View Full Version : Re: Why The Hell Is The Dog Getting Laid More Than Me?

01-21-2006, 12:16 PM
From the Best of Craigslist....thought this was pretty funny.


Re: Why The Hell Is The Dog Getting Laid More Than Me? - w4m Ė 35

Reply to: anon-122608407@craigslist.org
Date: Wed Jan 04 11:42:08 2006

Simply put itís because animals donít complicate sex with feelings. Animals donít ďgo out for a drink or dinner or whateverĒ. Animals donít have a ďlitany of reasons why they have not gotten out in a very long timeĒ. Animals donít say things like ďPlease be under 40, single, good looking, professional or at least well read, D/D free, and available Saturday night.Ē And animals donít say ďYOU HAVE TO SEND ME A PIC!Ē

When an animal is hungry they eat. They donít care much what they eat. Some dogs will eat themselves sick and will eat poisonous things too. When an animal is thirsty they drink. Again, not too much thought goes into satisfying this need. When an animal is in heat they mate. No talking, no dinner and a movie, no nice car, no nice shoes. They give off a pheromone scent and howl to let others know theyíre ready.

If youíre truly a good-looking woman, whoís busty, professional, with a big butt, and up for almost anything then the fault is yours alone. Iíd do you, and most of my friends would do you too.
But being a girl is so very hard. You want to get laid, but you complicate things with history and emotion. If you make him shower and make him wear a condom you have eliminated 95% of the threat to yourself. If you carry a gun or a serrated knife then youíve cut the remaining threat 5% down to 2%.
So there you are, 98% sure heís safe enough to screw. And statistically speaking, most guys are clean and most guys are safe. Just like most guysí just want to screw. We like women who like us. If you give it to us weíll gratefully take it.

So whatís stopping you? Youíre a girl. You have to talk to him. Have to. Genetic compulsion. If you donít talk to him then youíd be a guy. Guys donít talk to the hamburger they eat. If youíre horny then screw. If youíre thirsty then drink. You have to know if he can form sentences like an English teacher, because if he canít talk then he canít screw. At least thatís what girls think. You have to know that he has a job, or is looking for a job. You have to know that he lives on his own or heís had a bad setback and is only living at home recently and temporarily because if heís not ambitious then he canít screw.
I mean how good could that steak dinner be if the cow was a mammaís boy and a slacker and couldnít conjugate Moos to save his life. If he was smart and sensitive, maybe he wouldnít be on your plate in the first place.
No I donít work for PETA.
No Iím not a vegetarian.
My point is that women donít want sex. Why is the dog getting laid more than you? Because the dog wants to get laid. Women donít want to get laid. If they did, they would. Women want safety and security and comfort and dependability. Women want a shoulder to lean on, a chest to cry on, a lap to sit on, and someone to count on. Women want to cuddle and talk and share secrets. Women want to go out and be out and stay out. Women want to see a great show, have a great meal, and dance at a great club. Women like dressing up and being seen, but when they stay in women like foreplay. Sex is like dessert, but foreplay is the true meal, the reason you came, the entrťe, and the most fulfilling part of the dinner. Women can orgasm standing in the supermarket checkout line. They donít need men for orgasm. They have better toys then men do, trust me. Women donít want sex. Women want to make a deep quality connection with someone who will listen and respect them until death they do part, except when Patrick Swayze haunted Demi Moore. Even death canít keep them apart. How romantic is that?
Speaking as a man, weíre more like dogs. We can be your best friends and weíre loyal to who feeds us best. Weíre trainable, if you take the time to train us, but when itís time to mate, then mate. Donít have a headache, and donít plan a special vacation to Vermont next month. Step up or step back and let some other woman try. I know this is wholly unattractive now, but why would I cheat if you were giving me sex when I wanted it? Everything canít be blamed on women, but men donít complicate sex with feelings. We just want to get laid. Just like dogs.

Well, I gotta be back to work. I hope this was more educational than funny.

01-21-2006, 12:25 PM