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chris
09-30-2005, 01:36 PM
They used to be cute.

The Oakland Raiders, bad boys, pirates, looters, pillagers. Even the mascot is a bad-ass. The guy on the helmet wears an eye patch and he is smiling nonetheless. But when you are 0-3 to open a season you don't look like a bad-ass as much as just an ass.

The Raiders' offseason was very dramatic. They signed free agent LaMont Jordan from the Jets for an ungodly sum of money. Last season Jordan averaged almost five yards a carry for New York backing up NFL rushing champion Curtis Martin. Jordan is a huge dude, and it always seemed as if it took three defenders to bring him down. For the first time since perhaps Marcus Allen, the Raiders entered the season with a bona fide stud in their backfield. Well, three games into the season, the stud is a dud. After running for 70 yards in his debut as a Raider, LaMont looks more like the son on Sanford and Son than a star running back for the Silver and Black. In subsequent games, LaMont ("You big dummy!") has racked up 59 yards against the Chiefs, followed by 19 yards against the Eagles. That seems like a mathematic impossibility considering every team the Raiders play must concentrate almost solely on someone else.

Which brings me to the other bold offseason move made by the Raiders. Randy Moss.

If ever a player was born to be a Raider, Randy Moss is it. He is surly and selfish. He has a huge chip on his shoulder and he plays only when he wants to play. To be fair, he was without question the most talented player to switch teams in the offseason. Hell, he was probably the most talented player to switch teams in the last 10 years! But, as the saying goes, a leopard can't change his spots. Randy may not be a leopard, but he is still a punk. The same man who became a giant headache in Minnesota has become an Excedrin headache No. 18 in Oakland. Randy no longer talks to the media and, ala T.O., he wears headphones walking in and walking out of the stadium. When you are the most talented guy on a winless team why be cordial, right?

Watching Moss sulk on the sidelines on Sunday was beautiful. It epitomized what promises to be one of the Raiders' worst seasons. The franchise that ran class acts such as Marcus Allen, Art Shell (who was coach of the year two years before his dismissal) and Jon Gruden out of town, has opened its arms to folks like Moss, Warren Sapp and Norv Turner. Norv Turner? I have no memory of Turner being successful at anything. Even a nice guy like former coach Bill Callahan was shown the door. The reasons given for his firing last year were that he had "lost the team" and "was no longer reaching the players." Who would want to reach a group like this? Callahan was obviously not the right guy for the job in Oakland but I miss him. Maybe because he looked so much like Beau Bridges I found it comforting to watch him grimace on the sidelines.
Now it is Turner's turn to make the Raiders underachieve. Like all his predecessors, this should be a simple task. When you hand the opposing team 100 yards in penalties every Sunday, underachieving is money in the bank. Why do the Raiders always commit so many penalties? I figure the players must look into the stands, see all the criminals and start leg-whipping and shoving just to fit in. It's hard to play by the rules when every time you look up Darth Vader and a Gorilla are staring back at you.
Raider Nation is in total disarray, and I for one say hooray! No other team breeds such awful fans as the Raiders. Anyone who tattoos his team's logo on his body deserves to watch them lose week after week. Any team owned by a grown man wearing a white jump suit deserves to lose. Here is a memo to Al Davis: Unless your first name is Evil and your second name is Knievel, you are not allowed to wear a jumpsuit! Have fun this year Raiders fans.

Have fun cursing Kerry Collins and Norv Turner. Have fun drowning your sorrows week after week in bong hits and scotch. Mostly, have fun showing off your Raiders tattoo in the local jail. You won't be the only one there with one.

ZepSinger
09-30-2005, 02:27 PM
Gosh, ya know this read about the same as when I posted it. (http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=125407)

:)

TEX
09-30-2005, 03:38 PM
Well, they very well could be the best 0-3 team in the league!

Joe Seahawk
09-30-2005, 03:42 PM
The Raiders

Joe Seahawk
09-30-2005, 03:43 PM
HA!