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NewChief
05-18-2005, 12:20 PM
As promised in another thread:
When did the force leave you?
Salon staffers explain why they left that distant "Star Wars" galaxy far, far behind.

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May 18, 2005 | Yoda-lay-dee-hoooooo
The first moment Yoda showed up in the "Star Wars" films, my reaction was a lot like Luke Skywalker's -- incredulity mixed with a healthy dose of irritation. Idiosyncratic syntax he has, yes? Many platitudes he spouts, hmmmm? And voice of Grover, ha! Forget Jar Jar Binks. Forget, even, the Ewoks. With the arrival of the diminutive green-skinned one, the series went from mythology to "Muppet Show."

I wanted to be onboard. I was a fan of the first "Star Wars." I've always had a weakness for sword fights and blowing stuff up. I adored the feisty heroine with a Cinnabon do. I loved, in my "I was a teenage honor-society dork" way, how the themes of war, family, jealousy and the hero's quest played out like a Shakespeare story in space. And I appreciated the way Harrison Ford's Han Solo could whip my youthful libido to a theretofore-unimagined pitch. "Star Wars": smart and hot!

And then Luke had to go off to flex his force.

At the urging of the dead, yet still opinionated, Obi-Wan, the ancient, intergalactically revered Yoda takes the young Jedi under his wing -- or whatever those appendages are -- for an inevitable boy-becomes-man story arc. He instructs Luke in harnessing "the force," warns him of the seductive, easy allure of "the dark side," and makes him give him piggyback rides. It's a regimen straight out of Neverland Ranch. No wonder Luke cuts out early and hightails it back to his friends.

Yoda, with his blatantly latex body and Frank Oz voice, never assumed the scrappy humanity that even R2-D2 and C-3PO did. It wasn't just those retractable ears either, but the whole annoying personality. You'd think that after nearly a thousand years as a teacher, Yoda would have some seriously righteous wisdom to impart -- or a least a better grip on sentence structure. Instead he solemnly intones, "Do or do not, there is no try." I'd heard better motivational lines in gym class.

I got the whole weird little space-troll premise. Yoda is supposed to be 800 years old, deeply evolved, and living on a planet with no decent skin-care products. Luke initially dismisses him as just a freaky chatterbox because he doesn't yet possess the wisdom to recognize him as the legendary warrior maker he is. Greatness sometimes appears in a humble, perhaps absurd, guise. Gee, you don't say. I understood an allegory when I saw one. And I still knew -- Jedi master, my ass -- that was Miss Piggy. And moi was not impressed.


-- Mary Elizabeth Williams


Resistible force
I can't say I was ever faithful to the force.

Millions of people, including millions of science-fiction-loving kids, fell in love with "Star Wars" on its original release in 1977. I wasn't one of them. An 18-year-old bookworm who'd weaned on Heinlein and Asimov, feasted on Zelazny and Herbert, and graduated to Le Guin and Dick, I watched "Star Wars" with a sinking heart, because I knew that it would set back the cause of "real" science fiction for decades.

The problem wasn't that "Star Wars" was in itself a bad movie; it was made with love and care, it told a decent story, it passed a couple of hours entertainingly. There was nothing shameful in itself about the way George Lucas built his saga from the spare parts of a thousand serials. But in resurrecting the old Buck Rogers, Flash Gordon, E.E. "Doc" Smith tradition of space opera, with its stereotypical characters, its potboiler plots and its pseudotechnology, Lucas completely bypassed the previous 20 years' worth of evolution in science-fiction writing and moviemaking.

Until "Star Wars" came along, you could fool yourself into a sort of progressive vision of science-fiction history, with TV and movie milestones like "Star Trek" and "2001" marking the progress from a mire of galaxy-saving princesses and heavy-breathing heavies toward a more grown-up universe, one in which the creators of science fiction tested new visions of human and technological possibility in the laboratory of the imagination. With the triumph of Luke and Leia and Darth, we had to face the cruel truth: For most people, space opera was, and would remain, the public face of science fiction -- and the stuff we cared about, having, for a brief spell in the late '60s and early '70s, seized the spotlight, would slink off once more to the cool margins.

Like most of my science-fiction-loving friends, I got over it, eventually, and even found some room in my heart for "The Empire Strikes Back," which suggested deeper ambitions for the "Star Wars" saga -- ambitions that, alas, each subsequent installment has betrayed. Today my perspective is more forgiving. The history of science fiction, as of anything else, isn't so linear; progress happens all the time, just not across the board. There's room enough on the planet for both "Revenge of the Sith" and "A Scanner Darkly."

But, you know, really, only one of them has a right to be called science fiction!


-- Scott Rosenberg


I lost it freshman year
I had never been that enthusiastic about "Star Wars" but understood the appeal of the original trilogy. My freshman year of college, I fell in love with a fellow sci-fi fan -- and fell out with "Star Wars" soon after. He took me to "The Phantom Menace" on opening weekend. He saw the opening of an epic; I saw just another Hollywood action flick. We had our first real argument that night, sitting in the dorm hallway, one of those long, ugly fights that reveals a chasm. We misunderstood each other and grew angry at the misunderstandings. I liked to explain myself with analogies to my previous experiences, and he accused me of telling long stories with no point. I wonder how he feels about George Lucas now.


-- Sumana Harihareswara


Cold-hand Luke
"Star Wars" has never lost its appeal for me, unless you count the time -- in 1986, when I was 12 and rewatching the trilogy -- that I realized that I hated Luke. My back tensed when he'd whine about how bored he was on Tatooine, or when he'd pipe up with some high-voiced braggadocio about how he "used to bull's-eye womp rats ... back home." I thought it was creepy how he looked at Leia in the first movie, given that she'd turn out to be his sister, and I didn't think he was really warm enough with the Ewoks after all they did for him. Also, he totally took Yoda for granted.

Now, it never occurred to me that any of my complaints might have had to do with Mark Hamill's wooden acting, or with the fact that George Lucas can't write dialogue to save his ass, or that he might have made teeny-tiny plot missteps within the narrative of his masterpiece. It was that I genuinely had issues with Luke Skywalker, the man.

I understood -- even at 12 -- that Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher were actors in these movies. I was very savvy about Hollywood as a youngster; a charter subscriber to Premiere, I was a classic-movie addict and devoured every book about old Hollywood I could get my hands on. I even knew that Fisher was Debbie Reynolds' daughter, and I'd seen Alec Guinness in "Kind Hearts and Coronets." I also knew that the voice of "Yoda" was also the voice of "Grover."

But none of that film-business sophistication helped me to understand that "Star Wars," "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi" were not absolute gospel-truth stories that happened somewhere long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away. The universe in which "Star Wars" took place was for me as real as Narnia, as Zuckerman's farm (home of Wilbur, Charlotte and Templeton), as the Hundred Acre Wood. It was one of my personal foundation myths.

I was never a "Star Wars" geek, exactly. Couldn't tell you the names of the drafts of the scripts or how many parsecs to a light-year or whatever. I just knew the story -- like I knew the story of the American Revolution -- backward and forward. In truth, I knew it much better than I ever knew the story of the American Revolution. Maybe it was the authority of that scrolling historical prologue that lent the thing credibility, but in my young mind -- never mind what I rationally knew about filmmaking -- "Star Wars" wasn't something that had been shot and sound-mixed and written and rewritten. It had merely happened and been faithfully recorded by an agile cameraman with a good seat on the Millennium Falcon. Tatooine, Dantooine, the Dagobah system, Alderaan, Hoth, Cloud City, Endor. Mos Eisley, the Death Star trash compactor: They were all real places where the story of three people, two droids and a Wookie played out over and over and over again.

When I was a senior in college and the films got re-released on the big screen with gussied-up special effects, I went with a bunch of friends on the "Star Wars" opening night -- a geeky thing to do, yes, but we had so much fun. It was simply revisiting one of the oldest stories in my life, actually, a childhood home of sorts.

The last two movies? Well, I don't care so much about them. They've been fun, in their way. Who doesn't like badass flexible Yoda? But they have about as much to do with "Star Wars" as Demi Moore has to do with Hester Prynne in the 1995 film that was "freely adapted from the novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne."

Look, I would love it if this new "Star Wars" movie turned out to be great. I would love to see some shadow of the real story -- the true story -- up on that screen. But if I don't, how disappointed will I be? Not at all. I've never been a fan of historical fiction.


-- Rebecca Traister


Lando the free
The first time one of the neighborhood kids called me an asshole, I didn't know what it meant, but I thought it must be something like that big monster in the asteroid from "The Empire Strikes Back." I was too young to see the movies during their original theatrical release. My childhood coincided more with the second "Star Wars" wave. I watched the "Ewoks" and "Droids" Saturday-morning cartoons and had the second Ewoks movie, "Battle for Endor," taped off TV (the one with Wilford Brimley, where Cindel's whole family dies in the first scene).

I was a junior in high school when the original trilogy was re-released in theaters and sparked a new round of "Star Wars" fever. I would describe myself as a casually avid fan. I had seen the movies dozens of times, but I didn't own copies of them. I owned a life-size cutout of Princess Leia, but someone had to correct my pronunciation of "Han Solo" (I was saying it "Hans Solo"). But it wasn't just me. A vintage Lando Calrissian action figure was the unofficial school newspaper mascot that year. It was as much about identifying with a cultural phenomenon as it was about the movies.

When I first heard that "The Phantom Menace" was the subtitle for Episode I, I thought it was so incredibly lame that it couldn't be true. But it was. Still, I saw it the day it opened and it was as bland as I had expected it to be. I had much higher hopes for the second movie. Hoping that the second trilogy would mirror the first, I was looking forward to a dark and challenging second chapter. I wanted another "Empire." In my vision of Episode II, Anakin Skywalker would become Darth Vader by the end, leaving the final installment to chronicle the collapse of a whole interplanetary civilization. My disappointment in the second film broke my spirit. It was 143 minutes of gaudy visual effects, George Lucas' infamously god-awful dialogue, and pathetically limp love scenes between Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen. By the end, I was wincing everytime someone opened his or her mouth.

I'll pay my $10.50 to see "Revenge of the Sith" in a theater, more out of nostalgia than anything else. I don't think "Revenge of the Sith" will overcome the suckiness of Episodes I and II, but hidden away survives a lingering hope that I'll be wrong.


-- Robin Lisle


For kids and geeks only
I'm touched by your loyalty, "Star Wars" fans. Really I am. No, I'm totally lying. Mystified and a little horrified might be more like it. The Lucas fantasy franchise never lost me because it never had me, even for a second.

I was in the 10th grade when I saw the original "Star Wars" film -- I'm sorry, but I refuse to call it "Episode XVIIV: Return of the Attack of the Snood," or whatever it's now supposed to be called -- at the UC Theater in Berkeley, Calif. Even at the time, I went out of a sense of professional duty. I wrote about movies and rock music for the high school paper, and my buddy Craig Barron, like me a fan of classic horror and sci-fi, was all excited about it. (Craig wound up working for George Lucas on later movies in the series. He now runs a visual-effects shop called Matte World Digital and has credits on close to a hundred films.)

Craig explained to me what a special-effects achievement this movie was, and of course it was made by a local guy who had shot the underground sci-fi classic "THX 1138" -- the title refers to a Berkeley phone number, and much of the movie was shot in the tunnel between Oakland and Alameda. I got all that, but what I saw on the screen was a dopey, minor attempt to rejuvenate the "Flash Gordon" space operas that kids of the '40s and '50s had grown up watching. There was no subtlety, not nearly enough creepy darkness, and a lot of lame humor, along with a girl whose hair looked like cinnamon buns and some big guy in a rented Sasquatch costume. OK, it was kind of campy -- but not nearly campy enough.

I probably went over to another friend's house that night, drank some imported beer his ex-communist dad bought for us, played albums by Patti Smith and Television, and declaimed about how this overly hyped piece of crap wasn't half as good as "The Hidden Fortress," the Kurosawa film it was supposedly based on, let alone the difficult art films we had recently gotten into, like Ingmar Bergman's "Serpent's Egg" (released the same year as "Star Wars") or Luis Buñuel's "Belle de Jour."

Was I a completely obnoxious little cappuccino-swilling snob, raised in a bubble of pseudo-bohemian sophistication? You bet your ass. I've grown and matured a lot since then (for one thing, I now understand that "The Serpent's Egg" is one of Bergman's worst films). But let me tell you what I wasn't -- I wasn't a little kid. And as far as I can tell, the only two categories of people with a good excuse for liking "Star Wars" are Cinefantastique-reading geeks like my friend Craig, who can appreciate the movie as the end product of an impressive technological process, and little kids.

I mean, when I was 6 or 8 or 10 years old, I loved all kinds of dumb kid culture too. I thought "Doctor Strange" was a profound comic book. I couldn't imagine anything better than Sean Connery in "Diamonds Are Forever," or the later "Planet of the Apes" sequels. I still have a fondness for those movies, crappy as they are, because some part of me was shaped by James Bond's bogus suavity, and by the portentous social analogies of those "Apes" movies. (I'm too scared to ever rewatch a movie I once proclaimed my all-time favorite, a 1972 crime caper flick called "Snow Job," starring Olympic skiing champion Jean-Claude Killy.)

So for those of you who expended third-grade recess in earnest arguments about the "Star Wars" characters -- could the horrible rumor about Luke's hidden relationship to Lord Vader possibly be true? -- I may not get it, but I'm in no position to judge. Look, I'm exaggerating my position to make a point here; I've seen all the "Star Wars" films and was able to sustain some vague interest through the first three. But I'm sorry, there's no there there, and there never was.

Lucas probably thinks his crypto-fascist mythology, not just ripped off from Tolkien, Wagner and countless comic-book authors but then boiled down to its stupidest essence, is in some way liberal or optimistic. (We keep hearing about how the new movie is some kind of anti-Bush parable. Wake me when the furor fades.) Forget it. Lucas drove Hollywood moviemaking down the path toward ever bigger, ever emptier spectacle. His inflation of childish myth to blimped-out proportions embodies the refusal to grow up -- the refusal to face the darkness in our history, the emptiness of our rhetoric -- that marks America at its worst.


-- Andrew O'Hehir


Were you abandoned by the force? Did you turn to the dark side? Or did you hang in there even in the face of Jar Jar Binks? Send us your stories here.


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Goapics1
05-18-2005, 12:21 PM
It left me when I was about 16.

Nzoner
05-18-2005, 12:25 PM
As mentioned in another thread,I have yet to see The Empire Strikes Back

Donger
05-18-2005, 12:25 PM
Not sure I ever really had it, but if I ever did, I'd have to say when those furry, little critters showed up.

munkey
05-18-2005, 12:26 PM
After watching return of the jedi...

IMO he completely wasted a good trilogy when he decided to "kiddie" it up with teddy bears or whatever the fug you call them..

NewChief
05-18-2005, 12:27 PM
I kind of agree with the person that didn't like Yoda. I remember being very impatient with the whole scene on Degobah. I like it better now, but back then I wasn't crazy about it.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 12:27 PM
Morons.

munkey
05-18-2005, 12:28 PM
Come to think of it I really had a hard time with the Star Wars luke compared to the altered luke of empire strikes back as well...

ChiTown
05-18-2005, 12:28 PM
After watching return of the jedi...

IMO he completely wasted a good trilogy when he decided to "kiddie" it up with teddy bears or whatever the fug you call them..

Bingo.

Coincidentally, that was also the last of my teenage years - when I would have been interested in such crap anyway.

munkey
05-18-2005, 12:28 PM
Morons.

Fag...

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 12:29 PM
Come to think of it I really had a hard time with the Star Wars luke compared to the altered luke of empire strikes back as well...

Are you kidding? Luke's character only gets better and better as the series moves on.

Goapics1
05-18-2005, 12:30 PM
As mentioned in another thread,I have yet to see The Empire Strikes Back
:shake:

Rain Man
05-18-2005, 12:32 PM
I loved the series until they made that lame fourth one. I remember the exact moment when I admitted that I was bored to death. It was when that guy, whoever he was, was talking to the queen in a room that overlooked a bunch of greenery.

buddha
05-18-2005, 12:38 PM
Lucas figured out that he wasn't going to sell many more Luke action figures after Star Wars. How many do you need, after all? Each new installment has been specifically designed with Toys-R-Us in mind...there is no other explanation. I actually didn't mind Yoda, but the Ewoks were AWFUL! Jar-Jar was an abomination! The list goes on and on. Star Wars stopped being sci-fi after the original movie. Only the true geeks would argue otherwise.

Gaz
05-18-2005, 12:38 PM
“Return of the Jedi.” A remake of “Star Wars” with teddy bears.

xoxo~
Gaz
Still wants his money back from that totally wretched “The Phantom Menace” drek.

Amnorix
05-18-2005, 12:40 PM
I hated Ewoks, but still had the force with me until Jar Jar Binks showed up, and "the force" was something you could measure with a little test strip and field kit thingy.

:shake: :shake: :shake:

Nzoner
05-18-2005, 12:45 PM
:shake:

I don't get it,wtf is the big deal if someone saw the first movie and decided,eh,no biggie,I could care less if I see the rest.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 12:45 PM
Each new installment has been specifically designed with Toys-R-Us in mind...

I wouldn't go that far. ESB had Yoda, but he was a great character that was vital to the story. And he didn't make any fart jokes.

munkey
05-18-2005, 12:48 PM
Are you kidding? Luke's character only gets better and better as the series moves on.


I don't know if you ever noticed but Mark Hammel (sp) can't act for shit to begin with.

The first Star Wars was great - something new (Mark's ok - then again I'd never seen him before).

Corvette Summer - Mark sucks ass..Then comes the accident.

Empire was cool in regards to special effects...(Mark sucks ass)

Return of the redeye - Mr. Lucas flat out fuged up & Mark sucks ass...

I have the same problem with the actors (both) that have played Anakin...Especially the little kid..

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 12:51 PM
Eh, different strokes.

I thought Hamill only got better and better as the series went on. I love him in Return of the Jedi. The way he evolved the character is neat stuff to watch.

Granted, he never did shit else, but I think he was perfectly cast for the role of Luke.

munkey
05-18-2005, 12:58 PM
Eh, different strokes.

I thought Hamill only got better and better as the series went on. I love him in Return of the Jedi. The way he evolved the character is neat stuff to watch.

Granted, he never did shit else, but I think he was perfectly cast for the role of Luke.

You actually liked those movies for the acting?

AND yes Mark was perfect for the first...After the accident they should have found someone else...

It's not like Def Leppard where the drummer can lose an arm and keep his job..At least his face is the same..

Goapics1
05-18-2005, 01:00 PM
I don't get it,wtf is the big deal if someone saw the first movie and decided,eh,no biggie,I could care less if I see the rest.
Good point. I stand corrected. I just thought that since it was a classic movie everyone has seen it. Of course, some people think Terms of Endearment is a classic and I have not and will not see that. My apologies.

keg in kc
05-18-2005, 01:03 PM
It hasn't left me, but it very nearly did when I saw the Phantom Menace. I'm hoping tomorrow I see the film I've wanted to see for the last fifteen years or so.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 01:03 PM
You actually liked those movies for the acting?

AND yes Mark was perfect for the first...After the accident they should have found someone else...

It's not like Def Leppard where the drummer can lose an arm and keep his job..At least his face is the same..

The accident never really stood out to me. I didn't even realize he had had surgery until I read it in a book. Mark got older, so did Luke. :shrug:

And yes, I like most of the acting in the OT. :shrug:

FYI, I think most of the acting in the new trilogy is average at best. Natalie Portman was horrible in Attack of the Clones.

NewChief
05-18-2005, 01:05 PM
It hasn't left me, but it very nearly did when I saw the Phantom Menace. I'm hoping tomorrow I see the film I've wanted to see for the last fifteen years or so.


I'm with you. I actually stood in line and went to see the opening of EPI. I went to EPII on a sneak screening, because my wife worked for Wal-Mart back then at the home office. Employees and families get private screenings. I was dissapointed in both. I hope this is the one.

keg in kc
05-18-2005, 01:07 PM
I actually liked Attack of the Clones a great deal more than Phantom Menace. I wasn't disappointed by that one at all. Although I think I'd lowered my expectations by that time.

I'm really afraid that I'm going to hate tomorrow's edition regardless, because I've set this impossible picture in my mind.

jspchief
05-18-2005, 01:10 PM
I'd have to say the force is still with me. Every movie has at least one moment that appeals to me, and keeps me hanging on.

The closest I came to losing it was was the scene where Anakin and Portman are rolling around in that field in Attack of the Clones. There has always been a small romance element to the movies, but that scene just took it too far. That's when I openly admitted that Lucas was a total sellout.

4th and Long
05-18-2005, 01:14 PM
The Force left me sometime around noon today, as it was the power behind my lastest bowel movement.

May The Poop be with you.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 01:29 PM
To answer the thread title....

My eyes were opened on a sleepy little afternoon in the late 80s, watching Star Wars in my Uncle's guest bedroom on a crappy TV that couldn't have been more than 20 inches. I was swinging a maglite flashlight around like a lightsaber after the movie was over.

I can't even remember the first time I saw Empire and Jedi (I really wish I did), but I loved them just as much. Thank god for USA Network, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to watch these movies over and over again through the years.

Episode I was a blast (midichlorians? fart jokes? lalalalalalala I can't heeeeear you!), Episode II was even better, and Episode III is going to give new meaning to "He's more machine now, than man. Twisted and evil."

The Force has never left me.
http://img211.echo.cx/img211/662/fight29oq.gif

TEX
05-18-2005, 01:56 PM
The Ewoks did me in, but I still enjoyed the movie. I liked all of them except the fourth one. I absolutely HATED Jar-Jar Binks.

Saulbadguy
05-18-2005, 01:58 PM
The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of the force.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 02:01 PM
The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of the force.

Don't try to frighten us with your sorceror's ways.

Saulbadguy
05-18-2005, 02:03 PM
Don't try to frighten us with your sorceror's ways.
Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebels' hidden fortress...

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 02:08 PM
Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebels' hidden fortress...

*hrk hrk hrk hrk*

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."


http://wso.williams.edu/~rfoxwell/starwars/pics/Choke.gif

Iowanian
05-18-2005, 02:09 PM
The Force usually leaves me
about 30 minutes after I eat
The power, the explosion
the Smell can't be beat.

From now on for every thread
with the mention of a storm trooper
I'm going to write a poem
about some time on the pooper.

HC_Chief
05-18-2005, 02:09 PM
Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebels' hidden fortress...

Heh, ever watched the outtakes from the Star Wars DVDs and heard the voice of the british actor who actually wore the Vader costume? hehehehe, Vader was a total fag.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 02:10 PM
Heh, ever watched the outtakes from the Star Wars DVDs and heard the voice of the british actor who actually wore the Vader costume? hehehehe, Vader was a total Rump Ranger.

People with Welsh accents are rump rangers?

Saulbadguy
05-18-2005, 02:11 PM
The Force usually leaves me
about 30 minutes after I eat
The power, the explosion
the Smell can't be beat.

From now on for every thread
with the mention of a storm trooper
I'm going to write a poem
about some time on the pooper.
I sensed A great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced...

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 02:12 PM
I sensed A great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced...

I was thinking more along the lines of...

"Oooh icky icky goo!"

"Peeeyoooo-sa!"

HC_Chief
05-18-2005, 02:17 PM
People with Welsh accents are rump rangers?

That one was.


Or just really, REALLY british.

Iowanian
05-18-2005, 02:18 PM
The Creators of Starwars
About to be paid.
They Prey on the nerds
with no chance to get laid.

Episode eleven
they pump down our throats
Gayer than frat guys,
who make love to goats.

I'm feeling a rumble low in mah gut
It must be near time
To make a peanut and corn,
Poopa the Hutt.

Skip Towne
05-18-2005, 02:22 PM
The Creators of Starwars
About to be paid.
They Prey on the nerds
with no chance to get laid.

Episode eleven
they pump down our throats
Gayer than frat guys,
who make love to goats.

I'm feeling a rumble low in mah gut
It must be near time
To make a peanut and corn,
Poopa the Hutt.
Good work!! Teh Rep.

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 02:30 PM
The Creators of Starwars
About to be paid.
They Prey on the nerds
with no chance to get laid.
ROFL Rep.

I was 5 when the first movie came out. Yeah I was a fan. By the time the thrid movie came out I had discovered that girls had boobies and Star Wars wasn't so cool any more.

Boobs: Simplex3's force remover.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 02:34 PM
ROFL Rep.

I was 5 when the first movie came out. Yeah I was a fan. By the time the thrid movie came out I had discovered that girls had boobies and Star Wars wasn't so cool any more.

Boobs: Simplex3's force remover.

I guess that's my problem. I wasn't allowed to be interested in boobs.

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 02:37 PM
I guess that's my problem. I wasn't allowed to be interested in boobs.
Allowed? What do you mean ALLOWED? Man, I FOUND the time. Hell, before I was 16 I would walk over a mile each way to my girlfriend's house while our parents were at work to get a little action.

If you didn't sneak out and around to get a little you might want to do some soul searching and see what you're actually interrested in.

Saulbadguy
05-18-2005, 02:39 PM
Allowed? What do you mean ALLOWED? Man, I FOUND the time. Hell, before I was 16 I would walk over a mile each way to my girlfriend's house while our parents were at work to get a little action.

If you didn't sneak out and around to get a little you might want to do some soul searching and see what you're actually interrested in.
What a narrow view.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 02:40 PM
If you didn't sneak out and around to get a little you might want to do some soul searching and see what you're actually interrested in.

http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2004/7/22a/article_01.htm

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 02:42 PM
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2004/7/22a/article_01.htm
Man, if I'd sworn off chicks until I was married I can assure you I'd be out busting my ass looking for my wife-to-be instead of hanging around checking out Star Wars action figures.

I'm not saying be a whore. Too much evil s**t out there to do that these days IMO. I've slept with two women in my life, one I was with for 3 1/2 years and my wife. You don't have to get laid to date.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 02:45 PM
Man, if I'd sworn off chicks until I was married I can assure you I'd be out busting my ass looking for my wife-to-be instead of hanging around checking out Star Wars action figures.

That is also not allowed for JW teens.

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 02:46 PM
That is also not allowed for JW teens.
You're not still a teen. All I'm telling you is that I think you'd be a happier man with a little lovin'. Not necessarily sex, just some non-parental affection.

Baby Lee
05-18-2005, 02:54 PM
ESB and RotJ had great stories, but ANW remains the one of the series with 'it' for me. First movie to have such a grand soundtrack, so grand that even quality efforts nowadays from John Williams are relegated to hollow echoes of ANH. The return of the swashbuckling hero and the band of underdogs after a season of anti-heroes and post-war angst and hand-wringing. The return of the Shakespearian device of secondary characters as comic relief. Just goes to show that, if your timing is right, you can be revolutionary by returning to tried and true devices.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 02:55 PM
You're not still a teen. All I'm telling you is that I think you'd be a happier man with a little lovin'. Not necessarily sex, just some non-parental affection.

Oh, sure. I'm just explaining to you why I never went to the prom.

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 02:57 PM
Oh, sure. I'm just explaining to you why I never went to the prom.
You weren't allow to go to prom because of your religion? Dancing outlawed or something? It's not like prom REQUIRES you to have sex. Just ask my date my Jr. year.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 02:59 PM
You weren't allow to go to prom because of your religion? Dancing outlawed or something? It's not like prom REQUIRES you to have sex. Just ask my date my Jr. year.

Well, let's see....I wasn't allowed to date, so I pretty much had zero contact with the chicks at my high school outside of actually going to school. Of course there is the fact that I was a giant geek. Slap those two together and...I never even considered going to prom. I skipped senior walk day, too. The only high school functions I dressed up for were my Spanish Honor Society induction and Graduation.

Donger
05-18-2005, 03:01 PM
Well, let's see....I wasn't allowed to date, so I pretty much had zero contact with the chicks at my high school outside of actually going to school. Of course there is the fact that I was a giant geek. Slap those two together and...I never even considered going to prom. I skipped senior walk day, too. The only high school functions I dressed up for were my Spanish Honor Society induction and Graduation.

How did/do your folks feel about your Star Wars obsession?

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 03:03 PM
How did/do your folks feel about your Star Wars obsession?

It was fine with them. As long as I wasn't out doing drugs and breaking the law. Hell my dad got me into science fiction with Heinlein etc.

It's not really an obsession, per se, either. I don't even have a hat. I've been to maybe 5 Star Wars conventions total in my life.

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 03:06 PM
Well, let's see....I wasn't allowed to date, so I pretty much had zero contact with the chicks at my high school outside of actually going to school. Of course there is the fact that I was a giant geek. Slap those two together and...I never even considered going to prom. I skipped senior walk day, too. The only high school functions I dressed up for were my Spanish Honor Society induction and Graduation.
So what's the problem now? Being a giant nerd isn't the end of all prospecting. A good friend of mine for a lot of years was a great guy. He was 5ft 6 and 250lbs. It was genetic, he was shaped exactly like his parents. His issue? Wouldn't even think about dating anyone less hot than Jessica Simpson. Through the years he passed up on three VERY sweet, wonderful girls because, according to him, they "didn't meet his physical standards". He still lives at home at 32. No real prospect of getting out. It's sad, he should have found someone and hasn't.

Even this guy can find a chick if he's willing to act a little normal on occassion:

.

beer bacon
05-18-2005, 03:08 PM
The Force never left me. I love the first three movies. I grew up with them. They are a part of my childhood I love and remember fondly. I hated the Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones when they first came out, and I thought they would tarnish the originals for me. After while I grew to tolerate the new movies, and I can even stand to watch them without throwing up. I am still hopeful about Revenge of the Sith.

Also, I liked the ewoks. That's right, I said it. I liked the ewoks. **** all you ewok hating bastards.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 03:10 PM
So what's the problem now? Being a giant nerd isn't the end of all prospecting. A good friend of mine for a lot of years was a great guy. He was 5ft 6 and 250lbs. It was genetic, he was shaped exactly like his parents. His issue? Wouldn't even think about dating anyone less hot than Jessica Simpson. Through the years he passed up on three VERY sweet, wonderful girls because, according to him, they "didn't meet his physical standards". He still lives at home at 32. No real prospect of getting out. It's sad, he should have found someone and hasn't.

Even this guy can find a chick if he's willing to act a little normal on occassion:

.

The problem now is I just don't care that much. Also, I probably had two or three opportunites in college to start relationships with a girl, but I was too dumb to realize they liked me. I couldn't interpret signals for shit.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 03:10 PM
Also, I liked the ewoks. That's right, I said it. I liked the ewoks. **** all you ewok hating bastards.

Yub yub!

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 03:15 PM
The problem now is I just don't care that much. Also, I probably had two or three opportunites in college to start relationships with a girl, but I was too dumb to realize they liked me. I couldn't interpret signals for shit.
Hell, I was bad at signal calling too. I had one chick and her mom spend 20 minutes talking to me about cameras (I was working). Finally the chick walks off and the mom looks at me and says "So are you just not interrested?". I replied "In what?". Her response: "My daughter has been hitting on you for 20 minutes". You just have to be the instigator.

What would concern me is the first sentence. "The problem now is I just don't care that much." You shouldn't be desperate to find someone, but there should be a desire to.

Donger
05-18-2005, 03:18 PM
What would concern me is the first sentence. "The problem now is I just don't care that much." You shouldn't be desperate to find someone, but there should be a desire to.

I'm of the opinion that for the extreme introvert, the Internet is somewhat soothing. While that may be a good thing, I think that it also just allows that kind of behavior to fester until it leads up to a creation of a hopeless monster (e.g., gochiefs) that never feels the need to venture out into the real world, other than going to see another carppy Star Wars movie.

Quite sad, really.

beer bacon
05-18-2005, 03:20 PM
I'm of the opinion that for the extreme introvert, the Internet is somewhat soothing. While that may be a good thing, I think that it also just allows that kind of behavior to fester until it leads up to a creation of a hopeless monster (e.g., gochiefs) that never feels the need to venture out into the real world, other than going to see another carppy Star Wars movie.

Quite sad, really.

We salute you, Chiefsplanet genious.

Saulbadguy
05-18-2005, 03:23 PM
Whats really quite sad is many of the members on this boards seemingly endless preoccupation with gochiefs sex life.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 03:24 PM
Whats really quite sad is many of the members on this boards seemingly endless preoccupation with gochiefs sex life.

Yeah, I should stop bringing up action figures. :)

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 03:28 PM
Whats really quite sad is many of the members on this boards seemingly endless preoccupation with gochiefs sex life.
It's like a bad car wreck. You can't help but look when you drive by.

Donger
05-18-2005, 03:29 PM
Whats really quite sad is many of the members on this boards seemingly endless preoccupation with gochiefs sex life.

Peh. It's not as if this keeps me awake at night.

Besides, I'm just trying to help. He seems like a decent enough fellow that got sidetracked by overvealous parental influences. What's wrong with that? I used to be an extreme introvert, but thankfully my brothers helped me view life differently.

Then again, I also got to see all the hot snatch they were boning.

But, I've often wondered how I would have turned out if the Internet were around when I was younger. I'd probably never taken the steps that I did to "join" society.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 03:37 PM
I just need to get with Carrie Underwood:

Jenson71
05-18-2005, 05:36 PM
What's wrong with waiting til you're married to have sex?

beer bacon
05-18-2005, 05:41 PM
What's wrong with waiting til you're married to have sex?

The main problem is that you don't get to have sex until you are married.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 05:50 PM
What's wrong with waiting til you're married to have sex?

Nothing, but forcing someone to do it? That's wrong.

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 05:56 PM
The main problem is that you don't get to have sex until you are married.
ROFL

Jenson71
05-18-2005, 05:58 PM
I wonder how many people actually do wait til they're married. Now, as a Catholic, I know my religion talks about how we should wait til we're married. What about other religions?

Donger
05-18-2005, 06:00 PM
I wonder how many people actually do wait til they're married. Now, as a Catholic, I know my religion talks about how we should wait til we're married. What about other religions?

I've never purchased a car before a test drive. And a wife is considerably more expensive than the most expensive car.

Jenson71
05-18-2005, 06:05 PM
I've never purchased a car before a test drive. And a wife is considerably more expensive than the most expensive car.

So marriage then, is all about what happens in the bedroom?

Donger
05-18-2005, 06:07 PM
So marriage then, is all about what happens in the bedroom?

Hardly. But, I'm of the opinion that a healthy, enjoyable and mutually-satisfying sexual relationship with one's spouse is an important ingredient to most marriages.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 06:08 PM
So marriage then, is all about what happens in the bedroom?

Who wants to marry a woman only to find out she has a penis? Or she's horrible in bed?

Jenson71
05-18-2005, 06:09 PM
Hardly. But, I'm of the opinion that a healthy, enjoyable and mutually-satisfying sexual relationship with one's spouse is an important ingredient to most marriages.

Well, that I can definitely believe.

Donger
05-18-2005, 06:10 PM
Who wants to marry a woman only to find out she has a penis? Or she's horrible in bed?

I know that you're a rookie, but women, by definition, do not have penises.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 06:11 PM
I know that you're a rookie, but women, by definition, do not have penises.

Well, yeah, but you know what I mean.

Skip Towne
05-18-2005, 06:15 PM
So marriage then, is all about what happens in the bedroom?
Yeah, pretty much. That and the kitchen. Women are only good for cookin' and fookin'.

Jenson71
05-18-2005, 06:16 PM
Who wants to marry a woman only to find out she has a penis? Or she's horrible in bed?

Like she pulls a Mike Tyson in bed or something?

Simplex3
05-18-2005, 06:45 PM
So marriage then, is all about what happens in the bedroom?
It's certainly one of the top qualifiers. You need to be compatible socialy, moraly, and sexualy.

Donger
05-18-2005, 06:46 PM
It's certainly one of the top qualifiers. You need to be compatible socialy, moraly, and sexualy.

And not share an aversion to the double-l.

Jenson71
05-18-2005, 06:52 PM
It's certainly one of the top qualifiers. You need to be compatible socialy, moraly, and sexualy.

Do you think you can put those in an order of importance? Do you think having less of one but good of two or...bad in two, great in one can be managable?

Donger
05-18-2005, 07:00 PM
Do you think you can put those in an order of importance? Do you think having less of one but good of two or...bad in two, great in one can be managable?

Easy.

1. Morally
2. Sexually
3. Socially

ENDelt260
05-18-2005, 07:00 PM
Until this thread I had no idea Yoda didn't appear until the second movie. I always figured he was around from the start.

Jenson71
05-18-2005, 07:04 PM
Easy.

1. Morally
2. Sexually
3. Socially

So sex is more important than conversation, humor, etc...? Is this in your experience or do you think it's true for most marriages?

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 07:06 PM
Until this thread I had no idea Yoda didn't appear until the second movie. I always figured he was around from the start.

No, why would he be? Dagobah (Yoda's planet) had no business being in the first movie.

Donger
05-18-2005, 07:06 PM
So sex is more important than conversation, humor, etc...? Is this in your experience or do you think it's true for most marriages?

I don't consider my interaction with my wife to be a "social" activity. I took that to mean how we are outside the home.

For instance, my wife has many friends and likes to spend time with them. I, on the other hand, have one friend and I don't particularly like spending time with him.

Therefore, it's the least important.

Jenson71
05-18-2005, 07:07 PM
I don't consider my interaction with my wife to be a "social" activity. I took that to mean how we are outside the home.

For instance, my wife has many friends and likes to spend time with them. I, on the other hand, have one friend and I don't particularly like spending time with him.

Therefore, it's the least important.

Okay, I took social as being "socially with eachother"

ENDelt260
05-18-2005, 07:09 PM
No, why would he be?

F*cked if I know. All I know about Yoda is he teaches Luke. Seemed reasonable to assume that some teaching might happen before a whole movie's worth of fighting.

ENDelt260
05-18-2005, 07:11 PM
I, on the other hand, have one friend and I don't particularly like spending time with him.

Sounds like a great friend.

Donger
05-18-2005, 07:14 PM
Sounds like a great friend.

I'm not very easy to get along with.

Count Alex's Losses
05-18-2005, 07:15 PM
F*cked if I know. All I know about Yoda is he teaches Luke. Seemed reasonable to assume that some teaching might happen before a whole movie's worth of fighting.

Obi-Wan is the mentor in Episode IV. Yoda pretty much takes that role in Episode V. /geek

ENDelt260
05-18-2005, 07:16 PM
I'm not very easy to get along with.
I bet your personal hygiene plays a large factor in that.

Donger
05-18-2005, 07:19 PM
I bet your personal hygiene plays a large factor in that.

Not really.

It's mostly, "Wow. You're one of the most arrogant and condescending as*holes I've ever met" or some such banality that ends most new friendships.