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Mr. Laz
08-11-2005, 10:26 AM
The 10 easiest NFL teams to hate

Randy Hill / Special to FOXSports.com
Posted: 13 hours ago

When the NFL finds itself in our topical crosshairs, I don't play favorites.

With rosters shifting from high road to hell in mere months, developing an advanced distaste for one team is a breeze. For the record, I also believe the NFL is the most compelling major professional sports league in the United States.

Perhaps this galloping interest has something to do with perceived fiscal responsibility. And much of this perceived fiscal responsibility is generated by a lack of guaranteed contracts. Put Gene Upshaw in charge of the NBA players' union and Allen Houston may have become a broadcaster years ago.

Anyway, most of us can produce reasonable excuses for hating every team in the NFL.

Unfortunately, I promised this website's content brokers that it would be no problem to whittle my hate list to 10.

This will lead to caterwauling from readers who may not find their most-hated teams on the roster.

Please realize that after considerable weighing of the associated cons, the following list reflects the 10 easiest teams to despise. Some teams attract hate because they're relentlessly successful. Some don't.

Exempt from consideration is The NFL Today team from CBS.

Also failing to meet certain hate requirements are the Arizona Cardinals, who merely serve as proof that Sun Devil Stadium is home to a pair of teams incapable of winning the Pac-10.

Yeah, the Cardinals are magazine-prediction darlings of the NFC West, but they might as well be receiving their mail back in Missouri. Show me something, Denny Green, and I'll believe.

Close to qualifying for the hated hierarchy were the Miami Dolphins, who once again employ unrepentant quitter Ricky Williams. Ricky's unofficial return from his yoga party occurred on Monday Night Football, during which he sported a hideous beard that may provide about five percent of his alleged bodyweight.

We're not sure if Williams realized he'd just invented dread whiskers.

The Denver Broncos were in the running, thanks to the off-season personnel work of head coach Mike Shanahan. Mike took advantage of a buy-one, get-three-free sale of Cleveland Browns linemen. He also traded for a punter who may be a candidate for a roughing-the-kick-blocker penalty, and used a third-round pick to select the notorious Maurice Clarett. It should be noted that Clarett recently proved he's actually fast enough to pull a groin.

That's an impressive list of castaways. But it's time to allow the true hatin' to begin:

Baltimore Ravens

The variables add up in a hurry.

Beyond the shaky details of his murder-case involvement, linebacker Ray Lewis gains points with a player-introduction dance that suggests the stun gun is a major prop in Riverdance.

Teammate Jamal Lewis has just been released from the hoosegow, which was the reward for allegedly having his cell phone used in a drug deal. The Ravens are thrilled that Jamal doesn't have a machete that some pal can borrow.

Coach Brian Billick didn't need Jamal to put the con in condescending. He can do that all by himself.

But the true measure of Raven hatred has been established by team owner Art "Runway" Modell, who dragged the franchise out of Cleveland without bothering to liberate the city of Drew Carey.


Dallas Cowboys
This was an easy choice.

For me, hating the Cowboys began during the hoity-toity days of legendary coach Tom Landry. Sure, I respected Landry and his shift-shaping offense. But the finesse-oriented nature of his attack seemed as incongruous to professional football as a champagne flute is to beer.

Recent upgrades in hate are provided by Bill "Big Tuna" Parcells, who looks great for a man old enough to have invented football.

Keyshawn Johnson, his hand-picked receiver, produced a self-inspired literary effort called Just Throw Me The Damn Ball. Any updating of this premise should provide the impetus for a companion tome called Just Shake The Damn Cornerback.

However, the key to all Dallas Cowboys hatred is egomaniacal owner Jerry Jones, whose current face remains under warranty.


Green Bay Packers

As a lad, I used to sit around the cave and use my torch to read Packer-related etchings on the walls. I was fan enough to know that Fuzzy Thurston was not an umbrella drink.


Brett Favre's recent mistakes in postseason play have cost the Packers chances at glory. (Brian Bahr / Getty Images)

But I have to acknowledge the contemporary Packers' potential for peripheral hate.

Let's start with Brett Favre, a truly great quarterback recently admired for overcoming one personal crisis after another.

It's too bad that much of his on-field greatness is tempered by even worse decision-making than what was accomplished by the people who used to dress Cher.

Teaming up with Brett to unnerve fans and gamblers is running back Ahman Green, a certified star whose acute fumbling continued until he received a wrist-accessory tip from John Madden.

Note: The Lambeau Leap had enough vertical to jump the shark years ago.

I also refuse to embrace the cheesehead-triangle hat until someone wears a lid that resembles a wine bottle.


New York Giants

Any team that represents such a commanding city is overdue for some grief.

Our lead-off man is second-year quarterback Eli Manning. Perhaps it didn't bother you, but his pre-draft, anti-San Diego pouting routine almost had me ralphing corn chips all over the sofa. The only man I'll allow to manipulate the draft is Mel Kiper Jr.

Eli is abetted by head coach Tom Coughlin, who made news last year by insisting that a 9 a.m. meeting begins at 8:45. Well, if Manning doesn't come through in a hurry, Tom's extra 15 minutes may be up.

Not to be forgotten is tight end Jeremy Shockey, whose performance/fame ratio suggests that in New York, less is more.


New York Jets

Even though Jets hero Joe Namath was one of my favorite players, he still ranks as one of the most overrated quarterbacks in NFL history.

Current Jets QB Chad Pennington insists that it's an honor to cover his team. Unfortunately, it's not much of an honor (or challenge) to cover some of his receivers.

It also should be noted that the only social value attributed to "J-e-t-s ... Jets, Jets! JETS!" occurs when the chanting drowns out ESPN's Chris Berman on draft broadcasts.


Oakland Raiders

In weighing the greatest examples of retreating genius, Al Davis should be considered the Woody Allen of pro football. Al converted many fans to haters by threatening to move the Raiders to any city capable of erecting a venue with luxury suites.

Despite the seeming end of his musical chairs, this remains a franchise — and fan base — in denial. With the exception of the team that absorbed a Super Bowl rout in San Diego, the Raiders have been relative chumps for years.

What's my solution? Two eye patches.

It doesn't hurt to employ Randy Moss, although putting Moss in silver and black seems even more frightening than suiting up Martha Stewart as deep threat on The View.


Philadelphia Eagles

Gotta offer proper respect to the fans — they booed Santa Claus. Now he coaches the team. It's a shame these loyal loudmouths didn't realize the elves deserved much more grief than Santa.

Anyway, I sort of like Donovan McNabb, but would prefer that — instead of Chunky Soup — he open a can of whup-ass a bit more often.

The hatred clincher is, of course, Terrell Owens.

T.O. has failed to realize that even though he plays in the West Coast offense, he works in a city with East Coast sensibilities.

Let's crystallize this arrangement: putting Owens in Philly is as strategically kaput as hiring Michael Jackson to play Branson, Mo.


St. Louis Rams

Anyone not in St. Louis has to despise owner Georgia Frontiere, who put the shrew in shrewd.

How'd she manage that? Well, during her getaway dance in Anaheim, she secured a lousy on-field product and subsequent fan disinterest by bringing back Chuck Knox.

Georgia's equal is coach Mike Martz, an offensive-minded fellow who burns more timeouts than a day-care temp.


Mike Martz in conference with his offensive stars on the sidelines is a familiar sight for Rams fans. (Jed Jacobsohn / Getty Images)


Under Mike's watch, the 2004 Rams had a turnover ratio of minus-24; that's just a bit worse than the employee roster at any self-respecting convenience store.


San Francisco 49ers

This hate listing has very little to do with that controversial film produced and directed by the Niners' media relations guy.

For the record, this cinematic work won first prize at the Canned Film Festival.

But 49ers fans should even hate this team after grotesque mismanagement twisted it from model franchise to first in the draft rotation.


Washington Redskins

Owner Daniel Snyder helped his team secure an automatic hate bid.

After throwing millions at limping veteran players, Snyder tossed his checkbook at Steve Spurrier. Then he lobbed it at Joe Gibbs.

According to league insiders, Snyder may pay for a sιance to conjure George Allen and/or Vince Lombardi.

By the way, the team nickname is offensive. My suggestion for its replacement is Washington Pasty White Guys.

Even though he was taking a swing at the insufferable fans of the Dallas Cowboys, Gibbs did his part in helping the franchise earn a spot on this list.

In case you missed it, Joe said Cowboys fans were the ugliest people on the planet.

Then he said it was a joke.

Gibbs does this every year.

Last year's joke was installing Mark Brunell as his starting quarterback.

Veteran columnist Randy Hill is a frequent contributor for FOXSports.com

John_Wayne
08-11-2005, 10:34 AM
I've got 4 teams that I hate:

Raiders
Denver
Miami
Dallas
.........in that order.

greg63
08-11-2005, 10:40 AM
Oakland Raiders

In weighing the greatest examples of retreating genius, Al Davis should be considered the Woody Allen of pro football. Al converted many fans to haters by threatening to move the Raiders to any city capable of erecting a venue with luxury suites.

Despite the seeming end of his musical chairs, this remains a franchise — and fan base — in denial. With the exception of the team that absorbed a Super Bowl rout in San Diego, the Raiders have been relative chumps for years.

What's my solution? Two eye patches.

It doesn't hurt to employ Randy Moss, although putting Moss in silver and black seems even more frightening than suiting up Martha Stewart as deep threat on The View.
Hey Al Davis's stupidity gave the Chiefs a hall of fame running back (Marcus Allen). As a Chiefs fan I was indebted to him.ROFL Other than that I am a true Raider-hater.

jspchief
08-11-2005, 11:01 AM
Pretty good list, but I would have to remove GB and the 49ers, and replace them with Indy and Denver.

Simplex3
08-11-2005, 11:01 AM
Broncos - Shanarat is an idiot and they cheat at the salary cap. Enough said. Oh, and that assinine "In-com-plete" chant. It's annoying as hell and it celebrates one of the dullest moments in football. Maybe it's the lack of oxygen?

Cowboys and Redskins: Their owners are arrogant pricks and even though they suck the media has it's mouths firmly wrapped around their c**ks.

New Jersey A and New Jersey B: Earth to Giants and Jets fans: You don't play in NY, you don't practice in NY, your f'ing team offices aren't even in NY! The NY Bills should come down and kick your asses. These two teams also have scrotal-media-mouth disease.

The Raiders. A team full of washed up thugs with on and off the field problems in a city where they look normal.

StcChief
08-11-2005, 11:05 AM
Hate:
Raiders
Broncos
Rams
Colts

ENDelt260
08-11-2005, 11:09 AM
Also failing to meet certain hate requirements are the Arizona Cardinals, who merely serve as proof that Sun Devil Stadium is home to a pair of teams incapable of winning the Pac-10.


Hahahaha.

Chiefnj
08-11-2005, 11:13 AM
1. Raiders.
2. Broncos.
3. Colts.
4. Rams
5. NYG.

Crush
08-11-2005, 11:14 AM
6. Redskins
5. Cowboys
4. Rams
3. Colts
2. Raiders
1. Broncos


In that order.

KCTitus
08-11-2005, 11:47 AM
Here's my list:

1. Chiefs
2. Cowboys
3. Raiders
4. Broncos
5. New England

Bearcat
08-11-2005, 11:56 AM
1a) St. Louis Rams
1b) Denver Broncos
1c) Oakland Raiders

2) Dallas Cowboys (it's worn off over the years, but they're still annoying)
3) Jacksonville Jaguars (going back to their overhyped teams of the late 90s)

That's it, really... I have no feelings of hatred towards the Patriots (after all, they beat the Rams in the SB)... if anything, jealousy. I don't hate the Colts or Patriots for success overall or over the Chiefs. That's kind of pointless, IMO. (even though I understand the whole Manning/$100 million thing)

greg63
08-11-2005, 01:15 PM
Pretty good list, but I would have to remove GB and the 49ers, and replace them with Indy and Denver.

I agree, I'm surprised those two didn't make the list.

Taco John
08-11-2005, 01:25 PM
Broncos - they cheat at the salary cap.



Completely 100% untrue...

papasmurf
08-11-2005, 01:29 PM
1. New England
2, Denver
3. Oakland
4. Dallas
5.Arizona
6.Giants
7. S.F.
8.Rams
9. Chicago
10. Baltimore

Rain Man
08-11-2005, 01:29 PM
Completely 100% untrue...

Completely 100% untrue.

Rain Man
08-11-2005, 01:31 PM
1. Bronc os.
2. Raid ers.
3. Any team that kind of reminds me of the Bron cos.
4. Any team that kind of reminds me of the Raid ers.

cadmonkey
08-11-2005, 01:36 PM
1. Jets
2. Steelers
3. Raiders
4. Rams
5. Colts

Bob Dole
08-11-2005, 01:42 PM
2) Dallas Cowboys (it's worn off over the years, but they're still annoying)

Unfortunately, it has NOT worn off over the years. The fans still insist that there are only 2 teams in the NFL.

The Dallas Cowboys, and whoever they are going to beat the next game.

stevieray
08-11-2005, 01:44 PM
Invescos X 10.

DTLB58
08-11-2005, 01:46 PM
In order:
1.Broncos-Division foes and Rat man
2.Raiders-Division foes and Al Davis and fans and moss,ect.
3.Vikings- Everytime I see Tice and Duante I just wanna puke, Plus whenever the Chiefs are brought up Tice ALWAYS says we don't like the Chiefs. He is such a whinner.
4.Redskins-Because of Daniel Snyder only. Arrogant SOB.
5.Cowboys-Only because of Jerry Jones, I like Parcells so that has taken them down my list, But Jones is an Al davis jr.
6.Bengals-Just for the pure fact they ended our winning streak in 03.
7.Baltimore-If Ray Lewis,Jamal Lewis and Deion weren't there.....
8.Mike Martz- I really have nothing against any of the other Rams :p
9.Seahawks-A bunch of underachievers and a coach that was power hungry who should have stayed in Green Bay and rode the coat tails of Favre longer and a former division foe.
10.Did I already mention the Vikings, :cuss: If they were in our division they would be at the top of this list.

Chief Faithful
08-11-2005, 01:48 PM
Pretty good list, but I would have to remove GB and the 49ers, and replace them with Indy and Denver.

I can understand putting Denver on the list because they are cheaters that love to chop block, but why Indy? Is it because of the owner?

Simplex3
08-11-2005, 01:51 PM
3.Vikings- Everytime I see Tice and Duante I just wanna puke, Plus whenever the Chiefs are brought up Tice ALWAYS says we don't like the Chiefs. He is such a whinner.
10.Did I already mention the Vikings, :cuss: If they were in our division they would be at the top of this list.

Hmmm, I forgot all about that stupid hand-over-hand celebration thing Culpepper does. THAT is annoying enough to put the Viqueens on any list.

Chiefnj
08-11-2005, 01:55 PM
I can understand putting Denver on the list because they are cheaters that love to chop block, but why Indy? Is it because of the owner?

Why Indy?!?! Why Indy? They are our playoff nemesis. I still get pissed off thinking about 1995.

KC Dan
08-11-2005, 01:58 PM
1. Donkeys
2. Faiders
3. Donkeys
4. Faiders
5. Donkeys
6. Faiders
7. Donkeys
8. Faiders
9. Donkeys
10. Faiders

Ari Chi3fs
08-11-2005, 01:58 PM
Um, the Patriots have won 3 of 4 SBs... its really easy to hate them... how are they not on the list?

Nightfyre
08-11-2005, 02:04 PM
1. Raiders
2. Cheatin' donx
3. Colts
4. Vikings
5. Cowboys
6. Eagles
7. Rams
8. Chargers
9. Bills
10. Redskins

1. The Raiders are the biggest group of scum, maybe ever.
2. The donx cheat.
3. Playoffs, twice
4. Injuring our players
5. I just always have.
6. Their fans suck, and TO is a whiney bitch.
7. Cross-State
8. Division Rival
9. Playoffs, Joe Montana Concussion
10. Dan Snyder.

SoCalBronco
08-11-2005, 02:04 PM
t1. Chiefs
t1. Ravens
t1. Raiders

morphius
08-11-2005, 02:05 PM
It would be hard to leave off Denver, with all the talk of "genius", chop blocks (how many injuries, careers shortend), cheating the salary cap, and God only knows how many fines for illegal hits...

Yeah, they are easy to hate. I guess at least they made the honerable mention.

morphius
08-11-2005, 02:06 PM
t1. Chiefs
t1. Ravens
t1. Raiders
Where do you put Indy?

cadmonkey
08-11-2005, 02:06 PM
Um, the Patriots have won 3 of 4 SBs... its really easy to hate them... how are they not on the list?


They are not arogant premadonnas with a moron for a coach, and a**hole for an owner, or fans who dress up like Darth Vader was placed in the middle ages.

I can understand why you would hate them for the winning thing, that's understandable but that is the only reason you can hate them.

whoman69
08-11-2005, 02:18 PM
Let me add a team that has not been mentioned, the Detroit Lions. Why hate them? The arrogance of their owner calling what he puts out a football team. He has hired the stupidest man in the NFL. It is Matt Millen who oversaw a record in futility and was given a contract extension. How can anybody root for a team stupid enough to tie up the cap money caused by three top 10 draft picks at such an insignificant position such as WR when his team had defensive problems that could have been minimized by taking Derrick Johnson? True, we cheer that idiotic decision, but you have to feel for their fans.
I also hate the Ravens, but not for the reasons they gave. He's wrong for hating Modell. Anyone who knows the condition of that stadium knows why the Browns left. I point to Primetime and his look what I did now style that has brought us that wonderful show of Steven A. Jackson and more prima donnas like Moss and TO to the league. I also point to a team arrogant enough to call Kyle Boller not only an NFL QB, but a top 10 pick. Was it really difficult to call bust on someone who could not even hit 50% of his receivers in college?

Dr. Facebook Fever
08-11-2005, 02:23 PM
I have so much hatred for Denver and Oakland that I have none left over for anyone else. But any team not wearing Chiefs uni's can lick my sweaty ass.

Ari Chi3fs
08-11-2005, 02:23 PM
They are not arogant premadonnas with a moron for a coach, and a**hole for an owner, or fans who dress up like Darth Vader was placed in the middle ages.

I can understand why you would hate them for the winning thing, that's understandable but that is the only reason you can hate them.

plus YOU! yeah! YOU!!!

:cuss:

ENDelt260
08-11-2005, 02:24 PM
Yeah, cadmonkey rooting for a team is pretty much reason enough to hate that team.

Amnorix
08-11-2005, 02:28 PM
1. Jets
2. Steelers
3. Raiders
4. Rams
5. Colts


No 'phins!! :eek:

Dr. Facebook Fever
08-11-2005, 02:29 PM
They are not arogant premadonnas with a moron for a coach, and a**hole for an owner, or fans who dress up like Darth Vader was placed in the middle ages.

I can understand why you would hate them for the winning thing, that's understandable but that is the only reason you can hate them.
I hate them because Earthwind Moreland makes Lionel Richie songs get stuck in my head.

cadmonkey
08-11-2005, 02:30 PM
plus YOU! yeah! YOU!!!

:cuss:


Well thats not very polite to say to a guest ROFL

Yeah, cadmonkey rooting for a team is pretty much reason enough to hate that team.

I hope your deck falls off the side of your house!!!!!!!

cadmonkey
08-11-2005, 02:32 PM
No 'phins!! :eek:


I used to. Now they are just......ehh. They can't win up here, when we play them there I can go on vacation to a sunny Miami Beach. Whats to hate, a sh*tty team with a great road location.

KC Dan
08-11-2005, 02:34 PM
I hope your deck falls off the side of your house!!!!!!!
That can't happen cause Phil mounted Endelt's deck very well.

Raiderhader
08-11-2005, 02:50 PM
That can't happen cause Phil mounted Endelt's dick very well.


:spock:

KC Dan
08-11-2005, 02:52 PM
:spock:
I said "DECK", stickboy!!!

SNR
08-11-2005, 03:13 PM
1. Broncos- Hate Shanarat and his cronies. I hate how the fans still think Plummer doesn't suck. I agree with Simplex and think the in-com-plete chant is t3h gh3y. And I just hate Colorado in general and the mindset that "there's lots of skiing here, that means where we live is better than where you live!"

2. Vikings. I still hate the Raiders with a passion, but now I feel kind of sorry for them, now. I can't ****ing stand the Viqueen homers up here. First of all, you live 300 miles away from the closest NFL team. Who says you have to root for the team that's closest to where you live? If you don't live in the ****ing town or state for that matter, pick ANY team. Fans are morons and homers, even moreso than any Rams, Broncos, and yes, Chiefs fan. If you lose four consecutive championships, it's obvious some higher power out there hates you and that you will NEVER kiss a Lombardi.

3. Raiders- Needs no explanation.

4. Sowboys

5. Falcons- Michael Vick sucks

HemiEd
08-11-2005, 03:25 PM
1) Rai ders
2) Colts
3) Raid ers
4) Bronc 0s
5) Raide rs

Jones and Snyder are hated all by themselves, no reflection on their team for me.

plbrdude
08-11-2005, 03:50 PM
Denver
Oakland
San Diego
Dallas
Indianapolis
San Fransisco
St.Louis
Baltimore
That's it in a nutshell.Maybe not a very big nutshell.But none the less

greg63
08-11-2005, 03:53 PM
7.Baltimore-If Ray Lewis,Jamal Lewis and Deion weren't there.....

The fondest memory I have of Ray Lewis was in last years game against the Chiefs when he was sitting on the bench whining about being double teamed. ROFLROFL

onescrewleftuntwisted
08-11-2005, 05:34 PM
:bang: Patriots :Lin:

Scalper
08-11-2005, 06:26 PM
I hate these teams
Rams
Atlanta
Indianapolis
Denver
Eagles
Redskins
Seahawks

ct
08-12-2005, 09:46 AM
1. Raiders
2. Browncows
3. Cowgirls
4. Redskins
5. Lambs
6. Patriots (of course I'm just jealous, duh...)

That's really all that I hate.