PDA

View Full Version : Which of these jobs would you accept?


Rain Man
05-25-2006, 05:38 PM
Assume that you can trade your current position right now for each of these positions, at the same salary and benefits that you now get. If a job requires specific training, you will get that training.

You have to work on the job for at least the next 15 years.

Poll forthcoming.


Rules clarification: If you're in college, assume that your salary would be the average wage for people hired from your degree program.

If you're in high school or younger, assume that the salary would be roughly average for all jobs, or about $33,000. (I'm guessing.)

If you're already in the work force, use your current compensation, even if it's minimum wage. (Hey, you're making the decision to work for that salary now...)

Also...

Each year, you would get salary increases at 1 percent higher than the level of inflation.

JBucc
05-25-2006, 05:39 PM
I want that one

foxman
05-25-2006, 05:55 PM
Yes

Basileus777
05-25-2006, 05:56 PM
Poll forthcoming.

Oh Indeed?

OldTownChief
05-25-2006, 05:59 PM
We have to work for the next 15 years at the same salary and benefits that we now get?

OldTownChief
05-25-2006, 06:00 PM
Oh yes...Border Guard along Mexican Border. Not on my watch MF'r. I'd do that for free.

Rain Man
05-25-2006, 06:03 PM
We have to work for the next 15 years at the same salary and benefits that we now get?

You would get cost of living increases at 1 percent above inflation.

Basileus777
05-25-2006, 06:04 PM
We have to work for the next 15 years at the same salary and benefits that we now get?

Yeah this kind of ruins this whole idea for those of us without a real job. Lucky me would be guaranteed to make minimum wage with no benefits for 15 years.

JBucc
05-25-2006, 06:04 PM
Those aren't bad. I thought it would be a bunch of shit jobs.

foxman
05-25-2006, 06:06 PM
NFL Salary negotiator

Nzoner
05-25-2006, 06:07 PM
I wouldn't trade what I do now for any of them,especially if it meant having to do it for 15 years.

Rain Man
05-25-2006, 06:08 PM
Yeah this kind of ruins this whole idea for those of us without a real job. Lucky me would be guaranteed to make minimum wage with no benefits for 15 years.

Rules clarification: If you're in college, assume that your salary would be the average wage for people hired from your degree program.

If you're in high school or younger, assume that the salary would be roughly average for all jobs, or about $33,000. (I'm guessing.)

If you're already in the work force, use your current compensation, even if it's minimum wage. (Hey, you're making the decision to work for that salary now...)

Basileus777
05-25-2006, 06:15 PM
Rules clarification: If you're in college, assume that your salary would be the average wage for people hired from your degree program.

If you're in high school or younger, assume that the salary would be roughly average for all jobs, or about $33,000. (I'm guessing.)

If you're already in the work force, use your current compensation, even if it's minimum wage. (Hey, you're making the decision to work for that salary now...)

That works, though I don't know the average income of BAs. In that case video game tester sounds nice since income isn't a factor. I would think Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier would be my last choice. I wouldn't survive a week of that.

Douche Baggins
05-25-2006, 06:17 PM
I picked:

Archaeologist of Australian Dinosaur Fossils - definitely cool. Australia is cool, too. And dinosaurs are supercool.

Salary Negotiator for an NFL Team - awesome job. Might get a bit tiring because of all the assholes.

Astronaut - space rules.

Circus Performer - nothing like seeing the world and putting on a show. I bet these guys score alot of poon, too.

Crewman on a Freighter Ship - see above. I bet these guys score alot of poon, too.

Director of Porn Movies - I've always wanted to work in porn. I am fascinated by it, and even watch documentaries on it. I bet these guys score alot of poon, too.

Entertainer on a Cruise Ship - Nothing like traveling the world. Can you imagine all the hot female passengers? I bet these guys score alot of poon, too.

High School Football Head Coach - Awesome job. You get to be the community's hero and mold young minds.

Highway Patrolman - I saw Super Troopers. This is the best job ever.

Librarian - I like books, and quiet places.

President of the United States - I'd be a great president. I'd probably be assassinated, though.

University Professor - nothing like tenure and tweed jackets. I bet these guys score alot of poon, too.

Video Game Tester/Debugger - w00t!

JBucc
05-25-2006, 06:20 PM
I would do almost all of those except for mortician and astronaut

bogie
05-25-2006, 06:22 PM
I picked farmer. I like the idea of working for myself. If I was single, I would direct porn movies.

greg63
05-25-2006, 06:47 PM
Video Game Tester/Debugger


I figure that I'm on my computer so much anyway that this would be a perfect fit for me.

Oh, and I am disappointed that there wasn’t a Gaz option.

seclark
05-25-2006, 06:54 PM
"Family Circus Joke Writer"
easiest job listed.
it's got my vote.
sec

Iowanian
05-25-2006, 06:57 PM
If I could only pick 1, it'd be a farmer or a park ranger I think.

Rain Man
05-25-2006, 06:59 PM
My take on each position

Archaeologist of Australian Dinosaur Fossils - NO. Sounds fun, but it would be bloody hot, and I sunburn really easily. I hate being out in the sun. Also, it would get boring after a while looking at rocks and trying to decide if they're dinosaur dung. (Now...egyptologist would rock.)

Salary Negotiator for an NFL Team - NO. This would be a horrible job, in my opinion. The owner would be telling you to keep prices low, and you'd be fighting with agents all day who are trying to get every penny.

Astronaut - YES. This job would rule. You'd get paid to stay in shape, and the views are spectacular. Plus, everyone you meet would be impressed. "So, what do you do for a living?" "I'm an astronaut." "Wow."

Border Guard along Mexican Border - NO. Very tempting, but I think it would get way too boring after a while. Plus, there's that whole 'time in the sun' thing again.

Carver of Wooden Decoy Ducks - NO. I have no attention to detail on crafty things.

Circus Performer (Your Choice of Act) - YES. I think I'd learn to be a juggler or something that's not real dangerous. Travel, interesting people...it'd be fun.

Cowboy - NO. The solitude would be nice, but I couldn't go that long without a shower. Plus, I wouldn't want to do the branding and castrating.

Crab Fisherman - NO. Too hard. I wouldn't want to be swept overboard.

Crewman on a Freighter Ship - NO. It's close, though. I think you'd have a lot of down time, and you could read and think and stuff. Plus, there's the travel thing. Lots of different ports. I wouldn't like the storms, however, and you'd probably have to go through them a lot.

Diamond Buyer - NO. I think it would get very boring after a while. It's a close decision, though.

Director of Porn Movies - YES. I think I could contribute to the genre by bringing it to a higher level. Plus, I'd demand good writing.

Editor at The Sporting News - YES. I see no downside, and I could talk sports all day.

Entertainer on a Cruise Ship - YES. It seems like a step up from being a crew member on a freighter. Plus, you'd be popular on the ship, I bet.

Family Circus Joke Writer - NO. I'd like to be a cartoon joke writer, but Family Circus is not the right vehicle for me. It would be too restricting on my humor.

Family Practice Doctor - NO. I have no sympathy or compassion for sick people.

Farmer - NO. Too many chemicals, too much time in the hot, hot sun.

Fireman - YES. Sure, you have to occasionally see burned people or rush into a burning house. But 98 percent of your time would be spent playing basketball in the fire house.

Flight Attendant - YES. I wouldn't want to be a waiter, but at the same time you'd get to travel a lot and have interesting conversations on those long international flights. (I'd only want to do it if I was on long international flights.)

Forest Ranger - YES. Solitude. Serenity. Count me in.

Greeter at Wal-Mart - YES. It's too easy a job to pass up. It would be great, because I'd go home at the end of the day with all sorts of mental energy.

Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier - NO. You'd have to concentrate too hard on stuff. Ironically, even though you're doing nothing, there would be no down time. It would bore me to tears.

Guy Who Puts Tracking Collars and Bands on Wild Animals - YES. Seems like a fun job. All the hunting, none of the blood.

High School Football Head Coach - YES. This would be a great job. I might have to switch careers and do this. I wonder what it pays.

Highway Patrolman - NO. Walking up on a car with tinted windows, no license, and speeding would not be fun. No, sirree.

Lawyer Defending Major Alleged Criminals (Murder, etc.) - YES. I think I'd like the strategy. I'd sure hate defending skanks, though. This one's close.

Lawyer Prosecuting Major Alleged Criminals (Murder, etc.) - YES. This would have the same advantages of the defense side, but you'd get to prosecute the skanks. The downside, though, would be the worry of them coming to get you when they get out of prison.

Librarian - YES. This would be a great job. Quiet, serene, and lots of books. I should switch careers and do this.

Market Researcher - YES. I'm kind of obligated to answer yes, since I've already made this decision.

Mayor of Your Local Community - YES. I could do that job. I'm not sure I could get elected, though.

McDonald’s Counter Person - NO. This is a closer decision that it would appear. You'd get off work and be able to not worry about it for the next 16 hours. However, it's got some unpleasant parts, such as standing on concrete for 8 hours.

Military Recruiter - NO. Tempting, but I'd have a hard time with the repetitiveness of it. You probably answer the same questions a hundred times a month.

Minor-League Baseball Player - YES. This wouldn't be a bad life. I'd want to play second base.

Mortician - NO. Closer decision than it would seem at first glance. However, the whole thing about being around mourners would be a downer, and I'd find myself being sarcastic and cracking jokes.

NFL Referee - YES. There's public pressure, but let's be honest. This is pretty easy money.

Nuclear Missile Silo Officer - YES. Possibly the best job on the list. Your job is to sit around and read unless the Chinese attack.

Over-The-Road Truck Driver - NO. Tempting, and you have to like those sleeper cabs. But I think there'd be too much pressure to drive 80 hours a week, and I'd get tired and kill someone in a Toyota Corrolla.

Porter on a Jungle Expedition - YES. Kind of like being a cowboy, but more exotic. Count me in, despite the risk of trenchfoot and beri-beri.

President of the United States - YES. I'd do this in a second. It's probably a harder job than it seems, but it'd be fun overall. It'd be worth it for the Area 51 files alone.

Prison Warden - NO. Too much paperwork, and authorities would frown on abuse of comely female prisoners and gladiatorial tournaments.

Roadie for a Randomly Selected Major Musical Performer - YES. I'd roll the dice on this one and hope I don't get someone gross. Travel and leisure. It might get old pretty quick, though.

Steeplejack - NO. Oh, god, no. No way. Never.

Tour Guide at the Smithsonian (Random Museum) - YES. This would be a great job, especially if you could rotate between museums. I would be the best tour guide ever.

Travel Agent - YES. Even if I can't travel myself, it would be fun to plan trips.

Traveling Stapler Salesman - NO. It would get boring pretty fast, I think.

U.S. Ambassador to Greece - YES. Heck, yeah. Good dinners with diplomats, getting to bail comely young lasses out of local jails and earning their undying gratitude, etc.

U.S. Ambassador to Kazakhstan - YES. Not sure if the meals would be as good as Greece, but it's essentially the same gig.

U.S. Marine - NO. I'm not good at storming beaches and kicking open insurgents' front doors. Too much risk.

University Professor - YES. This has to be the best job in America. Once you get tenure, you basically have a license to steal. Plus, you get to read and write whatever you want.

Video Game Tester/Debugger - NO. Seems like a good job on the surface, but I'll bet that I'd destroy the computer about the 20th time I got the same error. And then I'd get past that, only to find the next one two minutes later.


Out of my 'yes' votes, the only ones that actually would support my salary would be Director of Porn Movies (married, can't do it now), either of the two lawyer positions (maybe I should've done that, but they're not as interesting as my current job), mayor of Denver (hard job to get), NFL referee (I should've actively pursued this, but it's a hard job to get), President of the United States (really hard job to get), U.S. ambassador to Greece or Kazakhstan (you have to know people to get these jobs, and be rich to start with), and university professor (I should've done this).

foxman
05-25-2006, 07:03 PM
I picked:
High School Football Head Coach - Awesome job. You get to be the community's hero and mold young minds.

Oh dear lord help us all

seclark
05-25-2006, 07:04 PM
"Family Circus Joke Writer - NO. I'd like to be a cartoon joke writer, but Family Circus is not the right vehicle for me. It would be too restricting on my humor."

you never said it would be a censored gig.
sec

Rain Man
05-25-2006, 07:05 PM
University Professor - nothing like tenure and tweed jackets. I bet these guys score alot of poon, too.




Once you get tenure, I think you can walk up to any woman on campus and fondle her breasts, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Rain Man
05-25-2006, 07:06 PM
"Family Circus Joke Writer - NO. I'd like to be a cartoon joke writer, but Family Circus is not the right vehicle for me. It would be too restricting on my humor."

you never said it would be a censored gig.
sec


It's Family Circus. You can't start putting Far Side humor in Family Circus. It would destroy the whole system.

Chief Chief
05-25-2006, 07:07 PM
University professor...'cuz I'd be gettin' choice poontang every week!

seclark
05-25-2006, 07:09 PM
It's Family Circus. You can't start putting Far Side humor in Family Circus. It would destroy the whole system.
well, that's not what you originally said. i could make some easy money on barfy alone.
sec

Rain Man
05-25-2006, 07:10 PM
University professor...'cuz I'd be gettin' choice poontang every week!


Once you get tenure, I think you can coerce your female students into steamy hot bondage sessions, and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

kc rush
05-25-2006, 10:30 PM
Astronaut would kick ass.

luv
05-25-2006, 11:38 PM
If I could do any of the above and keep my current salary, I'd be a Wal-Mart greeter. No stress, no one to write up, checking bags and carts now and then when the alarm thing goes off, and just smiling and saying either "Hi" or "Thanks. See you later". I can handle being made fun of.

cdcox
05-25-2006, 11:44 PM
Awesome. University professor is near the top.

cdcox
05-25-2006, 11:45 PM
Once you get tenure, I think you can coerce your female students into steamy hot bondage sessions, and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

Yes, this is exactly how it is.

cdcox
05-26-2006, 12:24 AM
Archaeologist of Australian Dinosaur Fossils: Nah, the science I'm doing now is more intersting.
Salary Negotiator for an NFL Team: Yes, definitely.
Astronaut: Yeah. The thrill of going into space is too hard to resist, although I have none of the atributes that would ever get me selected for this position.
Border Guard along Mexican Border: no - boredom city
Carver of Wooden Decoy Ducks - tempting, to give up all the pressure and long hours, but I know I'd get bored.
Circus Performer (Your Choice of Act) - too much travel
Cowboy - a year ago, yeah. Now, no way.
Crab Fisherman - for a year with a guarantee not to die, or lose more than a finger, yes. Otherwise, no.
Crewman on a Freighter Ship - no.
Diamond Buyer - interersting, but no.
Director of Porn Movies - religious scruples, no.
Editor at The Sporting News - Would I have to follow baseball?
Entertainer on a Cruise Ship - no talent, lots of travel, I'm married. No.
Family Circus Joke Writer - no challenge. No.
Family Practice Doctor - no. Not interesting enough to endure the stress and hours.
Farmer - hell no.
Fireman - no.
Flight Attendant - no, i'm not gay.
Forest Ranger - too boring.
Greeter at Wal-Mart - hell no.
Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier - no.
Guy Who Puts Tracking Collars and Bands on Wild Animals - outdoors is a positive. No challenge is a negative. I'd give it a try for a year.
High School Football Head Coach - I'm pro-leve or nothing, no.
Highway Patrolman - no.
Lawyer Defending Major Alleged Criminals (Murder, etc.) - doing poorly at this job apeals to my sense of civic duty, but no.
Lawyer Prosecuting Major Alleged Criminals (Murder, etc.) - I'd rather be a forensic scientist, but the drama of getting to talk all the time in the court room is appealing. I don't think I'd be very good at this, so no.
Librarian - zzzz no.
Market Researcher - YES. This has to be the best job in America. Once you get a client, you basically have a license to steal. Plus, you get to grope the members of your focus group.
Mayor of Your Local Community - small potatoes. no.
McDonald’s Counter Person - been there, done that, have the beach towel sized for a weiner dog to show for it. No.
Military Recruiter - I have respect for those that serve, but the military life is not for me. I wouldn't be the right person to recruit others. No.
Minor-League Baseball Player - baseball sucks.
Mortician - No.
NFL Referee - yes, if I could be good at it.
Nuclear Missile Silo Officer - hmm. no. Though I follow orders to a tee.
Over-The-Road Truck Driver - I like to sleep at the wheel. NO.
Porter on a Jungle Expedition - too much travel, no unless I was single, then yes.
President of the United States - I would suck at this. But the ego stroke would be huge. I would have a real inner battle to say no.
Prison Warden - I could do this job. Doubt I would be well liked by guards or prisioners. Not terribly exciting, but lots of responsibility (which I like). No.
Roadie for a Randomly Selected Major Musical Performer - Too old for all that crap.
Steeplejack No and no.
Tour Guide at the Smithsonian (Random Museum) - love to learn, but no real challenges here. No.
Travel Agent - what next, you want to know if I'd be a wheelwright? How many travel agents are left in America, five? No.
Traveling Stapler Salesman = no.
U.S. Ambassador to Greece - Travel, I could bring my family, moderate amount of responsibility, yeah baby!
U.S. Amba -Assador to Kazakhstan - I'm guessing Kazakhstan is less attractive to my wife than Greece. Pass.
U.S. Marine - The few, the proud, the pencil necks. Naw.
University Professor - been there, done that, but despite the warts, I can't think of many realistic options that I'd rather do.
Video Game Tester/Debugger - You'd of had me if it was writing NFL playoff prediction software. I'll pass.

Rausch
05-26-2006, 12:26 AM
My next job sure as **** won't be for the same salary...

Miles
05-26-2006, 01:58 AM
Lawyer Prosecuting Major Alleged Criminals would probably be my first choice. Though 15 years at that high of a stress job would be more than a little rough.

keg in kc
05-26-2006, 02:01 AM
Where is "Adult Film Star"?

2bikemike
05-26-2006, 03:28 AM
What no power plant operators? Thanks to Homer Simpson we get no respect.

Braincase
05-26-2006, 05:54 AM
Guitar Tech for ZZ Top

Braincase
05-26-2006, 05:55 AM
Where is "Adult Film Star"?

OK, sign keg up for a sex change operation...

ChiefButthurt
05-26-2006, 05:58 AM
I like the NFL referee. I can work a regular job AND see the games and make some money. Cool shit.

Inspector
05-26-2006, 06:04 AM
15 years??

Screw that. I'm looking at retirement pretty soon.

You left off being a ****-off. I've been practicing for that.

Inspector
05-26-2006, 06:12 AM
Once you get tenure, I think you can coerce your female students into steamy hot bondage sessions, and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

I'm reconsidering the whole retirement thing........

keg in kc
05-26-2006, 06:17 AM
OK, sign keg up for a sex change operation...I expected a gay comment and got transexual instead.
Not bad, albeit somewhat predictable.

Dartgod
05-26-2006, 06:59 AM
Market Researcher
Who, in God's name would want that job?

Rain Man
05-26-2006, 08:30 AM
Yes, this is exactly how it is.

Admittedly, I live in Ward Churchill country, so perhaps my vision of tenure is perhaps a bit generous.


By the way, Dr. Churchill is a pretty good painter. Here's the latest thing that he painted, which he has up for sale on campus. He's calling it, "Self-Portrait of Van Gogh, er, Myself".

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/ro/thumb/f/f0/VanGogh-self-portrait-with_bandaged_ear.jpg/250px-VanGogh-self-portrait-with_bandaged_ear.jpg

Rain Man
05-26-2006, 08:32 AM
Market Researcher - YES. This has to be the best job in America. Once you get a client, you basically have a license to steal. Plus, you get to grope the members of your focus group.


It was a focus group about bras. All I was doing was helping check the fit. How many times do I have to explain that?

Predarat
05-26-2006, 10:11 AM
Directing pron flicks would be pretty kewl. Especially if you got to audition hot newcomers!

Inspector
05-26-2006, 10:57 AM
Thinking about opening a gynecologist office in the strip mall down by the girls dormitory.

It's a career I'd like to lick.

It's a job I think I could get into.

It's something that I have a feel for.

This idea doesn't stink at all.

I know, I know, it could get pretty hairy, but I would just work my way through it.

I'm always looking for that next opening.

bkkcoh
05-26-2006, 11:06 AM
I like the NFL referee. I can work a regular job AND see the games and make some money. Cool shit.


Any not have to worry about whether or not you do you job very well.

bogie
05-26-2006, 01:02 PM
15 years??

Screw that. I'm looking at retirement pretty soon.

You left off being a ****-off. I've been practicing for that.

Oh, I didn't take retirement in to consideration. I think (hope) 10 more years of work and I'm done. So I guess I need to pass too. Then I can start training for being a ****-off. That sounds like my kind of work.

kaplin42
05-26-2006, 01:06 PM
Digging up dinosaur bones down under sounds like the ticket to me. But to be honest, I would happily do several of those jobs.

Pitt Gorilla
05-26-2006, 01:11 PM
I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the job of University Professor isn't at all like that. People with tenure get tossed, although it might take one more step than a regular firing. Professional ethics restrict us from dating students (as does marriage).

That being said, it is a wonderful job.

bogie
05-26-2006, 01:12 PM
It was a focus group about bras. All I was doing was helping check the fit. How many times do I have to explain that?


ROFL You are on FIRE!

bogie
05-26-2006, 01:14 PM
I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the job of University Professor isn't at all like that. People with tenure get tossed, although it might take one more step than a regular firing. Professional ethics restrict us from dating students (as does marriage).

That being said, it is a wonderful job.

ethics, smethics. Tell us the truth, we're all friends here...

Rain Man
05-26-2006, 01:18 PM
I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the job of University Professor isn't at all like that. People with tenure get tossed, although it might take one more step than a regular firing. Professional ethics restrict us from dating students (as does marriage).

That being said, it is a wonderful job.

Wait a minute. Are you telling me that you can't stop in the middle of class and force two attractive coeds to kiss each other? Not even if you have tenure?

Douche Baggins
05-26-2006, 01:47 PM
Astronaut would be cool, but I'd have to have some clause about not going outside the space shuttle. The risk of explosive decompression is far too scary a proposition.

KCChiefsMan
05-26-2006, 01:48 PM
I picked astronaut, porn director and video game tester

FAX
05-26-2006, 01:56 PM
Astronaut would be cool, but I'd have to have some clause about not going outside the space shuttle. The risk of explosive decompression is far too scary a proposition.

It is a frightening thought, Mr. GoChiefs, certainly.

Yet, explosive decompression may be a good way to go. Beats burning to death and drowning for sure. There's no suffering and you don't have to be concerned with being buried alive or eaten by worms. Essentially, all your pieces and parts would be instantly atomized.

Still, if Jesus returns and there is a Rapture, and you were a good person deserving of same, I wonder how you would be resurrected? Will all your atoms be reconnected? Or will you be like "Fog Guy" or something?

FAX

Douche Baggins
05-26-2006, 01:59 PM
All I know is that I don't want to die. There's a very thin line between life and death outside that space shuttle. ****ing vacuum.

Rain Man
05-26-2006, 02:01 PM
I think video game tester is probably overromanticized. Think about how irksome it is to be playing a video game and then suddenly have it lock up or blip out, and now do that a hundred times a day.

Hydrae
05-26-2006, 04:40 PM
This is all just a trick by Rainman to try to find someone willing to work for him at minimum wage. Why else would he have included Market Researcher?

I would be pretty good at being a video game tester due to my knowledge of computers and attention to details. Not sure I would want to do it for 15 years but I would give it a shot.

My first choice though, and surprisingly second in the voting at thie point, would be astronaut. I have always dreamed of going to space and there is not much I would not do for the opportunity. Unfortunately I think mid 40's is too late to get serious about this career.

Rain Man
05-26-2006, 05:50 PM
Don't give up your dream, hydrae! Go for it! Do it for the rest of us who are near-sighted or have poor senses of balance! You'll become a hero to the everymen who take their lunch buckets to work and look up at the sky and say, "If only I had..."

Hydrae
05-26-2006, 09:15 PM
Don't give up your dream, hydrae! Go for it! Do it for the rest of us who are near-sighted or have poor senses of balance! You'll become a hero to the everymen who take their lunch buckets to work and look up at the sky and say, "If only I had..."


Hmmm, nearsightedness would be an issue, wouldn't it? Maybe Lasic?

I think I will have to settle for continuing to encourage my youngest son to follow those dreams and I can just live vicariously through him. :)