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View Full Version : Feral cats and stupid bitches


ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 06:55 PM
So, I come home from work today and notice a note above the mailboxes. Curious, I read it.... I'm paraphrasing here... but, it opened something like...

There are currently five feral cats running around our property. On such-and-such date, we're gonna capture them in traps we got from the humane society...

At which point I'm thinking, "Hey, all right. They're gonna get the cats put down." F*ck no...

...they WILL NOT be destroyed

Me: "WTF?"

"...instead, they will be spayed/neutered and released back on to the property...

(emphasis mine)

Me: *looking around for cameras for prank show* "Is this a f*cking joke? We're going to capture five f*cking pests... infected with gawdknowswhat.... get them fixed, and PUT THEM BACK ON OUR OWN F*CKING PROPERTY?!?!?! What the F*CK? If you want to feed a f*cking cat every day, GO F*CKING ADOPT ONE FROM THE SHELTER YOU STUPID TWAT!"

Seriously. What the f*ck twisted thought process is this? "I think it's pretty cool to have five little pests running around shitting and tearing into our trash and whatnot. Hey, maybe if we're really lucky one of them will get in a fight someday with one of our homeowners' cleaned, trained, vaccinated pets and scratch 'em to shit and infect them with something. That would be swell!"

I'd like to send an e-mail to the HOA right now... but, it's going to take me awhile before I can produce something that starts with a phrase other than, "Is this a f*cking joke?"

Maybe next month we'll round up all the f*cking pigeons and get their wings clipped so we can have their shit all to ourselves.

Saulbadguy
12-07-2005, 06:57 PM
Haha. UP go your dues! How do you think they will pay for the fixing?

Saulbadguy
12-07-2005, 06:58 PM
We used to have alot of feral cats on our property (also a condo), but they found out people were leaving food out for them. There was a law passed (from our HOA) saying you would get a $50 fine if they caught you doing it.

Haven't seen a cat since. I bet some of your neighbors are leaving food out.

Donger
12-07-2005, 06:59 PM
I think it's be cool to have a critter like The Feral Kid from The Road Warrior running around.

siberian khatru
12-07-2005, 06:59 PM
I preferred your old threads about feral bitches and stupid cats.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:01 PM
We used to have alot of feral cats on our property (also a condo), but they found out people were leaving food out for them. There was a law passed (from our HOA) saying you would get a $50 fine if they caught you doing it.

Haven't seen a cat since. I bet some of your neighbors are leaving food out.
F*ck yeah they are. The f*cking notice acknolwedges that. Asks people not to leave any food out for a couple days before the put out the traps so the cats will be hungry and go for the bait.

I'm seriously just..... argh. Beyond words. The next woman I see is getting slapped really, really hard. For all of her gender.

Saulbadguy
12-07-2005, 07:03 PM
All the cats did was keep other, smaller pests away. I never really saw the harm in keeping them around. The only thing that annoyed people was the paw prints on their cars.

Katipan
12-07-2005, 07:07 PM
F*ck yeah they are. The f*cking notice acknolwedges that. Asks people not to leave any food out for a couple days before the put out the traps so the cats will be hungry and go for the bait.

I'm seriously just..... argh. Beyond words. The next woman I see is getting slapped really, really hard. For all of her gender.

Not it!

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:09 PM
Not it!
You're excluded. You bring me beer and food, and have never suggested I feed a stray cat cause he's too f*cking cute to kill.

Plus... you'd shoot me.

Donger
12-07-2005, 07:09 PM
Just poison the bait in the traps.

siberian khatru
12-07-2005, 07:10 PM
Just poison the bait in the traps.

Wait, are we talking about the cats or the bitches?

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:10 PM
Just poison the bait in the traps.
Outstanding idea.

I'm off to buy antifreeze.

Hahahaha... way better than an e-mail.

Katipan
12-07-2005, 07:10 PM
You're excluded. You bring me beer and food, and have never suggested I feed a stray cat cause he's too f*cking cute to kill.

Plus... you'd shoot me.

...sounds like I'm already feeding a stray cat.

Can I bring you home and keep you?

Boozer
12-07-2005, 07:10 PM
Prestone.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:11 PM
...sounds like I'm already feeding a stray cat.

Can I bring you home and keep you?
Will you bathe me and keep my nails clipped?

Boozer
12-07-2005, 07:11 PM
Also, nothing stops you from getting your own traps and taking care of business yourself. Or taking them into the humane society. In fact, if you see a "full" trap, grab that sucker yourself, take it to the HS (or the canal).

Katipan
12-07-2005, 07:12 PM
Will you bathe me and keep my nails clipped?

I promise not to neuter you.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:12 PM
Also, nothing stops you from getting your own traps and taking care of business yourself.

Yes something does. My extreme laziness.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:13 PM
I promise not to neuter you.
Your fingers are crossed, aren't they?

Boozer
12-07-2005, 07:13 PM
Yes something does. My extreme laziness.

Swing by WalMart and pick up an air rifle.

Katipan
12-07-2005, 07:14 PM
Your fingers are crossed, aren't they?

I promise not to unless you really really deserve it.

Saulbadguy
12-07-2005, 07:15 PM
Must all threads degenerate in to this madness?

Donger
12-07-2005, 07:15 PM
Wait, are we talking about the cats or the bitches?

Can you poison money?

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:15 PM
Swing by WalMart and pick up an air rifle.
Then I'll have to find someone to fire it. I might have trouble hitting my truck while it was parked. I don't think I could nail a moving cat.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:16 PM
I promise not to unless you really really deserve it.
Noted. No sleeping around Mer.

Coach
12-07-2005, 07:16 PM
Must all threads degenerate in to this madness?

It's Chiefsplanet. It's to be expected.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:16 PM
Must all threads degenerate in to this madness?
This thread started with ENDelt ranting about feral cats.... and you believe it has *degenerated into* madness?

morphius
12-07-2005, 07:16 PM
Just guessing that if there are that many cats running around, its probably helping to keep a rodent population down. Just a guess though.

Donger
12-07-2005, 07:17 PM
Can you poison money?

Actually, that's incorrect. If'n we were trying to poison the bitches, we'd need to poison THEIR bait.

So, who knows how to poison a pussy?

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:18 PM
Just guessing that if there are that many cats running around, its probably helping to keep a rodent population down. Just a guess though.
Can't the domestic pussy handle that? And the dogs?

Psyko Tek
12-07-2005, 07:18 PM
Actually, that's incorrect. If'n we were trying to poison the bitches, we'd need to poison THEIR bait.

So, who knows how to poison a pussy?


yoou marry it

Boozer
12-07-2005, 07:20 PM
Then I'll have to find someone to fire it. I might have trouble hitting my truck while it was parked. I don't think I could nail a moving cat.

Practice makes perfect.

Or you may want to opt for the flamethrower. HOA will love that.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:22 PM
Practice makes perfect.

Or you may want to opt for the flamethrower. HOA will love that.
At present my target practice involves aiming for the eye then running away while she's blind.

But, perhaps I'll move on to the air rifle after I master my own piece.

morphius
12-07-2005, 07:26 PM
Can't the domestic pussy handle that? And the dogs?
But the domestic cat would most likely do that inside, these catch them while they are still outside.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:33 PM
Damnit, morph. If all you're gonna do is talk logic, stay the hell out of my threads.

This is a place for aimless ranting and light sexual innuendo.

Katipan
12-07-2005, 07:40 PM
Come to my house and fondle my air rifle.

or is it an air glock?

whatever.

morphius
12-07-2005, 07:43 PM
Damnit, morph. If all you're gonna do is talk logic, stay the hell out of my threads.

This is a place for aimless ranting and light sexual innuendo.
Ummm. I think one of those cats saw who stole your tail gate, you should take them all out!

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:44 PM
Come to my house and fondle

I got this far and all the blood rushed out of my brain.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 07:44 PM
Ummm. I think one of those cats saw who stole your tail gate, you should take them all out!
I knew it!

morphius
12-07-2005, 07:47 PM
I knew it!
The worst part is he told the others and now they just laugh at you whenever they see you outside.

Donger
12-07-2005, 07:52 PM
I'm probably the only person on this board that has visions of multiple Puss N' Boots from Shrek 2 in my head after reading this thread.

Raiderhader
12-07-2005, 07:57 PM
I'm probably the only person on this board that has visions of multiple Puss N' Boots from Shrek 2 in my head after reading this thread.


Probably.

Donger
12-07-2005, 08:00 PM
Probably.

Hey. It's a GREAT f*cking movie. Plus, I get to fantasize about humping Cameron Diaz as a large, green monster.

Katipan
12-07-2005, 08:03 PM
Are you the monster, or is she?

Donger
12-07-2005, 08:04 PM
Are you the monster, or is she?

What do you think I am? A freak?

Of course she's the monster.

chiefs4me
12-07-2005, 08:05 PM
Are you the monster, or is she?








ROFL.......ouch

Donger
12-07-2005, 08:08 PM
ROFL.......ouch

Ouch?

Katipan
12-07-2005, 08:10 PM
Ouch?

Let's face it. Shrek has to be packing.

Donger
12-07-2005, 08:12 PM
Let's face it. Shrek has to be packing.

Right, right. I forgot with whom I was speaking for a second.

Raiderhader
12-07-2005, 08:14 PM
Hey. It's a GREAT f*cking movie. Plus, I get to fantasize about humping Cameron Diaz as a large, green monster.



Uhm.....

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 08:38 PM
Awesome. Leave it to Donger to take this thread up a notch. Animated green monster sex. That's hot.

Donger
12-07-2005, 08:39 PM
Awesome. Leave it to Donger to take this thread up a notch. Animated green monster sex. That's hot.

You've never seen Shrek 2, let alone 1.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 08:40 PM
You've never seen Shrek 2, let alone 1.
I saw the first Shrek. On a date. At the dollar theater.

Donger
12-07-2005, 08:41 PM
I saw the first Shrek. On a date. At the dollar theater.

Good lord. You're a pedophile, too?

Boozer
12-07-2005, 08:42 PM
Good lord. You're a pedophile, too?

Looking for like-minded friends?

Donger
12-07-2005, 08:44 PM
Looking for like-minded friends?

Just trying to ascertain what kind of "dates" Endelt would take to see Shrek.

PastorMikH
12-07-2005, 08:45 PM
Here you go END, I’ll help you write a letter. Feel free to copy/paste this as your own and send to the local Humane Society and/or the animal control department of your local police department if you want.

Dear Sir,

I am writing you in regards to some feral cats we have in our neighborhood. These cats have been a nuisance for some time. They get into the trash, climb up on cars and scratch the paint, disturb the peace at night with their fighting and so on. Some of the other neighbors have a plan that includes catching, spaying/neutering these cats then turning them back loose to run wild throughout our neighborhood. Here is the note I found at my mailbox…

There are currently five feral cats running around our property. On such-and-such date, we're gonna capture them in traps we got from the humane society...
...they WILL NOT be destroyed
"...instead, they will be spayed/neutered and released back on to the property...
(You might want to type the rest of the note)

To me this sounds ridiculous! These 5 cats are a nuisance as well as possible carriers of disease, why would we want to turn them loose again? All that has happened is the assurance that these cats won’t reproduce. Furthermore, it is my understanding that cats have to have shots every year, which means these cats will have to be trapped every year. Add in my question concerning care, wouldn’t it be considered neglect if proper care isn’t given these cats once such ownership is assumed? I would prefer you step in concerning the matter of these feral cats, see to it they are taken care of properly. If they can be taken care of, let them be placed for adoption. If not, I feel the humane approach is better than being injured due to traffic and other animals.

Sincerely,


I thought about adding this: "There were 6 cats until last summer. One of them hoped in my buddy’s truck and drove it to Mexico. We never saw the cat or the truck again."

Katipan
12-07-2005, 08:45 PM
He taught my daughter to say "**** face"...

The evidence speaks volumes.

PastorMikH
12-07-2005, 08:47 PM
Swing by WalMart and pick up an air rifle.


They probably have a couple of managers that could provide pointers about shooting the cats as well.

Boozer
12-07-2005, 08:47 PM
I thought about adding this: "There were 6 cats until last summer. One of them hoped in my buddy’s truck and drove it to Mexico. We never saw the cat or the truck again."

If only Phil hadn't hired day laborer cats at the Home Depot to work on Brian's deck.

Donger
12-07-2005, 08:47 PM
He taught my daughter to say "**** face"...

The evidence speaks volumes.

Heh. My four-year old boy recently told the deli guy at the grocery store to "stop being a f*cking idiot." My wife was NOT amused.

PastorMikH
12-07-2005, 08:50 PM
If only Phil hadn't hired day laborer cats at the Home Depot to work on Brian's deck.


ROFL ROFL

morphius
12-07-2005, 08:51 PM
why is it that I never have the video camera on when I need it. I just got to watch our Lab fall down about 6 steps and land with a great face plant. Classic moment.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 08:56 PM
Good lord. You're a pedophile, too?
Too?

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 08:57 PM
Just trying to ascertain what kind of "dates" Endelt would take to see Shrek.
It was her idea. She was 24 at the time, IIRC. That was four or five years ago.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 09:00 PM
Heh. My four-year old boy recently told the deli guy at the grocery store to "stop being a f*cking idiot." My wife was NOT amused.
Haha.

Skip Towne
12-07-2005, 09:00 PM
why is it that I never have the video camera on when I need it. I just got to watch our Lab fall down about 6 steps and land with a great face plant. Classic moment.
Brian Griese's dog no doubt.

Donger
12-07-2005, 09:00 PM
Too?

Heh. Yes, that does sound rather disturbing, doesn't it.

"Too" as in "that and fat chicks?"

Bad joke.

Boozer
12-07-2005, 09:01 PM
It was her idea. She was 24 at the time, IIRC. That was four or five years ago.

Was that Melekalikimaka...Melahamia?

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 09:04 PM
Was that Melekalikimaka...Melahamia?
Hahahahaha.... I'm not allowed to spell her name properly on this board anymore. She is now, and forever, Mukmuk.

jspchief
12-07-2005, 09:05 PM
GBlowfish is soo going to call the SPCA on all your asses.

Jenny Gump
12-07-2005, 09:20 PM
Feral cats and stupid bitches.


Yes????

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 09:22 PM
Yes????
Which are you answering to?

morphius
12-07-2005, 09:23 PM
Which are you answering to?
Yup, a labrynth...

sheesh.

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 09:23 PM
Yup, a labrynth...

sheesh.
I think I've had just about enough of your lip for one day.

morphius
12-07-2005, 09:30 PM
I think I've had just about enough of your lip for one day.
Damn, when was the last time anyone heard End say that he has had enough of anything?

Count Alex's Losses
12-07-2005, 09:32 PM
Get your lawnmower out...

Katipan
12-07-2005, 09:37 PM
Damn, when was the last time anyone heard End say that he has had enough of anything?

Food, beer and pot all the time.

morphius
12-07-2005, 09:39 PM
Food, beer and pot all the time.
You are not really helping here, you know that don't you?

ENDelt260
12-07-2005, 09:40 PM
Food, beer and pot all the time.
I have never told you I had enough beer.

Katipan
12-07-2005, 09:41 PM
I have never told you I had enough beer.

Liar, ONE time I didn't take you home.

You said enough that night.

Katipan
12-07-2005, 09:41 PM
You are not really helping here, you know that don't you?

Have any stubble yet, hun?

morphius
12-07-2005, 09:46 PM
Have any stubble yet, hun?
A girl in HS told me she wished she had my eyes so that people wouldn't look at the rest of her. I'm going to stick with that for my goat.

Katipan
12-07-2005, 09:47 PM
A girl in HS told me she wished she had my eyes so that people wouldn't look at the rest of her. I'm going to stick with that for my goat.

Who cares about eye color when the lights are low?

Priorities, baby.

morphius
12-07-2005, 09:48 PM
Who cares about eye color when the lights are low?

Priorities, baby.
No diagram for you...

Katipan
12-07-2005, 09:52 PM
No diagram for you...

Awww I was just trying to get you to grow a goat.

I wanna see what the lesbian got.