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FringeNC
12-28-2005, 05:05 PM
http://www.deadspin.com/sports/nfl/the-full-report-on-the-sex-boat-143558.php

So, hey, anybody else actually dug into these whole Vikings criminal complaints, the ones The Smoking Gun grabbed? If you haven’t yet, we suggest you do, because it’s even more entertaining than you thought. But, we understand, you’re very busy at work today. So allow us to help you out. We’ve dug through, and here’s the highlights, on each player. And it’s all written in legalese, which somehow makes it funnier.

Fred Smoot: Was seen holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women who were lying on the floor near the lounge area of the charter boat. After a period of time, one of the women got up and Mr. Smoot continued to manipulate the dildo inside the other woman.

Daunte Culpepper: Got a “lap dance” from an unidentified, naked female. During this “lap dance,” Mr. Culpepper placed his hands on the naked buttocks of the female dancer.

Moe Williams: [Williams is witnessed] in the area by the downstairs bathrooms receiving a “lap dance,” which involved the “dancer” dancing bare-breasted and Mr. Williams with his hands on and touching the breasts of his female partner.

Bryant McKinnie: [McKinnie is witnessed] pick up a naked woman, place her on the bar in the lounge and commence to perform oral sex on her. … At a different time during the evening, [witnesses] saw Mr. McKinnie along with three other unidentified males receiving oral sex from four women while the men were seated in deck chairs on the boat.

So now you know. Some conversation topics for all your holiday parties this weekend.

ChiefsFan4Life
12-28-2005, 05:08 PM
The comments are the best.

Coach
12-28-2005, 05:08 PM
Fred Smoot: Was seen holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women who were lying on the floor near the lounge area of the charter boat. After a period of time, one of the women got up and Mr. Smoot continued to manipulate the dildo inside the other woman.

Damn, Fred Smoot is better than Champ Bailey. First time ever in the NFL history that someone covered 2 receivers there.

Rain Man
12-28-2005, 05:15 PM
Damn, Fred Smoot is better than Champ Bailey. First time ever in the NFL history that someone covered 2 receivers there.


I can't top that.

KcMizzou
12-28-2005, 05:19 PM
The comments are the best. I've gotta agree with one I read...

Who the hell goes down on a hooker? Blech.

tk13
12-28-2005, 05:20 PM
Damn, Fred Smoot is better than Champ Bailey. First time ever in the NFL history that someone covered 2 receivers there.
Gives new meaning to the "Cover 2", eh?

tk13
12-28-2005, 05:21 PM
Gives new meaning to the "Cover 2", eh?
But then again, if that's the cover 2, I'd sure hate to see the 46.

Rain Man
12-28-2005, 05:23 PM
I've gotta agree with one I read...

Who the hell goes down on a hooker? Blech.


Never, ever borrow Bryant McKinnie's ChapStick.

tk13
12-28-2005, 05:25 PM
Never, ever borrow Bryant McKinnie's ChapStick.
Yeah, you'd be better off licking a dead cat.

Bootlegged
12-28-2005, 05:33 PM
I thought "those people" didn't like eating taco. And by "those people" I mean O-lineman.

Bootlegged
12-28-2005, 05:36 PM
Ok...sorry-one more.

[Announcer]
Alright, fellas that was Ashley on the main stage
And right now it's time for the "Déja Vu"
Buy one, get two table dances alright now fellas,
You know what to do,
Here come the ladies!
Here come the ladies!

[Chris Rock]
Hey baby, hey baby
Hey light-skinned sister, come on over here and give a brotha a dance.

[Girl]
Uh... I already got a customer

[Chris Rock]
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Dark-skinned sister why don't ya give a brotha a dance,
come on give a brotha a dance...

[Bitchy Girl]
My shift is over!

[Chris Rock]
Well why don't you work some overtime then!?!

[Bitchy Girl]
SHIIIT!!!

[Chris Rock]
Okay, I understand ya shit...
Hey baby, come here, come here, give a brotha a dance
Corn-rowed sister, give a brotha a dance

[Girl]
I'm a waitress!

[Chris Rock]
Oh okay, okay
(piano starts to play)
Damn! What am I glass? I think I'll sing.

(singing to piano melody)
La-dies of "Déja Vu"
What must I do... to get with you
I got a role of twenties buried in my pants
So here's on little question that I'd like to ask...

(Rap beat starts)

(Chorus: Repeat x4)
CAN A ***** GET A TABLE DANCE!!!
SHAKE IT UP! SHAKE IT UP! WOO! SHAKE THAT THANG!

[Maestro]
I been workin' for a week, here's the money I got
I'm lookin' for a place to bust this nut
I'm attendin' in my benzo
Lookin' for a place to find some mackin' hoes
But that shit don't thrill me
So I head out to the mad city to get it on, G
Out the benz, I'm lookin' for fun
I'm lookin' for a place that gonna move some (echo)
Know what I'm sayin', know what I'm talkin' about?
I'm lookin' for a bitch that can turn the party out
I met a bitch named Dynasty,
Wit so much back, she made a blind man see.
What's really happenin'?
Too many clothes, not enough booty slappin'
Now I don't need romance, all I need to know is

(Chorus: Repeat x2)
CAN A ***** GET A TABLE DANCE!!!
SHAKE IT UP! SHAKE IT UP! WOO! SHAKE THAT THANG!

(Gong Sound)

[Stripper]
I'll give you a table dance!

[Chris Rock]
But you're white!

[Stripper]
And you're cute.

(They start to get it on)

[Chris Rock]
This is a great table dance!

[Stripper]
Hey, you like that?

[Chris Rock]
I love it! This table dance makes me wanna... makes me wanna SING!

Psyko Tek
12-28-2005, 05:48 PM
IS this thread worthless without pictures???

Chiefs Pantalones
12-28-2005, 06:03 PM
IS this thread worthless without pictures???

I don't want to see pics of McKinney getting serviced or doing the service.

Just me, though...

Mr. Laz
12-28-2005, 06:49 PM
sounds like a party :shrug:

Halfcan
12-28-2005, 07:16 PM
Old news.

Chiefs Pantalones
12-28-2005, 07:28 PM
I'm glad this guy didn't participate in any of the activities. There would have been horns, hair, and swords in places you would've never imagined...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v323/SmshYnGrl/Dallas%20Cowboys/vikingkristi.jpg

chiefsfaninNC
12-28-2005, 07:34 PM
I don't get it? Why the criminal charges?

Chiefs Pantalones
12-28-2005, 07:36 PM
I don't get it? Why the criminal charges?

Double-sided dildos are illegal.

Halfcan
12-28-2005, 07:38 PM
Double-sided dildos are illegal.

lol, good one

chiefsfaninNC
12-28-2005, 07:38 PM
In Kuwait perhaps

the Talking Can
12-28-2005, 07:38 PM
sounds like Christmas at Ron Mexico's house...

FringeNC
12-28-2005, 07:40 PM
sounds like Christmas at Ron Mexico's house...

And Ron Mexico gives a gift that keeps on giving...

the Talking Can
12-28-2005, 07:42 PM
fyi, the humor on this thread is top notch, I mean that...

Chiefs Pantalones
12-28-2005, 07:42 PM
Is there an "e" in the plural form of "dildo"

Dildoes?

Dildos?

Whichever way?

Halfcan
12-28-2005, 07:44 PM
Dildie

the Talking Can
12-28-2005, 07:44 PM
Is there an "e" in the plural form of "dildo"

Dildoes?

Dildos?

Whichever way?

sheep?

FringeNC
12-28-2005, 07:46 PM
Smoot plugs the gaps pretty well for a cornerback.

sedated
12-28-2005, 07:59 PM
Double-sided dildos are illegal.


I'm moving to Canada

Coach
12-28-2005, 08:24 PM
I've gotta agree with one I read...

Who the hell goes down on a hooker? Blech.

Well I guess he thought it was a open-faced roast beef sandwich.

Chiefs Pantalones
12-28-2005, 08:25 PM
I'm moving to Canada
ROFL

Frazod
12-28-2005, 08:51 PM
I've gotta agree with one I read...

Who the hell goes down on a hooker? Blech.

Well, I was 19 and in Rio de Janeiro and very, very, VERY drunk.... :spock:

Count Zarth
12-28-2005, 08:53 PM
That's disgusting stuff.

ENDelt260
12-28-2005, 08:57 PM
I am absolutely shocked and appalled.

No one snorted coke off a hooker's titty? WTF?

FringeNC
12-28-2005, 08:59 PM
That's disgusting stuff.

and dreaming of Gregg Williams in drag ISN'T?

Count Zarth
12-28-2005, 09:01 PM
and dreaming of Gregg Williams in drag ISN'T?

That was involuntary.

ENDelt260
12-28-2005, 09:02 PM
That was involuntary.
You've bought into the propaganda.

Halfcan
12-28-2005, 09:20 PM
I am absolutely shocked and appalled.

No one snorted coke off a hooker's titty? WTF?

This was the sex boat not the CP holiday get together.

Halfcan
12-28-2005, 09:21 PM
That was involuntary.


That is probably what you said in Gym class after getting a boner.

Count Zarth
12-28-2005, 09:23 PM
That is probably what you said in Gym class after getting a boner.

If I got a boner in gym class it was only because I had history coming up next.

Halfcan
12-28-2005, 09:26 PM
If I got a boner in gym class it was only because I had history coming up next.


IF?????? OMG IF????

Count Zarth
12-28-2005, 09:27 PM
IF?????? OMG IF????

I'm not really sure what your point is.

Halfcan
12-28-2005, 09:30 PM
Nevermind dude. Instead of denying it you said IF.

Count Zarth
12-28-2005, 09:31 PM
Nevermind dude. Instead of denying it you said IF.

Yeah, if. Better than "when."

If neither confirms nor denies.

ENDelt260
12-28-2005, 09:33 PM
This thread started out so great.... football players ****ing hookers on a boat.... some funny humor... and where does it end up?

gochiefs sportin' wood in HS gym class.

WTF is wrong with this picture?

Count Zarth
12-28-2005, 09:36 PM
gochiefs sportin' wood in HS gym class.

INCORRECT! I was accused and there was no evidence of it ever occuring!


WTF is wrong with this picture?

Halfcan. I don't know why he's interested in my boners.

milkman
12-28-2005, 09:44 PM
This thread started out so great.... football players ****ing hookers on a boat.... some funny humor... and where does it end up?

gochiefs sportin' wood in HS gym class.

WTF is wrong with this picture?

OK, I ain't lookin' no pictures of Meetpeeker's boner!

Halfcan
12-28-2005, 10:28 PM
OK, I ain't lookin' no pictures of Meetpeeker's boner!

lol, scary thought.

Count Zarth
12-28-2005, 10:33 PM
lol, scary thought.

Thinking about my boner now are you?

Demonpenz
12-28-2005, 11:51 PM
lets go down to bonnie bernstien for an update.... Bonnie: it seems one of the hookers cleaned her ass from back to front leaving alittle extra for the players.

Tribal Warfare
12-28-2005, 11:53 PM
Bryant Mckinnie must be "on"the new Jenny Craig diet, and she loves it.

ENDelt260
12-28-2005, 11:58 PM
lets go down to bonnie bernstien for an update.... Bonnie: it seems one of the hookers cleaned her ass from back to front leaving alittle extra for the players.
EEEEeeeewwwwwww

Katipan
12-29-2005, 12:06 AM
Great. Another 10 minutes of my life wasted reading another Halfcan and gochiefs thread.

TinyEvel
12-29-2005, 12:14 AM
Dude, You gonna Charge Culpepper on something??!!!

What's the whole point of getting a lap dance and not smoothin' the booty???!!!

grandllama
12-29-2005, 01:23 AM
I am absolutely shocked and appalled.

No one snorted coke off a hooker's titty? WTF?

Will you be that someone?

RedNFeisty
12-29-2005, 07:43 AM
I don't get the problem with this. So some players had a sex party on a boat, sounds rather lame to me and why would there be charges against the players. This is nothing like the White House in Dallas, now there were some parties, at least that is what the stories say.

morphius
12-29-2005, 08:17 AM
I don't get the problem with this. So some players had a sex party on a boat, sounds rather lame to me and why would there be charges against the players. This is nothing like the White House in Dallas, now there were some parties, at least that is what the stories say.
These boats have employees on them, so it is public. If it had been one of the players boats then it would have been no big deal.

Mecca
12-29-2005, 08:27 AM
Fred Smoot wasn't using a double headed dildo, he was using the PS3 controller!

ROYC75
12-29-2005, 08:29 AM
The "Love Boat" will be sailing soon...........

Rain Man
12-29-2005, 08:49 AM
I don't get the problem with this. So some players had a sex party on a boat, sounds rather lame to me and why would there be charges against the players. This is nothing like the White House in Dallas, now there were some parties, at least that is what the stories say.

Truthfully, if there was a double-headed dildo lying around and two hookers splayed on the deck, wouldn't it be rude to NOT use it on them?

Katipan
12-29-2005, 08:50 AM
This stuff happens every night in Scottsdale.

Rain Man
12-29-2005, 08:52 AM
This stuff happens every night in Scottsdale.


Not on a boat.

Katipan
12-29-2005, 08:53 AM
Not on a boat.

Center stage islands tho!

Simply Red
12-29-2005, 08:56 AM
This stuff happens every night in Scottsdale.

Scottsdale? I guess it happens there every night because it is such a happening place.
:LOL:

Katipan
12-29-2005, 08:57 AM
Scottsdale? I guess it happens because it is such a happening place.
:LOL:

We don't have a gold club, but we also don't have the dirty south to deal with either.

Simply Red
12-29-2005, 08:59 AM
We don't have a gold club, but we also don't have the dirty south to deal with either.

True.

RedNFeisty
12-29-2005, 09:12 AM
Truthfully, if there was a double-headed dildo lying around and two hookers splayed on the deck, wouldn't it be rude to NOT use it on them?


Of course it would be rude to not help them out. lol

RedNFeisty
12-29-2005, 09:16 AM
Go down to Florida, Ft. Walton Beach/Destin area during Forth of July and you will see this stuff happening on just about every boat in the Bay. Hell, for that matter go to Arkansas what is that lake (the name is evading me at the moment) I hear their parties are pretty wicked.

Most large boats have employees on them; it is called being filthy rich!! :p

However, if it were a public boat I can understand the charges now. OMG, my eyes, I just saw a skanky hooker getting eaten and I haven't been eaten in decades, I must sue!!

Garcia Bronco
12-29-2005, 11:08 AM
I don't get the problem with this. So some players had a sex party on a boat, sounds rather lame to me and why would there be charges against the players. This is nothing like the White House in Dallas, now there were some parties, at least that is what the stories say.


The bottom line is...what they did wrong was not clear the type of party they wanted have by the ownership of the service they wanted. I'm quit sure for the right money...those boats could have been staff accordingly for the type of party they had....There were minors working on that ship.

Inspector
12-29-2005, 12:52 PM
Damn, Fred Smoot is better than Champ Bailey. First time ever in the NFL history that someone covered 2 receivers there.

ROFL ROFL

Ok, that was good.....

FringeNC
12-29-2005, 12:57 PM
Go down to Florida, Ft. Walton Beach/Destin area during Forth of July and you will see this stuff happening on just about every boat in the Bay. Hell, for that matter go to Arkansas what is that lake (the name is evading me at the moment) I hear their parties are pretty wicked.

Most large boats have employees on them; it is called being filthy rich!! :p

However, if it were a public boat I can understand the charges now. OMG, my eyes, I just saw a skanky hooker getting eaten and I haven't been eaten in decades, I must sue!!

I think that most on this board would agree that any legal problems and all the bad PR for the Vikings was ridiculous...that's not the point of the thread...the point of the thread was the humorous descriptions of the events...such as

"Fred Smoot: Was seen holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women who were lying on the floor near the lounge area of the charter boat. After a period of time, one of the women got up and Mr. Smoot continued to manipulate the dildo inside the other woman."

morphius
12-29-2005, 12:59 PM
Well, I was 19 and in Rio de Janeiro and very, very, VERY drunk.... :spock:
And that explains why you are able to still grow hair on your face, but not your head!