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Electric
07-15-2005, 08:18 AM
North vs. South:

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.

The North has double last names; The South has double first names.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH ----

In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store
.....do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.

Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.


If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Have a good day. Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song.

chagrin
07-15-2005, 08:19 AM
Back at ya slick:


Bluenecks Are NORTHERNERS. By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins: YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK IF:

1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning, "to cook outside."

2. You think Heinz Ketchup is REALLY spicy!

3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

4. For breakfast, you would prefer potato au gratin to grits.

5. You have never, ever eaten okra, fried or boiled.

6. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

7. You have no idea what a polecat is.

8. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

9. You don't have bangs.

10. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.

11. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

12. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

13. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.

14. You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the the head football coach salary. (What's wrong with you!?!)

15. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house. (Not to even mention duct tape!)

16. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on ramp to the highway.

17. You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

18. You call binoculars opera glasses.

19. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

20. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.

21. You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e.Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice).

22. You don't have doilies, and you don't know how to make one.

23. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

24. You can do your laundry without quarters.

25. None of your fur coats are homemade.

ptlyon
07-15-2005, 08:23 AM
I happen to like Waffle Houses.

BTW - WTF is a polecat?

chagrin
07-15-2005, 08:25 AM
I happen to like Waffle Houses.

BTW - WTF is a polecat?



1 : any of several carnivorous mammals (as of the genera Mustela or Vormela) of the weasel family; especially : a brown to black European mammal (M. putorius) from which the domesticated ferret is derived

2 : Skunk (It's a delicacy)

Rain Man
07-15-2005, 08:33 AM
The North has an R and an N. The South has a U and an S.

cdcox
07-15-2005, 08:37 AM
As a native Kansas Citian I have found that I can easily fit in with northerners (NY, PA) or southerners (TN), without ever being fully accepted, as "from there".

Coach
07-15-2005, 09:23 AM
Ya know it's true .....


COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON: NORTH vs. THE SOUTH

WOMENS ATTIRE
Up north: Chap Stick in their back pocket and a $20 bill in their
front pocket.
Down South: Kate Spade bag with two lipsticks, powder, mascara
(waterproof), concealer, and a fifth of bourbon. Wallet not necessary,
that's what dates are for.

STADIUM SIZE:
Up north: College football stadiums hold 20,000.
Down South: High school football stadiums hold 20,000.

NAMES:
Up north: Doug Flutie
Down South: Reggie White

WEATHER:
Up north: Snow and ice.
Down South: Sunny, high in the mid-60s, lows in the 30s.

FATHERS:
Up north: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
Down South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

ATTIRE:
Up north: Male and female alike: woolly sweater or sweatshirt with
jeans.
Down South: Male: pressed khakis (with flask of bourbon), oxford
shirt and baseballcap. Female: ankle-length skirt,coordinated cardigan, flat riding boots, oxford. (Note: flask with bourbon is stored somewhere.)

ALUMNI:
Up north: Take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.
Down South: Take prospects on fishing trips so they don't leave for
the NFL.

CAMPUS DECOR:
Up north: Statues of founding fathers.
Down South: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

HOMECOMING QUEEN:
Up north: Also a physics major.
Down South: Also Miss USA.

HEROES:
Up north: Mario Cuomo
Down South: Bear Bryant

GETTING TICKETS:
Up north: 5 hours before the game you can walk into the ticket
office on campus and still purchase tickets.
Down South: 5 months before the game you can walk into the ticket
office on campus and still be placed on a waiting list.

FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME:
Up north: Students and teachers are not sure if they are going to
the game because they have classes the next day.
Down South: It is considered a campus holiday. Many professors also
cancel Thursday classes so everyone can get a head start for the game that night.

PARKING:
Up north: An hour before the game, the university opens up the
campus parking area.
Down South: RV's sporting their school flags begin to roll in on
Wednesday for the weekend's festivities. The real faithful come on
Tuesday. The die-hards have been there since last week's game.

GAME DAY:
Up north: A few students party in the dorm room and watch ESPN on
TV.
Down South: Every student wakes up, has a few shots of bourbon and a
beer,and then rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting Game Day
Live to get on camera and wave at the idiots from up north who wonder why
Game Day is never broadcast from their campus.

TAILGATING:
Up north: Wieners on the grill, beer with lime in it, listening to
local radio station with truck tailgate down.
Down South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn.
Cooking accompanied by live performance from the hottest band around. Males
have at least a handle of bourbon for themselves. Females are given the
choice of drinking beer or bourbon. (Note: drinking beer out of the can
will lead to them being blackballed from the Junior League.)

GETTING TO THE STADIUM:
Up north: You have to ask, Where's the stadium? When you find it,
you walk right in without having to wait in line.
Down South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day, it becomes
the state's second largest city.

CONCESSIONS:
Up north: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.
Down South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's
mascot on it filled less than halfway to ensure enough room for Jack
Daniels.

WHEN THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED:
Up north: Stands are less than half full.
Down South: 80,000+ fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.

THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE:
Up north: Nothing changes.
Down South: Cannon fire with a twist of bourbon.

COMMENTARY (MALE):
Up north: Gee Bob, that sure was a nice play. Hey, would you please
pass me the bean dip?
Down South: Dammit you slow son-of-a-bitch tackle him and break his
legs!!

COMMENTARY (FEMALE):
Up north: My, this is a violent sport.
Down South: Dammit you slow son-of-a-bitch tackle him and break his
legs!!(yeah yeah)

AFTER THE GAME:
Up north: The stadium is empty before the game ends.
Down South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. While someone goes
to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next
week's party.

way2kalm
07-15-2005, 09:36 AM
I totally agree. Being from Kansas City, we fall in both categories. I know people with two first names, we say "y'all" and "you guys", and we eat fried okra. On the other hand, we believe that barbecuing IS cooking outside, most of us don't know what the hell a polecat is, and we eat girts and cream of wheat.

cadmonkey
07-15-2005, 09:38 AM
ROFL replace the * with the letter u

http://www.f*ckthesouth.com/ (http://)

DeepSouth
07-15-2005, 09:45 AM
What's better than an Yankee heading north?

A Yankee heading north with a canadian under each arm.

My favorite bumper sticker; When I get old I'm going to move north and drive slow in the fast lane.

cadmonkey
07-15-2005, 10:05 AM
What's better than an Yankee heading north?

A Yankee heading north with a canadian under each arm.

My favorite bumper sticker; When I get old I'm going to move north and drive slow in the fast lane.


I'll run your ass right off the f*cking road if you do that!!!!!!

Radar Chief
07-15-2005, 10:11 AM
I'll run your ass right off the f*cking road if you do that!!!!!!

Give it a shot. I’m sure your Prius would have his Suburban shaking with fear.

cadmonkey
07-15-2005, 10:18 AM
Give it a shot. I’m sure your Prius would have his Suburban shaking with fear.


1. I don't drive a Prius
2. I think my Tahoe sizes up pretty well with what ever you'll be bringing. :harumph:

DeepSouth
07-15-2005, 11:13 AM
I'll run your ass right off the f*cking road if you do that!!!!!!If all you yankees would just stay up north when you get old, our passing lanes would be clear.

Another thing that yankee retirees do while down here in the winter time;

They have all freaking day to go to the bank. They don't work. They have no pressing schedules. If I need to go to the bank during the week, it's during my lunch hour? Why do these old farts that have all day to take care of stuff have to do their banking at noon?

KCChiefsMan
07-15-2005, 11:14 AM
Northeners tip 20%
Southeners tip $1

MOhillbilly
07-15-2005, 11:20 AM
mmmmmmmmmm bacon grease and crafish mmmmmmmmmmmmm

MichaelH
07-15-2005, 11:24 AM
If all you yankees would just stay up north when you get old, our passing lanes would be clear.


Not true! There's always a line 35 cars long of under 65 peeps headed to work every morning cruising in the left lane going 10 MPH under the speed limit. I don't mind, I pass on the right. :) I also use that lever on the steering column that makes the lights blink on and off on all corners of my vehicle when I make a turn or change lanes. It scares some people.

DeepSouth
07-15-2005, 11:26 AM
(Note: drinking beer out of the can
will lead to them being blackballed from the Junior League.)

Why don't members of The Junior League participate in Group Sex.

They'd have to send out too many thank you notes.

Radar Chief
07-15-2005, 11:30 AM
1. I don't drive a Prius
2. I think my Tahoe sizes up pretty well with what ever you'll be bringing. :harumph:

Think so? Care to play some, “follow the leader”? ;)

KCChiefsMan
07-15-2005, 11:37 AM
Think so? Care to play some, “follow the leader”? ;)

I'd take the Tahoe myself

Radar Chief
07-15-2005, 11:42 AM
I'd take the Tahoe myself

That sounds like a bet.
Wanna put your money where your mouth is? :)

Sam
07-15-2005, 11:43 AM
TAILGATING:
Down South: ... (Note: drinking beer out of the can
will lead to them being blackballed from the Junior League.)


You know why Junior Leaguer's don't go in for group sex?

It's because of all the thank you notes they have to write afterwards.


Naked: Means you ain't got no clothes on.

Nekid: Means You ain't got no clothes on and you're up to somethin'

StcChief
07-15-2005, 11:48 AM
BTW it's just Blue COUNTIES not STATES. A$$hole