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View Full Version : What would you say to me...


Ultra Peanut
03-01-2005, 06:45 AM
If I told you that not only could you get this fine, hand-crafted chair, but also another one with it free, for the low, low price of $19.87? That's in 100% American currency! Sure, you may doubt that my intentions are pure now, as I'm a total stranger and you have no reason to trust me at face value, but you simply must believe me when I tell you this.

My primary -- heck, my only -- objective is to provide you with amazingly high quality furniture at amazingly low cost to you, and I mean that in both the financial and moral sense. No, sir, we're not in the business of swindling people or bringing you into some crazy demon scheme intended to bring you down and feel awful about yourself and the world in general. The only thing you'll be able to call sybaritic about our supposed "scheme" is the furniture.

Why, look here. If it isn't good ol' John Cramnew! He's a repeat customer, and he's here to show you how great things are when you deal with a fine, upstanding bunch of people whose whole aim is to give you the comfort you need at a price that will make your head spin; and I meant that head spinning comment in a completely good way, not in a The Exorcist way! Right, Mr. Cramnew?







Indeed, Mr. Cramnew! When you get your chairs, you'll not only be able to sit down in style and luxury, you'll also be joining a big, happy family! A family that is totally devoted to being nice to you. Not like your real family. Nooo sir, no verbal lashings or physical bruises for you here! Just a good, clean family, happily toiling to make you feel like you're sitting on a cloud or in the sea or somesuch metaphorical phrase that sounds quite good to the ears of fine folk such as yourselves.

Why are we doing this? Why do we keep working so hard to bring a joyous sitting experience to so many, hopefully including yourself? Because that's why I was put on the Planet, and that's why we all were put on this Planet! If we weren't put here with your happiness and comfort in mind, we'd be throwing our lives away, and for what? A mere $19.87 per chair pair? That would be pathetic.

Ahem.

We are far from pathetic, as our smiling faces will gleefully attest!

Even if you don't feel up to using your ticket to paradise now -- and you would be silly to turn me down even if you have doubts about the workmanship of our products (don't be ridiculous) or our trustworthiness (I said don't be ridiculous) -- we hope you do eventually realize what bliss you'll be passing up if you don't take this offer and ride it like a mule on the way to the top of some huge hypothetical mountain of pleasure. If you don't, we hope you buy our stuff anyways.

Good day.

Skip Towne
03-01-2005, 06:50 AM
I would never call you sybaritic. I don't know what it means.

the Talking Can
03-01-2005, 06:51 AM
would someone read this and tell me if its funny?

Ultra Peanut
03-01-2005, 06:56 AM
There is certainly nothing "funny" about this offer, sir, and there is absolutely no need to stoop to such rude language.

I hope you consider the above post to be sufficiently compelling enough to convince you of the rather obvious benefits of making such an easy purchase that will more than repay itself in the span of literally minutes, but sadly, some are led astray by such things as mistrust or arrogance or even hatred; being led astray, however, is still no excuse for such an insulting response.

Skip Towne
03-01-2005, 07:01 AM
There is certainly nothing "funny" about this offer, sir, and there is absolutely no need to stoop to such rude language.

I hope you consider the above post to be sufficiently compelling enough to convince you of the rather obvious benefits of making such an easy purchase that will more than repay itself in the span of literally minutes, but sadly, some are led astray by such things as mistrust or arrogance or even hatred; being led astray, however, is still no excuse for such an insulting response.
Arrogance, that's me. I'm a KU fan.

stumppy
03-01-2005, 07:05 AM
Get off my yard!!!:cuss:









Damn kids.

Ultra Peanut
03-01-2005, 09:20 AM
Get off my yard!!!:cuss:









Damn kids.I am most certainly not in your yard, good sir.

I will admit, however, that I could bring you much delight if you simply purchased the pair of chairs I've offered you for the bordering-on-insanely low price of $19.87 in American money.

Ebolapox
03-01-2005, 01:08 PM
ROFL

I have no f*cking clue what the f*ck this is about

-EB-

Phobia
03-01-2005, 01:12 PM
How many chairs can I get for tree fiddy?

Ultra Peanut
03-01-2005, 01:44 PM
We make our chairs using only the finest quality wood from the finest quality trees.

Scaga
03-01-2005, 01:49 PM
I'll take four...
Send the bill to Phobia.

Ultra Peanut
03-01-2005, 01:55 PM
I am honored to be providing you with the best of the best when it comes to cheap, comfortable chairs that can cure common complaints casually!

pink
03-01-2005, 04:21 PM
hey, isn't there some unwritten bylaw about spamming other planeteers by asking them to buy your stuff?

ENDelt260
03-01-2005, 04:25 PM
hey, isn't there some unwritten bylaw about spamming other planeteers by asking them to buy your stuff?
I'm sure Psicosis has fulfilled the necessary requirement.

He probably didn't even realize it would allow him to spam before he performed.

beavis
03-01-2005, 04:26 PM
Arrogance, that's me. I'm a KU fan.
Well it's good to see you finally admit it.

You old ****er.

Phobia
03-01-2005, 04:26 PM
I'm sure Psicosis has fulfilled the necessary requirement.

He probably didn't even realize it would allow him to spam before he performed.

Not before he turned 18. I SWEAR!!!!

Inspector
03-01-2005, 04:28 PM
Man, I've just got to get me some of them chairs!

I can't wait to cure common complaints casually.

Heck I'll even try to relieve extraordinary pressures in a relaxed manner too.

ENDelt260
03-01-2005, 04:28 PM
Not before he turned 18. I SWEAR!!!!
Yeah, right.

10 years from now when Psi is hooked on crank, it's on your head.

pink
03-01-2005, 04:29 PM
Yeah, right.

10 years from now when Psi is hooked on crank, it's on your head.
i hope that statement isn't literal. ewww