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Rain Man
05-03-2006, 01:44 PM
You're enjoying a South Pacific cruise on the Carnival Cruise Ship "Freakshow". At approximately 9:00 pm on either Thursday or Friday (you don't know because you're right on the International Date Line), you're out on deck enjoying a root beer float and watching the dolphins cavort, when you suddenly feel a thump. Then another.

Alarmed, you look about you, and you are relieved to realize that the thumps are merely the elderly cruisegoers on board dropping to the deck with coronaries since the main dining hall served barbecue and cheese logs for dinner. You turn back to the ocean, sighing contentedly.

A buzzing then enters your ears. Bzzzzz-THWAP! Bzzzz-THWAP! Alarmed, you turn around, and you realize that it's nothing but the portable defibrillators. Whew. You turn back to the ocean, sighing contentedly.

AND AN ENORMOUS TSUNAMI WASHES OVER THE DECK! Screaming and gurgling, also known as scurgling, you tumble across the deck, through the main dining hall, up into the bridge, down into the casino, through four private cabins, one of which contains a set of college-age redhead twins who looked fabulous in their emerald-green matching bikinis at the pool today and whom you had really hoped to meet, and then you're washed out of a porthole, off the ship and into the warm, relaxing Pacific Ocean.

The ship shrugs off the tsunami with only a couple of barrel rolls, rights itself, and steams on. As you tread water, you realize that no one is going to notice that you're missing, because quite frankly, no one even notices you when you're around. You begin alternately swimming and floating, hoping to find land, and nourishing yourself by capturing and eating passing seagulls and drinking your own urine, which you purify of course with the portable urine purifying system that you always keep in your fanny pack.

Two days later, you're exhausted and dehydrated, and you have a nice tan but only from the chest up. As you float, you suddenly become aware of a dark shape on the horizon. Land! Your morale soars, and you begin swimming.

As you get closer, you realize that there are four islands. Due to a ferocious rip tide, you know that you can get to one, but once there, you'll never be able to leave the island, barring of course the unlikely event of a rescue. You need to make your decision.

As you float off the coasts, you notice that the four islands have lots of similarities. They're all rather pleasant-looking on the surface, and appear to have plenty of trees, shade, pineapples, coconuts, and fresh water. However, each island is dominated by a particular type of fauna.

Island A is the island that you will come to call Spider Island. It contains large quantities of spiders that are approximately the size of a chubby toddler's fist. The spiders are not poisonous, but they can set forth a painful bite. You recognize the species as a social spider species, and if something kills any one spider, the other spiders within a 500-foot radius will charge the attacker and bite. There's approximately one spider per every two square feet of the island, and they breed fast enough that you will never be able to reduce the population. They like to crawl across sleeping people since they like the warmth.

Island B is the island of amphibious snakes. There are hordes of small, agressive snakes that clamber onto every square inch of the island at dusk and instinctively attack anything that moves during the night. They leave a painful but non-poisonous bite, and they can't attack you as long as you don't move (other than breathing). You can avoid being bitten if you hold perfectly still and let them crawl over you every night in their hunt for food. There are enough of them that you'll never be able to kill them off, since they breed in the water.

Island C is the Island of Mosquitoes. Like the other islands, it's a pleasant place to live, except for the fact that the air is thick with mosquitoes 24 hours a day. You'll never be able to stop the mosquito breeding.

Island D is the Island of Guano. It's a pleasant island, and the spiders, snakes, and mosquitoes avoid it because of the constant drizzle of bat guano that rains down upon it from the harmless bats that breed there. The guano is about eight inches thick on every square inch of the island, and is constantly being replenished. You can't kill the bats, because they're a protected species and you know that if you kill one, you'll be in all sorts of trouble with the Government of Kiribati.

Which island do you swim to?

FAX
05-03-2006, 01:46 PM
Holy Jesus, Mr. Rain Man.

FAX

sedated
05-03-2006, 01:47 PM
Don't you have a job?

Dunit35
05-03-2006, 01:49 PM
Island A. I'd have more fun attempting to kill them all and I hate snakes and don't want to live on huge piles of crap.

StcChief
05-03-2006, 01:49 PM
where do you come up with this....and why weren't the red heads swept out to sea too....

not the choices would be better.

Rain Man
05-03-2006, 01:53 PM
where do you come up with this....and why weren't the red heads swept out to sea too....

not the choices would be better.


The redheads were indeed swept out to sea, but they floated in the opposite direction and ended up floating up on the beach of the Island of Bisexual Blonde Dominatrixes. Unfortunately, your current carried you in the opposite direction.

chagrin
05-03-2006, 01:53 PM
Rain, you totally missed your calling - You really need to be the Owner/Host of some sort of Fantasy Vacation (2-5 day) spot whereby you actually implement all of these freaky fuggin scenarios, including the murder mystery one (I am sure you could do much better than the current ones), making a boat load (no pun intended) of cash AND being able to truly realize & experience your own genius, instead of simply posting about it.

Bowser
05-03-2006, 01:53 PM
Give me the snakes. Gilligans Island taught me I can build a nice 1,500 sq ft apatment, a car, and a short wave radio from bamboo. And I can also build a bed that sits up off the floor.

el borracho
05-03-2006, 01:56 PM
I'd go for crap island in the hopes that I could build some kind of shelter from the droppings. Anyways, unpleasant > painful.

Jenny Gump
05-03-2006, 01:56 PM
Mosquitoes. I can relate to their annoying, waif-like yet stinging existence. Well, ok, maybe not the waif-like part...

RedNFeisty
05-03-2006, 02:02 PM
The redheads were indeed swept out to sea, but they floated in the opposite direction and ended up floating up on the beach of the Island of Bisexual Blonde Dominatrixes. Unfortunately, your current carried you in the opposite direction.

Sweet, Jenny and I are set; sorry to hear about you other losers!!

picasso
05-03-2006, 02:03 PM
Stoned?

Rain Man
05-03-2006, 02:57 PM
Stoned?

The Island of Enraged Muslim Jurisprudence is another hundred miles up current. You can't get there.

JBucc
05-03-2006, 03:08 PM
You can sell guano to makeup companies

Otter
05-03-2006, 03:08 PM
I"m going to spider island, working on a way to lure the bats over there to eat the spiders and build a raft and get to Bisexual Blonde Dominatrixes Island or die trying.

I can't believe you don't do drugs Rain Man.

Simplex3
05-03-2006, 03:18 PM
I'm going with "drown myself" Bob.

Kclee
05-03-2006, 03:25 PM
Is the guano a trick question? Dosen't that stuff kill you without a respirator? Well, if it was a whole island's worth.

Rain Man
05-03-2006, 03:43 PM
Is the guano a trick question? Dosen't that stuff kill you without a respirator? Well, if it was a whole island's worth.

You may assume that favorable winds blow any infectious particles across the rip tide to the Island of Deadly Infectious Particles.

Kclee
05-03-2006, 03:52 PM
You may assume that favorable winds blow any infectious particles across the rip tide to the Island of Deadly Infectious Particles.

Ok, next question. Are these fruit bats? They don't eat all the mosquitos on the other island. And do fruit bats just eat fruit and no insects? Or they are like normal bats that also happen to eat fruit? Because I'm pretty sure they bats would take care of the mosquito populace.

Rain Man
05-03-2006, 04:03 PM
Ok, next question. Are these fruit bats? They don't eat all the mosquitos on the other island. And do fruit bats just eat fruit and no insects? Or they are like normal bats that also happen to eat fruit? Because I'm pretty sure they bats would take care of the mosquito populace.

These are bats that eat flying fish. Very rare. In fact, you may be the first human to ever see them.

Kclee
05-03-2006, 04:07 PM
These are bats that eat flying fish. Very rare. In fact, you may be the first human to ever see them.

Heh. Oh, and Fruit bats don't eat insects. They just eat fruit and sometimes flowers. Maybe if they get flying really fast they sometimes swallow a bug, kind of like riding a motorcycle.

Otter
05-03-2006, 04:18 PM
These are bats that eat flying fish. Very rare. In fact, you may be the first human to ever see them.Change of plans:

I construct a small raft, just large enough to carry a hundred or so spiders, half male, half female, and then on a day when the seas are calm and the wind is true I ship them off to mosquito island to balance nature.

Once a preditor vs. prey balance has taken its course I make my way to mosquito island and build my raft which I use to sail to The Island of Bisexual Blonde Dominatrixs.

I then kill of any other males currently on the island where I grow old creating a race of inbreed siblings who die off from genetic defects.

MUHAHAHAHA...Pure Geniuse!!!

Baby Lee
05-03-2006, 04:23 PM
The redheads were indeed swept out to sea, but they floated in the opposite direction and ended up floating up on the beach of the Island of Bisexual Blonde Dominatrixes. Unfortunately, your current carried you in the opposite direction.
Utopia, an island nation of Gingers.

Clint in Wichita
05-03-2006, 04:24 PM
Utopia, an island nation of Gingers.


Yeah, until a certain week of the month causes them to tear one another limb from limb, for no apparent reason.