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View Full Version : Masturbating with Margarine


begbie
03-29-2005, 07:57 AM
What a twat! Dude gets caught wanking in store with butter

Teen charged for masturbating with a tub of margarine in grocery store (http://www.thegreenrabbit.ca/content/view/198/50/)

on a serious note, has anyone ever pulled with butter/margarine?

Pennywise
03-29-2005, 08:10 AM
Before blowing a nut he should have screamed 'I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS NOT BUTTER!!'

wutamess
03-29-2005, 08:11 AM
:hmmm:
No sir can't say I have.

Maybe this should've been specific question for EnDelt.

ENDelt260
03-29-2005, 08:12 AM
Just don't use Crisco. It's shortening.

dilligaf
03-29-2005, 08:23 AM
Just don't use Crisco. It's shortening.
I cant afford that. :banghead:

cookster50
03-29-2005, 08:25 AM
Fake story. Funny though!

alpha_omega
03-29-2005, 08:48 AM
Sounds like a good reason to quit eating margarine or butter.

NJ Chief Fan
03-29-2005, 08:51 AM
LOL @ the i cant believe its not butter comment

ChiefJustice
03-29-2005, 08:54 AM
This is why i have a life-time ban from Red Lobster

Jeez,what does it take to impress a girl on a blind date?

Saulbadguy
03-29-2005, 09:06 AM
This reminds me of that Dane Cook joke.

begbie
03-29-2005, 09:26 AM
i once had a mate cut out the bottom of a popcorn bag and stick his todger through it on a first date... he never seen the girl again

ChiTown
03-29-2005, 10:33 AM
i once had a mate cut out the bottom of a popcorn bag and stick his todger through it on a first date... he never seen the girl again

You gotta be kidding me. I knew a kid who did this as well. He was an 8th grader, and we were at the old Fine Arts theater in Fairway, KS.

He had alerted us of his idea so we could get a good idea of what was going to happen. Dude had a huge member, so it wasn't like she was going to be grabbing for a Junior Mint on her surprise reach. He asked her to go get him a coke after they got their seat. When she left, he slid his johnson through the bottom of the card bard box. Upon her return and the movie starting, she finally got the prize. Stunned and grabbing something other than popcorn, she looked into the box and screamed. ROFL OMG! It was hilarious. He had to stick his hand over her mouth and calm her down before the usher came down the aisle to inquire wtf was gong on.

She settled down and stayed for the movie. Apparently, she unloaded a bit of his man-butter after the show - none of it hit the popcorn..........

Rain Man
03-29-2005, 10:46 AM
Kids today are so lazy. I mean, the Vaseline is what, two, maybe three aisles down? Come on.

keg in kc
03-29-2005, 10:49 AM
Hey, I'll try anything once. Well, almost anything.

Ebolapox
03-29-2005, 11:17 AM
ROFL

sounds like a good time to break out the ole' "don't knock it til' you've tried it"... but that just doesn't sound right

-EB-

keg in kc
03-29-2005, 11:42 AM
"Spank the monkey" will soon be replaced by "Pound some parkay".

Sorry fellas, gotta run. Have this urge to churn some butter.

Mark M
03-29-2005, 11:43 AM
I don't know what's more disturbing ... the fact someone posted this thread, or the fact I opened it.

MM
~~:eek:

bkkcoh
03-29-2005, 11:44 AM
"Spank the monkey" will soon be replaced by "Pound some parkay".

Sorry fellas, gotta run. Have this urge to churn some butter.

You will never think of Churn style butter the same any more...... :thumb:

Hopefully, they wont ever make tub butter with Protein.... Calcium is enough..... Especiall with this topic.

keg in kc
03-29-2005, 11:46 AM
I don't know what's more disturbing ... the fact someone posted this thread, or the fact I opened it.Oh please, what guy could possibly resist a header like "Masturbating with Margarine"?

Mark M
03-29-2005, 11:48 AM
Oh please, what guy could possibly resist a header like "Masturbating with Margarine"?
A eunich?

MM
~~:spock:

whoman69
03-29-2005, 12:40 PM
When you think its butter, but its not. It sploogedon.

Alton deFlat
03-29-2005, 12:50 PM
If it was beer me, I'd say he was just trying to lube it up, so he could shave his scrotum.

begbie
03-29-2005, 01:08 PM
You gotta be kidding me. I knew a kid who did this as well. He was an 8th grader, and we were at the old Fine Arts theater in Fairway, KS.

He had alerted us of his idea so we could get a good idea of what was going to happen. Dude had a huge member, so it wasn't like she was going to be grabbing for a Junior Mint on her surprise reach. He asked her to go get him a coke after they got their seat. When she left, he slid his johnson through the bottom of the card bard box. Upon her return and the movie starting, she finally got the prize. Stunned and grabbing something other than popcorn, she looked into the box and screamed. ROFL OMG! It was hilarious. He had to stick his hand over her mouth and calm her down before the usher came down the aisle to inquire wtf was gong on.

She settled down and stayed for the movie. Apparently, she unloaded a bit of his man-butter after the show - none of it hit the popcorn..........

An 8th grader with a huge member?

Mark M
03-29-2005, 01:14 PM
An 8th grader with a huge member?

And how did ChiTown know that ... ?

MM
~~:eek:

ChiTown
03-29-2005, 01:23 PM
And how did ChiTown know that ... ?

MM
~~:eek:

I must have been the only kid EVER to see another kids penis in grade school. I really feel like a gay martian right now.
TinkyWinky

The kids nickname was Holmes. No shit.

Mark M
03-29-2005, 01:25 PM
I really feel like a gay martian right now.
TinkyWinky
As you should.

Once again, my work here is done.

MM
~~:p

bogie
03-29-2005, 01:34 PM
Remember Last Tango in Paris? Brando lubed a gals back side with butter. I think it was Johnny Carson that said, "everythings better with Blue Bonnet on it"

Count Alex's Losses
03-29-2005, 01:40 PM
There's a "mooooove over butter" joke in there somewhere.

bkkcoh
03-29-2005, 01:41 PM
I must have been the only kid EVER to see another kids penis in grade school. I really feel like a gay martian right now.
TinkyWinky

The kids nickname was Holmes. No shit.


ChiTown,

You could have just said in the locker room after football or basketball practice, but I guess that wouldn't have been much better.....


One of those things in which you probably wish you hadn't ever typed. :banghead:

keg in kc
03-29-2005, 01:44 PM
Gives a whole new meaning to buttering somebody up.

ChiTown
03-29-2005, 01:54 PM
ChiTown,

You could have just said in the locker room after football or basketball practice, but I guess that wouldn't have been much better.....


One of those things in which you probably wish you hadn't ever typed. :banghead:

Nah, actually it was worse than that.

I saw the dude's pepe when I was waiting to take a turn on Mark M's mom.............

Mark M
03-29-2005, 01:55 PM
Nah, actually it was worse than that.

I saw the dude's pepe when I was waiting to take a turn on Mark M's mom.............

ROFL ROFL ROFL

MM
~~:clap:

bkkcoh
03-29-2005, 01:55 PM
Nah, actually it was worse than that.

I saw the dude's pepe when I was waiting to take a turn on Mark M's mom.............


ChiTown,

That is wrong on many levels.... :clap:

keg in kc
03-29-2005, 02:00 PM
Other kids sold lemonade, but Mark M had bigger dreams.

Mark M
03-29-2005, 02:04 PM
Other kids sold lemonade, but Mark M had bigger dreams.
Smaller ones when ChiTown came over ...

MM
~~:)

keg in kc
03-29-2005, 02:06 PM
Smaller ones when ChiTown came over ...You admit to dreams of ChiTown?

So, uh, Mark, you, uh, didn't think that one through before you posted it, did you?

ChiTown
03-29-2005, 02:11 PM
You admit to dreams of ChiTown?

So, uh, Mark, you, uh, didn't think that one through before you posted it, did you?

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA there!

This is getting a bit too gay for me...............................NTTAWWT

Mark M
03-29-2005, 02:25 PM
You admit to dreams of ChiTown?

So, uh, Mark, you, uh, didn't think that one through before you posted it, did you?
Just saying that, when ChiTown came over, my dreams had to get smaller because I charged him less because he had a small penis and my mom would fall asleep half way through so I would have to wait until a real guy came over to charge more and ...

Ahhh ... fuq it.

MM
~~:banghead:

keg in kc
03-29-2005, 02:26 PM
Just saying that, when ChiTown came over, my dreams had to get smaller because I charged him less because he had a small penisI think that about sums it up. We always thought you two maybe had a "special" sort of relationship; now we know.

Calcountry
03-29-2005, 02:27 PM
And how did ChiTown know that ... ?

MM
~~:eek:Uhm, look at his avatar, dude spanking and it reads, "Taking care of biness."

Mark M
03-29-2005, 02:27 PM
I think that about sums it up. We always thought you two maybe had a "special" sort of relationship; now we know.

QUOTE ABUSE!!

MM
~~:cuss:

ChiTown
03-29-2005, 02:31 PM
Just saying that, when ChiTown came over, my dreams had to get smaller because I charged him less because he had a small penis and my mom would fall asleep half way through so I would have to wait until a real guy came over to charge more and ...

Ahhh ... fuq it.

MM
~~:banghead:

Look, I don't mind being called gay, but I'll be gadamned if someone's gonna say I have a small penis............................ ROFL

What the **** happened to this thread. wow.

Mark M
03-29-2005, 02:33 PM
Look, I don't mind being called gay, but I'll be gadamned if someone's gonna say I have a small penis............................ ROFL

ROFL

What the **** happened to this thread. wow.
Who the hell knows, but it's damn funny.

Of course, I'll bet ya that chiefs4me will be along any second to say that she saved it from dying ...

MM
~~:LOL:

keg in kc
03-29-2005, 02:34 PM
Of course, I'll bet ya that chiefs4me will be along any second to say that she saved it from dying ......and that her magic touch could turn ChiTown's lil-smoky into a footlong wonder dog.

begbie
07-20-2005, 02:48 PM
wow thats cool

MOhillbilly
07-20-2005, 03:03 PM
i use flies

chiefz
07-20-2005, 03:06 PM
Naomi says she’s flattered and disgusted by all this. “But mostly disgusted”, she adds.

rofl

Bootlegged
07-20-2005, 03:10 PM
I must have been the only kid EVER to see another kids penis in grade school. I really feel like a gay martian right now.
TinkyWinky

The kids nickname was Holmes. No shit.


You guys only called me Holmes thru 10th grade. I moved away that year and started my prosthetics business.

penguinz
07-20-2005, 03:14 PM
http://img311.imageshack.us/img311/3899/batmantvseriesbatmanrob2zk.png (http://www.imageshack.us)

ROYC75
07-20-2005, 03:17 PM
100 ways to use, make that a 101 ways to use margarine will hit the stands soon.

StcChief
07-20-2005, 04:21 PM
$1.5M year a spokesman for Imperial. This kid hit it big already.

Lzen
07-20-2005, 04:25 PM
Before blowing a nut he should have screamed 'I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS NOT BUTTER!!'

ROFL That's quality stuff right there.

Sam
07-20-2005, 04:34 PM
100 ways to use, make that a 101 ways to use margarine will hit the stands soon.

It could be 102, don't forget about the ladies and that margarine comes in sticks.

KC Kings
07-20-2005, 05:10 PM
This thread is worthless without.... nevermind.

bringbackmarty
07-20-2005, 05:12 PM
I knew of a guy who pounded raw poultry in a grocery store...now thats gross.

bringbackmarty
07-20-2005, 05:14 PM
This thread is worthless without.... nevermind.
sticks... sticks of butter.

WolfDawg
07-20-2005, 06:03 PM
GITER DONE!

mcfara
07-20-2005, 06:27 PM
hmm margarine...never thought of that one before

Count Alex's Losses
07-20-2005, 06:28 PM
I knew of a guy who pounded raw poultry in a grocery store...now thats gross.

Hey man pussy is pussy.

Tribal Warfare
07-20-2005, 06:57 PM
Damn and the other day a 14 year old kid was banging the shit out of a hot 23 year old teacher. This is another sign of the apocalypse

begbie
07-21-2005, 09:28 AM
Damn and the other day a 14 year old kid was banging the shit out of a hot 23 year old teacher. This is another sign of the apocalypse

tell me if you were that boy you wouldn't do the same?

Mecca
07-21-2005, 09:38 AM
I use to work in a grocery store so I've seen and or heard about some really messed up shit going on like this.

Such as the time an employee of said store, went in the milk cooler and proceded to take the top off a milk jug beat off into and put it back and on the rack. Yes someone bought it........

I have some more really screwed up grocery store stories if anyone cares to hear them...

Kerberos
07-21-2005, 09:54 AM
This thread is worthless without.... nevermind.


sticks... sticks of butter.


The only thing butter is good for is using with Duct Tape when you get a woman with EXTREMELY large breasts to come home with you.

Get her undressed, then pull out the Land'O'Lakes and the Duct Tape!

Then use those monsters to :whackit:



:D



.

Baby Lee
07-21-2005, 09:57 AM
The only thing butter is good for is using with Duct Tape when you get a woman with EXTREMELY large breasts to come home with you.

Get her undressed, then pull out the Land'O'Lakes and the Duct Tape!

Then use those monsters to :whackit:



:D



.
Swinging the bat for the upper decks.

Kerberos
07-21-2005, 09:59 AM
I use to work in a grocery store so I've seen and or heard about some really messed up shit going on like this.

Such as the time an employee of said store, went in the milk cooler and proceded to take the top off a milk jug beat off into and put it back and on the rack. Yes someone bought it........

I have some more really screwed up grocery store stories if anyone cares to hear them...



Girl I went to High School with would tell us in class about some of the ****ed up sh!t her boyfriend did at work.

They both worked at the local Sonic and she would tell us stories about him :whackit: on peoples hamburgers and mix it in whit the mayo.

Pick up a burger patty off the floor rub it on his schlonger and put it back on the bun and serve it.

I can't remember them all but I remember those two pretty well.

I have NOT eaten at the Sonic since then........EVER!



:Lin:





.

Kerberos
07-21-2005, 10:01 AM
Swinging the bat for the upper decks.


And ALWAYS looking for the SCORE daddy'O !


:D



.

Mecca
07-21-2005, 10:04 AM
Yea my tip is if your buying anything at the grocery store always look at the seals and make sure they aren't broken. Especially on things that are the color of any bodily fluid.

Ari Chi3fs
07-21-2005, 10:07 AM
Uhm, look at his avatar, dude spanking and it reads, "Taking care of biness."

ROFL!!!1

that owns.

Archie F. Swin
07-21-2005, 10:15 AM
"hey look, country cock"

Loki
07-21-2005, 10:27 AM
Before blowing a nut he should have screamed 'I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS NOT BUTTER!!'

lol

Loki
07-21-2005, 10:32 AM
Nah, actually it was worse than that.

I saw the dude's pepe when I was waiting to take a turn on Mark M's mom.............

dang.

lol...

bkkcoh
07-21-2005, 10:40 AM
Hey man pussy is pussy.


But that doesn't taste like chicken...... :hmmm:

skky man
07-21-2005, 10:41 AM
Well the whole butter thing is funny cuz me and the guys at work were talking about a female co-worker who and an ass that would make you cry and she was wild and crazy! She like for the guy to get cold butter out of the fridge and rub her rump with it and take care of business.

Mecca
07-21-2005, 10:58 AM
A guy I know once told us and I quote "Having sex with my wife is like screwing a jar of mayonaise". That analogy in many way's confuses me...... but it relates to the food topic.

Kerberos
07-21-2005, 11:04 AM
Hey man pussy is pussy.


And this quote is coming from a guy with a tremendous amount of experience.

Of course using your dog isn't the same, so saying Pussy is Pussy is in your mind, is ANYTHING the will actually let you in.

For the rest of us that term is kinda gross while we try and erase images of GoatCheese using Country Crock with his Cocker ..........................................................................Spaniel.


:D



.

Mecca
07-21-2005, 11:06 AM
And this quote is coming from a guy with a tremendous amount of experience.

Of course using your dog isn't the same so saying Pussy is Pussy is in your mind something the will actually let you in.

For the rest of us that term is kinda gross while we try and erasen images of GoatCheese and using Country Crock with his Cocker ..........................................................................Spaniel.


:D



.


Thanks man guess I'll be skipping lunch today.....

Kerberos
07-21-2005, 12:49 PM
An 8th grader with a huge member?


Guy a year ahead of me in Jr.High had a schlong that hung down just short of his knees. When you ACTUALLY shower after football/basketball practice you actually see other men naked.

Sorry to say that when you see something like that it is HUMAN nature to take a double take ... at least the 1st time around!

Dude never had a hard time getting dates either ... word spreads pretty fast in a small town!


.

begbie
07-21-2005, 02:40 PM
Well the whole butter thing is funny cuz me and the guys at work were talking about a female co-worker who and an ass that would make you cry and she was wild and crazy! She like for the guy to get cold butter out of the fridge and rub her rump with it and take care of business.

that wuz probably me

bkkcoh
07-21-2005, 02:41 PM
A guy I know once told us and I quote "Having sex with my wife is like screwing a jar of mayonaise". That analogy in many way's confuses me...... but it relates to the food topic.

You should get the firsts, sloppy seconds are always that way, aren't they... :hmmm: :p

Tribal Warfare
07-21-2005, 06:45 PM
tell me if you were that boy you wouldn't do the same?


you missed the point of my comment a kid whose getting grade A ass, and another masturbating with margarine probably thinking about the teletubies or some other sick ass shit. It;s just the pure itony of the two stories hearing about it back to back,

Oh yeah I'd be all over that hot ass teacher like white on rice if I was that Tampa kid too. :D