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ENDelt260
04-08-2005, 12:25 PM
There's a Jeopardy contestant search in Phoenix tomorrow, and for s's and g's I'm gonna go. On my form I'm supposed to provide five interesting one liners about myself... for the part of the show after the commercial break when they talk to the contestants a little bit.

What should I tell Alex Trebek about me?

Iowanian
04-08-2005, 12:26 PM
You've climbed to the altitude of Mt Everest's summit.....One Belly at a time.

vailpass
04-08-2005, 12:28 PM
Once got busy in a Burger King bathroom

Robio9
04-08-2005, 12:28 PM
Going to the Phoenician, eh? Maybe I'll see you there. What time is your interview?

Ultra Peanut
04-08-2005, 12:29 PM
You have an amazing collection of Mayan artwork you found on an archaeological dig in Guatemala.

Iowanian
04-08-2005, 12:31 PM
You can Urinate your name in the snow in 5 languages.

ENDelt260
04-08-2005, 12:32 PM
Going to the Phoenician, eh? Maybe I'll see you there. What time is your interview?
9am. I plan to be hungover.

Or, I could do like I did when I tried out for the college tournament back in 2000... stay up all night drinking and show up drunk.

Phobia
04-08-2005, 12:32 PM
You visit Mexico frequently in search of reasonably priced, artistic specimens from the 70's and 80's.

Ultra Peanut
04-08-2005, 12:32 PM
You learned Swahili in the back of a taxi cab on the afternoon of Thursday, July 10th, 1997. You can speak it fluently despite never studying it at any other point in time.

big nasty kcnut
04-08-2005, 12:35 PM
You master the art of butt reading people future.

Phobia
04-08-2005, 12:37 PM
You master the art of butt reading people future.

Is there something about Brad you haven't told us, Brian? I wasn't aware you two had met.

Fat Elvis
04-08-2005, 12:37 PM
You're an active enthusiast in the study of the mating habits of the humped back whale.

Baby Lee
04-08-2005, 12:39 PM
You create 'environment art' by jetting to unfamilar locales and tossing enthic wraps and junk food into the thoroughfare to provoke a subsequent reaction from the locals.

Bootlegged
04-08-2005, 12:40 PM
There's really only one response to this...


Alex, Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian woman named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

big nasty kcnut
04-08-2005, 12:42 PM
Phil no this is a real thing jackie stallone sly mom does this for a living. Plus i would love to see Alex Trebeck swallow his pride to see him say butt psychic.

Dartgod
04-08-2005, 12:43 PM
1. Your father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.

2. Your mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

3. Your childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring you'd make meat helmets.

4. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved your testicles.

5. You've amassed over 45,000 posts in 2 and a half years on an internet bulletin board.

Dartgod
04-08-2005, 12:44 PM
There's really only one response to this...


Alex, Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian woman named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
G**DAMMIT!! I thought of it first! :cuss: :cuss: :cuss:

siberian khatru
04-08-2005, 12:44 PM
5. You've amassed over 45,000 posts on an internet bulletin board.

Was that in the director's cut DVD?

Baby Lee
04-08-2005, 12:44 PM
Don't forget to tell them all about that Renaissance Fair Burka and Chef Tell floppy hat getup you don every St. Patty's day.

Baby Lee
04-08-2005, 12:45 PM
G**DAMMIT!! I thought of it first! :cuss: :cuss: :cuss:
You subdivide, you lose. ROFL

ENDelt260
04-08-2005, 12:48 PM
Don't forget to tell them all about that Renaissance Fair Burka and Chef Tell floppy hat getup you don every St. Patty's day.
I only got to wear that getup for St. Pat's 2000. Every other year I just wear my St. Pat's jacket and beat people up with mops.

Bootlegged
04-08-2005, 12:52 PM
G**DAMMIT!! I thought of it first! :cuss: :cuss: :cuss:


I'm a faster typist as I use both hands. Sinner.

el borracho
04-08-2005, 12:53 PM
Tell them about your summer vacation home down in Ron, Mexico.

stevieray
04-08-2005, 12:56 PM
Every other year I just wear my St. Pat's jacket and beat people up with mops.


only four to go.

ZootedGranny
04-08-2005, 01:00 PM
Tell them you like them girls that like them girls.

Simplex3
04-08-2005, 01:02 PM
... he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.
Won't it be pretty easy for them to find out he isn't actually Al Gore's son?

Soupnazi
04-08-2005, 01:21 PM
You've got the world's largest empty beer can pyramid?

CosmicPal
04-08-2005, 01:26 PM
Tell them you think William Bartee is a proven cornerback in the NFL, and that you would like to have his children someday.

That ought to stun the audience for a moment...

Kclee
04-08-2005, 01:29 PM
Tell them you once tackled a priest on a dare.

ChiTown
04-08-2005, 01:30 PM
Tell him you have a single nut and a two headed penis....................life's funny that way.

ENDelt260
04-08-2005, 09:15 PM
I knew I could count on you guys. If it wasn't for y'all, I would've had to go with, "I am an Eagle Scout." How boring is that?

big nasty kcnut
04-08-2005, 09:22 PM
Ok you once shot a man in reno just to watch him die.

Mr. Flopnuts
04-08-2005, 09:29 PM
Tell them you think William Bartee is a proven cornerback in the NFL, and that you would like to have his children someday.

That ought to stun the audience for a moment...


Only the part about Bartee being proven.

ChiTown
04-08-2005, 09:31 PM
Ok you once shot a man in reno just to watch him die.

ehem, that was me thankyou very fn much..............

Talisman
04-08-2005, 09:35 PM
Well, Alex, let me tell you about the time I gave a man a balls-out hug and then grabbed my ankle.

ENDelt260
04-08-2005, 09:49 PM
Well, Alex, let me tell you about the time I gave a man a balls-out hug and then grabbed my ankle.
Heh, funnily enough I was just sitting down to write that on the form.

Rain Man
04-08-2005, 11:40 PM
Tell him that you once saved a woman from being sodomized by thinking about football.