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Rain Man
11-05-2005, 07:25 PM
Okay, I just went to get my hair cut. (Hopefully, you noticed and think it looks good.)

Here's the background information you need for this story. I often get my haircuts at this place that offers a shoulder massage at the end of the cut. While I hope no one thinks poorly of me for saying this, if someone's going to touch my ears and run their fingers through my hair and then give me a shoulder massage, I have a certain hierarchy of preferences for who does so. In my particular case, that preference would be: 1. attractive females 2. average females. 3. unattractive females 4. males, who are by definition universally unattractive. I generally defer on the shoulder massage if I don't get one of my top three choices.

Since I kind of like getting the shoulder massage, that means that I'm interested in who's cutting hair that day. While I will keep in mind the ultimate goal of my visit (getting my hair cut well) and tip according to that sole criterion, I nonetheless have my preferences, and scout out the situation. I will play by the rules, though, and take whatever outcome occurs.

Okay, enough background. Now, tonight I go in, and there is a bit of a wait. I'm scouting out the situation, which falls thusly: 1 very, very attractive haircuttress, 1 attractive haircuttress, 1 average haircuttress, 2 other (i.e. below-average) haircuttresses, and 1 guy. In my observations, the very, very attractive haircuttress also gives out the longest shoulder massage, so there's a lot going in her favor in the pecking order. The shortest massages are given by the guy, but that's because no one is taking the shoulder massage from him since 95 percent of the customers are male. (Incidentally, I wonder if the low massage demand may increase his income since he can cut more hair per hour, but that's a discussion for another time.)

(Oh, and yes, I know I'm bald. But that's beside the point, too.)

So anyway, as I'm watching, it's becoming clear that the haircuts are falling in a distinct pattern: the three average/below average females all tend to finish up about the same time, and the two attractive ones and the guy all tend to finish up at about the same time. After about twenty minutes I know I'm moving up to the top of the list, and the next wave of cuts is falling to the attractive ones and the guy. (I should note too that the guy has a bad location, sitting right in front of the waiting area, which really bugs me. Too many people watching. A haircut should not be a public exhibition.)

The tension is mounting as the three hair people send off their newly shorn customers and sweep up their areas. Will I get the guy and no shoulder massage? The attractive stylist and a baseline shoulder massage? Or the gorgeous stylist and an ultra-shoulder massage? The stakes were high. I could feel my heart beating faster as I tried to discern the slightest hint of who might go next, and of whom remained in front of me in line. I could tell it was going to be touch and go: I was somewhat sure that I was next, and the guy finished his first, but then he took a long time sweeping and went into the back room. The gorgeous stylist finished next and I surreptitiously keep an eye on her, thinking that perhaps destiny and queueing theory are on my side. The guy was still in the back room when she put away her broom, but then, like all women, she betrayed me by suddenly wheeling off to the shampoo area to wash her hands. Or maybe she didn't. Am I next, or is it the stocky unibrow guy down at the end of the waiting area? I have no idea what to think as the attractive haircuttress also puts away her broom. It's going to be close, akin to that Rams/Titans Super Bowl where one yard might make the difference between sweet victory and ignominious defeat.

The guy came out and strode toward the counter. I've got a bad feeling about this, because I think I might be next. The very, very attractive haircuttress is over at the shampoo area, and some dude has walked over there and is chatting her up - what a jerk. The attractive haircuttress is brushing the hair off her hands, and is located only three feet from the check-in desk. It's going to be close....

The guy turns around and faces the waiting area. "Rain Man?" he says. I sigh with defeat. I lay low, on the off chance that there's someone in line ahead of me who is also named Rain Man. He comes over to me. "Rain Man?"

I put down my magazine that is target-marketed toward twenty-something fad followers, and stand up to get my massageless haircut, bowed but unbroken by the angry gods of probability.

But...the story doesn't end here. I'm in my chair at the horrible location, sitting three feet from the guy who may have singlehandedly cost me an ultra-shoulder massage from a very, very attractive haircuttress, and the receptionist comes over to him. "I'm sorry," she tells the guy, "but you're actually the second person who has requested Tara, so it's going to be a longer wait than I first told you."

If I was the Incredible Hulk, I would have split my pants. Not one, but TWO of the waiting people had specifically requested the very, very attractive haircuttess with the long shoulder massages, thereby destroying the probabilities for everyone else. My odds of getting an attractive ultra-massage were zero!

Now, I have no idea how good any of these haircuttresses are, because it does not take a high level of skill to trim up the little fringe of hair that mocks me in the mirror. Maybe the very, very attractive haircuttress was highly skilled and in demand for said skills. Or perhaps, a couple of guys came in and attempted to bypass the time-honored system of random selection, thereby working over the rest of us who honor this system and our fellow man. Is this acceptable? Unacceptable? What is your theory?

CosmicPal
11-05-2005, 07:30 PM
1. When you get a hot gal - you get her business card afterwards. That way you can always schedule a cut with her.

2. You actually sign in as Rain Man? And not to burn your britches, but Rainman is one word. It's a single unit. A single person. A single entity. It's all for one, one for all.

Sully
11-05-2005, 07:30 PM
That may be the best-told story EVER!

stevieray
11-05-2005, 07:34 PM
massage and a hair cut..how metrosexual...

oh wait..you live in Denver.

Rain Man
11-05-2005, 07:38 PM
masage and a hair cut..how metrosexual...

oh wait..you live in Denver.


As if you aren't secretly wishing the same for yourself...with your head of hair, you'd be legendary there.

stevieray
11-05-2005, 07:39 PM
As if you aren't secretly wishing the same for yourself...with your head of hair, you'd be legendary there.

barbershop, my man.

Rain Man
11-05-2005, 07:40 PM
2. You actually sign in as Rain Man? And not to burn your britches, but Rainman is one word. It's a single unit. A single person. A single entity. It's all for one, one for all.


Well, maybe not. And who says Rainman is only one word? My birth certificate clearly says "Rain Man."

And while we're at it, is the proper spelling Chiefsplanet, ChiefsPlanet, or Chiefs Planet? I've never been sure.

Rain Man
11-05-2005, 07:40 PM
barbershop, my man.

(Sigh.) It's like watching Willie Lanier choose soccer over football.

stevieray
11-05-2005, 07:41 PM
(Sigh.) It's like watching Willie Lanier choose soccer over football.

ROFL :harumph:

CosmicPal
11-05-2005, 07:42 PM
Well, maybe not. And who says Rainman is only one word? My birth certificate clearly says "Rain Man."



http://www.rainmanrecords.com/

Rain Man
11-05-2005, 07:45 PM
http://www.rainmanrecords.com/


I think that's the Irish spelling.

CosmicPal
11-05-2005, 07:51 PM
I think that's the Irish spelling.

Well, you got me. I was wrong. Sorry.

I did check the movie and it was indeed spelled, Rain Man. My bad.

What's the punishment?

stevieray
11-05-2005, 07:56 PM
Well, you got me. I was wrong. Sorry.

I did check the movie and it was indeed spelled, Rain Man. My bad.

What's the punishment?


shampoo/bikini wax

Rain Man
11-05-2005, 08:08 PM
shampoo/bikini wax


Um, I won't be needing the shoulder massage afterward.

cdcox
11-05-2005, 08:21 PM
I make an appointment - no waiting, no surprises.

jspchief
11-05-2005, 09:01 PM
I just want to get in and out. I don't want to talk, I don't need any products, and I don't want gel.

I just go to Good Clips. Cheap, fast, perfect.

And men should not be allowed to cut hair anywhere other than a barbershop.

KCChiefsMan
11-05-2005, 11:37 PM
there's this barbor shop I go to on Johnson Drive right off of Shawnee Mission Parkway that they have old barbors and at the end you get a shoulder massage, but they use a little machine for that and it lasts about 30 seconds, I don't have a problem with it.

KCChiefsMan
11-05-2005, 11:41 PM
another thing, I always tip $10 for every haircut, no matter what the price is, I go to 2 barbor shops, one in Fairfield $15 per haircut(Johnson Dr & Shawnee Mission Prkwy) and one in Lawrence $11 per haircut, I tip $10 at each place and I always get the best barbors and they remember me and do a damn good job so I don't have to worry about a bad haircut..............

tk13
11-05-2005, 11:50 PM
Best haircut I ever got was in one of those type places from a guy. I'm not afraid to admit it. It was a slow weeknight, so there was a guy and girl, and I ended up getting my hair cut by the guy. Took longer than it usually takes to get my hair cut, the guy was real particular, but he did a nice job on it I guess. For the two weeks or so after that, the number of girls who glanced/smiled/etc. at me went up about 500% or more. I'm not even kidding. (And yes I know 500% times zero is zero, smartass, so save it). It was like I was in one of those Axe commercials, I don't know the guy did. I don't know about all this massage stuff though, I think I'll pass on that.

Fat Elvis
11-06-2005, 12:48 AM
That may be the best-told story EVER!

Nope, the convienience store clerk with nice boobs story is better....




(n00b) :)

el borracho
11-06-2005, 03:22 AM
Ah, russian roullette customer service style. Reminds me of my trips to the bank when I lived in San Diego. Of course, the odds were always better there.

Chiefs Pantalones
11-06-2005, 03:39 AM
another thing, I always tip $10 for every haircut, no matter what the price is, I go to 2 barbor shops, one in Fairfield $15 per haircut(Johnson Dr & Shawnee Mission Prkwy) and one in Lawrence $11 per haircut, I tip $10 at each place and I always get the best barbors and they remember me and do a damn good job so I don't have to worry about a bad haircut..............

I pay $10 for a hair cut, and tip a buck. The only way I'm paying 10 more is if I get a pleasantry down below.

(My posts have a theme tonight, if you didn't notice)

ENDelt260
11-06-2005, 03:56 AM
Wow... tk13 must've gotten some really shitty haircuts in his life.

tk13
11-06-2005, 04:17 AM
Wow... tk13 must've gotten some really shitty haircuts in his life.
ROFL I was waiting for that. I probably have though. I've got real thick hair, some people have trouble with it.

Extra Point
11-06-2005, 07:12 AM
You got the VVAHC's name. Call in and ask for her, your next time you want (a) trim. Did you see that here work was good, at least the haircut?

Consistent1
11-06-2005, 08:17 AM
Interesting story, and I am sure many of us have been there. In reality, getting a good haircut should be the goal, but having the "hot chick" do it is more appealing. In all honesty, the people that requested her did nothing wrong, they just planned ahead to avoid the minor drama that we see here.

Your post reminds me of myself and my thought process at many times. You are basically over thinking something simple. Just go request the girl next time....

the Talking Can
11-06-2005, 08:35 AM
do they offer a "happy ending" after the massage?

Skip Towne
11-06-2005, 08:48 AM
Nope, the convienience store clerk with nice boobs story is better....




(n00b) :)
Yep. Boobs trump haircuts every time. Hell, boobs trump everything.

joesomebody
11-06-2005, 10:32 AM
Rain Man...

When I was stationed in Japan the base barber shop was without doubt the best place for a haircut that I have ever experienced.

They too had the shoulder massage, which is the first, and only, hair cut enterprise of my limited experience that practiced this. Given your particular barber shop, I would probably choose as you did, opting out of the massage if it were a male barber.

In Japan however, the majority of barbers are still male, and the two females whom worked at the barber shop were at least in their 60s. In fact, everyone that worked there was at least 55; and being 20-22 while I was stationed there, 55 seemed ancient and grandfatherly.

Because of the language barrier, I'm not even sure you could opt out of the massage, so this may be a moot point.

Now with the background, I pose the following question:

Without their being anything remotely sexual about a shoulder massage from people that are close to your grandparentís age, would you still be hesitant to get a shoulder massage based on gender of the barber?