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View Full Version : My Financee just asked me to surprise her with a home cooked dinner


chris
12-10-2005, 09:02 PM
and she is not asking for something from the Barbie...

What should I cook??

I am not a fancy chef. I can read a cookbook, but no french sauces.

And she doesn't like meat....fish, or soy based artificial meats only

Help!

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:03 PM
um..

SURPRISE!!

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:03 PM
If she knows it's coming it's not much of a surprise.

Tell her thanks for screwing up yet another fine evening. Maybe if she's good the rest of the night you'll let her blow you later to make up for it.

Glad I could help.

Guru
12-10-2005, 09:04 PM
Exactly where is the surprise in this???

Skip Towne
12-10-2005, 09:05 PM
Do you have a crock pot?

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:05 PM
You're a whole minute late.

milkman
12-10-2005, 09:05 PM
If my wife askes me to cook, she's gettin' McDonalds.

AZORChiefFan
12-10-2005, 09:06 PM
Try this it'll show how resourceful you are Dishwasher Salmon (http://www.surrealgourmet.com/html/recipes/salmon.html)

And it looks pretty damned easy.

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:06 PM
If my wife askes me to cook, she's gettin' McDonalds.
You can't make a better burger than McDonald's?

You're barely half a man. Get out of my sight. You disgust me.

Count Alex's Losses
12-10-2005, 09:07 PM
BIG_DADDY probably has a good suggestion. I know he likes to cook and he likes fish.

milkman
12-10-2005, 09:08 PM
You can't make a better burger than McDonald's?

You're barely half a man. Get out of my sight. You disgust me.

I can make a better burger than McDonald's.

But I got a wife, so I don't cook.

That's her job.

chris
12-10-2005, 09:08 PM
Exactly where is the surprise in this???

My mistake.

She was talking about how much she loves to cook.

Then she looked at me and stated...when are you going to cook for me??

I felt like a deer on a 4 lane freeway full of semi-trucks.

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:09 PM
when are you going to cook for me??

When are you going to install a new toilet?

chris
12-10-2005, 09:11 PM
When are you going to install a new toilet?


ROFL ROFL

Saul Good
12-10-2005, 09:11 PM
When are you going to install a new toilet?
Exactly

Pitt Gorilla
12-10-2005, 09:12 PM
Pasta or something in the crockpot. Those are easy.

Guru
12-10-2005, 09:12 PM
My mistake.

She was talking about how much she loves to cook.

Then she looked at me and stated...when are you going to cook for me??

I felt like a deer on a 4 lane freeway full of semi-trucks.

HA!! Been there done that. How long did it take for you to recover?

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:16 PM
I'm tellin' ya guys, you gotta have these responses ready.

chris
12-10-2005, 09:17 PM
HA!! Been there done that. How long did it take for you to recover?


Trying to be Cool Hand Luke, I said "No Problem"

THen she said "I want something other than oatmeal"

Dang it, how did she know????

Guru
12-10-2005, 09:20 PM
Make oatmeal cookies. Show her you are at least versitle.

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:20 PM
I'm tellin' ya guys, you gotta have these responses ready.

I can install a ****ing toilet.

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:23 PM
I can install a ****ing toilet.
There is truly no end to your talents.

You wanna put the bar on my deck back together for me?

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:26 PM
There is truly no end to your talents.

You wanna put the bar on my deck back together for me?

Oh master. Will you lounge in your hammock while I do it? Will you drink beer that I scurry to the kitchen to retrieve for you? Will you leer at me and make obnoxious comments about my body? Will you tell me when I'm doing something wrong and bark at me to do something different? Then when I'm tired and dirty and crying, will you hold me and tell me I did "ok" ?

Please?

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:27 PM
Oh master. Will you lounge in your hammock while I do it? Will you drink beer that I scurry to the kitchen to retrieve for you? Will you leer at me and make obnoxious comments about my body? Will you tell me when I'm doing something wrong and bark at me to do something different? Then when I'm tired and dirty and crying, will you hold me and tell me I did "ok" ?

Please?
What, you're not gonna roll me a joint?

Lazy bitch.

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:28 PM
What, you're not gonna roll me a joint?

Lazy bitch.

Stop showing off. When have they never just appeared out of thin air?

listopencil
12-10-2005, 09:30 PM
and she is not asking for something from the Barbie...

What should I cook??

I am not a fancy chef. I can read a cookbook, but no french sauces.

And she doesn't like meat....fish, or soy based artificial meats only

Help!


She knows how well you cook. She deserves whatever she gets.

Logical
12-10-2005, 09:30 PM
I can install a ****ing toilet.I already have a toilet I can **** on, can you provide a ****ing bidet?

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:33 PM
I already have a toilet I can **** on, can you provide a ****ing bidet?
I bet she'll gargle and spit in your ass.

Logical
12-10-2005, 09:33 PM
I bet she'll gargle and spit in your ass.ROFL

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:34 PM
I bet she'll gargle and spit in your ass.

I didn't do it for you when you asked.
Is Vlad special?

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:35 PM
ROFL

stop encouraging him, dammit

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:36 PM
I didn't do it for you when you asked.
Is Vlad special?
He's rich

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:36 PM
stop encouraging him, dammit
Are you going to take orders from a woman, Jim?

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:37 PM
He's rich

Did you just call me a whore?

ENDelt260
12-10-2005, 09:38 PM
Did you just call me a whore?
No, that was Carlos.

*runs away*

Rain Man
12-10-2005, 09:39 PM
For the love of God, man, screw it up! SCREW IT UP!

If you give her an excellent, gourmet meal, she's going to expect it on occasion for the rest of your life. Every day of your married life that she comes home tired, she'll ask you to make her a nice, homemade dinner. Twenty-five years from now, as your silver anniversary approaches, she will ask you to make her a gourmet dinner "like you did when we were dating." Fifty years from now, as you're living in a senior center, she'll at some point ask you through toothless jaws to make her a gourmet dinner "just like the old days."

I kid you not. This could affect the rest of your life! Make her a spam sandwich with potato chips, and smash the potato chips with your fist before serving them. You'll thank me for the next fifty years.

Logical
12-10-2005, 09:41 PM
Are you going to take orders from a woman, Jim?I assumed the ****ing bidet was conditional, she now owes me.

Skip Towne
12-10-2005, 09:42 PM
I'd always do the cooking if the ex didn't feel like it. Five years after the divorce she asked for my spaghetti recipe.

chris
12-10-2005, 09:43 PM
For the love of God, man, screw it up! SCREW IT UP!

If you give her an excellent, gourmet meal, she's going to expect it on occasion for the rest of your life. Every day of your married life that she comes home tired, she'll ask you to make her a nice, homemade dinner. Twenty-five years from now, as your silver anniversary approaches, she will ask you to make her a gourmet dinner "like you did when we were dating." Fifty years from now, as you're living in a senior center, she'll at some point ask you through toothless jaws to make her a gourmet dinner "just like the old days."

I kid you not. This could affect the rest of your life! Make her a spam sandwich with potato chips, and smash the potato chips with your fist before serving them. You'll thank me for the next fifty years.


ROFL

I just spit my drink onto the keyboard!

cdcox
12-10-2005, 09:45 PM
I made some mushroom risotto tonight that was pretty awespme. Pretty simple to make if you can follow instructions. Course it had turkey stock in it. I don't think I could commit long term to a woman who whouldn't eat meat.

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:46 PM
I assumed the ****ing bidet was conditional, she now owes me.

Did I just get sold into slavery?

Logical
12-10-2005, 09:47 PM
Did I just get sold into slavery?I thought you were volunteering.

listopencil
12-10-2005, 09:49 PM
Did I just get sold into slavery?


At least you can't be fired. You've got that going for you.

Katipan
12-10-2005, 09:49 PM
I thought you were volunteering.

Yah thats what they said to the Africans.

Logical
12-10-2005, 09:56 PM
Yah thats what they said to the Africans.The good news is I don't own any cotton plants.

KC Jones
12-10-2005, 09:57 PM
Make hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. You hopefully won't be asked to cook again. Be sure to put a parsley garnish on the plate though - you don't want her thinking you're some kind of visigoth.

KC Jones
12-10-2005, 09:58 PM
The good news is I don't own any cotton plants.

how about a nike factory?

milkman
12-10-2005, 09:58 PM
The good news is I don't own any cotton plants.

What about cotton swabs?

Logical
12-10-2005, 10:00 PM
how about a nike factory?I think you have me confused with Tigger.

KC Jones
12-10-2005, 10:13 PM
I think you have me confused with Tigger.


what, you don't like fried chicken either?

Logical
12-10-2005, 10:15 PM
what, you don't like fried chicken either?:clap:

CoMoChief
12-10-2005, 10:20 PM
Order Chinese and throw the boxes and shit it came in away, then throw all of that in kitchen ware like you actually had done something.