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SCChief
10-25-2005, 05:01 AM
I don't really know where to begin guys.

On Friday night, my wife and a few of her friends and family ambushed me for lack of a better term and took the kids. All of the time I was taking care of her, she was making arrangements to take my kids and leave. Kids that she had really had nothing to do with in a few years. She alleges abusive behavior (all of which my neighbors and friends are going to deny emphatically, and all of which is undocumented and untrue). But... in my own investigation of what happened, I uncovered some pretty surprising facts about my wife's activities over the last few months, as well as the fact that my wife abused both me and the kids. So... I got a lawyer even before she did and I am going for custody. And he is indicating that due to the extenuating circumstances I uncovered, I will win.

That is why I did not post this weekend... I was too heartbroken. I really still am. For two years, I have been the primary caregiver for my children. I cooked, I cleaned, I cared for them when they were sick or hurt, I played with them, helped my oldest with homework, taught my 2-year-old to carry on a conversation with adults... and all my wife has allowed me is to talk to them before they go to bed. My oldest tells me she just wants to come home to me. My youngest doesn't really like to talk on the phone. I look around my house and see the girls' toys that they love, and Morgan's artwork... I have never been hurt so bad.

Even while I am grieving, I am putting the witnesses together to get my children back. I think she underestimated how viciously I would fight for my kids, especially when all one of them can tell me is how she wants to come home to me. It breaks my heart that this has happened, but my girls are all I can think about.

Please pray for me to have the strength to do what is right, and pray for my girls to have the strength to get through this as well. And hell... pray for my wife to have the strength to make it through what is probably going to be a pretty bitter custody dispute. As much as I love her... she could have gone without my kids, and I would have cried, but moved on. But I cannot move on as long as I am being kept from my kids.

tk13
10-25-2005, 05:12 AM
Good luck.

cookster50
10-25-2005, 05:13 AM
Sorry to hear that man, that sucks. You'll be in my prayers.

mikey23545
10-25-2005, 06:27 AM
I hope you find the strength to get through this, bro...Good luck...

bkkcoh
10-25-2005, 06:30 AM
A tough uphill battle is ahead, but keep up the good fight.

Troy1220
10-25-2005, 07:02 AM
That's tough dude. I will pray for you. Pray that her wicked plans are foiled. I pray that you and the children will somehow be blessed in this horrible situation.

God Bless,
Troy

OldTownChief
10-25-2005, 07:10 AM
A tough uphill battle is ahead, but keep up the good fight.

Agreed, just don't bring the kids into it. They'll remember this later in life.

bkkcoh
10-25-2005, 07:23 AM
Agreed, just don't bring the kids into it. They'll remember this later in life.

That is no doubt. It will be tough enough on them anyway. Try not to speak bad of the future ex in front of the kids either.

They will be smart enough to make up there minds in the future...

Braincase
10-25-2005, 07:32 AM
Prayers and Power to you.

SCChief
10-25-2005, 07:40 AM
Agreed, just don't bring the kids into it. They'll remember this later in life.

Aye. My wife was used in several custody disputes when she was growing up. Her childhood was a sad series of broken homes. I will not do this to my kids. I don't hate my wife, I still love her very much despite the betrayal. But I cannot allow her to take my kids from me. But no matter what happens, my kids will have every opportunity at a good relationship with both of us. No matter how bitter and brutal this gets, I will not allow the kids to be traumatized anymore than they already have. Which is why I talk to them on the phone each night and try and remain happy... not letting them know I feel so broken inside.

Phobia
10-25-2005, 07:46 AM
Been there, Done that.

Best of luck.

Inspector
10-25-2005, 07:52 AM
Plenty of us can relate.

Good luck. May justice prevail and the courts act in the best interest of the children.

Mr. Kotter
10-25-2005, 07:57 AM
Fight the good fight. Do what you have to do.

God bless and good luck.

Skip Towne
10-25-2005, 08:04 AM
Best of luck to you. I had a similar experience. You will come out of this OK.

Bwana
10-25-2005, 08:04 AM
Sorry to hear this. Best of luck bud.

RedXtreme
10-25-2005, 08:09 AM
Good luck And I wil keep ypu in and you kids in my prayers as I have gone through this twice. One thing to remember if this gets to intense in the court room the judge my remove the kids from both of you for awhile till he makes a choice. Judges are getting smarter about who should have the kids but you must have the right one to see things that way . Men have just as much right to their kids as she does. Keep youre head up and spirits as well for God will be with you through this trying time in youre life.

ROYC75
10-25-2005, 08:11 AM
You never want to bring the kids into it, NEVER ! With that being said, many times it happens. From your comments about the wife being thru this as a child, it's probally a good bet those tactics are already being used or will be used by her from seeing it as a child.

Keep a level head about it and I wish / pray you good luck.

kepp
10-25-2005, 08:41 AM
Man, bro, I'm sorry to hear this is happening. I have a two-year-old daughter and I can't imagine what I would do if that happened. I prayed, and will continue to pray, that God will be involved from start to finish in your situation and that He will do what is best for your kids.

siberian khatru
10-25-2005, 08:43 AM
What the hell's going on? A month ago you were worried about your wife's health, she had stroke-like symptoms, IIRC. Now she's pulling this on you? Jeebus.

Radar Chief
10-25-2005, 08:46 AM
Damn dude, sorry to hear (read) it.
Pray’n for the best for you and your girls.

Chief Henry
10-25-2005, 08:54 AM
Good luck and may your lawyer be the dirtiest SOB
on Earth while working for you.

Iowanian
10-25-2005, 09:05 AM
Something is lost in translation.

SCChief
10-25-2005, 09:05 AM
Good luck and may your lawyer be the dirtiest SOB
on Earth while working for you.

He isn't dirty... but he doesn't feel he has to be with the evidence and sworn statements I have presented him.

What hurts me the worst in all of this is that I will have to hurt Selena (legally) to get my kids back. Of course... she could end it at anytime just by giving me my kids back. My kids do not deserve to be dragged from family situation to family situation like Selena was. And her reasons for leaving are unprovable (because it never happened), while mine for going after her in court are witnessed.

It kills me that I have to allow my lawyer to play so roughly in this, as I still love my wife more that life itself. But I will do what is best for my kids.

Brock
10-25-2005, 09:07 AM
It kills me that I have to allow my lawyer to play so roughly in this, as I still love my wife more that life itself. But I will do what is best for my kids.

Based on what you have told me, she doesn't care about you at all.

show no mercy.

SCChief
10-25-2005, 09:08 AM
What the hell's going on? A month ago you were worried about your wife's health, she had stroke-like symptoms, IIRC. Now she's pulling this on you? Jeebus.

Aye. I think her blood pressure problems were guilt over what she was planning on doing.

Bowser
10-25-2005, 09:09 AM
What a mess. It's amazing how history repeats itself when children grow into adults.

Some advice you surely have figured out - do not ever, EVER badmouth your wife to your kids, no matter how much she deserves it or how bad you feel the need to.

And what happened, anyway? I thought you had said your wife had been sick?

Good luck, man.

SCChief
10-25-2005, 09:15 AM
What a mess. It's amazing how history repeats itself when children grow into adults.

Some advice you surely have figured out - do not ever, EVER badmouth your wife to your kids, no matter how much she deserves it or how bad you feel the need to.

And what happened, anyway? I thought you had said your wife had been sick?

Good luck, man.

I won't go into too many details, as she has access to this site as well, and my attorney has advised me that we need to blindside her. But she is making allegations of being scared of me, while I am saying that she is with someone else... and that she is the one with the pattern of abuse, both toward the kids and toward me. Difference is... she will not find a single witness that I have laid a hand on her other than the two of us roughhousing (playing). However, I have a few witnesses to her cursing at and hitting me and the kids.

She had been sick. I thought her illness was due to the anti-depressant she was on, and it turns out that she was riddled with guilt over what she was about to do to me.

Iowanian
10-25-2005, 09:17 AM
I'm trying to do the math, but the sum isn't adding up.

A couple of weeks ago she's "having stroke", now her she and her family accuse you of abuse and take the kids, but she hasn't been around the kids for a long time?

did you knock her out to cause the "stroke symptoms"?

Chief Henry
10-25-2005, 09:17 AM
He isn't dirty... but he doesn't feel he has to be with the evidence and sworn statements I have presented him.

What hurts me the worst in all of this is that I will have to hurt Selena (legally) to get my kids back. Of course... she could end it at anytime just by giving me my kids back. My kids do not deserve to be dragged from family situation to family situation like Selena was. And her reasons for leaving are unprovable (because it never happened), while mine for going after her in court are witnessed.

It kills me that I have to allow my lawyer to play so roughly in this, as I still love my wife more that life itself. But I will do what is best for my kids.



Lawyers have to play dirty. It s the way of the world. But if your's doesn't...good luck. I hope things work out for the best for you and your kids.

Phobia
10-25-2005, 09:22 AM
I'm trying to do the math, but the sum isn't adding up.

A couple of weeks ago she's "having stroke", now her she and her family accuse you of abuse and take the kids, but she hasn't been around the kids for a long time?

did you knock her out to cause the "stroke symptoms"?

With what dude is going through, I'm surprised he can even type a complete sentence. I'm sure much of what he shares on here will make little sense to rational people. He's desperate to get his kids back and he's throwing all the shit he can find in hopes some of it sticks. In recounting the tale to us, he's practicing - I guess.

StcChief
10-25-2005, 09:29 AM
Sorry to hear that. Amazes me how things like this repeat in future generations. Hope this doesn't scare the
kids enough, that they will be in the same situation in 20-30 years.... May want to talk to a shrink about how to handle and break this cycle now for you kids sake...

Best of luck. Prayers are with you and yours.

Amnorix
10-25-2005, 09:39 AM
Best of luck. Sorry to hear about this whole saga.

Amnorix
10-25-2005, 09:41 AM
I've seen a couple references in this thread to "a stroke". I'm not a doctor, but my understanding is that strokes can cause changes in personality. Not sure if this is at all helpful, but her recent actions might be a result of this.

bkkcoh
10-25-2005, 09:44 AM
Sorry to hear that. Amazes me how things like this repeat in future generations. Hope this doesn't scare the
kids enough, that they will be in the same situation in 20-30 years.... May want to talk to a shrink about how to handle and break this cycle now for you kids sake...

Best of luck. Prayers are with you and yours.

but have hope for the future, the cycle can be broke.

patteeu
10-25-2005, 09:53 AM
Damn. Good luck SCChief. I can't imagine...

htismaqe
10-25-2005, 09:54 AM
Good luck dude. We're thinking about you.

ChiTown
10-25-2005, 10:03 AM
Can't imagine what you are going though. Best of luck to you, and you have our prayers.

Pat

KC Dan
10-25-2005, 10:14 AM
Good luck to you. I went through the very same thing in SC 12 years ago. Worst time of my life but it all worked out in the end. It always does.

Wrasse
10-25-2005, 10:19 AM
Best of luck and you and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers.

SCChief
10-25-2005, 10:54 AM
I'm trying to do the math, but the sum isn't adding up.

A couple of weeks ago she's "having stroke", now her she and her family accuse you of abuse and take the kids, but she hasn't been around the kids for a long time?

did you knock her out to cause the "stroke symptoms"?

No. Basically, all of her symptoms seem to be guilt-related, cause she has been behind my back for months now. And the more compassion I showed her in her physical state, the more guilty she felt, and the higher her BP went.

Iowanian
10-25-2005, 10:59 AM
So....she was shagging the landscapers, had a mental breakdown over the guilt, while you were caring for her, made it worse...and all the while she was finalizing plans to yank the kids and drop the Big D.

Good luck. Sounds like you'll be better off without the nutjob.

bringbackmarty
10-25-2005, 11:04 AM
fight fight fight it man. get the best lawyer you can get, and good luck and god bless you and especially those kids.

bringbackmarty
10-25-2005, 11:11 AM
Lawyers have to play dirty. It s the way of the world. But if your's doesn't...good luck. I hope things work out for the best for you and your kids.
I wouldn't say that lawyers have to play dirty, but the knowledge that they have of the legal system lends itself easy to abuse. They have such an unfair knowledge of the legal system in some cases over their clients, and they can then make the clients make poor financial decisions.
aw **** it, they are all crooks, they get out of law school and then they're ****in greedy pigs. especially my wife, and she doesn't even have a real job yet.

ExtremeChief
10-25-2005, 11:15 AM
Good luck and God Bless, SC.

Calcountry
10-25-2005, 11:29 AM
One day at a time, sweet Jesus.....

Frankie
10-25-2005, 11:50 AM
Hey SCChief,
As a once divorced father I really feel for you. Especially when society tends to automatically consider the mom innocent and the dad guilty unless proved otherwise. A father's love for his children is at least as deep as a mother's love. But it is often too easily dismissed. Sounds like you've gone past that obstacle. Stay strong and do not give up. The sh!t she's pulling is just wrong. My thoughts are with you, man.

Fishpicker
10-25-2005, 12:09 PM
I hope everything goes your way in this. Good Luck to you SCChief.

SCChief
10-25-2005, 12:34 PM
Thanks guys. I am in quite a state. I am working on the 3k retainer fee for my attorney... once that is handled, the ball rolls. Hell... she hasn't even met with her attorney yet. Every step she has taken has been without legal counsel. While I am planning my attack, I am perfectly calm. It is when I stop and look around my house which is empty of children that I break down.

The doctor says it is a normal grief reaction, and that I will be fine. I appreciate all the support.

Frankie
10-25-2005, 12:41 PM
Thanks guys. I am in quite a state. I am working on the 3k retainer fee for my attorney... once that is handled, the ball rolls. Hell... she hasn't even met with her attorney yet. Every step she has taken has been without legal counsel. While I am planning my attack, I am perfectly calm. It is when I stop and look around my house which is empty of children that I break down.

The doctor says it is a normal grief reaction, and that I will be fine. I appreciate all the support.
Whatever happens, make sure the children are not in the middle. They should not be used as tools. You should talk to them (especially the older one) and reassure them you love them and this thing is about mom and dad only and they have nothing to do with it. My son is paying dearly now for it (after 17 years) because mom, in her anger and belligerance, didn't abide by that rule.

SCChief
10-25-2005, 12:55 PM
Whatever happens, make sure the children are not in the middle. They should not be used as tools. You should talk to them (especially the older one) and reassure them you love them and this thing is about mom and dad only and they have nothing to do with it. My son is paying dearly now for it (after 17 years) because mom, in her anger and belligerance, didn't abide by that rule.

Aye. I have done everything to assure Morgan I have not abandoned her, and that I expect her to behave her mother, and be brave for her little sister.

I will not use my daughters the way my wife was used by her parents.

Frankie
10-25-2005, 12:58 PM
Aye. I have done everything to assure Morgan I have not abandoned her, and that I expect her to behave her mother, and be brave for her little sister.

I will not use my daughters the way my wife was used by her parents.
:thumb:
Only make sure being brave is not a task she has to be resposible to you about.

KCFalcon59
10-25-2005, 01:11 PM
Hope everything turns out well for you. I will pray for you and your kids. You're a good father.

Iowanian
10-25-2005, 01:14 PM
It'd be a damn shame if she slipped and fell into a wood chipper.

munkey
10-25-2005, 01:45 PM
I won't go into too many details, as she has access to this site as well, and my attorney has advised me that we need to blindside her.


:Spock:

KChiefsQT
10-25-2005, 02:19 PM
Hang in there.. keep that head high and chin up. Get a good dose of your buddies... you need them in times like this. And most of all, good luck man, I wish you the best.

Phobia
10-25-2005, 02:37 PM
Hang in there.. keep that head high and chin up. Get a good dose of your buddies... you need them in times like this. And most of all, good luck man, I wish you the best.

What he really needs is a sympathy lay. Were you coming on to him?

Postal_clone
10-25-2005, 02:37 PM
I went through something similar with my oldest. my ex and her mom would badmouth me to K every chance they got. After our divorce, my ex got involved in a bunch of bad stuff...which I found out about later and didnt tell her until we went to court. I dont know south carolina laws but in Iowa you can use a phone tap as long as one of the parties knows one is being used. the whole process took YEARS and it will be hard on everyone involved. Filed in 93, got custody in 98, got ex parental rights terminated in 2004......which was the right thing to do. It may or may not be in your case. 11 years and over 50000 in atty fees, private investigators and other stuff but in the end the money really didnt matter. she still owes 12000+ in child support that ill probably never see. Good luck to you

chiefs4me
10-25-2005, 07:47 PM
Thanks guys. I am in quite a state. I am working on the 3k retainer fee for my attorney... once that is handled, the ball rolls. Hell... she hasn't even met with her attorney yet. Every step she has taken has been without legal counsel. While I am planning my attack, I am perfectly calm. It is when I stop and look around my house which is empty of children that I break down.

The doctor says it is a normal grief reaction, and that I will be fine. I appreciate all the support.




You said she has access to this site...if that is true, then quit laying out your plans for her to read. You can win, my brother has custody of 2 of his boys from his first marriage, and she pays him child support. Keep us posted but not in to much detail, and good luck and prayers coming your way.

munkey
10-25-2005, 08:03 PM
You said she has access to this site...if that is true, then quit laying out your plans for her to read. You can win, my brother has custody of 2 of his boys from his first marriage, and she pays him child support. Keep us posted but not in to much detail, and good luck and prayers coming your way.

I was beginning to think it was just me... :shake:

Spott
10-25-2005, 08:11 PM
One more example to prove that women are nothing but pure evil. Some are just better than others at hiding it.

wutamess
10-26-2005, 11:07 PM
What a mess.

You Raaaaang?