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siberian khatru
10-19-2005, 10:03 AM
I came across this anecdote on a blog:

My senior year we had dinner at Ambrosia, a Very High End 4 star resturant on Balboa, near the bridge to Lido. Dressed to the 9's. The service was AWFUL. We were put right next to the kitchen door, which actually banged into my date's chair each time it opened. We didn't buy any wine (drinking age in CA was 21) but were charged $20 for it ANYWAY, because it was "policy."

After I paid the check I asked the waiter to bring over the captain and matre'de. I told them that for a meal like that (nearly $100 in pre-inflation money) I'd expect to leave a $20 tip. The service had been horrid and I would not leave a tip, but I didn't want them to believe it was because I was a cheap teenage that they could treat like crap. So I folded a $20 and put it in the ashtray and set it on fire.

I thought the matre'de was going to have a stroke. 6 months later they were closed.

http://www.captainsquartersblog.com/mt/archives/005618.php

I thought that was terrific. ROFL

Anybody else have a good story like that? (I don't.)

Ultra Peanut
10-19-2005, 10:05 AM
I MURDERED THEM ALL BECAUSE OF THE VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES I PLAYED

Goapics1
10-19-2005, 10:06 AM
I pulled my pecker out once.

Phobia
10-19-2005, 10:07 AM
I've never done that and I wouldn't. But once upon a time we had a really bad experience at a Japanese Steakhouse/Sushi bar. The sushi was excellent and the only thing that was positive about the entire night. When I asked for the manager to resolve the issue I was offered 10% off our meal. This enraged me, so I informed them that I would be paying $20 for the portions of the meal that were acceptable and to show that it wasn't about me being cheap, I tipped the sushi chef the balance.

Demonpenz
10-19-2005, 10:13 AM
call 911 for help

KChiefsQT
10-19-2005, 10:16 AM
spit on their tip.

nmt1
10-19-2005, 10:17 AM
Last bad experience I had was at a steakhouse. It was normal Saturday night busy so I wasn't expecting to be waited on hand and foot. We got drinks at the bar and took them with us to the table. We were basically ignored for about 20 minutes as other tables were seated and began to be served drinks, appetizers and salads. I stopped someone who told they would go get our server, which is a big mistake. Saw the server a few minutes later who took our food order and said she'd refill our drinks. Didn't see her for about 20 minutes, in fact, we never saw her again. Got up and left and will never go back to that place again. I tell everyone I know not to go there as well. Should've said something to the manager but I was too disgusted and just wanted out of the place. I think my brother said something to the hostess but we didn't wait around to hear from the manager. I wouldn't have taken a free meal from them if they had offered to deliver it.

Extra Point
10-19-2005, 10:22 AM
I pulled my pecker out once.
....and assured them you were NOT going to leave a tip, right?

Simplex3
10-19-2005, 10:30 AM
Last bad experience I had was at a steakhouse. I wouldn't have taken a free meal from them if they had offered to deliver it.
You wouldn't happen to have been at the place up by the racetrack with the big damn buffalo in front of it would you? That place was slow and expensive but at least the food was average. They basically screwed up every portion of the entire meal at a snail's pace. The ending involved us ordering two ice cream sundaes, one without the alcoholic topping for my 4 and 1 year old kids. After a 10 minute wait (for a desert) they finally bring them out, both with the sauce. I send one back and it takes another 10 minutes to get it back.

So the waitress asks how everything was, and since I wasn't getting any more food or drinks I told her the place sucked all around. She goes to get the manager, which takes another 10 minutes. By this time we've been there for nearly two hours. My wife is taking the kids to the car when the manager finally comes over and offers me a $5 off coupon for our next meal there. So I asked her if she could wait there (front lobby) for a minute while I went to ask my wife. She was still standing in the lobby when I drove past the front of the place. I didn't take the coupon because I won't be going back.

angel
10-19-2005, 10:31 AM
I like to spit in their food...

KChiefs1
10-19-2005, 10:35 AM
I went to the men's room & wiped my ass with a $20 & left it.

Rain Man
10-19-2005, 10:35 AM
I like to spit in their food...


You could actually spin that positively.

"How was your dessert?"

"It tasted like the spit of an angel."

Katipan
10-19-2005, 10:44 AM
Worked in way too many bar settings to do anything except smile nicely, and say thank you.

If I'm going to get worked up, it'll be a harangue on my way out the door. Won't risk eating there again.

Saggysack
10-19-2005, 10:46 AM
I come back a second time with a big bag of crickets from the pet store.

Nothing clears and kills out a eatery faster than 20,000 bugs crawling and jumping all over the place.

No, I've never done that. Have thought about it though. It would be funny as hell seeing the mass exodus of those that didn't have a chance to pay their bill.

tomahawk kid
10-19-2005, 10:46 AM
Worked in way too many bar settings to do anything except smile nicely, and say thank you.

If I'm going to get worked up, it'll be a harangue on my way out the door. Won't risk eating there again.

Fear of getting some "special sauce" in your food?

CosmicPal
10-19-2005, 10:49 AM
I leave two pennies on the table and say nothing.

That's my two cents any time I ever get bad service. It's rare that I'll ever do it, but I've had to do it a couple of times in the recent past.

The way I look at it- they know they're providing poor service and when they return to get their tip and they only see two pennies on the table, I hope they think about the consequences of providing poor service 'cause after all- they are primarily living off of these tips.

I save myself the embarrassment of arguing with managers in front of others and I just walk out quietly into the night knowing that I evened it up.

Rain Man
10-19-2005, 10:54 AM
Even when I try to be nice, they sometimes pour hot espresso on me. No telling what would happen if I complained.

NewChief
10-19-2005, 11:01 AM
I come back a second time with a big bag of crickets from the pet store.

Nothing clears and kills out a eatery faster than 20,000 bugs crawling and jumping all over the place.

No, I've never done that. Have thought about it though. It would be funny as hell seeing the mass exodus of those that didn't have a chance to pay their bill.

That was our senior prank when I was in high school. Everyone met up at the bait shop in the morning and bought a bag of crickets, which we let out in the school first period. It was awesome, though the halls soon looked pretty nasty from all the people stepping on the crickets.

|Zach|
10-19-2005, 11:07 AM
I remember reading a blog based on a book called "Manhattan Waiter" Based on a series of interviews of people who waited tables in NYC. Always foind some interesting stuff...a perspective from the other side of the table...

Some funny stuff...interesting stuff.

http://blogs.salon.com/0003612/2004/04/30.html

There is probably nothing quite as controversial as tipping. Some people do it, and some don't. Well, what I mean is that some people do it properly, and some people don't.

And I guess that's where we get into all the tipping drama, by attempting to define a "proper" tip. Most sources will say 15% - 20%, but some people tip more, and many Europeans tip less.

So let's listen in on Blummy explaining his thoughts on tipping. If you're just stopping in, Blummy works at a two star restaurant in the teens.

And by the way, today is Friday, so for those of you who plan to eat out...please tip!

*************************

One thing I learned was never judge a book by it's cover. People are what they are. What are you gonna' do? Look at a guy and see if he's rich? Sometimes the wealthiest people are the cheapest bastards on Earth.

I find it's usually the blue collar people who tip the most 'cause they understand that you're breaking your back. However, depending on the restaurant...When working in higher scale restaurants, these clients are familiar with dining out on a current basis. They understand the role of etiquette, that you give at least 15-17, 20 percent. Some people just do 20 percent because they don't feel like doing the math. But some people...

And I always find it's the people you do extra for, that either tip you amazing, or tip you horrible. It's the average people that go undernoticed.

Tipping...I don't know. You win some; you lose some, but there's no way to go about it. You can't approach a table and pass judgement on them, because you just never know.

Sometimes the most demanding are the hardest to satisfy, so therefore, they are just never satisfied with you, no matter what you do, so they tip you less. It's usually the people who are demanding a lot from you, like up and out of the ordinary, if their friend who is eating with them pays for the check, and notices that their friend is being difficult and you are doing your best, then that person will tip you good. But the person making all these ****ing requests, they're just assholes. Ya know?

I don't know what's going on with them. Me myself, as a server, I sometimes find myself being nasty to waiters when I'm being served. Only when they make stupid mistakes, or if they underestimate that I know what's going on. And I see them trying to use, you know, some of that magic. That behind the scenes magic?

The average sheep, restaurant patron doesn't know what goes on behind the scenes. I do and that gives me the ability to see in different dimensions, through walls. And when I see them trying to put one over on me, trying to use one of the tricks...I don't like that. Slacking off, or doing half ass work, or ignoring my table. Just doing little things. I'm very picky, but when I get service, I tip a hell of a lot. If I get mediocre service, I give them twenty percent.

If you're gonna' work at a diner, chances are you're gonna' get shitty tips all the time. I work at a good restaurant where the check average is $90 to $100 per person. So what's a bad tip? What if a guy orders $400 worth of food but a $900 bottle of wine? That's a $1300 check. You expect him to give $260 in gratuity just because you opened a bottle of wine?

Give me $100 for that and I'll be happy. 'Cause right next to that is a two top that's only a $120 check and I made $24 on a twenty percent tip. So it's all about how ridiculous your mind works. If your like, "Oh, I'm entitled!" You're not entitled to shit.

Fire Me Boy!
10-19-2005, 11:09 AM
I was at Applebee's once, about 2 hours before close, and they were NOT busy, but not slow. My wife and I got there and it took about 15 minutes for someone to even ask us for our drink orders. When a waitress finally came over, she took our drink orders. Took a while to get those, then she left without taking our orders. Came back, took the orders, left. Didn't check on us until the food was ready (we had to ask another server for refills and silverware). When she brought my wife her riblets, she asked for extra napkins and another refill. The lady disappeared and came back about 5 minutes later to see how the food was. My wife, again asked for the refill and napkins, and the girls frowned, scoffed, and said... "I'm busy." Not a "sorry" or even a "sorry, I'm busy." Just a very rude "I'm busy." After already having a night of poor service, this pushed me over the edge.

When the check came, I paid with a credit card so they'd have to keep the receipt and a manager would see it. I left no tip, and wrote the following: "If you too busy to do your job get out. I was going to leave a tip, but I lost it. I was too busy to look for it."

Rain Man
10-19-2005, 11:16 AM
When the check came, I paid with a credit card so they'd have to keep the receipt and a manager would see it. I left no tip, and wrote the following: "If you too busy to do your job get out. I was going to leave a tip, but I lost it. I was too busy to look for it."


ROFL I liked that.



My wife and I walked out of a restaurant a while back because we sat and sat and no one would wait on us. We made sure to inform the two other couples who were walking in as we walked out. One extra server, and our profit would've covered half of their labor cost for the night. What a shame.

PastorMikH
10-19-2005, 11:20 AM
Wow! Nobody puts a tip in a drink then turn the glass holding the drink upside down? Works great with clear liquids where they can see the tip but can't get it without making a mess.



Actually, I had such a bad experience at the Ryans in Joplin Mo that I won't go back to ANY Ryans Steakhouse. The service was so bad that after 20 minutes, I got up, when to the soda fountains behind the counter and got our drinks. When I was asked what I was doing, I told them (as politely as I could at that point) that we'd been waiting for 20 minutes on drinks and I thought I'd help them out. Incedentally, our table was located between the drink counter and the rest of the restuaraunt so EVERY waitress had walked by us numerous times. Add in that the food on the bar was either cold, stale, or both AND the fact that if we had came in less than 5 minutes later the kids would have eaten for free but the cashier charged us anyway, I was extremely disgusted.

Even sent an email to the corporate office about my experience. Never heard a word back.

Seek
10-19-2005, 11:20 AM
I haven't done anything like that except leave a bad tip. I did have an ex girlfriends father, do the Here is your base tip. For everything you do that I don't like, I will take a dollar away. If you do something good, I will add that dollar back.

This was at Olive Garden in KC. He was visiting his daughter and lived in Las Vegas. So I am just assuming it must be a different life style because he bitched about everything. I couldn't believe it.

First he wanted Angel Hair, not spaghetti. I know the difference but Olive Garden got it wrong, so he took a dollar away. She took the order back and came out with Spaghetti again. Again he complained. This time the chef came out and said, this is Angel Hair, he continued to argue with them. By this time I was about done with my food. So was my Ex.

He ended up throwing such a fit he just looked at us in front of the manager, and said lets go. I am not paying them a damn thing. So we all walked out without even paying for our food.

I never felt so uncomfortable in my life.

|Zach|
10-19-2005, 11:23 AM
I haven't done anything like that except leave a bad tip. I did have an ex girlfriends father, do the Here is your base tip. For everything you do that I don't like, I will take a dollar away. If you do something good, I will add that dollar back.

This was at Olive Garden in KC. He was visiting his daughter and lived in Las Vegas. So I am just assuming it must be a different life style because he bitched about everything. I couldn't believe it.

First he wanted Angel Hair, not spaghetti. I know the difference but Olive Garden got it wrong, so he took a dollar away. She took the order back and came out with Spaghetti again. Again he complained. This time the chef came out and said, this is Angel Hair, he continued to argue with them. By this time I was about done with my food. So was my Ex.

He ended up throwing such a fit he just looked at us in front of the manager, and said lets go. I am not paying them a damn thing. So we all walked out without even paying for our food.

I never felt so uncomfortable in my life.
What a dick.

Otter
10-19-2005, 11:29 AM
I worked my way through college bartending and waitering. The worst possible insult you can give to a waiter is to kindly ask the manager to be seated in another waiters/waitress area then have everything go well and leave a big tip.

Don't take bad cooking out on the waiter/waitress however.

Bartending is much easier to make people happy. Don't like your drink? Pour it out and make another one. Busy? Get the bar back in there and start serving beers. Don't like the fact I don't want to listen to your sob story for another hour? Go tell my manager, I'm busy.

Moral of story: bartend if you have to go that route

Spicy McHaggis
10-19-2005, 12:00 PM
I haven't done anything like that except leave a bad tip. I did have an ex girlfriends father, do the Here is your base tip. For everything you do that I don't like, I will take a dollar away. If you do something good, I will add that dollar back.

This was at Olive Garden in KC. He was visiting his daughter and lived in Las Vegas. So I am just assuming it must be a different life style because he bitched about everything. I couldn't believe it.

First he wanted Angel Hair, not spaghetti. I know the difference but Olive Garden got it wrong, so he took a dollar away. She took the order back and came out with Spaghetti again. Again he complained. This time the chef came out and said, this is Angel Hair, he continued to argue with them. By this time I was about done with my food. So was my Ex.

He ended up throwing such a fit he just looked at us in front of the manager, and said lets go. I am not paying them a damn thing. So we all walked out without even paying for our food.

I never felt so uncomfortable in my life.

Hey at least be glad you didn't marry into that.

Swanman
10-19-2005, 12:07 PM
When the check came, I paid with a credit card so they'd have to keep the receipt and a manager would see it. I left no tip, and wrote the following: "If you too busy to do your job get out. I was going to leave a tip, but I lost it. I was too busy to look for it."

I've left notes on receipts before. It's a good way to vent if you don't want the confrontation part of it.

The guy who runs Zug.com got horrible service and tried to leave a negative tip, but he was still charged the full amount. But that is a novel idea.

Simplex3
10-19-2005, 12:16 PM
That was our senior prank when I was in high school. Everyone met up at the bait shop in the morning and bought a bag of crickets, which we let out in the school first period. It was awesome, though the halls soon looked pretty nasty from all the people stepping on the crickets.
Hehe. We did the same thing except we cleaned out all the local pet stores and we released them in the ceiling. My g/f at the time was a year behind me and said they were dropping onto desks and crap the next year.

Rain Man
10-19-2005, 12:17 PM
Hey at least be glad you didn't marry into that.


Off topic, but back when I was a young buck I made a very bad girlfriend decision. When I met her family, it was like meeting a dysfunctional Addams family on drugs. From top to bottom, there wasn't a single person in that family that wasn't seriously screwed up in one way or the other.

The dad took the cake, though. He literally could not stop talking, ever. If you wanted peace and quiet, you just had to leave. I remember going to their house for Thanksgiving once, and there was a time when it was just me and the dad standing around outside. I kid you not, I stood there for probably close to an hour and never said a single word. The guy didn't stop talking the entire time, and never even tried to ask a question or have any kind of two-way conversation.

Simplex3
10-19-2005, 12:23 PM
I haven't done anything like that except leave a bad tip. I did have an ex girlfriends father, do the Here is your base tip. For everything you do that I don't like, I will take a dollar away. If you do something good, I will add that dollar back.
Hope you checked your food for extra ingredients. I saw that stunt pulled a couple of times in my food service days and both of them involved additional flavoring.

Frosty
10-19-2005, 12:33 PM
He ended up throwing such a fit he just looked at us in front of the manager, and said lets go. I am not paying them a damn thing. So we all walked out without even paying for our food.

An ex-girlfriend's father was that way. Every single trip to a restaurant ended with a screaming fit. Turns out he was just trying to get the meals for free. :shake:

I very quickly learned to turn down dinner invites.

bkkcoh
10-19-2005, 12:48 PM
What I really like it to get bad service and mention something about it to the manager and they say 'We couldn't help it, we had a couple of people call off and we are understaffed'

It is like it is our fault for making them understaffed.

Fire Me Boy!
10-19-2005, 01:16 PM
The dad took the cake, though. He literally could not stop talking, ever. If you wanted peace and quiet, you just had to leave. I remember going to their house for Thanksgiving once, and there was a time when it was just me and the dad standing around outside. I kid you not, I stood there for probably close to an hour and never said a single word. The guy didn't stop talking the entire time, and never even tried to ask a question or have any kind of two-way conversation.
Sounds very familiar... my FIL is the same way. And REALLY friggin' opinionated. I hate going over there.

siberian khatru
10-19-2005, 01:42 PM
Off topic, but back when I was a young buck I made a very bad girlfriend decision. When I met her family, it was like meeting a dysfunctional Addams family on drugs. From top to bottom, there wasn't a single person in that family that wasn't seriously screwed up in one way or the other.

The dad took the cake, though. He literally could not stop talking, ever. If you wanted peace and quiet, you just had to leave. I remember going to their house for Thanksgiving once, and there was a time when it was just me and the dad standing around outside. I kid you not, I stood there for probably close to an hour and never said a single word. The guy didn't stop talking the entire time, and never even tried to ask a question or have any kind of two-way conversation.

I briefly dated a girl whose mother was like that. I seriously think she (the mom) was mentally ill.

PastorMikH
10-19-2005, 01:47 PM
Sounds very familiar... my FIL is the same way. And REALLY friggin' opinionated. I hate going over there.




Saaaayyyy, you didn't by chance marry Rainman's Ex girlfriend did you?


:)

luv
10-19-2005, 01:49 PM
What I really like it to get bad service and mention something about it to the manager and they say 'We couldn't help it, we had a couple of people call off and we are understaffed'

It is like it is our fault for making them understaffed.
That's when you say, "So you're excuse for poor service is your inability to hire employees who will be here?"

I work in a smaller town outside of Springfield. There's a pizza place who our employees always order from. They are constantly late or forget an order. Some employees ha stopped ordering , but not me. Whenever that happens, they usually give your your order for free. Being a supervisor, I don't have a set time when I take lunch. So if my order is late, I can wait until they get there with my then free food before going to lunch. :D

BigRedChief
10-19-2005, 01:53 PM
If you leave no tip they just think you are cheap.

The easiest and simplist message to send to a bad waiter/waitress for bad service is to leave a single penny.

Sully
10-19-2005, 02:07 PM
I agree with the single penny method.
Oh, and not returning, but that goes without saying.

Anyone know the etiquette on getting fatty steaks/ Prime Ribs?
I seem to be getting a lot of these lately, and I remember when I used to be a server we politely told people to get over it when they complained about that, but it seems that if I order 8oz of meat, and get 3-4 oz of fat, that I should complain... any thoughts?

Pitt Gorilla
10-19-2005, 02:07 PM
For poor service, I leave 8-10%. Of course, the message probably gets lost as some people leave that normally. Oh well...

luv
10-19-2005, 02:09 PM
I agree with the single penny method.
Oh, and not returning, but that goes without saying.

Anyone know the etiquette on getting fatty steaks/ Prime Ribs?
I seem to be getting a lot of these lately, and I remember when I used to be a server we politely told people to get over it when they complained about that, but it seems that if I order 8oz of meat, and get 3-4 oz of fat, that I should complain... any thoughts?
I have a friend who sends back her plate when her steak isn't cooked well enough. I could just hear her saying, "Excuse me, but I ordered steak, not fat."

Sully
10-19-2005, 02:11 PM
Yeah.
I used to work at a steak place, and we basically just told people that fat comes with the deal, until they pitched a real fit. But I don't want to be aa d*ck, so I was curious if anyone else really thought it was just "part of the deal" or not.

|Zach|
10-19-2005, 02:12 PM
For poor service, I leave 8-10%. Of course, the message probably gets lost as some people leave that normally. Oh well...
Yup

KCChiefsMan
10-19-2005, 03:38 PM
so when I used to wait tables through college (it feels good saying that now), we had about 10 families at least that would never tip and they kept coming back every week or 2, so the first time or 2 I'd give them good service just like I would anyone else, well then the next time I had to serve them if I remembered them correctly they definately left unhappy because I would give them the worst service I could, then I would be extra extra extra nice to the tables sitting near them just to rub it in. I even said to a guy one time while he was eating his cold food while I let it sit there for 10 minutes, "boy, ya sure look thursty, huh?"

I kinda got a kick out of messing with those people, and I would only give that treatment to people if I remembered correctly that they didn't tip last time.....

but if ya had a few tables like that all night it really got stressful, so I try to be a very pleasant customer when I eat out and if I get great service I usually tip 30%, bad service 15% depending on how bad it is.

Bowser
10-19-2005, 03:38 PM
I dare anyone here to go see the movie Waiting, then bitch about their food the next time they eat out.



And the worst service I have EVER had at a restaurant came at the LoneStar Steakhouse. Service sucked, got the wrong drinks, daughter got the wrong food, and the food was nearly cold. This happened twice. Never again.

Sully
10-19-2005, 03:40 PM
"Waiting"was hilarious, and as off a it seemed, every character was someone I knew once in the food business.

Coach
10-19-2005, 03:50 PM
"Waiting"was hilarious, and as off a it seemed, every character was someone I knew once in the food business.

Well, every time I think of fast food resturant, I'm thinking that my food should be ready no more than 5 minutes after my order, tops.

Count Alex's Wins
10-19-2005, 03:59 PM
I go Jackie Chan on the whole restaurant, customers included. If I'm not satisfied, no one is.

KCChiefsMan
10-19-2005, 04:06 PM
the worst service I got was at a Mojo's in Lawrence (I think it went out of business) me and 5 friends went out to eat and we all ordered about 80 wings or so, it being a wing place. We were damn near the only customers in there, maybe a couple of other tables. The pick-up window was in sight and we saw our wings sitting there for about 10-15 minutes after it was done, then the waitress finally brings it out. there were no napkins on the table or extra plates or anything. The food took about 30-40 minutes after we ordered, after we got our wings we asked for napkins and a lot of them because wings are messy and we were polite the whole time. The waitress comes back with one single napkin and rudely says "here ya go"

so we all split the napkin and then I went to the bathroom and got a bunch of toilet paper to use instead.

That was the only time I did not leave a tip at a restaraunt

Phobia
10-19-2005, 04:10 PM
the worst service I got was at a Mojo's in Lawrence (I think it went out of business) me and 5 friends went out to eat and we all ordered about 80 wings or so, it being a wing place. We were damn near the only customers in there, maybe a couple of other tables. The pick-up window was in sight and we saw our wings sitting there for about 10-15 minutes after it was done, then the waitress finally brings it out. there were no napkins on the table or extra plates or anything. The food took about 30-40 minutes after we ordered, after we got our wings we asked for napkins and a lot of them because wings are messy and we were polite the whole time. The waitress comes back with one single napkin and rudely says "here ya go"

so we all split the napkin and then I went to the bathroom and got a bunch of toilet paper to use instead.

That was the only time I did not leave a tip at a restaraunt

I'll bet you were wearing a NASCAR hat. Heh heh.

These jokes keep getting better with age.

Count Alex's Wins
10-19-2005, 04:12 PM
A huge pile of wings sounds pretty tasty.

dirk digler
10-19-2005, 04:18 PM
I used to work in restaurants and was a manager of one for some time so I have quite a bit of empathy for bad service. Most of the time bad service results from being extremely busy and extremely short handed. Even when you try to explain to customers they don't give a rat's ass.
In the end I pretty much hated all customers except the loyal ones that always came in.

I am so glad I don't work in the restaurant field anymore.

Frosty
10-19-2005, 04:19 PM
so we all split the napkin and then I went to the bathroom and got a bunch of toilet paper to use instead.

You could have just used the table cloth, the drapes, seats, carpet, etc.
:)

Amnorix
10-19-2005, 04:27 PM
I dare anyone here to go see the movie Waiting, then bitch about their food the next time they eat out.



And the worst service I have EVER had at a restaurant came at the LoneStar Steakhouse. Service sucked, got the wrong drinks, daughter got the wrong food, and the food was nearly cold. This happened twice. Never again.

Interesting. One of my worst experiences was at Lone Star too. We had gone there many times, and liked it, while we lived in Pittsburgh. There's none conveneintly nearby here, so when we and a couple other family members went to Maine for a long weekend, we went to a Lone Star near the hotel we were staying it.

Unbelievably bad service. They were CLEARLY extremely short-handed. The waitress we had was apologetic, and we felt bad for her because it was clear she was one of the few that DID show it. It didn't stop out food from being cold, that we were there for like 2 hours, or that service was absurdly slow.

It was so bad that a family came and sat at a table next to us, and then got up and left when, 15 minutes later, nobody had gone to their table to even start the ball rollign with drinks or whatever. Not good.

We left a decent tip, because the waitress was just clearly screwed, and she was nice to us and all. I think they took the drinks off the bill by way of apology too, if I remember right.

A month or so later we happened to go to another Lone Star, in another location, more or less as a test, cuz we figured that first time around was just an aberration. Bad service again, though. They weren't as short-staffed, but the waitress was not at all pleasant, service was still slow, etc.

At that point, Lone Star got written off the list forever. Too many restaurants around to bother putting up with that...

dirk digler
10-19-2005, 04:31 PM
Curious if anyone believes in the saying that the "customer is always right"?

I don't. **** em is what I say.

Rain Man
10-19-2005, 04:32 PM
Hearing these stories, I bet there's some bean counter at Lone Star Corporate Headquarters who came up with a plan to cut labor costs by 12 percent, and thinks he's a genius.

Simplex3
10-19-2005, 04:39 PM
Hearing these stories, I bet there's some bean counter at Lone Star Corporate Headquarters who came up with a plan to cut labor costs by 12 percent, and thinks he's a genius.
Hell, he got a raise for it. Stock prices went up when it was announced, too.

Frosty
10-19-2005, 04:46 PM
Curious if anyone believes in the saying that the "customer is always right"?

They are very rarely right, but they are the ones with the money.

sedated
10-19-2005, 05:00 PM
Curious if anyone believes in the saying that the "customer is always right"?


If the customer was always right, everything would be free.

Some customers are so desperate to get free stuff, they seem willing to lick an elephant's @$$hole; throwing a temper tamtrum is no big deal.

dirk digler
10-19-2005, 05:04 PM
I agree with both of you. I hate asshole customers. It makes me want to hack in their food.

Extra Point
10-19-2005, 05:04 PM
Hint: Don't go where they put up a sign that says:

"WE PUT THE CUSS
in
CUSTOMER SERVICE!"

Leave 50 cents and tell the server to use it to call a
good restaurant to see how theirs make money.

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 05:55 PM
I went to the men's room & wiped my ass with a $20 & left it.Did you look to see if it changed color? Maybe it was counterfeit.

milkman
10-19-2005, 06:17 PM
I leave two pennies on the table and say nothing

This is my usual response to bad service as well.

There was one time, though, when the service was so bad, I walked over to my waittress as I was leaving, handed her the two cents, and said to her "This is the tip for your service tonight, and believe me when I tell you is far more than you're worth".

|Zach|
10-19-2005, 06:21 PM
I don't quite understand the spite directed at the waiter or waitress personally...

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 06:38 PM
I come back a second time with a big bag of crickets from the pet store.

Nothing clears and kills out a eatery faster than 20,000 bugs crawling and jumping all over the place.

No, I've never done that. Have thought about it though. It would be funny as hell seeing the mass exodus of those that didn't have a chance to pay their bill.Those things are pretty cheap too. :thumb:

milkman
10-19-2005, 06:40 PM
I don't quite understand the spite directed at the waiter or waitress personally...

I don't understand your inability to understand.

If the wait person provides poor service, who should the spite be directed at?

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 06:48 PM
I leave two pennies on the table and say nothing.

That's my two cents any time I ever get bad service. It's rare that I'll ever do it, but I've had to do it a couple of times in the recent past.

The way I look at it- they know they're providing poor service and when they return to get their tip and they only see two pennies on the table, I hope they think about the consequences of providing poor service 'cause after all- they are primarily living off of these tips.

I save myself the embarrassment of arguing with managers in front of others and I just walk out quietly into the night knowing that I evened it up.You pretty much should avoid that restaurant until the staff is turned over then. Me, I leave a 10% tip even if it sucks, normally I tip 15% of the ticket. Then I just leave and don't come back. I don't get too hung up on the fact that my business is so damned important to any place. By itself, it is a drop in their bucket, and I am sure they could give a fug. Life is way too short to get pissy with a server over a few bucks and a shitty meal.

Just don't go back. If they are consistently bad, the marketplace will find out. I will tell my friends not to eat there, oh yeah.

Frazod
10-19-2005, 06:55 PM
I realize that the people who are waiting on me and cooking my food are generally overworked, underpaid and footsore, so I'm generally willing to forgive a certain amount of less-than-good service. But I have little patience for rudeness, and God forbid I realize that I'm getting shitty service while someone else isn't. If I see somebody who came in after me get their food before I do, I'll generally just get up and leave. Bad service because of extremely busy conditions is generally forgiven. Rude service gets NO tip and no return business.

The worst service I ever got was at an Applebee's in Staten Island. That was in 1997. I didn't set foot in another Applebee's until earlier this year.

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 06:57 PM
I haven't done anything like that except leave a bad tip. I did have an ex girlfriends father, do the Here is your base tip. For everything you do that I don't like, I will take a dollar away. If you do something good, I will add that dollar back.

This was at Olive Garden in KC. He was visiting his daughter and lived in Las Vegas. So I am just assuming it must be a different life style because he bitched about everything. I couldn't believe it.

First he wanted Angel Hair, not spaghetti. I know the difference but Olive Garden got it wrong, so he took a dollar away. She took the order back and came out with Spaghetti again. Again he complained. This time the chef came out and said, this is Angel Hair, he continued to argue with them. By this time I was about done with my food. So was my Ex.

He ended up throwing such a fit he just looked at us in front of the manager, and said lets go. I am not paying them a damn thing. So we all walked out without even paying for our food.

I never felt so uncomfortable in my life.If I was the Chef, I would have said, WTF do you want? This is Olive Garden not Mamaleone's!!

Rain Man
10-19-2005, 06:58 PM
You pretty much should avoid that restaurant until the staff is turned over then. Me, I leave a 10% tip even if it sucks, normally I tip 15% of the ticket. Then I just leave and don't come back. I don't get too hung up on the fact that my business is so damned important to any place. By itself, it is a drop in their bucket, and I am sure they could give a fug. Life is way too short to get pissy with a server over a few bucks and a shitty meal.

Just don't go back. If they are consistently bad, the marketplace will find out. I will tell my friends not to eat there, oh yeah.


Good points all. Unless I know for sure I'll never go back (e.g., business trip to some odd place), I'll always leave at least a ten percent tip. However, if I leave a ten percent tip, I'm probably not coming back anyway.

On a related note, a client of mine a while back was the head of a very large organization (1,000+ employees), and told an interesting story a while back. Probably 300 of the employees were in the headquarters building, and a new restaurant opened across the street. She went over there with a group of managers, and essentially got ignored. When they finally asked for service, the server was snitty, and so they asked for the manager. The manager came out and said something along the lines of "Get off my back. I'm busy." My client went back and sent a memo out to the entire headquarters that said that there were to be no business lunches held at that restaurant in the future. You never know who you're dealing with.

Rain Man
10-19-2005, 07:01 PM
Okay, here's another question. What do you do when you go to a "fast casual" restaurant like Chipotle's or Boston Market or something, and pay by credit card? They've always got that line for a tip, and I feel guilty if I write in a zero, but at the same time I'm not getting any service. I'm just picking up my food to go and I'm even pouring my own drink. I hate that. Half the time I'll put down a zero and feel guilty, and half the time I'll put down a dollar and be ticked off about it.

milkman
10-19-2005, 07:04 PM
Okay, here's another question. What do you do when you go to a "fast casual" restaurant like Chipotle's or Boston Market or something, and pay by credit card? They've always got that line for a tip, and I feel guilty if I write in a zero, but at the same time I'm not getting any service. I'm just picking up my food to go and I'm even pouring my own drink. I hate that. Half the time I'll put down a zero and feel guilty, and half the time I'll put down a dollar and be ticked off about it.

Why feel guilty about not leaving a tip?

A tip is paid for service.

What service are they providing that would warrant a tip?

How about this.

On that line for tips, write "Get a job that you actually earn tips".

CosmicPal
10-19-2005, 07:04 PM
You pretty much should avoid that restaurant until the staff is turned over then. Me, I leave a 10% tip even if it sucks, normally I tip 15% of the ticket.

My general rule in tipping is the standard 20% for good service and this is for simply being polite and acknowledging us at the table and making sure the water glasses are topped off and stuff like that. Nothing exciting, but always expected.

Exceptional service will get 25% and above. Someone who goes out of their way or goes beyond the duties of their jobs even when we can see they are very busy.

Average service will get 15% This doesn't mean the server was unpleasant, but that they failed to check up on us or fill our waters, etc. Simply omitting the duties we expected of you.

And bad service and an attitude, but I'm giving them a break 'cause it is after all a busy night and they may be putting in a double and stuff like that will get 10%

But, service that is appalling and unforgiving will get the two cents.

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 07:08 PM
so when I used to wait tables through college (it feels good saying that now), we had about 10 families at least that would never tip and they kept coming back every week or 2, so the first time or 2 I'd give them good service just like I would anyone else, well then the next time I had to serve them if I remembered them correctly they definately left unhappy because I would give them the worst service I could, then I would be extra extra extra nice to the tables sitting near them just to rub it in. I even said to a guy one time while he was eating his cold food while I let it sit there for 10 minutes, "boy, ya sure look thursty, huh?"

I kinda got a kick out of messing with those people, and I would only give that treatment to people if I remembered correctly that they didn't tip last time.....

but if ya had a few tables like that all night it really got stressful, so I try to be a very pleasant customer when I eat out and if I get great service I usually tip 30%, bad service 15% depending on how bad it is.Was it your restaurant? What gave you the perrogative to piss off one of your bosses customers? That is what is called tough, you tough it out, suck it up, get through it and move on. No pride in your work ethic at all.

Fug if I did that I would have been out of business a long time ago.

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 07:14 PM
I used to work in restaurants and was a manager of one for some time so I have quite a bit of empathy for bad service. Most of the time bad service results from being extremely busy and extremely short handed. Even when you try to explain to customers they don't give a rat's ass.
In the end I pretty much hated all customers except the loyal ones that always came in.

I am so glad I don't work in the restaurant field anymore.Old people bitch the loudest and for the least problem.

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 07:16 PM
Hell, he got a raise for it. Stock prices went up when it was announced, too.Wasn't that stock a part of Enron's many enterprises?

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 07:18 PM
They are very rarely right, but they are the ones with the money.I work at the same place I always have, I bought it from my Boss, thinking cool, I get to be the boss now, WRONG. I traded one boss for hundreds of bosses.

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 07:23 PM
Good points all. Unless I know for sure I'll never go back (e.g., business trip to some odd place), I'll always leave at least a ten percent tip. However, if I leave a ten percent tip, I'm probably not coming back anyway.

On a related note, a client of mine a while back was the head of a very large organization (1,000+ employees), and told an interesting story a while back. Probably 300 of the employees were in the headquarters building, and a new restaurant opened across the street. She went over there with a group of managers, and essentially got ignored. When they finally asked for service, the server was snitty, and so they asked for the manager. The manager came out and said something along the lines of "Get off my back. I'm busy." My client went back and sent a memo out to the entire headquarters that said that there were to be no business lunches held at that restaurant in the future. You never know who you're dealing with.So true. I remember getting a phone call, where I was tired, and didn't want to do the whole 9 yards with the guy. Luckily he gave me a second chance, I was young and new in this joint at the time. I sucked it up, said sorry and got on with my badself, did the whole 9 yards on the phone.

This was like 10 years ago, and they guy still trades here, drops about 60 bucks a month.

It would have all, ALL, all 10 years worth, had been lost had I continued on the "i'm busy" attitude that he sniffed out like shit on a stick.

HemiEd
10-19-2005, 07:24 PM
Off topic, but back when I was a young buck I made a very bad girlfriend decision. When I met her family, it was like meeting a dysfunctional Addams family on drugs. From top to bottom, there wasn't a single person in that family that wasn't seriously screwed up in one way or the other.

The dad took the cake, though. He literally could not stop talking, ever. If you wanted peace and quiet, you just had to leave. I remember going to their house for Thanksgiving once, and there was a time when it was just me and the dad standing around outside. I kid you not, I stood there for probably close to an hour and never said a single word. The guy didn't stop talking the entire time, and never even tried to ask a question or have any kind of two-way conversation.


Did you drive a Le Baron? :hmmm:

CosmicPal
10-19-2005, 07:26 PM
Okay, here's another question. What do you do when you go to a "fast casual" restaurant like Chipotle's or Boston Market or something, and pay by credit card? They've always got that line for a tip, and I feel guilty if I write in a zero, but at the same time I'm not getting any service. I'm just picking up my food to go and I'm even pouring my own drink. I hate that. Half the time I'll put down a zero and feel guilty, and half the time I'll put down a dollar and be ticked off about it.

ROFL

Chipolte doesn't do that. If you pay by credit, you don't have to sign it. They just give it to you. The only one of those "fast casual" restuarants that I know do that is Wahoo's Fish Tacos. They have you sign the credit receipt and it has the line for Tips on there. What kills me, is that they actually have a tip pitcher on the counter too. They do have someone bring you your food if you sit in and eat, but if you leave, there's no need for the server. I DO tip at Wahoo's 'cause they do have a server. But, Chipolte- not.

I also have a problem with tipping at Starbuck's, particularly when all I ever really get there is the coffee. I understand someone has to go through all that trouble of whipping up the milk and shit, but still- you want a freakin' tip on a $5.00 cup of frothy caffeine? Phug that....

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 07:28 PM
ROFL

Chipolte doesn't do that. If you pay by credit, you don't have to sign it. They just give it to you. The only one of those "fast casual" restuarants that I know do that is Wahoo's Fish Tacos. They have you sign the credit receipt and it has the line for Tips on there. What kills me, is that they actually have a tip pitcher on the counter too. They do have someone bring you your food if you sit in and eat, but if you leave, there's no need for the server. I DO tip at Wahoo's 'cause they do have a server. But, Chipolte- not.

I also have a problem with tipping at Starbuck's, particularly when all I ever really get there is the coffee. I understand someone has to go through all that trouble of whipping up the milk and shit, but still- you want a freakin' tip on a $5.00 cup of frothy caffeine? Phug that....I agree with the Starbucks thing. Heck, I ought to put a tip jar on my counter.

Rain Man
10-19-2005, 07:29 PM
Old people bitch the loudest and for the least problem.

Funny story (okay, maybe mildly humorous): When I was 26, I made a jaunt to India for reasons unknown. I was in some hotel restaurant listening to some Indian Band doing a cover of "Yesterday" by the Beatles with a sitar and a drum, and in comes this big ol' tour group that was predominantly senior citizens. One table of them ends up sitting next to me, and they look at the menu, and start grousing, saying, "I can't believe that there's no American food." I'm sitting over there at my table thinking, "You're in India! INDIA! Not Indiana! It's another whole country!"

Rain Man
10-19-2005, 07:32 PM
Did you drive a Le Baron? :hmmm:

If you're an engineer with the Ohio Department of Transportation, I'm going to be mighty embarrassed.

milkman
10-19-2005, 07:33 PM
ROFL

Chipolte doesn't do that. If you pay by credit, you don't have to sign it. They just give it to you. The only one of those "fast casual" restuarants that I know do that is Wahoo's Fish Tacos. They have you sign the credit receipt and it has the line for Tips on there. What kills me, is that they actually have a tip pitcher on the counter too. They do have someone bring you your food if you sit in and eat, but if you leave, there's no need for the server. I DO tip at Wahoo's 'cause they do have a server. But, Chipolte- not.

I also have a problem with tipping at Starbuck's, particularly when all I ever really get there is the coffee. I understand someone has to go through all that trouble of whipping up the milk and shit, but still- you want a freakin' tip on a $5.00 cup of frothy caffeine? Phug that....

I never go to Starbucks.

What the hell do I need any of that other crap for.
Just give me a good cup of coffee, something Starbucks doesn't have.
Their coffee is terrible.

HemiEd
10-19-2005, 07:38 PM
If you're an engineer with the Ohio Department of Transportation, I'm going to be mighty embarrassed.
ROFL

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 07:38 PM
Funny story (okay, maybe mildly humorous): When I was 26, I made a jaunt to India for reasons unknown. I was in some hotel restaurant listening to some Indian Band doing a cover of "Yesterday" by the Beatles with a sitar and a drum, and in comes this big ol' tour group that was predominantly senior citizens. One table of them ends up sitting next to me, and they look at the menu, and start grousing, saying, "I can't believe that there's no American food." I'm sitting over there at my table thinking, "You're in India! INDIA! Not Indiana! It's another whole country!"You see what I mean!

Good one.

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 07:40 PM
I never go to Starbucks.

What the hell do I need any of that other crap for.
Just give me a good cup of coffee, something Starbucks doesn't have.
Their coffee is terrible.Let me guess, the big decision for you at the grocery store is between Folgers instant and Tasters Choice freeze dried?

jspchief
10-19-2005, 07:45 PM
I usually tip 20% for good service, 15% for bad. I've rarely left pennies or anything. Normally you can pick up onthe reason for lousy service, and if it isn't the waiter's fault I still tip well.

There is one exception though. The infamous "memory" waiter. This is the waiter that doesn't write down your order, they just "memorize" it. If you show up and take my order, and don't write it down, you better get the damn order right. I order everything without onions, and the memory waiter screws this up fairly often. That is a good way to get an ass chewing for both the waiter and the manager.

siberian khatru
10-19-2005, 07:45 PM
I work at the same place I always have, I bought it from my Boss, thinking cool, I get to be the boss now, WRONG. I traded one boss for hundreds of bosses.

You are a sage.

CosmicPal
10-19-2005, 07:46 PM
I never go to Starbucks.

What the hell do I need any of that other crap for.
Just give me a good cup of coffee, something Starbucks doesn't have.
Their coffee is terrible.

I don't like Starbucks either, but when I need a caffeine fix, there's usually one right around the corner so it's a matter of convenience than anything. I can't stand to go into those places 'cause everyone is so damn pretentious.

I usually buy a bag of organic coffee to brew at home from Sunrise Market- it is outstanding. I don't know if you have them where you are, but Kaladi Brothers makes some pretty darn good brews as well.

Calcountry
10-19-2005, 07:49 PM
I don't like Starbucks either, but when I need a caffeine fix, there's usually one right around the corner so it's a matter of convenience than anything. I can't stand to go into those places 'cause everyone is so damn pretentious.

I usually buy a bag of organic coffee to brew at home from Sunrise Market- it is outstanding. I don't know if you have them where you are, but Kaladi Brothers makes some pretty darn good brews as well.There is this new coffee machine that I am interested it, Tassimo.

Have any of you had experience with it?

milkman
10-19-2005, 07:51 PM
Let me guess, the big decision for you at the grocery store is between Folgers instant and Tasters Choice freeze dried?

Instant coffee is just about as bad as Starbucks.

milkman
10-19-2005, 07:56 PM
I don't like Starbucks either, but when I need a caffeine fix, there's usually one right around the corner so it's a matter of convenience than anything. I can't stand to go into those places 'cause everyone is so damn pretentious.

I usually buy a bag of organic coffee to brew at home from Sunrise Market- it is outstanding. I don't know if you have them where you are, but Kaladi Brothers makes some pretty darn good brews as well.

Never heard of them.

I usually just buy the large can of Chase and Sanborn, but occassionally, for a really good pot of Coffee get the SLO roasted brand fresh coffee beans.

Pants
10-19-2005, 08:10 PM
There is this new coffee machine that I am interested it, Tassimo.

Have any of you had experience with it?

No, but the chick is really hot.

Michael Michigan
10-19-2005, 08:17 PM
How did you handle bad restaurant service?

Same way I handle truck drivers that ask me move my car when I'm pumping gas.

;)

Skip Towne
10-19-2005, 08:23 PM
Same way I handle truck drivers that ask me move my car when I'm pumping gas.

;)
Slink meekly away?

Michael Michigan
10-19-2005, 08:32 PM
Slink meekly away?

An armed society is a polite society.

Skip Towne
10-19-2005, 08:35 PM
An armed society is a polite society.
Yeah, I'm always nicer to those with a gun.

WilliamTheIrish
10-19-2005, 08:35 PM
I do what the KU Football payer Dion Rayford did a few years back.

I climb in the drive through and scream:

WHER'S MY F*CKING CHALUPA, YOU MF'ING A**HOLES!!!!!!!

Then I get my fat ass wedged in the window and have to wait for the cops to come to get me out and arrest me.

Skip Towne
10-19-2005, 08:39 PM
I do what the KU Football payer Dion Rayford did a few years back.

I climb in the drive through and scream:

WHER'S MY F*CKING CHALUPA, YOU MF'ING A**HOLES!!!!!!!

Then I get my fat ass wedged in the window and have to wait for the cops to come to get me out and arrest me.
Not me. I do what Ell Roberson did and horn some sleazy skank while on a football trip.

WilliamTheIrish
10-19-2005, 08:42 PM
Not me. I do what Ell Roberson did and horn some sleazy skank while on a football trip.

At a restraunt?

Skip Towne
10-19-2005, 08:48 PM
At a restraunt?
Oh damn, let me go delve into my archives of K-State misdeeds.

|Zach|
10-19-2005, 08:57 PM
I don't understand your inability to understand.

If the wait person provides poor service, who should the spite be directed at?
Thier pocketbook. The organization as a whole.

Like JSP said...its not to hard to figure out wether a lot of problems are your servers fault. Most times it is not. An apathetic attitude or an effort problem or an attitude problem I can imagine feeling that way.

But so many small factos go into that meal and when problems happen...alot of time it is not that severs fault. If taking it out on them makes you feel better than more power to you. But there are other ways of taking care of that situation.

milkman
10-19-2005, 09:03 PM
Thier pocketbook. The organization as a whole.

Like JSP said...its not to hard to figure out wether a lot of problems are your servers fault. Most times it is not. An apathetic attitude or an effort problem or an attitude problem I can imagine feeling that way.

But so many small factos go into that meal and when problems happen...alot of time it is not that severs fault. If taking it out on them makes you feel better than more power to you. But there are other ways of taking care of that situation.

I'm talking about poor service as a result of an apathetic attitude or effort problem.

I don't have issues with wait persons that are busy.

I don't blame the servers if the food is bad.

But if the place isn't busy, I expect to get drink refills, and my food in a timely courteous manner.

WilliamTheIrish
10-19-2005, 09:03 PM
Oh damn, let me go delve into my archives of K-State misdeeds.

They have to be at a restraunt.

ZepSinger
10-19-2005, 09:04 PM
I got a waitress fired from Godfather's Pizza a few years ago. Believe me, she deserved it.

cdcox
10-19-2005, 11:43 PM
Okay, here's another question. What do you do when you go to a "fast casual" restaurant like Chipotle's or Boston Market or something, and pay by credit card? They've always got that line for a tip, and I feel guilty if I write in a zero, but at the same time I'm not getting any service. I'm just picking up my food to go and I'm even pouring my own drink. I hate that. Half the time I'll put down a zero and feel guilty, and half the time I'll put down a dollar and be ticked off about it.

ROFL
Same actions here, completely different emotions. I alternately give them the buck and think "what the heck it's only a buck" or write the zero and get mad for them trying to intimeidate me out of a tip. I don't even know my rationale for doing one over the other. IMO counter service should not warrent a tip.

Count Alex's Wins
10-19-2005, 11:51 PM
I got a waitress fired from Godfather's Pizza a few years ago. Believe me, she deserved it.

Details!

cdcox
10-20-2005, 12:17 AM
On the other side of the coin, a few years back I had a business trip in NYC and took the family (wife and daughter) along. The whole trip was so painfully expensive I hate to think about it.

But there was one evening -- check that one moment -- that made it all worth while. I took them out to a really nice resturant (I think the check for the 3 of us came to like $400). We were seated on the second floor and I asked the waiter where the restroom was. No big deal right? Wrong.

"Come with me, sir," he said as I followed him over to the rail, near the stairs. He clasped his hands behind his back and paused. The two of us stood there, and surveyed the scene below. Now I understood. We wer two men, standing there. The fact that this was a resturant where he was the waiter and I was the customer buying a meal I could scarcely afford was irrelevant. For that brief moment, were were two lords looking over our stables of thoroughbreds. Winemakers surveying our vinyards. Robberbarrens, perched over our minions slaving away in our factory. He breathed in deeply. I did the same. This was a moment to savor. Then he broadly jestured with an open palm toward the men's room, where powerful, land-owning men like us go to releive ourselves.

One of the best pisses I ever took in my life.

The whole meal was like that. That dude was a master.

onescrewleftuntwisted
10-20-2005, 12:58 AM
simple,

i just stand up on the table pull down my pants piss a big circle around the table and then shit right in the middle of the table.

when the police come in i just say, "the waiter was pissy and the food tasted like shit"