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View Full Version : Hypothetical Gladiator Situation


Rain Man
05-04-2006, 09:39 AM
Imagine that President Bush reinstitutes gladiatorial matches (hey, you didn't predict Iraq, either...). A random person gets selected by lottery, and they get thrown into a 50 x 50 foot arena against a random animal. Due to PETA lawsuits, the person is unarmed.

This is not a battle to the death, but rather a 20-minute timed bout. After 20 minutes, any survivors are pulled from the ring and receive a free new government-built home, den, cave, nest, or kennel in New New Orleans.

Now assume that you're the unlucky sot whose name gets drawn from the nationwide hat. What animal would you be most bummed about seeing emerge from the animal locker room?

Iowanian
05-04-2006, 09:41 AM
Definitely a Liger.

stevieray
05-04-2006, 09:41 AM
Doesn't matter.

I'm Spartacus.

Bowser
05-04-2006, 09:42 AM
What animal would you be most bummed about seeing emerge from the animal locker room?

Rhonda Moss.

stevieray
05-04-2006, 09:44 AM
Rhonda Moss.

If she wins, she gets a lifetime pass to the buffet at the Golden Calf Corral.

Good Luck!

Fish
05-04-2006, 09:46 AM
That rabbit with the monsterous fangs...............

Rain Man
05-04-2006, 09:48 AM
Lots of good input so far.

For me, I think it would probably be a mountain lion. A regular lion or tiger is probably the most fearsome creature, but they're so strong that they would at least kill me quickly. A mountain lion is a fair bit smaller, and so it would take it a little more time and work to kill me, but it would still be pretty much a 100 percent certainty.

kaplin42
05-04-2006, 09:53 AM
Duck Billed Platipus!!!


Seriously though, snakes, specialy poisonous ones, I would run in circles like a 12 yr old girl.

wilas101
05-04-2006, 10:06 AM
a cat of any kind I think.

cats are evil, evil creatures and when put into a fight situation there is nothing that generates as much "mean" per ounce of body mass that a friggin cat.

I got into a fight with a house cat we had once and I swear to all thats holy that I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever mess with another cat when I'm mad and its scared.

chagrin
05-04-2006, 10:08 AM
Wolverine

Lurch
05-04-2006, 10:12 AM
chiefs4me

el borracho
05-04-2006, 10:13 AM
Is the animal somehow goaded into attacking or is it just put in the arena? Some animals might be less likely to attack but are more fearsome when they do.

Rain Man
05-04-2006, 10:13 AM
You may assume that the animal is merely allowed into the arena, but is slightly hungry.

SquirrellyBastard
05-04-2006, 10:17 AM
any sort of constrictor type of snake....anaconda, boa

squeezed to death, then eaten head first...that would suck

el borracho
05-04-2006, 10:18 AM
You may assume that the animal is merely allowed into the arena, but is slightly hungry.
In that case any of the great cats or any variety of bear would scare me the worst.

Sully
05-04-2006, 10:18 AM
Definitely a Liger.

End of thread. ROFL

Rain Man
05-04-2006, 10:20 AM
a cat of any kind I think.

cats are evil, evil creatures and when put into a fight situation there is nothing that generates as much "mean" per ounce of body mass that a friggin cat.

I got into a fight with a house cat we had once and I swear to all thats holy that I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever mess with another cat when I'm mad and its scared.


I picked mountain lion, but I also considered a lynx or bobcat - something big enough to tear the living heck out of you, but would have a lot of trouble making the actual kill. I think they'd be less likely to attack than a mountain lion, though, so you might actually have a shot at getting out unscathed against a lynx or bobcat.

Leopard or cheetah would be a strong contender, too. I don't know that a jaguar or ocelot would be big enough.

However, chagrin's wolverine choice is a good one, too. You know that you're getting attacked if a wolverine ambles into the arena.

Clint in Wichita
05-04-2006, 10:56 AM
Ferocious.

CHENZ A!
05-04-2006, 01:47 PM
A Komodo Dragon, I saw Steve Irwin screwing with one of those things, and they are fast as hell, and aggressive. Also i believe their bite is poisonous, but I could be wrong. not that they have venom, but something about the bacteria in their mouths.. One of those or a bear.

4th and Long
05-04-2006, 01:59 PM
A one eyes, one horned, flying, purple people eater.

DJJasonp
05-04-2006, 02:15 PM
Anything faster than me....

Halfcan
05-04-2006, 02:17 PM
JW that guy will eat anything. Fatlock

listopencil
05-04-2006, 02:20 PM
Kobayashi Maru.

4th and Long
05-04-2006, 02:25 PM
Kobayashi Maru.
No kidding. Talk about a no win scenario. Yeeesh.

Pants
05-04-2006, 02:42 PM
Tiger, the largest and strongest of the cat family. I'm sure I wouldn't feel the difference between a lion and a tiger attacking me, but, IMO, you have the lowest chance of survival against an angry, hungry Tiger.

Wolverines are ferocious as hell and they could probably kill you, but it's not a 100% like with a tiger.

Spicy McHaggis
05-04-2006, 03:32 PM
chupacabra

JBucc
05-04-2006, 03:37 PM
A monkey with a jar of peanut butter since I'm allergic to peanut butter. Or a poisonous snake since I'm allergic to poison.

SLAG
05-04-2006, 04:55 PM
A Dodo Bird, Because the scary part would be where the hell did they get one

KcMizzou
05-04-2006, 04:57 PM
Or a poisonous snake since I'm allergic to poison.ROFL

Yeah, me too.

DaneMcCloud
05-04-2006, 04:58 PM
T-Rex, Velociraptor or a Great White Shark (hey, this is hypothetical, right?). Or Cloris Leachman.

Thig Lyfe
05-04-2006, 04:58 PM
A sparrow with a submachine gun.

Otter
05-04-2006, 05:06 PM
http://www.mekshat.com/pix/upload/images6/mk5247_babooon.gif

Baboons scare me.

Spicy McHaggis
05-04-2006, 05:51 PM
http://www.mekshat.com/pix/upload/images6/mk5247_babooon.gif

Baboons scare me.

Not baboons but close (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8md51JnCNFQ&search=where%27s%20your%20head%20at%3F)

Demonpenz
05-04-2006, 06:07 PM
they just pull out a giant wasp nest

'Hamas' Jenkins
05-04-2006, 06:46 PM
I have radar chief teach me the rear naked choke, then I at least have a 1% chance of coming out alive.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/16/Mata_leao_%27Kill_the_Lion%27_%28Rear_Naked_Choke%29.jpg

Adept Havelock
05-04-2006, 06:47 PM
A rabid stoat. Armed with a piece of fresh fruit. Or possibly, a pointed stick.

Zebedee DuBois
05-04-2006, 07:08 PM
Roseanne Barr.

That would be pretty scary.

Zebedee DuBois
05-04-2006, 07:09 PM
A rabid stoat.

D'oh. you beat me to it.

KCChiefsMan
05-04-2006, 07:15 PM
Rich Scanlon....????

Amnorix
05-04-2006, 08:33 PM
I'm thinking Komodo Dragon. Big, strong, impervious to anything I can do to it, and likely to start eating me before I'm even dead.

At least most other critters would have the decency to at least freaking kill me before eating me.

Great White or Tiger or whatever -- no problem. It'll be over real quick.

epitome1170
05-04-2006, 08:58 PM
Roseanne Barr.

That would be pretty scary.

I was thinking Oprah with a Dr.Phil book would be worse... I would quit possibly kill myself.

unlurking
05-04-2006, 09:20 PM
Whatever that fiercesome looking creature in Kaplin42's avatar is.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/customavatars/avatar3830_5.gif

KC Jones
05-04-2006, 09:35 PM
I also have to go with the animal that eats more humans than any other... Tiger.

KcMizzou
05-04-2006, 09:39 PM
I also have to go with the animal that eats more humans than any other... Tiger.
I thought you were going to say the earthworm.

Cntrygal
05-06-2006, 09:25 PM
Can this "random" lottery be rigged so all PETA members get selected first?

jspchief
05-06-2006, 09:35 PM
If the arena had about 5' of water in it, a hippo would be pretty bad. Those things are mean as hell.

An elephant that watched it's parents get killed would be bad too.

CHIEF4EVER
05-06-2006, 10:16 PM
A gorilla. They will kill you by bouncing you off of coconut trees just to remind you who the alpha male is. Very painful.......

Lurch
05-06-2006, 10:32 PM
chupacabra

tituchillaita hamdrognephur.

Frankie
05-07-2006, 07:08 AM
The animal of my choice:



(drumrolls: )




Snail

;)