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FAX
04-29-2006, 09:44 AM
I know it's draft day and all, but I wanted to share a tidbit from the life of FAX with you guys, so I have created a thread which I like to call, "Shoulders Broken But Doctor Good".

I have been diagnosed with some sort of rare, degenerative disease that afflicts shoulders. My physicians originally diagnosed the condition as adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulder) but it was bi-lateral which the doctors found strange. Plus, the standard treatments did not produce results. I have been to excellent orthopedic specialists and surgeons (they work with the Titans and the Predators) and they have come to the conclusion that I have acquired a condition that has yet to be described. The symptoms were so painful that I finally had the left shoulder scoped and am doing a lot of PT including arm wrestling for hard boiled eggs to get back to the point where I can swing a golf club.

Anyway, the doctor has prescribed an enormous quantity of pain relievers called "lortab". The proper name is “hydrocodone” which, he tells me is, essentially, synthetic morphine. Ladies and gentlemen; "lortab" is awesome. I now believe that, had I lived in the old west, I would have frequented the oriental opium huts with regularity.

Anyway, I want you all to know that I was in my office, working on an important project for launch on Monday, drinking Starbucks French Roast, munching "lortab", and enthusiastically anticipating the draft, when it suddenly struck me that my office is reminiscent of the Cancun beach in 1973. That was a very good year for Cancun.

FAX

Mr. Laz
04-29-2006, 09:46 AM
so you're gonna start to look like the hunchback of notre dame soon?


http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/9430/quasimodo9hs.gif





sorry 'bout that, Quasi-Fax

JBucc
04-29-2006, 09:46 AM
You don't really need shoulders anyway

Dunit35
04-29-2006, 09:47 AM
You don't really need shoulders anyway


Yes you do. You can't play with yourself without one. Trust me I learned that when I broke my shoulder.

FAX
04-29-2006, 09:51 AM
so you're gonna start to look like the hunchback of notre dame soon?


sorry 'bout that

I have found that "lortab" is the cure for Quasimodo resemblance, Mr. Laz.

FAX

Skip Towne
04-29-2006, 09:52 AM
Would you consider sharing your new found bounty of lortabs?

FAX
04-29-2006, 09:55 AM
Would you consider sharing your new found bounty of lortabs?

Of course, Mr. Skip Towne. I have lots of them. I have a bottle of 10m "lortabs" that contains nearly 180 of the little fellas. They are smiling at me as we speak.

FAX

Phobia
04-29-2006, 09:55 AM
Dude - good luck. Arrowman had a nasty PWC accident and could barely move his arm so I have some idea of what you're going through. Considering all the baseballs, footballs, and softballs I've thrown and volleyballs I've hit, I'm certain I'll wear my shoulder out before its time as well.

JBucc
04-29-2006, 09:55 AM
Just try not to get addicted to your little friends

FAX
04-29-2006, 09:57 AM
Dude - good luck. Arrowman had a nasty PWC accident and could barely move his arm so I have some idea of what you're going through. Considering all the baseballs, footballs, and softballs I've thrown and volleyballs I've hit, I'm certain I'll wear my shoulder out before its time as well.

Thanks, Mr. Phobia. Interestingly, I am utterly unconcerned with the shoulders.

I'm only concerned with where I can get some more "lortabs".

FAX

Skip Towne
04-29-2006, 09:58 AM
Could you fax me some lortabs? BTW, you're getting up there in years. You didn't really expect that shoulder to last forever did you?

FAX
04-29-2006, 10:03 AM
Could you fax me some lortabs? BTW, you're getting up there in years. You didn't really expect that shoulder to last forever did you?

I'll send them right along, Mr. Skip Towne. Apparently, they turn any office into a Cancun beach in 1973. They're like Feng Shui in a bottle.

As for the shoulders, no, I did not. But, I always thought my self-restraint would be the first thing to go.

FAX

Mr. Laz
04-29-2006, 10:05 AM
I'll send them right along, Mr. Skip Towne. Apparently, they turn any office into a Cancun beach in 1973. They're like Feng Shui in a bottle.

As for the shoulders, no, I did not. But, I always thought my self-restraint would be the first thing to go.

FAX
have you tried switching hands?

FAX
04-29-2006, 10:09 AM
have you tried switching hands?

The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX has taken over responsibility for the matters to which I believe you are referring, Mr. Laz, as I am plagued by this condition bi-laterally.

Thank goodness I have "lortabs". The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX will, apparently, do almost anything for "lortabs".

FAX

Mr. Laz
04-29-2006, 10:17 AM
The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX has taken over responsibility for the matters to which I believe you are referring, Mr. Laz, as I am plagued by this condition bi-laterally.

Thank goodness I have "lortabs". The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX will, apparently, do almost anything for "lortabs".

FAX
ROFL


well i'm glad Mrs. Fax is Handling things for you, Mr. Fax.



A man needs to handle his business.

FAX
04-29-2006, 10:24 AM
Just try not to get addicted to your little friends

I thank you sincerely for the concern, Mr. JBucc. But, the little "lortab men" are telling me that I don't have to worry about that.

FAX

Katipan
04-29-2006, 10:29 AM
Are you itchy? Or is that only with liquid morphine?

Be careful with those, honey. It's awfully easy to get hooked.

FAX
04-29-2006, 10:34 AM
Are you itchy? Or is that only with liquid morphine?

Be careful with those, honey. It's awfully easy to get hooked.

Actually, Ms. Katipan, they do make you feel that way sometimes. I've only been taking them for a short while, but I've had that experience. It's feels like you are frolicking in the hot Cancun sand.

FAX

Katipan
04-29-2006, 10:37 AM
Allergy medicine will help.

Running naked and barefoot through a stiff breeze would help too.

A cute filipina encasing you in oatmeal would be fun. I dunno how helpful, but fun.

Mr. Laz
04-29-2006, 10:39 AM
Allergy medicine will help.

Running naked and barefoot through a stiff breeze would help too.

A cute filipina encasing you in oatmeal would be fun. I dunno how helpful, but fun.

i must say, i like the way your mind thinks Miss Mer.

FAX
04-29-2006, 10:40 AM
Allergy medicine will help.

Running naked and barefoot through a stiff breeze would help too.

A cute filipina encasing you in oatmeal would be fun. I dunno how helpful, but fun.

If these are choices, Ms Katipan, I would like to trade Alergy Medicine down and select Cute Filipina in the first and Running Naked in the 2nd.

FAX

58-4ever
04-29-2006, 10:42 AM
If these are choices, Ms Katipan, I would like to trade Alergy Medicine down and select Cute Filipina in the first and Running Naked in the 2nd.

FAX


ROFL

patteeu
04-29-2006, 10:45 AM
Are you itchy? Or is that only with liquid morphine?

Be careful with those, honey. It's awfully easy to get hooked.

Nonsense, I've been taking them for a couple of years now and I see no signs of addiction. ;)

Simplex3
04-29-2006, 10:45 AM
The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX has taken over responsibility for the matters to which I believe you are referring, Mr. Laz, as I am plagued by this condition bi-laterally.

Thank goodness I have "lortabs". The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX will, apparently, do almost anything for "lortabs".

FAX
Are you sure that was your wife and not a bald, toothless midget in a tutu?

patteeu
04-29-2006, 10:47 AM
FAX is the new Rush Limbaugh/Brett Favre.

Sully
04-29-2006, 10:49 AM
Nonsense, I've been taking them for a couple of years now and I see no signs of addiction. ;)
ROFL ROFL

58-4ever
04-29-2006, 10:50 AM
Have you had a few beers with your little men yet Fax? That's the best. ;)

BucEyedPea
04-29-2006, 10:52 AM
See an allergy specialist for another opinion....and I mean specialist!
Many degenerative conditions, according to certain of those guys, claim these conditions stem, from years of eating food one is allergic too but remains hidden and unknown as symptoms are not just runny eyes & noses etc. but low creeping degenerative ones. 80% of the public have some and don't know it per some of these guys. Just a thought...jmo.

Katipan
04-29-2006, 10:53 AM
Please limit your cocaine intake to a teener.

Simplex3
04-29-2006, 10:54 AM
See an allergy specialist for another opinion....and I mean specialist!
Many degenerative conditions, according to certain of those guys, claim these conditions stem, from years of eating food one is allergic too but remains hidden and unknown as symptoms are not just runny eyes & noses etc. but low creeping degenerative ones. Just a thought...jmo.
Yeah, you should try the gnat colon diet. It isn't cheap and gutting those gnats is a pain in the ass but I hear great things about the health benefits.

Simplex3
04-29-2006, 11:40 AM
See an allergy specialist for another opinion....and I mean specialist!
Many degenerative conditions, according to certain of those guys, claim these conditions stem, from years of eating food one is allergic too but remains hidden and unknown as symptoms are not just runny eyes & noses etc. but low creeping degenerative ones. Just a thought...jmo.
Yeah, you should try the gnat colon diet. It isn't cheap and gutting those gnats is a pain in the ass but I hear great things about the health benefits.

Cave Johnson
04-29-2006, 11:46 AM
FAX is the new Rush Limbaugh/Brett Favre.

/Jason Peter. Apparently he was downing 80 oxycontin a day.

patteeu
04-29-2006, 12:00 PM
/Jason Peter. Apparently he was downing 80 oxycontin a day.

Holy moly! That sounds like enough to put a herd of elephants into a coma.

T-post Tom
04-29-2006, 12:10 PM
One of my friends just got out of a rehab center for addiction to these kind of prescription narcotics. He lost his job and went to jail because of his addiction. I've heard that the hook is bigger than crack. Not a laughing matter.

Dave Lane
04-29-2006, 12:12 PM
shoulders are over rated.

Dave

BucEyedPea
04-29-2006, 01:04 PM
Yeah, you should try the gnat colon diet. It isn't cheap and gutting those gnats is a pain in the ass but I hear great things about the health benefits.
LMAO...this is a joke, right?

Cave Johnson
04-29-2006, 01:09 PM
Holy moly! That sounds like enough to put a herd of elephants into a coma.

Looks like I had it wrong. He was on Vicodin, not oxy. Still amazing, though.

Katipan
04-29-2006, 04:09 PM
I could sell 80 oxys for $1000.

well, if they were the big ones.

Simplex3
04-29-2006, 04:29 PM
LMAO...this is a joke, right?
ROFL

Do gnats even have colons?

ENDelt260
04-29-2006, 04:36 PM
Yes you do. You can't play with yourself without one. Trust me I learned that when I broke my shoulder.
Just ask a girl to play with your weenie for you.

It's the ass wiping that's hard to convince her to do. Then you gotta find one that loves you.

bringbackmarty
04-29-2006, 10:01 PM
it all depends on your chemistry. how well you handle stress, the severity of your condition. I took vicodin everyday for three months, than quit with zero withdrawal. that said I only took them when I was in pain, and at the reccomended dosage.

greg63
04-29-2006, 10:09 PM
Good luck to you Mr. Fax; while I do hope your shoulder condition ceases to degenerate I also acknowledge the importance of the euphoric feeling one gets form lortab and hope that you can find a reason to continue it's use without any serious negative side effects. :D

Ari Chi3fs
04-29-2006, 10:28 PM
Sorry to hear about your issue, Brother Mr. Fax.

I hope this isnt a ploy to garner extra votes in the CP Madness. heh.