View Full Version : The media ARE reporting it: Gay Prostitute Sticks it to GWB...

02-20-2005, 08:42 PM
Gay Prostitute Sticks it to George W. Bush
It Hurts So Good

The flap over the White House allowing James Guckert, the Gay Escort and Conservative Christian White House reporter formerly known as Jeff Gannon, into itís daily press briefings continues. It will be remembered that reporter really wishes that he was the first webzine to break this story weeks before anyone else, but didnít have a clue about it until he found it on like, fifty other sources on the web.

At any rate, Mr. Guckert/ Gannon, who apparently was also known by a variety of pseudonyms such as Sergeant Rock (Hard), Corporal Punishment, Captain Cum and Private Parts from his Gay Military Escort days, has spent the last weeks trying to convince anyone who will listen that heís actually a legitimate reporter and whose presence in the press conference was not only to feed softball questions to White House Press Secretaries Ari Fleischer, Scott Mc Clellen and even President Bush on the behalf of his employer, Talon News Service and GOPUSA.com, both owned by Texas Republican and major Bush supporter Bobby Eberle, but few are brain dead enough to buy it.

Mr. Gannon, or George Bushís Diddle Boy as this reporter prefers to call him, said in a published interview that, ďPeople criticize me for being a Christian and having some questionable things in my past (but) I believe in a God of forgiveness.Ē God, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ďI donít care that the little sex toy is Gay; after all, I made him that way, but the fact that heís a hypocritical, lying Conservative Republican freak is whatís gonna earn him the Honeymoon Suite in Hell.Ē

The White House has repeatedly denied knowing about Mr. Cumís...uh, Gannonís past homosexual prostitution career or even worse, his ties to the Republican Party. Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ď Of course the White House is scrupulous in itís vetting of reporters that are allowed into itís Press Briefings. We do extensive background checks to make sure that those given press passes do indeed belong to a legitimate news organization, whether or not it actually exists, and that they have no direct connection to any Democratic or Liberal affiliations. Mr. Gannon met those criteria and then some, since his boss gave some big time cash to George Bush. The fact the he was the Armyís Rear Guard sort of did slip by us, Iíll admit since most of our investigators were working overtime to find evidence that Hillary Clinton is a closet Lesbian.Ē


02-20-2005, 08:44 PM
What is sad is that you probably have perused since MM mentioned a bet on the media to come up with such a lame satire.

02-20-2005, 08:45 PM

02-20-2005, 08:45 PM

you missed the joke, eh?

02-20-2005, 08:46 PM
What is sad is that you probably have perused since MM mentioned a bet on the media to come up with such a lame satire.

No, I just found it. Like I said earlier, more is coming down the pike...

02-20-2005, 08:54 PM
you missed the joke, eh?
I missed the joke in your post title. Got the joke in the article. If you ask me, a pretty amatuer job. There are so many jokes possible and the author really didn't get them.

Like he was a tutor for Chaney's children (irony on many levels), was a San Francisco based energy consultant, the box on Bush's back was the receiver a remote control vibrator, Bush can't stand straight because he's not, etc.

Sorry, thought it was a lackluster performance.

02-21-2005, 09:42 AM
I'm looking forward to her full-on meltdown, Hel'n-style...ROFL

Baby Lee
02-21-2005, 09:45 AM
The media ARE reporting it: Gay Prostitute Sticks it to GWB...
Sticky, . . . rhymes with icky ick ICKY!!!

02-21-2005, 10:50 AM
Calm down baby lee!

You're gonna blow a Gannon, er, I mean a gasket!

Thig Lyfe
02-21-2005, 11:10 AM
It's amazing how incredibly little I care about this entire "story."

02-21-2005, 11:47 AM
Conservative Christian Groups Saddened By Liberals Treatment Of George W. Bush's Gay Prostitute

Written by Chuck Terzella

"Let's Just Move On to the Issue of Me Smoking Dope and Let The Man Whore Go."
Conservative Christian Groups are reportedly ďshocked and saddenedĒ by the treatment fellow Gay Conservative Republican Jeff Gannon is receiving from the Liberal Press. Mr. Gannon, whose real name is James Guckert, has recently been the target of numerous informal investigations by various news services and independent web bloggers. It has been recently revealed that the erstwhile reporter for Talon News Service and GOPUSA, both owned by Texas businessman and major Bush contributor James Eberle and who is well known amongst reporters in the White House press pool for his softball questions to Administration Press Secretaries Scott McClellen and Ari Fleischer as well as President Bush himself, has been leading a double life as a Gay prostitute and Conservative Christian/ Republican web commentator.

Festus P. Hymen of Billings, Montana, a rabid Bush supporter and a self described Conservative Christian recently said in an interview, ďI think itís terrible what these damned Liberals are doing to a good man. After all, we Christians believe that God made Mr. Guckert a homosexual as well as a Conservative and itís sad that these Democrats canít just live and let live. As for the Gay prostitution issue I say hell, a manís gotta make a living so he can tithe properly donít he? If Mr. Guckertís diddling Army soldiers for cash helps the Church then whatís wrong with it? Itís not like he donít believe in Family Values or votes Democrat or anything sinful like that.Ē

Mr. Guckert has denied that his use of a nom de plume had anything to do with an attempt to hide his homosexual prostitution website from the either the White House or his employer Mr. Eberle, saying rather that he felt Guckert was too hard for Republicans to pronounce or spell. Mr. Erbl...Earbl...uh, Eberle, speaking from his Texas Republican Headquarters said, ďWell, sure, I believe that. Guckert is too hard to remember; itís not like he had a name that was easy to remember like mine. I mean, try saying it yourself; which is easier, Ďthat Gay Prostitute Guckertí or Ďthat Gay Prostitute Gannoní?Ē

President Bush has long said that he supports the rights of Gay Prostitutes to have access to sensitive White House documents such as those relating to former CIA agent Valerie Plame, which Mr. Guckert apparently had. The Administration is also well known for itís support of Gay Rights and has spearheaded efforts to legalize Gay Christian Prostitution in southern Red States, believing that once Liberal Blue States see that no harm comes out of it in places like Alabama and Mississippi then socially intolerant and backward states like New York and California will realize that their fear of Homosexuals are unfounded.

I'm not sure this is satire...


02-21-2005, 12:01 PM
I'm not sure this is satire...

I'm not sure you have opposable thumbs...

02-21-2005, 12:10 PM
And you have no sense of irony...

Wait, do you call yourself a conservative and a Bush republican?

If so, I was totally wrong...

02-21-2005, 12:47 PM
I'm not sure you have opposable thumbs...ROFL