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KcKing
11-12-2005, 05:03 AM
I saw this on another site, and with the extraordinary amount of extremely funny intelligently sarcastic minds collected on this board... It should amount to the funniest thread i've ever seen...

---------------


One person makes a wish then someone grants them that wish in a Twisted Way, then that person makes a wish

For Example:

[Person 1] I wish i would make it as a multi-million album selling singer

[Person 2] Granted, only you are a cashier at the busiest Tower Records in the world, selling multi-millions of albums of other people for minimum wage.

[Person 2] I wish ChiefsPlanet was a world famous site.

[Person 3] Granted, ChiefsPlanet becomes famous for all of it's members catching a series of unkown and fatal STD's

...and so on, So I'll start.


I wish I could retire at 30 and die rich...

unlurking
11-12-2005, 06:22 AM
I wish I could retire at 30 and die rich...

Granted.

At age 25 you will be run over by postal truck and your brain will liquify. The day before you turn 30, lawyers hired on your behalf win the case against the postal service for $5 million, giving you enough money to never have to work again. The day after your 30th birthday, your family pulls the plug.



I wish my wife would let me have a harem of 20 of the most beautiful women in the world.

headsnap
11-12-2005, 06:37 AM
I wish my wife would let me have a harem of 20 of the most beautiful women in the world.

Granted.

Now you have to convince the 20 most beautiful women in the world to be in YOUR harem. :)



I wish I could play guitar like Eddie VanHalen.

Gaz
11-12-2005, 06:41 AM
I wish I could play guitar like Eddie VanHalen.

Granted.

Arthritis.

I wish to see the Chiefs win the Super Bowl this January.

xoxo~
Gaz
Sees no good coming from this.

GMitch
11-12-2005, 07:00 AM
Granted.

Arthritis.

I wish to see the Chiefs win the Super Bowl this January.

xoxo~
Gaz
Sees no good coming from this.


Granted, but you'll be a rich, arthritic 30-year old with a liquified brain and 20 women who won't have anything to do with you.

I wish I could fly like a bird.

Extra Point
11-12-2005, 07:07 AM
Wish you could fly like a bird?

Granted.

Your name's Daedelus.

Wish I could afford to sit around all day posting on Chiefs Planet.

Phobia
11-12-2005, 07:32 AM
Wish you could fly like a bird?

Granted.

Your name's Daedelus.

Wish I could afford to sit around all day posting on Chiefs Planet.

Granted. Unfortunately, the siding on your new house says "Maytag" and you can't get any telco to run broadband under the bridge - but you sure can afford it.

I wish that I could make a living playing golf all day for life.

Saulbadguy
11-12-2005, 07:39 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the siding on your new house says "Maytag" and you can't get any telco to run broadband under the bridge - but you sure can afford it.

I wish that I could make a living playing golf all day for life.
Wish granted. Now, caddy, why don't you go back to the pro shop and get me a diet pepsi?


" I'll make a wish that can't backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, <and> I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?"

Phobia
11-12-2005, 07:45 AM
Wish granted. Now, caddy, why don't you go back to the pro shop and get me a diet pepsi?


" I'll make a wish that can't backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, <and> I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?"

Granted. It is being served on I-70. You must eat it. Don't get squashed.

I want Menaj au Trois at my beck & command with my healthy wife and the 2nd healthy woman of my choice for the remainder of my life.

Rausch
11-12-2005, 07:47 AM
" I'll make a wish that can't backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, <and> I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?"

Granted.

You marry a nice Catholic girl and she-bang, she-bang the whole neighborhood....

No surprise there.

(I wish I was as rich as Bill Gates bathing in chocolate. After that it's all gravy.)

Phobia
11-12-2005, 07:51 AM
Granted.

You marry a nice Catholic girl and she-bang, she-bang the whole neighborhood....

No surprise there.

(I wish I was as rich as Bill Gates bathing in chocolate. After that it's all gravy.)

Been there done that.

Granted. You are as rich as Bill Gates because you ARE Bill Gates. Now go take a bath or something geek.

I wish I had a truck that had no mechanical problems.

Rausch
11-12-2005, 07:54 AM
Been there done that.

Granted. You are as rich as Bill Gates because you ARE Bill Gates. Now go take a bath or something geek.


Hey man, I never stole shit from you. (Even though I STILL owe you for the merchandise. Send me a ****ign VALID link so I know you'll get the bills. 2 white hats, two kiddie F shirts.)

I wish I had a truck that had no mechanical problems.

**** off, you've already had 3 like that...

Talisman
11-12-2005, 08:11 AM
I wish I had a truck that had no mechanical problems.

Granted.

http://www.westcoastmccsale.org/Tonka_truck_thumb.JPG

You can deck out the rims at Toys-R-Us.

I wish my boss would get fired and never work in any position in our company again.

ChiefsFire
11-12-2005, 10:33 AM
Granted.

http://www.westcoastmccsale.org/Tonka_truck_thumb.JPG

You can deck out the rims at Toys-R-Us.

I wish my boss would get fired and never work in any position in our company again.
Granted..your boss has opened up a new corporation selling crappy cellphones to China and travels the world meeting the most amazing women anyone has ever seen.

I wish for a lifesize model of catherine zeta jones made out of prime rib

headsnap
11-12-2005, 11:35 AM
I wish for a lifesize model of catherine zeta jones made out of prime rib


Granted.


You spent too much time munching on the pink parts and you now have Mad Cow Disease.


I wish for a clean break on my next dump.

Rain Man
11-12-2005, 12:02 PM
Granted.


You spent too much time munching on the pink parts and you now have Mad Cow Disease.


I wish for a clean break on my next dump.


Granted...your fall off the toilet will result in taking the toilet plunger handle perfectly between your C3 and C4 vertebrae.

http://www.pediatric-orthopedics.com/Topics/Bones/Vertebrae/ColorNeckFront_Lab.jpg


I wish that nothing bad would ever happen to me.

luv
11-12-2005, 01:24 PM
I wish that nothing bad would ever happen to me.


Granted...

You are now dead, so nothing bad will happen to you again.


I wish I could find a good man who doesn't already belong to someone else.

CosmicPal
11-12-2005, 01:36 PM
Granted...

You are now dead, so nothing bad will happen to you again.


I wish I could find a good man who doesn't already belong to someone else.

Granted. Your man is living alone in a forest where no roads lead to him.

I wish the Broncos would lose this weekend.

Rain Man
11-12-2005, 01:38 PM
Granted...

You are now dead, so nothing bad will happen to you again.


I wish I could find a good man who doesn't already belong to someone else.


Granted. You have located a handsome, honest, intelligent, and witty architect in London who owns homes in Tuscany, Tahiti, Aspen, and the south of France, who swears that he will never get married or date.

I wish I could hop a tramp freighter to South America and just relax for a while.

Count Zarth
11-12-2005, 01:39 PM
I wish I could hop a tramp freighter to South America and just relax for a while.

Granted, but you will share your relaxation with dozens of insects and 120-degree temperatures.


I wish I could marry Carrie Underwood.

Mr. Laz
11-12-2005, 01:39 PM
I wish I could find a good man who doesn't already belong to someone else.

granted

http://www.waynecountysheriff.com/images/goodman,m.JPG
Michael A. Goodman
Sexually Oriented Offender
5709 North Honeytown Road
Smithville OH 44677
Convicted of: Rape
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 198
Hair: Gray
Eyes: Hazel
Date of Birth: December 1, 1970




i wish for the power to grant all my own wishes from this point forward

luv
11-12-2005, 01:42 PM
Granted, but you will share your relaxation with dozens of insects and 120-degree temperatures.


I wish I could marry Carrie Underwood.
Granted...

You will marry her when you are 90 year old and can no longer get it up.

I wish I could own a nice house and brand new car.

Rain Man
11-12-2005, 01:49 PM
Granted...

You will marry her when you are 90 year old and can no longer get it up.

I wish I could own a nice house and brand new car.

Granted...you know have a nice large home and a brand new Ford in Saddam City. Best of luck to you.


I wish that I had a chocolate milk shake.

Count Zarth
11-12-2005, 01:51 PM
Granted...you know have a nice large home and a brand new Ford in Saddam City. Best of luck to you.


I wish that I had a chocolate milk shake.

Granted. It was made with 2-month old milk.

I wish I had a lightsaber.

4th and Long
11-12-2005, 01:54 PM
Granted. It was made with 2-month old milk.

I wish I had a lightsaber.
Granted. The power cell is dead and your uncle won't let you take the speeder to Mos Isley to buy a new one.

I wish this thread had never been posted.

Rain Man
11-12-2005, 01:54 PM
Granted. It was made with 2-month old milk.

I wish I had a lightsaber.


Okay, but he's going to beat the heck out of you.

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/999/1157/1600/playfair%203-851.JPG

I wish that the Carolina Panthers would keep those two cheerleaders.

Mr. Laz
11-12-2005, 02:00 PM
Granted. The power cell is dead and your uncle won't let you take the speeder to Mos Isley to buy a new one.

I wish this thread had never been posted.
granted ...

chiefsplanet never existed and you spoiled the fun for everyone.

way to go!!! :cuss:



i wish i owned the island of hawaii

headsnap
11-12-2005, 02:46 PM
i wish i owned the island of hawaii

Granted.


The volcanos blow and the entire chain of islands sink.



I wish this heartburn would go away!

Mr. Laz
11-12-2005, 02:56 PM
I wish this heartburn would go away!

granted

http://www.anatomorphex.com/picts/stuntbodies/FX208_PRINT.jpg



i wish jennifer love hewitt was completely in love with me.

Phobia
11-12-2005, 02:56 PM
Granted.


The volcanos blow and the entire chain of islands sink.



I wish this heartburn would go away!

Granted. You and your pharmaceutical company have developed the perfect formula for the relief of heartburn. Unfortunately it also shrinks penises 1". Not only could you not afford the impending class action lawsuit, but you couldn't afford to lose that 1".

I wish I had a Waldo specialty pizza from their menu for dinner with a pitcher of some good beer.

StcChief
11-12-2005, 04:05 PM
Granted.
The pitcher of beer was poured at 4pm and is now warm and flat. The Pizza was burned in the oven and is cold and chared.

I wish I had a beer tree in my yard.

Phobia
11-12-2005, 04:13 PM
Granted.
The pitcher of beer was poured at 4pm and is now warm and flat. The Pizza was burned in the oven and is cold and chared.

I wish I had a beer tree in my yard.

You SOB. May you forever enjoy your Falstaff.

I wish I had a larger smoker so I could be pulling off more than the 3 racks of ribs and the 4 lbs Boston Butt I'm going to get in about 5 minutes.

chefsos
11-12-2005, 04:23 PM
Okay, but he's going to beat the heck out of you.

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/999/1157/1600/playfair%203-851.JPG

I wish that the Carolina Panthers would keep those two cheerleaders.
This wish seems to have been denied, even here. So..

Granted.

They will be featured on the cover of the championship video after they are absolved of any wrongdoing, and the story of their ordeal inspires their team on Super Sunday. Carolina over....yep, you guessed it.


I wish this coffee was hot.

4th and Long
11-12-2005, 04:33 PM
This wish seems to have been denied, even here. So..

Granted.

They will be featured on the cover of the championship video after they are absolved of any wrongdoing, and the story of their ordeal inspires their team on Super Sunday. Carolina over....yep, you guessed it.


I wish this coffee was hot.
Granted. Your house is on fire.

I wish someone would give Phil his afore mentioned smoker.

Talisman
11-12-2005, 10:32 PM
I wish I had a larger smoker...

I hear she's up to 3 packs a day.

I wish I would be the lone winner of a $400 million dollar lottery, turn in the ticket and actually receive the money and a glitch at the IRS causes it to be a tax-free one time payout.

ChiefsFire
11-12-2005, 11:03 PM
I hear she's up to 3 packs a day.

I wish I would be the lone winner of a $400 million dollar lottery, turn in the ticket and actually receive the money and a glitch at the IRS causes it to be a tax-free one time payout.


Granted
But...after receiving your winnings your are promptly suffocated after the previously mentioned "bigboned" woman who recently became your lover rolls over on you after a steamy love session..

I wish someone would invent an ice cream cone that doesnt melt and drip on your pants and lives unsightly white puddles

SNR
11-12-2005, 11:20 PM
Granted
But...after receiving your winnings your are promptly suffocated after the previously mentioned "bigboned" woman who recently became your lover rolls over on you after a steamy love session..

I wish someone would invent an ice cream cone that doesnt melt and drip on your pants and lives unsightly white puddlesGranted. It's called uranium.

I wish I never saw that picture Talisman posted

headsnap
11-12-2005, 11:32 PM
I wish I never saw that picture Talisman posted

Granted

Alzheimers sucks BTW.




I wish my neighbor would stop it with the leaf blowing in the middle of the night!

Count Zarth
11-12-2005, 11:36 PM
Granted

Alzheimers sucks BTW.




I wish my neighbor would stop it with the leaf blowing in the middle of the night!

Granted.

Your wife will also stop with the cock blowing in the middle of the night.

ChiefsFire
11-12-2005, 11:37 PM
Granted.

Your wife will also stop with the cock blowing in the middle of the night.
so whats ur wish numnuts?

Count Zarth
11-12-2005, 11:42 PM
so whats ur wish numnuts?

Listen, n00b, I don't know who you are or where you came from or why you have decided to start ragging on me, but CAN IT, DIPSHIT. 4321

greg63
11-12-2005, 11:46 PM
Ok, letís get back on track. I wish for super natural powers.

headsnap
11-12-2005, 11:47 PM
Granted.

Your wife will also stop with the cock blowing in the middle of the night.

doesn't count, you didn't make a wish :harumph:

ChiefsFire
11-12-2005, 11:47 PM
Listen, n00b, I don't know who you are or where you came from or why you have decided to start ragging on me, but CAN IT, DIPSHIT. 4321
damn dipshit

see

the point of the game was to grant a wish and then YOU make a wish..
its not that complicated..

SNR
11-12-2005, 11:57 PM
Listen, n00b, I don't know who you are or where you came from or why you have decided to start ragging on me, but CAN IT, DIPSHIT. 4321Granted. He becomes a mute and his family sues you for millions of dollars. Enjoy being poor.

I wish I had a sharpened pencil

onescrewleftuntwisted
11-13-2005, 05:37 AM
Granted. I wish I had a sharpened pencil




granted

you are now being sued by a bunch of tree huggers for killing trees. MR. PENCIL.




i wish for the simpsons to have ther own channel

4th and Long
11-13-2005, 06:29 AM
granted

you are now being sued by a bunch of tree huggers for killing trees. MR. PENCIL.




i wish for the simpsons to have ther own channel
Granted. I'm not sure why you want to watch O.J. and family on TV but hey, you asked for it.

I wish no one could grant any more wishes on this thread.

Braincase
11-13-2005, 06:55 AM
A wish has been granted. (http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?p=2820942#post2820942)

I wish my wife to have a very successful career and make her happier than she ever hoped to be...

headsnap
11-13-2005, 07:06 AM
I wish my wife to have a very successful career and make her happier than she ever hoped to be...
Granted


Your divorce is final...


I wish that my children will grow up to be well adjusted adults

4th and Long
11-13-2005, 07:13 AM
A wish has been granted. (http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?p=2820942#post2820942)

I wish my wife to have a very successful career and make her happier than she ever hoped to be...
ROFL

Oh ... a wise guy eh?
http://www.stripes.com/photoday/071503.jpg

FloridaChief
11-13-2005, 07:27 AM
I wish that my children will grow up to be well adjusted adults

Granted. From this moment forward, you have absolutely nil influence or contact w/ your kids.

I wish my marraige hadn't been such a complete and utter failure...

CosmicPal
11-13-2005, 08:12 AM
I wish my marraige hadn't been such a complete and utter failure...

Granted. You marry your best buddy from high school and have begun an alluring lifelong romance with him and his remote control.

I wish somebody could give me the meaning of life.

headsnap
11-13-2005, 09:18 AM
Granted. I wish somebody could give me the meaning of life.

Granted


42




I wish I were an Oscar Meryer weiner... :spock:

ExtremeChief
11-13-2005, 10:17 AM
Granted


42




I wish I were an Oscar Meryer weiner... :spock:


Granted

Now you get the all of the sex that you want, and maybe more than you want, because you are now the organ of well known German porn star, Oscar Meryer.

I wish ESPN would shut the hell up and quit talking about Terrell watching from home Owens.

kregger
11-13-2005, 10:27 AM
Granted

Now you get the all of the sex that you want, and maybe more than you want, because you are now the organ of well known German porn star, Oscar Meryer.

I wish ESPN would shut the hell up and quit talking about Terrell watching from home Owens.
Granted: now it's back to monster truck shows and poker 24 hrs/day

I wish the raiders/donks game was on broadcast tv today.

Mr. Laz
11-13-2005, 10:31 AM
Granted: now it's back to monster truck shows and poker 24 hrs/day

I wish the raiders/donks game was on broadcast tv today.

granted .... but your t.v. blows up 5 minutes before the game starts.



i wish could fly like superman

Extra Point
11-13-2005, 10:31 AM
Wish granted: TO changes his name and ESPN talks about him in his other name ad infinitum. By the way, you've gotten the job of being Gene Upshaw's assistant, and you are helping him in his never-ending quest to play again in the NFL, until you kick the bucket by chasing Upshaw's TO file that flew out of the limo, and you are run over by a bus in Philadelphia that has an old TO/McNabb poster on it. The last thing you remember in the hospital is that the only channel in your room is ESPN.

I wish I had more time.

4th and Long
11-13-2005, 10:34 AM
I wish I had more time.
Granted. You are teleported to Pluto. One day on Pluto = several years on Earth. Unfortunantely, you freeze to death and/or die from lack of oxygen.

I wish the game was on right now!!!!

Extra Point
11-13-2005, 10:41 AM
It is. You're watching ESPN Classic, and your TV is frozen on that channel.

I wish I had more beer.