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View Full Version : Whoever invented mosquitoes should be shot.


Rain Man
08-25-2005, 09:57 AM
That's right. If you believe in a higher being, and that being created mosquitoes, they should be shot. Assuming of course that they can't just turn the bullet into a giant mosquito and send it back against the shooter.

I was working at my house this morning, and this big honking mosquito just kept buzzing me and buzzing me, you know, like when it comes up right to your ear and mocks you with that high-pitched whine that just dares you to try to kill it?

I can't kill it and I can't kill it, and at one point I see it land on my arm, and every time I see it, I'm a microsecond too slow, and it gets away.

After a half-hour of enduring this off and on, I sight my great white mosquito, buzzing around a little glass-top table next to me. The mosquito is enormous, and you can see broken-off harpoons in its thorax from the other people who have done battle with it. Our eyes lock, two of mine against a few hundred of those compound eyes. And then it made the fatal mistake.

It buzzed underneath some papers that were sitting atop a little sculpture and thus hanging over the top of the table. It let me know its location when it couldn't see me, stupidly believing that the paper was a rock or scissors or something else solid.

WHAMMO! Paper covers mosquito. I slammed my palm down, scanned for an escaping insect, and then slowly, ever so slowly, raised up the paper.

It was dead. Smashed to smithereens, it's huge body crushed and legs akimbo. And it was lying in a pool of ... of ... MY OWN BLOOD! MY BLOOD!

That's just not right. You shouldn't steal another creature's own blood, and this mosquito had enough to get a free pizza from a plasma bank. I felt no remorse when I saw that. That mosquito was stealing the very life essence from my body. It was her or me. One of us had to go.

However, that's not quite the end of the story. I took my shower and started to get dressed, and my finger felt funny. I looked down, and the main joint on my right ring finger has the biggest mosquito bite I've seen in years. It's swollen to double the size of a BB right on top of the joint.

The philosophers are right. There are no winners in war.

ENDelt260
08-25-2005, 10:00 AM
I bet you've got West Nile to boot.

Rain Man
08-25-2005, 10:04 AM
I'm sure I've got it. This mosquito was a thug. I'm probably going to lose my finger at a minimum.

KCFalcon59
08-25-2005, 10:11 AM
You're just lucky it wasn't a gang of mosquitos.

Donger
08-25-2005, 10:12 AM
Heh. One of the things I like about Colorado is the fact that I've only gotten a few mosquito bites since moving out here in 1995.

I'm hyper-allergic to the bites, so it was a ton of fun growing up in KC. The worst bite was, well, on my Donger.

Ari Chi3fs
08-25-2005, 10:15 AM
Imagine if mosquitos could form plattoons and attack squadrons. We are lucky there are no General Mosquitos coordinating assaults on Rain man.

Lzen
08-25-2005, 10:22 AM
I'm sure I've got it. This mosquito was a thug. I'm probably going to lose my finger at a minimum.


You should probably just go ahead and cut off that finger now. ;)

Rain Man
08-25-2005, 10:24 AM
Heh. One of the things I like about Colorado is the fact that I've only gotten a few mosquito bites since moving out here in 1995.


Yeah, I'm not used to having to deal with them any more. I like living in a no-bug climate.

Sam
08-25-2005, 10:29 AM
Interesting. I was visiting a friend at her lake lot this last weekend and I saw this wooden object in one of the trees on the property. When I asked what it was she told me that it was a 'bat house'. I said, 'huh?' She proceeded to tell me about how bats eat mosquitoes and so help to reduce their population in the areas where they live. Then she offered up and extra one she had just laying around for me to take home.

You can even buy them (http://www.bestnest.com/bestnest/bats_bat_houses.asp?src=googleaws&kw=bat_house) off the net or build your own (http://www.batcon.org/bhra/economyhouse.html).

More on the
importance of bat houses (http://www.batconservation.org/content/bathouse/bathouse.htm)

Rain Man
08-25-2005, 10:33 AM
I wonder if my cats would mind having a pet bat flying around the house.

Does bat sonar interfere with cell phones or anything?

Soupnazi
08-25-2005, 10:34 AM
Don't ever move to wisconsin or minnesota then. Damn mosquitos are like birds up there.

Amnorix
08-25-2005, 10:36 AM
Interesting. I was visiting a friend at her lake lot this last weekend and I saw this wooden object in one of the trees on the property. When I asked what it was she told me that it was a 'bat house'. I said, 'huh?' She proceeded to tell me about how bats eat mosquitoes and so help to reduce their population in the areas where they live. Then she offered up and extra one she had just laying around for me to take home.

You can even buy them (http://www.bestnest.com/bestnest/bats_bat_houses.asp?src=googleaws&kw=bat_house) off the net or build your own (http://www.batcon.org/bhra/economyhouse.html).

More on the
importance of bat houses (http://www.batconservation.org/content/bathouse/bathouse.htm)

But how do you get the bats to notice that there's new property on the market? Advertise in the local paper or what? "Bat House -- Free!!" ?

Sam
08-25-2005, 10:39 AM
But how do you get the bats to notice that there's new property on the market? Advertise in the local paper or what? "Bat House -- Free!!" ?

Good question! My friend wrote 'Bat House' on hers.

She did tell me that it often takes about 2 years before the bats 'move in'.

Eye Patch
08-25-2005, 10:39 AM
You folks do know that only “female” mosquitoes suck blood. The males are vegetarian.

Amnorix
08-25-2005, 10:41 AM
Good question! My friend wrote 'Bat House' on hers.

She did tell me that it often takes about 2 years before the bats 'move in'.


This raises the critical question of whether bats can read. I'm dubious. Maybe the thing could be set up with some kind of supersonic "I'm a horny hot chick bat and I'm looking for love" automated signal to bring in the local stud bats. They may end up confused and engaging in homosexual acts (NTTAWWT), but that's really their problem. As long as they get hungry every once in a while...

Amnorix
08-25-2005, 10:43 AM
You folks do know that only “female” mosquitoes suck blood. The males are vegetarian.


Right. Hence:

That's just not right. You shouldn't steal another creature's own blood, and this mosquito had enough to get a free pizza from a plasma bank. I felt no remorse when I saw that. That mosquito was stealing the very life essence from my body. It was her or me. One of us had to go.

Rain Man
08-25-2005, 10:43 AM
Maybe you have to tie a bunch of mosquitoes out in the front yard of the bat house.