View Full Version : The definitive Hartwell thread

03-18-2005, 08:05 PM
The definitive Ed Hartwell thread. Designed to consolidate weeks of Hartwell talk into one thread.

This is sort of like those choose-your-own-adventure books.


Page 1

Hartwell is a free agent.
He's a pretty good linebacker.
The teams that might be in the running are KC, SEA, ATL, CIN, and CLE.
He's an upgrade for KC

Which take would you like to offer?

-"we should sign him"
-"we would have already signed him but Carl is a cheapass"
-"the hell with him because he's 'all about the money' (tm)"
-"we should spend the money on Law/Surtain/another CB"
-"Eric Hicks sucks"

The take you offer is irrelevant because this is an internet message board. Move on to page 2.


Page 2:

Morten Athan of warpaintscouttalk.com says Hartwell is about to sign with the Toldeo Tainthawks. What do you do?

-"Start an OMG LOOK AT THIS" thread and post the article
-Wait until there's a thread about it on the Star BB and then post claiming you heard it on ESPN radio
-Cite an unnamed 'inside source' and post some cryptic information
-Remind everyone that Carl's a cheapass and only cares about filling the seats
-Remind everyone that we don't need him because we have Keyaron Fox.

None of these matter either. Move on to page 3.


Page 3:

Hartwell signs. Did he sign with...

-The Chiefs? (keep reading)
-Someone else (go on to page 4)

So he signed with the Chiefs. What do you do now?

-Proclaim the Chiefs the Champions of Super Bowls XXXX, XXXXI, XXXXII, and XXXXIV (we might miss one after Green retires and before Ted White makes his comeback)
-Post a profanity-laced tirade about the financial terms of the deal that were not disclosed
-Post a profanity-laced tirade about not getting a corner first
-Post that Rich Scanlon is getting no respect and that he's tearing it up for the Glasgow Gout in NFLE

Go to page 5.


Page 4:

Hartwell signed with someone else.

-Post that we didn't want him anyway because he had turf toe in college and is therefore injury prone
-Demand that we get the Surtain deal done NOW
-Tell everyone that you're not renewing your supposed season tickets.
-Post a thread entitled "**** YOU CARL, **** YOU!!"

Go to page 5.


Page 5:

What do we do now?

-Sign a corner
-Draft a corner
-Sign a DE
-Draft a DE
-Demand Mike Williams
-Demand Matt Roth
-We're doomed anyway because Carl will screw up the draft
-Realize that 3 or 4 acquisitions aren't going to make the existing players look that much better and they still have to nut up and play like men for us to get anywhere.
-All of the above


That about covers it. Hope it saves everyone some time :thumb:

03-18-2005, 09:36 PM
Well done! About covers everything cept' for the 'Post a thread that turns into a heated debate' about whether Hartwell or Bell should play Middle..

03-18-2005, 10:01 PM
If this is the definitive, where's the official?

03-18-2005, 11:23 PM
You missed the end of page 5:

The take you offer is irrelevant because this is an internet message board. Go throw yourself off a bridge.