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ENDelt260
03-27-2005, 04:02 PM
I have a story to share... if the search function wasn't disabled, I'd find some old pickup lines thread to post it in... but, f*ck it. It's the offseason, what's another silly thread, right?

So, last night my neighbor and I cleaned up and went to a more higher class drinking establishment than we're used to. A few drinks in, an older gal approaches us and says, "My daughter wants to meet you." She brings her daughter over, I shake her hand, and say, "So, your mom tells me we make you moist in the crotch."

The mom slapped me, the daughter was horrified, I laughed my ass off.

Share your most creative lines. Or something. I mostly just wanted to tell my story.

Braincase
03-27-2005, 04:04 PM
You are evil. Let me know when you need a minion.

Bowser
03-27-2005, 04:09 PM
ROFL


The best one I've ever heard was never actually used by me, but used on my wife. She was out with her friends getting all schnockered, when this lone guy aproaches the table and asks the girls all one by one "Are you just here to get drunk, or do you want to get laid, too?" She sid they were all so shocked by the bluntness, that they all just laughed the guy off. Pretty ballsy. And if you live by the law of averages, I bet that guy got laid that night.

Skip Towne
03-27-2005, 04:09 PM
I'll bet those women are telling their friends about the trailer trash that showed up at "the club" last night.

HolmeZz
03-27-2005, 04:15 PM
Do you wash your clothes with Windex? 'Cuz I can see myself in your pants.

ENDelt260
03-27-2005, 04:18 PM
"Are you just here to get drunk, or do you want to get laid, too?"

Sounds like something I might say.

The over the top stuff is fun conversation starter. If they're real uptight they're just gonna get offended and go away. I figure you save a lot of time that way. Anyone who's any fun at all will laugh and hang out for awhile.

ENDelt260
03-27-2005, 04:19 PM
I'll bet those women are telling their friends about the trailer trash that showed up at "the club" last night.
I clean up pretty well.

Additionally, the mom & daughter were originally from Mexico, MO. I think it's against the rules for them to call me trailer trash.

chiefs4me
03-27-2005, 04:52 PM
ROFL


The best one I've ever heard was never actually used by me, but used on my wife. She was out with her friends getting all schnockered, when this lone guy aproaches the table and asks the girls all one by one "Are you just here to get drunk, or do you want to get laid, too?" She sid they were all so shocked by the bluntness, that they all just laughed the guy off. Pretty ballsy. And if you live by the law of averages, I bet that guy got laid that night.






OMG.....I have heard this one......:hmmm:

Jenny Gump
03-27-2005, 05:31 PM
When I was 19, I was a cocktail waitress at a local drinking establishment. I had a thing for this man that used to come in with all of his friends. He had flirted with me, but was a little bit shy, and his friends were trying to nudge him to make a move. I helped him along a little one night. He went to the bathroom and I told his friends that I was going to play a joke on him and to play along. They agreed.

When he got back, I had a blow-job shot behind my back. I approached the table sort of shy-like and told him there was something kind of embarassing I wanted to talk to him about. In front of his friends I explained that I thought he was really cute, and for a while now, there was something I had been wanting to ask him. I asked him if he wouldn't mind, I would really like to give him a blow-job.

He got very red faced and kind of looked at his friends, and trying to play it cool said "Well..umm...uh....ok." I set the shot glass down in front of him, smiled, winked, and walked away. His friends laughed their asses off, and it was a hell of an ice breaker.

Braincase
03-27-2005, 05:32 PM
When I was 19, I was a cocktail waitress at a local drinking establishment. I had a thing for this man that used to come in with all of his friends. He had flirted with me, but was a little bit shy, and his friends were trying to nudge him to make a move. I helped him along a little one night. He went to the bathroom and I told his friends that I was going to play a joke on him and to play along. They agreed.

When he got back, I had a blow-job shot behind my back. I approached the table sort of shy-like and told him there was something kind of embarassing I wanted to talk to him about. In front of his friends I explained that I thought he was really cute, and for a while now, there was something I had been wanting to ask him. I asked him if he wouldn't mind, I would really like to give him a blow-job.

He got very red faced and kind of looked at his friends, and trying to play it cool said "Well..umm...uh....ok." I set the shot glass down in front of him, smiled, winked, and walked away. His friends laughed their asses off, and it was a hell of an ice breaker.


Hey, um, I like 'em too!

Mastashake
03-27-2005, 05:37 PM
One of my friends was at a gas station when a woman pulled up getting gas beside him. So he asked her if she wanted to go in the bathroom of the gas station and do it. Needless to say she didn't say anything, but the funny part was how they both had to sit there another few minutes to wait for the gas to stop...lol.

And to the OP, you handled the situation well. Any woman who needs their mom to introduce them needs to be burnt like a piece of toast. Same with the BJ guy.

Mastashake

Demonpenz
03-27-2005, 05:39 PM
I hear that new prescription really has lessened your herpies outbreaks or the standard hey C*nt!

Demonpenz
03-27-2005, 05:43 PM
I actually had a dude get in my face because these girls 3 weeks ago were playing darts. They thought where you put the coins saving the next game was where you start the game. I told them hey you put the quarters in the 25 cent slot tits for brains. They called me an asshole and got their boyfriend over there or whatever. I just told him if he is going to kick my ass make sure he does it right away because i can't stand people who are all show and no go. He didn't really say anything but the girls kept on saying things to me like I DON'T CARE YOU ARE UGLY bla bla bla to me and I thought to myself how freaking insecure do you have to be to go off the deep end because some dude insulted you.

Bowser
03-27-2005, 05:59 PM
I actually had a dude get in my face because these girls 3 weeks ago were playing darts. They thought where you put the coins saving the next game was where you start the game. I told them hey you put the quarters in the 25 cent slot tits for brains. They called me an asshole and got their boyfriend over there or whatever. I just told him if he is going to kick my ass make sure he does it right away because i can't stand people who are all show and no go. He didn't really say anything but the girls kept on saying things to me like I DON'T CARE YOU ARE UGLY bla bla bla to me and I thought to myself how freaking insecure do you have to be to go off the deep end because some dude insulted you.

So did that pickup line work?

Mastashake
03-27-2005, 06:08 PM
I actually had a dude get in my face because these girls 3 weeks ago were playing darts. They thought where you put the coins saving the next game was where you start the game. I told them hey you put the quarters in the 25 cent slot tits for brains. They called me an asshole and got their boyfriend over there or whatever. I just told him if he is going to kick my ass make sure he does it right away because i can't stand people who are all show and no go. He didn't really say anything but the girls kept on saying things to me like I DON'T CARE YOU ARE UGLY bla bla bla to me and I thought to myself how freaking insecure do you have to be to go off the deep end because some dude insulted you.

I said something to that effect once to a guy who was like 210 and I'm only 150. He looked at me like I was crazy, and then talked some smack and moved on.

I think it freaked him out, like I had something to hide which would allow me to kick his ass.

I'd say the best part about your story is those guys will be spineless in the tits er... brians of their women. They probably got sooo much crap it wasn't funny.

Mastashake

Rain Man
03-27-2005, 06:13 PM
I actually had a dude get in my face because these girls 3 weeks ago were playing darts. They thought where you put the coins saving the next game was where you start the game. I told them hey you put the quarters in the 25 cent slot tits for brains. They called me an asshole and got their boyfriend over there or whatever. I just told him if he is going to kick my ass make sure he does it right away because i can't stand people who are all show and no go. He didn't really say anything but the girls kept on saying things to me like I DON'T CARE YOU ARE UGLY bla bla bla to me and I thought to myself how freaking insecure do you have to be to go off the deep end because some dude insulted you.

Big mistake. If the guy was out on a date with three girlfriends at once, he's somebody you want to become pals with.

Mastashake
03-27-2005, 06:19 PM
Big mistake. If the guy was out on a date with three girlfriends at once, he's somebody you want to become pals with.

Five bucks says he was one of those losers who women don't look at as anything more than just a friend, but he hangs on senselessly thinking he'll get some play. If they didn't say it was their boyfriend, I can tell you right now he wasn't.

But that's just from what I've noticed about this kind of stuff.

Mastashake

chiefs4me
03-27-2005, 06:19 PM
I actually had a dude get in my face because these girls 3 weeks ago were playing darts. They thought where you put the coins saving the next game was where you start the game. I told them hey you put the quarters in the 25 cent slot tits for brains. They called me an asshole and got their boyfriend over there or whatever. I just told him if he is going to kick my ass make sure he does it right away because i can't stand people who are all show and no go. He didn't really say anything but the girls kept on saying things to me like I DON'T CARE YOU ARE UGLY bla bla bla to me and I thought to myself how freaking insecure do you have to be to go off the deep end because some dude insulted you.






Sounds like you are a real keeper.....:rolleyes:

Saulbadguy
03-27-2005, 06:24 PM
"Are you going to be walking to your car alone later?"

chiefs4me
03-27-2005, 06:43 PM
"Are you going to be walking to your car alone later?"





ROFL.......I am still smiling

Judge Smails
03-27-2005, 06:48 PM
In college we had a party at our house that got broke up by the law. Everybody steamed out the back door through the alley, but since it was my house and I was of age, I pulled down the tailgate on my truck and sat down until the madness passed. One reasonable attractive girl lingered in the back yard so I started up a conversation with her and it was going quite well, when quite suddenly I had to throw up. There was no going into the house, it was here and now. She stayed through my show of the day's meals, and actually gave me here number when she did leave.

Spicy McHaggis
03-27-2005, 06:53 PM
I have an associate who likes to take a sip of whatever he's drinking, look critically at the beverage and say "Mmmm, nice body." Then he looks at the girl next to him and says something stupid like "You're not bad yourself" We always want to kick him the nuts when he does it but it actually worked once. So he's like 1 for 79,964.

Skip Towne
03-27-2005, 07:05 PM
Five bucks says he was one of those losers who women don't look at as anything more than just a friend, but he hangs on senselessly thinking he'll get some play. If they didn't say it was their boyfriend, I can tell you right now he wasn't.

But that's just from what I've noticed about this kind of stuff.

Mastashake
Thank you for bestowing on us the benefit of your vast experience. It's not often us Planeteers get advice from a 21 year old who knows it all.

Over-Head
03-27-2005, 07:08 PM
I was in Boston once, not in a real good mood to begin with, and after unloading my semi, I ended up in this little flea trap bar.
Now after th first hour I figured out right quick that it ya couldn’t get laid in this bar, your were queer, or just not interested.
Anyway, after a few too many J.D’s, this real hot looking gal orders something while standing beside me.
Un known to me damn near every guy in the bar had tried one line or another, and like I said I was in a foul mood anyway, so I already blew her off twice.
She looks at me and says, “So trucker, are ya gonna be the only one in here who doesn’t give me some line?”
I dropped my empty glass to the bar top, looked at her , and said.
“Are you available and do you swallow?”
She looked stunned for a second, then shook her head, grabbed my arm and said, let’s go get something to eat.
Next thing I knew we were at a steak house doing Tequila shots at 3 am.

TRUE STORY, the bartender told me the next day, he damn near spit out his drink when I came up with it.

stumppy
03-27-2005, 07:18 PM
A few years ago, I went out for a few drinks and to see what i could pick up. I got a late start and didn't end up at the bar until about an hour before closing time. By that time about every girl in the place was already being hit on or wasn't worth the trouble. I noticed this one girl walking around the place a couple times and made eye contact, got a smile out of her then she went back to the other side of the bar. Anyways, before I knew it the bartenders were yelling last call. I'm thinking 'fuggit, shouldn't have got here so late'. The lights come on, I grab my jacket, down my beer and head for the door. Then I notice her standing in front of the juke box checking out the play list. I figure WTF, so I walk up behind her, tap her on the shoulder, she turns around smiles and I say ' looks like your it'.
She looked me up and down and said ' let me grab my purse'.

PastorMikH
03-27-2005, 07:33 PM
I'm married. My line consists of, "Hey, you still awake?"

CanadaKC
03-27-2005, 07:43 PM
"Come on...let's stop sweating the petty things and start petting the sweaty things"

luv
03-27-2005, 07:56 PM
"Come on...let's stop sweating the petty things and start petting the sweaty things"
ROFL

elvomito
03-27-2005, 07:57 PM
alwayz wondered about this one:
What you got back home, little sister, to play your fuzzy warbles on?

ChiefsFire
03-27-2005, 08:24 PM
all I have to do is slap on a fire dept. t shirt and its chicksgalore.......it gets old some nights...but oh well...

chiefs4me
03-27-2005, 08:59 PM
all I have to do is slap on a fire dept. t shirt and its chicksgalore.......it gets old some nights...but oh well...


:rolleyes:


















;)

Mr. Kotter
03-27-2005, 10:26 PM
I've got a buddy who when he's out with his wife, at a bar.....or another public event (usually one that includes alcohol).....when he sees a hot lookin' girl, he will lean over to his wife and say:

"I'm gonna fugg her tonight; but I'm gonna use your vagina to do it."

True story. He and his wife are a hoot. ROFL

Earthling
03-27-2005, 10:46 PM
I use two different lines that are both quite successful.


If I'm in the South.."I'm your daddy."

Everywhere else...."Keep quiet and you won't get hurt."



j/k..really

CosmicPal
03-27-2005, 10:54 PM
all I have to do is slap on a fire dept. t shirt and its chicksgalore.......it gets old some nights...but oh well...

I remember I had a Yale sweatshirt. It was a navy blue sweatshirt and wore it to a bar one night. It was an absolute chick magnet. Never have I had so many gals hit on me as those nights I wore that Yale sweatshirt in a bar. Ended up giving it to an old girlfriend who looked so hot wearing nothng but that sweatshirt on some nights.

KCChiefsMan
03-27-2005, 11:11 PM
I've used this one on many different occasions with varied results:

"whats up shorty, what's you talkin' 'bout tonight? talkin' bout' thangs or what?"

I've hung out with a lot of brothas and it works really well for them because around here chicks dig black guys, but for me most usually either laugh and want to chat, but some have actually been really offended by that because I called them shorty

KCChiefsMan
03-27-2005, 11:18 PM
I also like this one when I'm in a conversation with a girl:

"okay okay, thats enough about you....now what about me?"

recycle
03-27-2005, 11:45 PM
The best one I've ever heard was never actually used by me, but used on my wife. She was out with her friends getting all schnockered, when this lone guy aproaches the table and asks the girls all one by one "Are you just here to get drunk, or do you want to get laid, too?" She sid they were all so shocked by the bluntness, that they all just laughed the guy off. Pretty ballsy. And if you live by the law of averages, I bet that guy got laid that night.
yep. that's what this site is about:
http://www.pickupguide.com/

Rausch
03-28-2005, 12:15 AM
I have a story to share... if the search function wasn't disabled, I'd find some old pickup lines thread to post it in... but, f*ck it. It's the offseason, what's another silly thread, right?

So, last night my neighbor and I cleaned up and went to a more higher class drinking establishment than we're used to. A few drinks in, an older gal approaches us and says, "My daughter wants to meet you." She brings her daughter over, I shake her hand, and say, "So, your mom tells me we make you moist in the crotch."

The mom slapped me, the daughter was horrified, I laughed my ass off.

Share your most creative lines. Or something. I mostly just wanted to tell my story.

I remember being don't-give-a-****-Tucker-drunk one night and when a girl asked me what I found attrative in a woman I answered "less than 3 abortions. 4 Tops. I have standards..."

Joe Seahawk
03-28-2005, 12:18 AM
I need someone really bad... Are you really bad?

ENDelt260
03-28-2005, 12:41 AM
I remember being don't-give-a-****-Tucker-drunk one night and when a girl asked me what I found attrative in a woman I answered "less than 3 abortions. 4 Tops. I have standards..."
Hahahahaha!! Awesome.

Rausch
03-28-2005, 12:47 AM
Hahahahaha!! Awesome.

Not really.

It was cold and she threw her drink on me.

mcan
03-28-2005, 01:16 AM
I was at a Kareoke bar when I sat down next to a girl that I'd seen before at a party but hadn't really broken the ice with that night. I had the song book with me, and right off the top my head I said, "Can you help me? I want to sing something, but I'm illiterate." She laughed out loud and pretended to help me out...

A week later she was at my apartment watching 28 Days Later, and told me that Adam Sandler used that move in "50 First Dates." And here I was thinking that I was being original... :rolleyes:

DenverChief
03-28-2005, 01:50 AM
I'm married. My line consists of, "Hey, you still awake?" ROFL