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View Full Version : A Fond Farewell to Joe Theismann and Paul Maguire


cadmonkey
11-30-2005, 09:28 AM
We are among the millions who are saddened by the fact that the ESPN Sunday Night Crew is in its final season together. As you probably know, ESPN is taking over the reigns for Monday Night Football while NBC is taking over Sunday Night duties for the 2006 season.

Among other things, the shift means that Joe Theismann will be occupying the Monday Night seat alongside incumbent Al Michaels. The move apparently means that Paul Maguire is currently unemployed. We only imagine what Paul is thinking right now - “You’re gonna tell me that not having a job is not something that you don’t want to go through? I don’t have a job!”

It’s a sad day when we lose the single most entertaining announcing duo in all of football, even though none of what makes them entertaining is intentional.

How do we love thee? Let us count the ways.

First let’s look at Joe Theismann. The best part about him is that he loves anyone and everyone who plays the quarterback position. Whether it’s Tom Brady or Sage Rosenfels, Joseph is never afraid to fawn all over anyone who lines up over center. Throughout the course of the game, you’re liable to hear various forms of the following, “I just really like the way ______ throws the football!” It’s as if Theismann is teenager suffering from his first crush. He’s mesmerized, and can’t snap out of it.

Another aspect of the Theismann experience is his arrogance and condescending attitude towards Maguire and the national audience in general. His tendency to start off phrases with, “I’ve always said” and “I just think” serve as his way of letting America know that he knows what he’s talking about and that you probably don’t.

To counter Theismann, Paul Maguire plays the role of senile broadcaster lacking in intelligence (actually, we don’t think he’s playing). We love Maguire because he starts off pretty much every statement with “I’ll tell ya” as in, “I’ll tell ya, you want to talk about a hard hit? WATCH THIS BLOCK!!! BAM!” He’s always looking to enhance the viewing experience by stressing that the audience is supposed to “watch this” during the replays. Sure it’s on TV and there really isn’t anything we could do besides watch it, but that’s not the point. Maguire is all about the viewers. (Imagine McGuire as an author, every paragraph in his book would undoubtedly start off with “READ THIS!”)

There are various paths that the Paul Maguire statement can take. For example, Paul has a tendency to “see” something and tell us to watch for it on the replay, only to find out that he was clearly off the mark and didn’t actually see what he thought he saw. “Watch this block by Andruzzi. He hits two guys, well, no, one guy. He missed London Fletcher, but he hit the other guy!”

There’s also the McGuire 180, in which he’ll make a point and tell us to watch for it on the replay, only to have the replay clearly show otherwise (that Maguire’s statement was terribly off) instigating an argument between Paul and himself. “Watch this play, it’s clearly not a fumble! Look at the way his knee hit…no his knee did not hit the ground. You can’t tell me that this wasn’t a fumble!”

Then there’s the world-famous Maguire Complex Question where he’ll use multiple negatives and double negatives just to confuse anyone who happens to be paying attention. “Watch here. Are you not gonna tell me that Drew Bledsoe doesn’t like playing against his old team?”

The yearning for air time between Paul and Joe leads us to believe that lots of elbowing and rock-paper-scissors contests occur during a play to see who gets the first crack at the replay. Within milliseconds after Corey Dillon rushes for four yards, you can bet all your money that one of these two will be yapping in your ears. It’s just a matter of who can blurt out their favorite catch phrase first.

Good bye Paul and Joe.

Thanks for the memories. You will be missed.

Brock
11-30-2005, 09:30 AM
I'll tell you what I like about that crew.

KCTitus
11-30-2005, 09:32 AM
Very good...

Lzen
11-30-2005, 09:37 AM
I really liked what I was seeing from that Sunday Night Football Crew.

Seriously, I like them better than any other crew doing pro football. Thank God Madden is not gonna be around next year.

Frankie
11-30-2005, 09:44 AM
I really liked what I was seeing from that Sunday Night Football Crew.

Seriously, I like them better than any other crew doing pro football. Thank God Madden is not gonna be around next year.I'm also one of their fans. They remind me a little of the original MNF crew.

Goapics1
11-30-2005, 09:54 AM
Thank God Madden is not gonna be around next year.
I believe he is moving to NBC for the Sunday night games.

Extra Point
11-30-2005, 09:55 AM
I'll tell ya, that was a good thread opener! If Maguire wrote a book, every sentence would end in an exclamation mark!

I really enjoyed when he did our preseason games a few years ago! I wish him luck, I tell ya!

Hoover
11-30-2005, 10:02 AM
I love the SNF Crew. I think Michaels and Joe will be a nice Duo to be honest.

FringeNC
11-30-2005, 10:03 AM
It does irritate me how Thiesmann always talks about "playing the quarterback position" instead of just "quarterback".

Isn't it easier to say that "Trent Green is a very good quarterback" as opposed to "Trent Green plays the quarterback position very well"?

cadmonkey
11-30-2005, 10:06 AM
I can honestly say that I would much rather listen to Joe and Paul then Sterling Sharpe and Mike Terico.

chagrin
11-30-2005, 10:08 AM
They friggin suck! Cadmonkey nailed it. PM is a senile dickhead who knows jack shit about football. I don't know how the hell I can deal with ThEESman on Monday night. Even though Madden has become somewhat of a redundant jerk, Monday night's game was called very well by the old coach. He threw out some decent info for a change. Just a little, but it was nice not to sit there and bitch at him all night.

I foresee doom in the future and ThEESman will not last longer than 2 season on Monday Night Football.

Amnorix
11-30-2005, 10:14 AM
ROFL ROFL ROFL

foxman
11-30-2005, 10:20 AM
I'll tell you what I like about that crew.

Dead silence.....


Yeah me too. Nothing worse than enduring their broadcast of a Ron Mexico game. It's as if no one else is on the field.
:cuss:

Lzen
11-30-2005, 10:29 AM
I believe he is moving to NBC for the Sunday night games.

Thanks for ruining my day, ass. :cuss:

















j/k :p

Lzen
11-30-2005, 10:31 AM
cadmonkey,
what is it with the dude in your avatar? He looks like he's about to explode.

cadmonkey
11-30-2005, 12:09 PM
cadmonkey,
what is it with the dude in your avatar? He looks like he's about to explode.


Thats me, I'm what they call strong!










Its an enhancment of an actual picture of some guy in the Mr. Universe contest.

AirForceChief
11-30-2005, 12:34 PM
Maguire was in classic form for the Chiefs v. Texans game. Just prior to LJ's long darting, shifting run, Maguire was in the midst of a "LJ is a slasher. He's not going to change directions on you." No sooner are the words out of his mouth, LJ is changing directions at the line of scrimmage and putting jukes on LBs and safties...ah, good times.

KCChiefsFan88
11-30-2005, 12:39 PM
Actually Paul Maguire is staying on ESPN to do college football games and he is going to be a studio analyst for the NFL games

Rausch
11-30-2005, 12:42 PM
I'll tell you what I like about that crew.

If they slay the spittle-spewing Madden-dragon, I'm all for 'em...