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View Full Version : Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock


Donger
08-05-2005, 04:37 PM
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/4815844/detail.html

ROFL

Man Could Not Remove Lock For Two Weeks

POSTED: 2:02 pm MDT August 5, 2005
UPDATED: 2:15 pm MDT August 5, 2005

BRENTWOOD, N.H. -- Emergency workers helped a New Hampshire man out of a difficult situation over the weekend after a friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles.

According to the Portsmouth Herald, police reported that the 39-year-old man was intoxicated when they arrived at the scene on July 30 at about 3:40 a.m. The man, who was not identified, told them that he had the padlock around his testicles for two weeks.

The man said that a friend put the lock on while he was drunk and passed out. When he woke up, the friend was gone.

"Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Cpl. H.D. Wood told the Herald.

The man told police that he tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw because the key had broken off in the lock.

He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith removed the padlock. He was treated and released, and the hospital said he had no lasting injury.

Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident.

RedDread
08-05-2005, 04:39 PM
Motive??

Um...your honor I had this padlock, and um...this guy was passed out....and uhhh, I thought I could get it to close on his balls.

Nightfyre
08-05-2005, 04:39 PM
I wonder if it cut off the circulation at all. That would leave him with blueballs.

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Braincase
08-05-2005, 04:40 PM
Franks and Beans.

alpha_omega
08-05-2005, 04:40 PM
Paybacks are gonna be hell

ENDelt260
08-05-2005, 04:41 PM
Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident.

ROFL I'll tell ya the motive... it's f*cking hilarious. That blows drawing on someone's face way out of the water.

Granted, I don't intend to be the guy handling the other dude's balls... but, if I could talk some other shitfaced person into doing it.

I gotta start carrying a padlock around with me.

Rain Man
08-05-2005, 04:41 PM
Whenever I meet a potential new friend, I make it pretty clear that if I pass out, they are not to bother my testicles. So far, everyone has honored that.

ENDelt260
08-05-2005, 04:43 PM
I like how he put up with it for two weeks... then he had to get drunk to work up the nerve to call for medical assistance.

Donger
08-05-2005, 04:44 PM
To me, the funniest part of this is that the guy 'walked' around for two weeks with a padlock around his nuts. What, was he hoping that they'd loosen up or something?

Also, any bets that the 'friend' was a female/girlfriend?

RedDread
08-05-2005, 04:44 PM
If someone did this to me, I would seriously jerk off in his beverage of choice.

ENDelt260
08-05-2005, 04:51 PM
If someone did this to me, I would seriously jerk off in his beverage of choice.

Before or after removal of the padlock?

RedDread
08-05-2005, 07:55 PM
Before or after removal of the padlock?

due to the fact that balls typically retract a bit before the deed, that would be a definite after.

also I don't know how well you'd be able jingle your jimmy with a lock on there. The consequences would be disasterous!

perhaps I've said too much :hmmm:

ZootedGranny
08-05-2005, 07:59 PM
Padlock on the balls, eh? Is that what they call marriage nowadays?

Zebedee DuBois
08-05-2005, 08:01 PM
I know the padlock would be bad... but that hacksaw down there...Whew...

DenverChief
08-05-2005, 08:06 PM
I know the padlock would be bad... but that hacksaw down there...Whew...


WE GOT A BLEEDER!!

KCChiefsMan
08-05-2005, 09:30 PM
wow, what a friend. I wouldn't know what to think about that.....His "friend" had to touch his balls to get the padlock on, meaning his friend wanted to feel up his balls, or he just wanted to do an evil joke. Either way, I'd kick the $hit out of him

Crush
08-05-2005, 09:33 PM
WE GOT A BLEEDER!!


ROFL