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View Full Version : Bill Simmons on Denver sports fans


tk13
10-22-2005, 05:09 PM
I won't post the whole column this week, but I had to post this last pick he makes and his comments about his book signing in Denver... so here are some highlights of the column that he posted yesterday... :)

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/0510121

DOLPHINS (-1.5) over Chiefs
There's a very good chance that the Dolphins could go 0-8 on the road and 8-0 at home ... in fact, I think I'll predict it. By the way, is anyone else rooting for Ricky Williams to score a TD, just to see whether he'll blow a hit from a mock bong as part of his touchdown dance? I think I would pay $500 to see this happen during a game that Joe Buck was announcing -- his head would explode.

(Speaking of Ricky, doesn't his beard look like something that would be grown after somebody has been playing "Survivor" for five weeks? Does he just live in the wilderness? Does he own a house anymore? Does he shower? Does he sleep at the football stadium? Can somebody follow him around for a week?)


Colts (-15.5) over RICE UNIVERSITY
One of the highlights of the TV season: ABC miking Peyton Manning last Monday. My favorite part was when he saw Dominique Rhodes after the fumbled kickoff, and he knew he had to say something because he was miked, so he ended up muttering in a robotic voice, "Hey, shake it off, you need to shake it off" as Rhodes stood there with a "What's going on, this guy hasn't talked to me in three years?" look on his face. That killed me. My second favorite part was when Manning got into the argument with the O-line coach and Tarik Glenn, and things became so heated that ABC decided they couldn't show the video, then all tapes were subsequently destroyed by NFL Films. Wouldn't want anything to get in the way of the "Manning vs. Manning" Super Bowl in four months, you know?

(Speaking of the Colts, they seem very unhappy to me for a team that's 7-0. Now here's the team that needed a sex cruise.)

Chargers (+3.5) over EAGLES
I'm down on the 2005 Eagles: They can't run the ball. Not only is Westbrook a glorified third down back, not only do they have trouble controlling the clock at the end of games, but McNabb always gives them 2-3 big scrambling plays per game -- always at crucial times -- only he's so banged up right now, he's a complete nonthreat (10 carries, 9 yards). Plus, the other teams know he's a nonthreat, so they don't have to waste an extra defender on him. Throw in the lack of depth at receiver and a competitive division (maybe the best in the league) and it seems like Philly is in some major trouble this season. I don't think they have the horses.

(Which raises a bigger question: Imagine if the Eagles finish 9-7 and miss the playoffs ... but the Bears win the NFC North with a 5-11 record? Would that be 10 times worse than the 2005 Padres debacle, 20 times worse or 50 times worse?)


CARDS (-3.5) over Titans
I love how Denny Green is playing coy with this Sunday's starting quarterback, like the Titans are going to be totally flustered if they're expecting Josh McCown and Kurt Warner lines up behind center. Oh, no, it's Warner! This changes everything! Instead of the young kid who sucks, we get the washed-up old guy! Now what do we do? In fact, it's so ridiculous, I think I have to take them.


GIANTS (-2) over Broncos
During the fourth quarter of the Giants-Cowboys game, Eli unveiled the Eli Manning Face for about 15 minutes ... then it went away and he turned into a young Tom Brady down the stretch. But it was fun to see the Eli Face again -- all that was missing was the Chargers hat and the awkward handshake with Paul Tagliabue.

Anyway, I still believe in the Giants. And in case you believe in the Broncos, lemme remind you of three things: they started 5-1 each of the past two seasons; Tatum Bell rushed for nearly 10 yards a carry (25 for 241) over the last two games, which would almost certainly shatter every rushing record known to man if it continues; and there's a reason they call Jake "The Snake." Let's see them win a tough one on the road before we pull out the popsicles here.

(Random Denver note: The city obliterated the record for "Most stoned people at a Simmons signing" on Wednesday night. Next time, I'm handing out complimentary Visine with each book.)

DRU
10-22-2005, 06:55 PM
That's cuz all the good shit is in Colorado. I was there for the Chiefs game (still crying about it) and I tell you I was high all weekend!

JimNasium
10-22-2005, 07:00 PM
Toke-o John?

cdcox
10-22-2005, 07:45 PM
Cosmic Pal, no doubt.

siberian khatru
10-22-2005, 08:27 PM
Not to hijack the thread, but I found this funny:

(Which raises a bigger question: Imagine if the Eagles finish 9-7 and miss the playoffs ... but the Bears win the NFC North with a 5-11 record? Would that be 10 times worse than the 2005 Padres debacle, 20 times worse or 50 times worse?)

Mr. Flopnuts
10-22-2005, 09:02 PM
That's cuz all the good shit is in Colorado. I was there for the Chiefs game (still crying about it) and I tell you I was high all weekend!


Colorado pot is buffalo dung compared to the herb in Seattle.

DRU
10-22-2005, 09:07 PM
Colorado pot is buffalo dung compared to the herb in Seattle.

So how about hookin me up with a stuffed teddy bear?

KcMizzou
10-22-2005, 09:12 PM
(Speaking of Ricky, doesn't his beard look like something that would be grown after somebody has been playing "Survivor" for five weeks? Does he just live in the wilderness? Does he own a house anymore? Does he shower? Does he sleep at the football stadium? Can somebody follow him around for a week?)

That thing is pretty rough. Looks like a chia pet growing on his neck.