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Der Flöprer
01-18-2006, 01:09 AM
I think I know what it is. A good poop thread. So here goes. I'm a big guy. A REAL big guy. Lately I've had a very difficult time poopin. Keep in mind when I poop it's usually about the weight of your guys 5-7 yr olds. What do you guys do when you have a hard time droppin the kids off at the pool?

SLAG
01-18-2006, 01:10 AM
A Ciggerette, Bran Muffin and a Cup of coffee, Will cleanse that colon right out

Der Flöprer
01-18-2006, 01:15 AM
I'll give it a shot. Thanks for the advice.

SLAG
01-18-2006, 01:18 AM
I'll give it a shot. Thanks for the advice.


If you are over the age of 40 please make sure to get a Colonoscopy or a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy Every 5 Years as well


a Barium Enima couldnt hurt

Spicy McHaggis
01-18-2006, 01:21 AM
shot after shot of espresso.

Der Flöprer
01-18-2006, 01:25 AM
shot after shot of espresso.



Shit. I live in the espresso capital of the U.S I'll have to get a quad shot tommorrow morning.

listopencil
01-18-2006, 01:43 AM
Do it with caffeine. It'll clean you right out.

J Diddy
01-18-2006, 01:47 AM
I think I know what it is. A good poop thread. So here goes. I'm a big guy. A REAL big guy. Lately I've had a very difficult time poopin. Keep in mind when I poop it's usually about the weight of your guys 5-7 yr olds. What do you guys do when you have a hard time droppin the kids off at the pool?


Never had a problem, my suggestion is quit having your lover, glen, pound that shit up there. You could possibly tell him to attach a suction cup at the end so it acts like a plunger....

:)

Katipan
01-18-2006, 01:48 AM
Just raise your feet up a little. Like on a trash can or a bound and gagged midget.

It'll all slide right out.

Der Flöprer
01-18-2006, 01:49 AM
Never had a problem, my suggestion is quit having your lover, glen, pound that shit up there. You could possibly tell him to attach a suction cup at the end so it acts like a plunger....

:)


quit pounding shit, suction cup, plunger. Okay got it. :)

J Diddy
01-18-2006, 01:50 AM
quit pounding shit, suction cup, plunger. Okay got it. :)


No problem bro, glad I could help.

Prince22
01-18-2006, 01:58 AM
I drink a whole lot of alcohol and eat extremely hot food. My problem is a bit of the opposite of yours.

SLAG
01-18-2006, 02:01 AM
I drink a whole lot of alcohol and eat extremely hot food. My problem is a bit of the opposite of yours.

I believe it

J Diddy
01-18-2006, 02:02 AM
I drink a whole lot of alcohol and eat extremely hot food. My problem is a bit of the opposite of yours.


What? You frequently shit yourself?

KcMizzou
01-18-2006, 02:05 AM
Yeah, enough beer and jalapenos in you're diet, and you won't have to worry about it.

luv
01-18-2006, 02:07 AM
Yeah, enough beer and jalapenos in you're diet, and you won't have to worry about it.
LOL...

Yep. There's the key to regularity.

Prince22
01-18-2006, 02:10 AM
What? You frequently shit yourself?

Ha! No I oooo wait.... I'll be right back

John Matrix
01-18-2006, 03:14 AM
I usually have the other problem, but I would highly recommend Budweiser, and food from a cheap Chinese buffet...we're talking possible cat-quality Chinese, none of that upscale mood-lighting Chinese bullshit. After about three plates of General Tso's and about six Budweiser's your 'shit', which will actually resemble ass piss, will hit the toilet with so much force that the water will foam from the impact. You might want to get a splash guard for your cheeks though, and give yourself a few courtesy flushes.

luv
01-18-2006, 03:16 AM
I usually have the other problem, but I would highly recommend Budweiser, and food from a cheap Chinese buffet...we're talking possible cat-quality Chinese, none of that upscale mood-lighting Chinese bullshit. After about three plates of General Tso's and about six Budweiser's your 'shit', which will actually resemble ass piss, will hit the toilet with so much force that the water will foam from the impact. You might want to get a splash guard for your cheeks though, and give yourself a few courtesy flushes.
WAY TMI... ROFL

Prince22
01-18-2006, 03:28 AM
I usually have the other problem, but I would highly recommend Budweiser, and food from a cheap Chinese buffet...we're talking possible cat-quality Chinese, none of that upscale mood-lighting Chinese bullshit. After about three plates of General Tso's and about six Budweiser's your 'shit', which will actually resemble ass piss, will hit the toilet with so much force that the water will foam from the impact. You might want to get a splash guard for your cheeks though, and give yourself a few courtesy flushes.


You might want to time this right before shower time.

cookster50
01-18-2006, 05:22 AM
Apparently Witney Houston's man stuck his finger up her hershey highway to help her with an especially difficult purge. Maybe your wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/FB/etc could help you out?

ChiefsFire
01-18-2006, 07:37 AM
You might want to time this right before shower time.
I always take my dumps right before I take a shower.....


is that wierd?

Kerberos
01-18-2006, 08:15 AM
I always take my dumps right before I take a shower.....


is that wierd?

Nope that is my time as well. It makes it easier to clean the arse to take a dump BEFORE taking the shower for me!

No need to wipe if I am jumping in the shower... anything I can do to save a tree!


.

cookster50
01-18-2006, 09:56 AM
No need to wipe if I am jumping in the shower... anything I can do to save a tree!
.


That's......disgusting! Fits perfectly in this thread.

Matt Helm
01-18-2006, 10:02 AM
Find your favorite greasy food and pig out. I wouldn't recommend what was offered up a few posts ago regarding jalapenos though, they are hot going in and just as hot coming out. If you do choose the hot route, you might want to invest in some popsicles to use as toilet paper!

Inspector
01-18-2006, 10:05 AM
Metamucil.

& proper diet / proper exercise / proper sleep routine.

The foundation to good living.

Simply Red
01-18-2006, 10:15 AM
Hmm. Okay. Regarding the lack of poopability. Push real-hard but don't loose concentration. You must be a results-driven person with a good poop-success-history. This is not for the inexperienced or the full of shit people. Remember what has led you to successful poops in the past. Believe it and you can achieve it. Upon successful completion; I recommend the "Butt-wipes" you can now buy right next to the toilet paper at your local supermarket. They are well worth the $2.50 they cost. A little price to pay for a clean butt. Rember: Have an "I can" attitude and all shiting will go good.

Rain Man
01-18-2006, 10:26 AM
It's kind of off-topic/on-topic, but about a year after we signed our office lease at work, some company that does massive phone sales moved in across the hall. They've crammed about 80 people into a space that's meant for 30, which doesn't thrill me, and some of them are not the neatest or most thoughtful people in the world. They're nice overall, but they're simply overcrowding the space. Since most of them are men, our bathrooms degrade steadily throughout the day, and I greatly admire the custodial staff for getting them back up to snuff each night.

So anyway, one of the guys at my company doesn't like the bathroom crowds, so he goes down to the next floor to use the bathrooms. That floor is lightly populated and quiet. I know that some of the guys from across the hall do the same thing, because I've seen them go down. (I just use the one on my floor.)

So anyway, my guy comes back to the office yesterday, and someone on the next floor down had left a note on the bathroom mirror that read something like, "We know that you come down and use our bathroom because of all those pigs up on your floor, but stop being a pig here. It contained some graphic statements that my coworker didn't repeat to me about their complaints about the condition of their bathroom, which my (very neat) coworker said is usually immaculate.

I really miss the good old days when we had two people using the men's bathroom instead of 80.

chasedude
01-18-2006, 10:27 AM
A little of my mango habanero salsa will turn that shit into liquid hot magma!

Matt Helm
01-18-2006, 10:30 AM
It's kind of off-topic/on-topic, but about a year after we signed our office lease at work, some company that does massive phone sales moved in across the hall. They've crammed about 80 people into a space that's meant for 30, which doesn't thrill me, and some of them are not the neatest or most thoughtful people in the world. They're nice overall, but they're simply overcrowding the space. Since most of them are men, our bathrooms degrade steadily throughout the day, and I greatly admire the custodial staff for getting them back up to snuff each night.

So anyway, one of the guys at my company doesn't like the bathroom crowds, so he goes down to the next floor to use the bathrooms. That floor is lightly populated and quiet. I know that some of the guys from across the hall do the same thing, because I've seen them go down. (I just use the one on my floor.)

So anyway, my guy comes back to the office yesterday, and someone on the next floor down had left a note on the bathroom mirror that read something like, "We know that you come down and use our bathroom because of all those pigs up on your floor, but stop being a pig here. It contained some graphic statements that my coworker didn't repeat to me about their complaints about the condition of their bathroom, which my (very neat) coworker said is usually immaculate.

I really miss the good old days when we had two people using the men's bathroom instead of 80.

I've seen similar situations with the exception of the notes from one floor to the next. My view would be that if it's a public access restroom they should keep their mouth shut and concentrate on work.

CosmicPal
01-18-2006, 10:30 AM
If you need to drop the kids off at the pool and are having trouble doing so, there's two things that have always worked for me: 1. drink a cup of coffee. That'll get them to drop in no time. 2. This only works for smokers, so if you don't smoke- don't try it. But, smoke a cigarette. That'll help get the kids to drop out at any time.

Matt Helm
01-18-2006, 10:31 AM
A little of my mango habanero salsa will turn that shit into liquid hot magma!

Don't forget the frozen toilet paper! Some people like using bombpops.

Fish
01-18-2006, 10:32 AM
a 1/5 of really cheap whiskey, $8 at Taco Bell...........

A reliable colon blast for under $10............

way2kalm
01-18-2006, 10:35 AM
Metamucil.

& proper diet / proper exercise / proper sleep routine.

The foundation to good living.

DAMN! I was just about to suggest this! Just remember, your body is on a timer of some sorts. This is why you can wake up at the same time everyday, get sleepy at the same time every night, take a dump at the same time every day, etc. If you are able to, get on the same daily routine, it actually helps. It works for me (95% of the time).

Simply Red
01-18-2006, 10:38 AM
DAMN! I was just about to suggest this! Just remember, your body is on a timer of some sorts. This is why you can wake up at the same time everyday, get sleepy at the same time every night, take a dump at the same time every day, etc. If you are able to, get on the same daily routine, it actually helps. It works for me (95% of the time).

Quit bragging! :p

sedated
01-18-2006, 10:43 AM
Try eating a live fish, like a goldfish.

I did on Monday and sh!t 4 times yesterday.

angel
01-18-2006, 10:50 AM
my old roommate did this (http://www.colonblow.com/) after consuming a 30 oz steak-- he said it worked rather well... just be sure you have a few days off to spend in the bathroom.

Fish
01-18-2006, 10:56 AM
my old roommate did this (http://www.colonblow.com/) after consuming a 30 oz steak-- he said it worked rather well... just be sure you have a few days off to spend in the bathroom.

http://www.colonblow.com/images/dear_mom_2.jpg

Rain Man
01-18-2006, 11:09 AM
I've seen similar situations with the exception of the notes from one floor to the next. My view would be that if it's a public access restroom they should keep their mouth shut and concentrate on work.

Agreed, though I don't mind someone advocating to keep them clean. I just thought it was interesting, because their bathrooms actually are very clean.

(Sigh.) When we moved in, our whole floor was empty. We had a dream that a bunch of like-minded potential clients would move next door to us, like marketing firms and public relations people. Instead, we got Calcutta.

chiefs4me
01-18-2006, 12:29 PM
I think I know what it is. A good poop thread. So here goes. I'm a big guy. A REAL big guy. Lately I've had a very difficult time poopin. Keep in mind when I poop it's usually about the weight of your guys 5-7 yr olds. What do you guys do when you have a hard time droppin the kids off at the pool?









I'm not reading the rest of this shitty thread...but I find it hard to believe that your poop weighs that much...:rolleyes: my 4 year old weighs 32 pounds..so what does a 5-7 year old weigh????

luv
01-18-2006, 12:31 PM
Hmm. Okay. Regarding the lack of poopability. Push real-hard but don't loose concentration. You must be a results-driven person with a good poop-success-history. This is not for the inexperienced or the full of shit people. Remember what has led you to successful poops in the past. Believe it and you can achieve it. Upon successful completion; I recommend the "Butt-wipes" you can now buy right next to the toilet paper at your local supermarket. They are well worth the $2.50 they cost. A little price to pay for a clean butt. Rember: Have an "I can" attitude and all shiting will go good.
If you're not full of shit, then you probably don't need to poop anyway.

ChiefsFire
01-18-2006, 12:33 PM
Nope that is my time as well. It makes it easier to clean the arse to take a dump BEFORE taking the shower for me!

No need to wipe if I am jumping in the shower... anything I can do to save a tree!


.


same here

i feel "crappy" after taking a crap.if i shower right away i get that fresh as a spring morning feel back.

sedated
01-18-2006, 01:05 PM
i feel "crappy" after taking a crap.


I disagree.

I always feel awesome after dropping a deuce.

ahhh...Post-Defication Euphoria

Der Flöprer
01-18-2006, 02:17 PM
I'm not reading the rest of this shitty thread...but I find it hard to believe that your poop weighs that much...:rolleyes: my 4 year old weighs 32 pounds..so what does a 5-7 year old weigh????



I just assumed somewhere around 65 lbs. I have to flush 37 times per dump. Thanks for your concern.

ChiefsFire
01-18-2006, 03:34 PM
I disagree.

I always feel awesome after dropping a deuce.

ahhh...Post-Defication Euphoria
on the inside,yes,feels amazing..

on the outside...ehh not so amazing

Der Flöprer
01-18-2006, 09:55 PM
on the inside,yes,feels amazing..

on the outside...ehh not so amazing


It would be amazing on the outside too if you wiped when you were done. JMHO :)