 AM
This time.


whoa. that was a goocher.

http://users.110.net/~ps3776/stand/stand.jpg

Fire Me Boy!
02-21-2005, 08:34 AM
You can clean your monitor with this..err these..

WARNING boobie pic inside.

http://www.25-88.com/clean_your_monitor/brush.swf
That's incredible.




So, this morning has been, to say the least, awkward. The perp (perv?) has done a REALLY good job of being in another room all day so far... we'll see how long this keeps up, no pun intended.

Fire Me Boy!
02-21-2005, 08:35 AM
This morning, I walked in... he's in the office. I just smiled and said, "What's up?" He looked at me like a deer in the headlights... silence for probably 3 seconds. Then, he just nodded.

CosmicPal
02-21-2005, 08:37 AM
This morning, I walked in... he's in the office. I just smiled and said, "What's up?" He looked at me like a deer in the headlights... silence for probably 3 seconds. Then, he just nodded.

Instead of saying, "What's Up?" You should have asked him, "Can I give you a hand with anything today?"

Ari Chi3fs
02-21-2005, 08:41 AM
Instead of saying, "What's Up?" You should have asked him, "Can I give you a hand with anything today?"

Um, that might imply he wants to help him whack off... dunno if that is good advice. heh.

Baby Lee
02-21-2005, 08:47 AM
This morning, I walked in... he's in the office. I just smiled and said, "What's up?" He looked at me like a deer in the headlights... silence for probably 3 seconds. Then, he just nodded.
I am pumped to be here.

Iowanian
02-21-2005, 06:45 PM
Little Boy Blue.



Not anymore

Bowser
08-29-2005, 09:37 AM
Upon further review, I find it strange to see Fire Me Boy bring our attention to "a guy" whacking it at FMB's desk, then have FMB put a pic of a girl fisting her own mouth in his avi.

Coincidence? :hmmm:

chagrin
08-29-2005, 09:41 AM
You might want to get a new chair...


I agree, yoou don't want strange butt sweat mixing in with your own

Adept Havelock
08-29-2005, 09:41 AM
Yech. Sorry you went through that. I remember walking in on the school spaz back in Junior High one afternoon when Coach asked another guy and I to go back to the locker room for some equipment.....Dumb bastard ended up leaving school a couple of months later. Can't imagine why.

chagrin
08-29-2005, 09:42 AM
Suonds rude of you not to let him finish. You should feel like an asshole. Sen the guy a card of apology or something.


Yeah dude, you could have at least knocked

Fire Me Boy!
08-29-2005, 10:14 AM
:shake:

BigRedChief
08-29-2005, 10:20 AM
I nominate this thread for inclusion in the Hall of Classics. A second motion anyone?

Coach
08-29-2005, 10:20 AM
Fire Me Boy, I would deftinaly just get me a desk, computer, chair, whatever, since lord knows where the hell his splooge went.

If someone was jacking off on my desk, I would make that motherf**ker buy everything in terms of property damage.

Coach
08-29-2005, 10:21 AM
I nominate this thread for inclusion in the Hall of Classics. A second motion anyone?

I 2nd this motion.

BTW, has your co-worker ever heard of "hookers?" I mean, he could have just get a little money and get the real pussy.

keg in kc
08-29-2005, 10:22 AM
So, do you have a pull-out keyboard tray? Or is his cheese just coating the underside of your desk? Well, at least you have an explanation for those "dandruff" flakes you get all over your thighs.

htismaqe
08-29-2005, 10:23 AM
Moved to the Hall.

Fire Me Boy!
08-29-2005, 10:24 AM
So, do you have a pull-out keyboard tray? Or is his cheese just coating the underside of your desk? Well, at least you have an explanation for those "dandruff" flakes you get all over your thighs.
:Lin:

chagrin
08-29-2005, 10:26 AM
"Is that hair gel?"

http://media.movieweb.com/galleries/1794/1137/lo/co5.jpg

Fire Me Boy!
08-29-2005, 10:57 AM
My very first Hall of Classics thread... I'm honored.

chagrin
08-29-2005, 11:28 AM
Bravo dude, Bravo
:clap:

BigRedChief
08-31-2005, 12:48 PM
Rep for the hall inclusion.........U DA MAN!:clap:

Good to see you joined this most exclusive club.:rolleyes:

dacoolman88
02-04-2006, 01:32 PM
WOW

Passing Time
10-03-2007, 05:47 PM
yo

Fire Me Boy!
10-03-2007, 07:03 PM
Just a random bump?

Willysboy2001
05-12-2008, 01:13 AM
Sounds like you need some mind clorox......eew. And I would hit the whole area with a blacklight.

Fire Me Boy!
05-12-2008, 06:42 AM
Thankfully, my workplace is roughly 1,100 miles away now.

Fritz88
01-20-2009, 01:59 PM
whacking off to Internet porn AT MY DESK!

I walk into the office at 10:15 p.m., only 5 hours after we close. I'm picking up some more stuff for my day tomorrow and clocking out... I walk back to my desk, the door's closed and I think, "Hmm... the door's closed. That's weird." I open it up and there's my coworker, who frantically turns the monitor off (I didn't see what kind of porn it was) and begins zipping his fly. I didn't actually notice him zipping up till I said, "Hey, what are you still doing here?" That's when I saw him buttoning/zipping the pants...

Then he proceeds to say, "Nothing, what are you doing here?" I answer, "Just clocking out." By this time, I'm back in the hallway, so he knows I'm not standing there just looking at him. Then he asks again... I answer again. He asks again... like f*cking Rainman (not you, Rainman... Dustin Hoffman's Rainman, which isn't actually Dustin Hoffman, but you know what I mean...). Then he skiddadles out of the office without saying anything (which I don't blame him for).

Now, I had been noticing over the last few months porn sites on my computer's history... I wasn't worried about being caught or anything, I'm the tech guy and I know it wasn't me. That's what I have a home computer for. I hope this little scare will convince him that he probably shouldn't do that at work anymore... but, damn... now I gotta get a new keyboard and I just got this one. Sick f*cker.

LOL. Funny shit.

Pink Paradise 2010
11-01-2009, 11:01 AM
LMAO wow, that would suck!!!