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View Full Version : I threw away the coffee fork today


Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 10:02 AM
I don't know about any of you but where I work... actually at my last three jobs I believe...... we use... the coffee fork. This is the usually plastic fork used in the break room to stir your coffee.


The coffee fork comes into play because as people slowly go through the bag of plastic spoons in the drawer, they throw them away at the end of each day...like you should....because they're dirty. However, when the last spoon has been used and thrown away, the next person needing to stir their coffee is left to forage through the drawers for something... anything that looks like it might be clean to use. This inevitably ends up being the one lone fork lying askew in the bottom of the drawer hidden under some old napkins that have happy birthday printed on them and leftover ketchup packets.

The coffee fork then leads a generally long and glorious, if not unsanitary life. Because when the coffee fork is in use, everyone knows that it is there because there is nothing better in the drawer to stir the coffee with. It becomes one of the most important items in the office environment. The coffee fork must be kept at all costs because without it you're either drinking your coffee black... which you don't like... that's why you were stirring things into it in the first place.... or you're not drinking coffee at all... which opens up a whole new set of problems for you.

Needless to say, after a week or two.... the coffee fork, which obviously hasn't been washed or even rinsed off... is starting to lose it's beauty. It's got some dried creamer a half inch or so up the shaft. The pronges are covered with stains. The handle is gritty from being handled by many different hands. People have to stop and consider the situation before actually picking up the coffee fork, let alone actually putting it into their coffee. The coffee fork has become like that smelly old neighbor who you've always appreciated for their kindness when you need to borrow their weed-wacker or who gets your mail while your out of town. You appreciate them... but don't always feel totally comfortable with them for some reason. Their nice, but kind of odd. And now they've become increasingly grey and smelly. You don't really want to listen to their stories anymore. You feel guilty that you wish someone would just put them in the nursing home so some young person who likes to drink beer with you can move into their old house. You wonder what that person may be like. Will they have NFL Sunday ticket? Will they like the same kind of beer as you?

The coffee forks days are numbered. Soon someone will think it's gross enough to actually throw it away. Then chaos will ensue for a time until someone in the office... probably the receptionist gets up the gumption to go buy more plastc spoons.

I threw away the coffee fork today. Chaos reigns in the office. We all pray for peace... and spoons........... and that there is one more lone fork hidden somewhere in the drawer behind the oven mit and under the can opener for the next time we run out of spoons.

KCTitus
07-29-2005, 10:04 AM
One could allways grow a pair, stop with the faux hot chocolate and drink coffee black.

4th and Long
07-29-2005, 10:07 AM
http://www.epkphoto.com/photo/images/straws.jpg

Otter
07-29-2005, 10:09 AM
Where I work they spring for the 200 for 75 cents coffee stirers (sp?) slash cocktail straws.

Rain Man
07-29-2005, 10:12 AM
This is a glimpse into an alien world for me.

4th and Long
07-29-2005, 10:21 AM
This is a glimpse into an alien world for me.
I'm assuming you do not drink coffee. I dont either. That stuff is just NASTY!

Rain Man
07-29-2005, 10:24 AM
I'm assuming you do not drink coffee. I dont either. That stuff is just NASTY!

Yeah, I just don't get it. It's bitter and it's hot. It smells good, but it tastes horrible.

Dartgod
07-29-2005, 10:28 AM
Yeah, I just don't get it. It's bitter and it's hot. It smells good, but it tastes horrible.
What's that all about anyway? I love to stroll down the coffee aisle at the grocery store, inhaling all the coffee aromas. Sometimes I'll even pickup those small individual packages of the different exotic flavors and sniff them, but I just cannot drink the stuff. WTF?

4th and Long
07-29-2005, 10:33 AM
What's that all about anyway? I love to stroll down the coffee aisle at the grocery store, inhaling all the coffee aromas. Sometimes I'll even pickup those small individual packages of the different exotic flavors and sniff them, but I just cannot drink the stuff. WTF?
Real vanilla smells good too but I damn sure wouldn't open the bottle and drink it. :shake:

CosmicPal
07-29-2005, 10:38 AM
I believe it's called a spork.

And I actually prefer those little red straws, only I never grab just one of them- I always grab two, three, four, and sometimes more of them just to stir my coffee.

Lastly, I rarely drink coffee at the office. If I have time, I make it at home, if not; I go to the nearest coffee shop. I will tell you this- I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss Quick Trip. They had the best coffee for a convenience store- hands down.

cdcox
07-29-2005, 10:41 AM
Nothing ticks me off more than people who stir things into their coffee. When I get coffee, I fill my cup, and move away so the next person can do the same. Coffee stirrers get their cup, put thier wuss powder in the cup, fill thier cup, stir their cup, taste it, make adjustments, stir again, taste again, all the while blabbing to some fellow stirrer.

Get out of my way already.

The only people that irritate me more are the people who when they set the coffee up put the wuss powder near the coffee in the first place. Put it across the room to relieve the congestion around the coffe.

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 10:42 AM
I believe it's called a spork.

And I actually prefer those little red straws, only I never grab just one of them- I always grab two, three, four, and sometimes more of them just to stir my coffee.

Lastly, I rarely drink coffee at the office. If I have time, I make it at home, if not; I go to the nearest coffee shop. I will tell you this- I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss Quick Trip. They had the best coffee for a convenience store- hands down.
No, it's a fork. I know what a spork is and we never have any. Our coffee fork is 100% all fork.

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 10:44 AM
Nothing ticks me off more than people who stir things into their coffee. When I get coffee, I fill my cup, and move away so the next person can do the same. Coffee stirrers get their cup, put thier wuss powder in the cup, fill thier cup, stir their cup, taste it, make adjustments, stir again, taste again, all the while blabbing to some fellow stirrer.

Get out of my way already.

The only people that irritate me more are the people who when they set the coffee up put the wuss powder near the coffee in the first place. Put it across the room to relieve the congestion around the coffe.
Obsess much?





:D

KCTitus
07-29-2005, 10:45 AM
Nothing ticks me off more than people who stir things into their coffee. When I get coffee, I fill my cup, and move away so the next person can do the same. Coffee stirrers get their cup, put thier wuss powder in the cup, fill thier cup, stir their cup, taste it, make adjustments, stir again, taste again, all the while blabbing to some fellow stirrer.

wuss powder...LOL!

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 11:10 AM
wuss powder...LOL!
I don't drink Guiness steaming hot, so why would I want to drink my coffee black? They're very similar... save for the alcohol.

Braincase
07-29-2005, 11:15 AM
My coffee usually ends up the way my women end up... cold & bitter.

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 11:27 AM
My coffee usually ends up the way my women end up... cold & bitter.
my favorite is..... I like my women like I like my coffee... hot and black...

KCTitus
07-29-2005, 11:35 AM
I don't drink Guiness steaming hot, so why would I want to drink my coffee black? They're very similar... save for the alcohol.

Ive never seen anyone put cream or sugar in their Guiness, oddly.

Nzoner
07-29-2005, 11:37 AM
I know I've openly admitted to enjoying a frozen strawberry margarita but sugar or cream in coffee or tea is where I have to draw the line.

KCFalcon59
07-29-2005, 11:51 AM
We generally just wash the plastic spoon so we never run out of them.

The Pedestrian
07-29-2005, 12:06 PM
Everywhere I go, they use the stirring straws instead of spoons. Anyway, why are you and your coworkers throwing away spoons after a single use when you all know that you'll end up using that fork that's been nasty for months? It's kinda like only sleeping with virgins because the person is paranoid about STD's (although that's a stupid rule in the first place because it's been proven that you don't have to have sex to catch some of these STD's, but just go along with it for now), and THEN going to sleep with a 50 y/o prostitute.

Rain Man
07-29-2005, 12:11 PM
That's another solution. Just hire a 50 year-old prostitute to stir all of the coffee.

Iowanian
07-29-2005, 12:19 PM
Just think................At least half of the Nasty bastards who have been using that same fork, you're using in your drink..........Don't wash their hands when they Pee.........and the guy right before you, just took a greasy dump, and didn't wash his hands either.

Sleep better, knowing that not all of those stains were coffee.


the Only "Coffee" I require comes in a Pepsi can.

Stinger
07-29-2005, 12:20 PM
You know McDonalds or any other fast food chain has hundreds of these straw stirrer things laying out in the open, just drop by and grab a couple handfulls next time you in there.



:D

Skip Towne
07-29-2005, 12:42 PM
I don't drink that nasty shit either. But now that I know about the coffee fork, I'm going to throw away every one I see.

go bowe
07-29-2005, 01:20 PM
put me in the wuss camp...

1 pkt of nutrasweet, 1 rounded teaspoon creamer...

in the darkest roast that folgers makes...

yummy... :p :p :p

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 01:33 PM
Ive never seen anyone put cream or sugar in their Guiness, oddly.
Well darn. I feel like less of a man now.

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 01:34 PM
We generally just wash the plastic spoon so we never run out of them.
Naw... too easy. You only wash your personal stuff. Community stuff goes to hell until "someone else does it."

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 01:37 PM
Everywhere I go, they use the stirring straws instead of spoons. Anyway, why are you and your coworkers throwing away spoons after a single use when you all know that you'll end up using that fork that's been nasty for months? It's kinda like only sleeping with virgins because the person is paranoid about STD's (although that's a stupid rule in the first place because it's been proven that you don't have to have sex to catch some of these STD's, but just go along with it for now), and THEN going to sleep with a 50 y/o prostitute.
I don't know. This just a simple slice of life, profile in laziness thread. Besides, you just have to throw away stirring straws too.... so what's the point?

... and we only throw the spoons away after a single DAYS use. Many individual uses. They'd be disgusting in the morning otherwise. Somehow the coffee fork is different. It's desperation time then.

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 01:39 PM
Just think................At least half of the Nasty bastards who have been using that same fork, you're using in your drink..........Don't wash their hands when they Pee.........and the guy right before you, just took a greasy dump, and didn't wash his hands either.


You been watching me....?





ROFL

FloridaChief
07-29-2005, 03:36 PM
my favorite is..... I like my women like I like my coffee... hot and black...

You've gotten it all wrong. It's "I like my women like I like my coffee...ground up and in the freezer"...

Rain Man
07-29-2005, 03:41 PM
You've gotten it all wrong. It's "I like my women like I like my coffee...ground up and in the freezer"...

I always thought it was "I like my women like I like my coffee...mugged and delivered by men from South American cartels."

chagrin
07-29-2005, 03:42 PM
I prefer mine "hand picked" by Juan Valdez

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 03:45 PM
I prefer mine "hand picked" by Juan Valdez
I'll thank Juan Valdez to keep his damn hands off my women... and my coffee fork.

onescrewleftuntwisted
07-29-2005, 03:45 PM
just use your finger if you like coffee that much

i would raver vomit in terror

Dr. Facebook Fever
07-29-2005, 03:47 PM
just use your finger if you like coffee that much

i would raver vomit in terror
uh.....burns hurt........?

I have resorted to an ink pen before.....

ptlyon
07-29-2005, 03:49 PM
I have resorted to an ink pen before.....

WTF FOR!?!?

Oh, to stir your coffee...

4th and Long
07-29-2005, 03:49 PM
uh.....burns hurt........?

I have resorted to an ink pen before.....
I'm sure there's some underlying psychological disorder here but I'll be damned if I know what it's called.

HemiEd
07-29-2005, 04:10 PM
I don't drink Guiness steaming hot, so why would I want to drink my coffee black? They're very similar... save for the alcohol.


I drink a pot of very strong black coffee before work every morning, the stronger the better. :p My wife does add creamer though. :)

Edit: Oh and I do fully appreciate the community humor, it is very true and funny.

Phobia
07-29-2005, 05:27 PM
On the rare occasions I do drink a wussified cup of coffee, I never stir. If you put the wussified sugar and cream in the bottom your cup then pour the coffee briskly it stirs better than any straw or spoon ever could. But, then again .... I'm a pretty intelligent kind of guy.

Skip Towne
07-29-2005, 05:38 PM
On the rare occasions I do drink a wussified cup of coffee, I never stir. If you put the wussified sugar and cream in the bottom your cup then pour the coffee briskly it stirs better than any straw or spoon ever could. But, then again .... I'm a pretty intelligent kind of guy.
Maybe. Then again it may be that you are just too lazy to stir it.

ENDelt260
07-29-2005, 05:44 PM
beer me, aren't you a partner in your company? Why don't you buck up for some stirrers? I'd be pissed if I had such a skinflint of a boss.

ENDelt260
07-29-2005, 05:45 PM
You've gotten it all wrong. It's "I like my women like I like my coffee...ground up and in the freezer"...
I have that t-shirt. It's real popular w/ the girls at the bar.

FloridaChief
07-29-2005, 05:51 PM
I have that t-shirt. It's real popular w/ the girls at the bar.

I have it too. I wish it fit better.