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CoMoChief
01-20-2006, 11:50 AM
Maybe someone has already done this in the past, but Im gonna do it anyway. Norris was on the Tony Danza Show (how Danza even has a show baffles my mind) and Danza was reading all of the Chuck Norris facts to Norris, Chuck just laughed, then roundhouse kicked him to Japan, jk. Anyways here it goes...



"When Chuck Norris was a small child, he built a small village in his sand box. That small village is now the United States of America."




PS - They need to make a (Primetime) show of nothing but Conan's Walker TX Ranger clips. Those are classics and deserve Golden Globe nominations before any other show not named Arrested Developement.

BIG_DADDY
01-20-2006, 12:26 PM
I worked out with Chuck when I was a teenager. One of the members of his championship team was a guy named Bob Barrow and he opened a school in Medford Oregon. Chuck used to come by and train with us occasionally. Bob and Chip Wright who was a black belt in our school have been in his movies.

duncan_idaho
01-20-2006, 12:45 PM
Chuck Norris was not born; he punched his way out of his mother's womb. 30 seconds later, he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris went back in time to stop JFK's assasination. He deflected all three bullets with his beard, but JFK was so amazed, his head exploded anyway.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Dunit35
01-20-2006, 12:47 PM
"F**kin Chuck Norris."

Cochise
01-20-2006, 12:49 PM
this is about the 3rd official chuck norris thread it seems like.

NewChief
01-20-2006, 12:57 PM
Hold on a second... I was under the impression that Rich Scanlon did all of that stuff.

vailpass
01-20-2006, 01:02 PM
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of time is mearly a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time".

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris could have any woman he wants, but he has never had sex. He only masturbates because the only person good enough to have sex with Chuck is Chuck.

Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If youíre still alive, itís because Chuck Norris loves you.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

The Rick
01-20-2006, 01:07 PM
Chuck Norris sings Meatloaf...

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2687797

Dunit35
01-20-2006, 02:05 PM
These Chuck Norris things are hilarious.

ENDelt260
01-20-2006, 02:20 PM
Chuck Norris is Jewish.

vailpass
01-20-2006, 03:01 PM
Chuck Norris is Jewish.

Chuck Norris drinks marijuanica and smokes gin and tonica.

Saulbadguy
01-20-2006, 03:02 PM
**** you all.

ENDelt260
01-20-2006, 03:03 PM
**** you all.
No need to lash out.

David.
01-20-2006, 03:03 PM
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down

ENDelt260
01-20-2006, 03:08 PM
ROFL

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris

chefsos
01-20-2006, 03:11 PM
Wikipedia's overwhelmed with dumbassery. Oh holy shit that's funny.

carlos3652
01-20-2006, 03:12 PM
ROFL

vailpass
01-20-2006, 04:34 PM
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down

:clap: Good ones, I've added them to my list.