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View Full Version : For all you Wal-Mart fans...


luv
07-19-2005, 03:49 AM
WALMART URINALYSIS

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like
hell.
I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"Theres a diagnostic computer down at Walmart.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...
a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights
up and asks for the urine sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog,urine samples from his wife and daughter,and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results.

He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
and
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Fire Me Boy!
07-19-2005, 08:11 AM
ROFL

Lzen
07-19-2005, 08:19 AM
:LOL:

CosmicPal
07-19-2005, 09:09 AM
What the hell?

This is a rip-off of the tennis joke I've been telling for years. It's too damn long to write here, but the tennis player has tennis elbow, goes to the doc who has a new computer and tells him he's got tennis elbow.

Anyways, the tennis player doesn't buy into the new technology and decides to play a joke on the doc. After dinner that night he gets out a cup and has his wife pee into it, his daughter pee into it, goes out to the garage and puts a drop of oil into it. He then jerks himself off and drops his semen into it.

Next day, he gives it to the doc and doc comes out a few moments later.

"John. What are you, some kinda wise guy?"
"No. What?"
"Well, first of all- your wife's pregnant, your daughter's got V.D., your car blew a rod, and if you don't stop jerking yourself off- you're not going to get rid of that tennis elbow."

That's the original joke....keep the tennis elbow joke where it belongs- with the sport of tennis.

luv
07-19-2005, 12:38 PM
What the hell?

This is a rip-off of the tennis joke I've been telling for years. It's too damn long to write here, but the tennis player has tennis elbow, goes to the doc who has a new computer and tells him he's got tennis elbow.

Anyways, the tennis player doesn't buy into the new technology and decides to play a joke on the doc. After dinner that night he gets out a cup and has his wife pee into it, his daughter pee into it, goes out to the garage and puts a drop of oil into it. He then jerks himself off and drops his semen into it.

Next day, he gives it to the doc and doc comes out a few moments later.

"John. What are you, some kinda wise guy?"
"No. What?"
"Well, first of all- your wife's pregnant, your daughter's got V.D., your car blew a rod, and if you don't stop jerking yourself off- you're not going to get rid of that tennis elbow."

That's the original joke....keep the tennis elbow joke where it belongs- with the sport of tennis.
I wasn't trying to steal anyone's joke. This is just an email agot a couple of years ago that I thought was cute.

Frankie
07-21-2005, 12:41 PM
What the hell?

This is a rip-off of the tennis joke I've been telling for years. It's too damn long to write here, but the tennis player has tennis elbow, goes to the doc who has a new computer and tells him he's got tennis elbow.

Anyways, the tennis player doesn't buy into the new technology and decides to play a joke on the doc. After dinner that night he gets out a cup and has his wife pee into it, his daughter pee into it, goes out to the garage and puts a drop of oil into it. He then jerks himself off and drops his semen into it.

Next day, he gives it to the doc and doc comes out a few moments later.

"John. What are you, some kinda wise guy?"
"No. What?"
"Well, first of all- your wife's pregnant, your daughter's got V.D., your car blew a rod, and if you don't stop jerking yourself off- you're not going to get rid of that tennis elbow."

That's the original joke....keep the tennis elbow joke where it belongs- with the sport of tennis.


Sorry dude. I think luv2rite's version is funnier.

Fire Me Boy!
07-21-2005, 01:07 PM
What the hell?

This is a rip-off of the tennis joke I've been telling for years. It's too damn long to write here...

...

That's the original joke....keep the tennis elbow joke where it belongs- with the sport of tennis.
I thought you said it was "too damn long to write here"? Then what? You write it anyway?
















:p

Jenny Gump
07-21-2005, 01:10 PM
ROFLROFL

papasmurf
07-21-2005, 03:18 PM
ROFL:clap::LOL::clap: