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4th and Long
04-15-2005, 10:30 AM
I doubt therefore I might be.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Since history never stops, when does the future begin?

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

The early bird may get the worm, but the late rising worm lives.

How can you miss me if I don't go away?

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.

Did you know that it is anatomically impossible to lick your elbow...

And 75% of the people who hear that actually try to lick their elbow?

Busy planning to be spontaneous.

Anything in parenthesis can (not) be ignored.

Have you ever noticed anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

But I ask, if I think not, am I not? I think not. Don't you think?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

When people say "Expect the unexpected," doesn't that mean the unexpected is expected?

What's another word for thesaurus?

Hey, I'm not here because I'm there...I'm not sure where there is but if you find out, please come here and tell me...

Think of someone of "average" intelligence. Then think half the world is dumber than that.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself, so if I get back before I return, please ask me to wait.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

The statement below is True.
The statement above is False.
Which statement is correct?

"If you put something in quotation marks, then everyone will think someone famous said and they'll start saying it and then eventually it will be famous."

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If you are there and I am here, where is here and who is there?

I left. I don't know where I am. Do you know where I am? Do you know where you are? Are you lost? Did you find you? I found you. You're there at your computer. But I'm not here. So then I guess I'm over there some where.

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be.

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

If tomorrow is going to be twice as cold as it iss today, and if today is 0 degrees, how cold will it be tomorrow?

Isn't it scary to know what doctors do for a living is called "practice"?

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird. Think about it!

How do you throw away a trash can?

I'm telling the truth, everything I say is a lie.

I'm not here right now and I regret to say that due to unforseen circumstances, later has been cancelled.

I haven't gone away but I'll be right back.

If you asked someone if they lie constantly, and they said yes would you believe them?

If you ask someone if they're a compulsive liar and they answer yes, should you believe them?

Will you let me know when I get back?

If quitters never win and winners never quit who came up with "Quit while your ahead"?

Imagine a world without hypothetical situations.

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

You know I have been thinking about this whole away message thing, do people really need to know what we are doing or where we are? I am away lets just leave it that way.

If everyone is a winner, then doesn't that mean that everyone is also a loser?

Practice makes perfect but no one is perfect so why practice?

I am not away. I am a liar.

Hey? Didn't you IM me the day after yesterday?

Why is it that when someone says they are no speech maker they have to go on to prove it?

Hey, I'm here but I'm not here so when I get here you will know I am here because I will be here.

I can't talk on the computer now, so if, well, actually, I CAN talk on the computer now, I mean, like, I'm at the computer NOW, writing this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're reading it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're reading it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.