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View Full Version : Getting Married...WHY!?!


Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:30 AM
I was listening to Bob and Tom (a morning radio show), and it got me thinking about this. Why do people bother to get married. I've never met anyone who said things didn't change for the worse when they did, yet everyone feels compelled to do so. If you are a religious person, there's a great reason. If you want the tax break, that's an okay reason. But beyond that, why you would go and change things when you're happy the way they are (and if you aren't, you shouldn't be getting married)?

I've obviously never married, and I am not the type of person to go falling in love with a chick at the drop of a hat. So tell me, married folks...why did you do it when you hear so much out there telling you not to?

Moooo

Count Alex's Losses
05-27-2006, 02:32 AM
I look at it as a gift to the woman.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:34 AM
With the divorce rate so high, and there not being common law marriage in Missouri, it would be so much cheaper to live together. When you break up, there's no lawyer or court fees, etc. You just split your differences and move on. I, too, have never been married, so I find this to be a good question as well.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:34 AM
I look at it as a gift to the woman.

So you give her something, and then, from what I hear, she stops "Giving" you something else.

I have yet to hear anything good about marriage from someone other than a pastor or an unmarried chick.

Moooo

luv
05-27-2006, 02:36 AM
So you give her something, and then, from what I hear, she stops "Giving" you something else.

I have yet to hear anything good about marriage from someone other than a pastor or an unmarried chick.

Moooo
Once again, I'm the odd man (or woman rather) out.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:37 AM
Let's hope KEG doesn't find his way in here. He can tell us every reason NOT to.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:37 AM
I've been married. The only time I'd ever consider it again would be if we intended to have children.

There are good married couples out there. But they're relatively few and far between. I tend to think that people marry too young, and too quickly.

I look at my first as a trial run. Although I'm not obviously certain there'll be a second.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:38 AM
Let's hope KEG doesn't find his way in here. He can tell us every reason NOT to.I'm a mellower me these days.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:38 AM
Once again, I'm the odd man (or woman rather) out.

I've heard other women say they don't want to. Usually the ones who don't want kids either.

The chick I sat next to in class told me getting married was the biggest mistake of her life. She said she loved her husband with all her heart and would never leave him, but she wishes things were back to the way they were before.

Moooo

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:40 AM
If she wishes that things would go back to the way they were before, then she should take action with that in mind. You can have almost anything you want if you're willing to do what it takes.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:42 AM
If she wishes that things would go back to the way they were before, then she should take action with that in mind. You can have almost anything you want if you're willing to do what it takes.

I guess. Hell, I don't even date for this reason. I'm going to school, getting a degree, the last thing I need is some chick to come along and ruin my priorities.

Its almost like these people are sheep who just do it cause they're supposed to. I swear to god women are afraid of not getting married, like they're some worthless whore if they don't.

Moooo

luv
05-27-2006, 02:44 AM
I've heard other women say they don't want to. Usually the ones who don't want kids either.

The chick I sat next to in class told me getting married was the biggest mistake of her life. She said she loved her husband with all her heart and would never leave him, but she wishes things were back to the way they were before.

Moooo
I always thought I wanted to get married right out of high school (or colege) and raise a family. Now that I've lived on my own, I'm glad that didn't happen. It's not that I don't want kids (I love kids), it's just that I feel I'd be content either way (having them or not having them).

I do, however, believe that marriage is what you make of it. Why would things change? You live together and love each other. You simply don't share the same last name. I think people and relationships change, regardless of marriage.

greg63
05-27-2006, 02:44 AM
Just felt right, and I don't regret it one little bit.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:45 AM
Its almost like these people are sheep who just do it cause they're supposed to.That's why I went to college and why I married, both.I swear to god women are afraid of not getting married, like they're some worthless whore if they don't.It's taken life to teach me that life is better alone than it is in a bad marriage. You can't force it.

Speaking of worthless whores, there's never one around when I need one. What can't I have a worthless whore neighbor that knocks on my door for "comfort" about this time every night.

Ahh, dreams.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:45 AM
I guess. Hell, I don't even date for this reason. I'm going to school, getting a degree, the last thing I need is some chick to come along and ruin my priorities.

Its almost like these people are sheep who just do it cause they're supposed to. I swear to god women are afraid of not getting married, like they're some worthless whore if they don't.

Moooo
Old society made women feel like that. I think that's changing for the newer generation, though.

I'll be 30 this November. Some older people would consider me an old maid. When I turned 25, everyone was asking me when I was ever gonna get married. Now, not so much.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:46 AM
Old biddy.

Count Alex's Losses
05-27-2006, 02:47 AM
When I turned 25, everyone was asking me when I was ever gonna get married.

**** those ****ers.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:47 AM
I always thought I wanted to get married right out of high school (or colege) and raise a family. Now that I've lived on my own, I'm glad that didn't happen. It's not that I don't want kids (I love kids), it's just that I feel I'd be content either way (having them or not having them).

I do, however, believe that marriage is what you make of it. Why would things change? You live together and love each other. You simply don't share the same last name. I think people and relationships change, regardless of marriage.

I think when people get that ring, they think they don't have to try as hard to please their partner, and consequently become selfish. Because they would have to fill out legal paperwork to split it off (not to mention the societal implications of marriage), it makes you less likely to break up over something insignificant. Women and men both stop trying to be as attractive for the other, stop doing those little things for the other cause they no longer "have to."

Moooo

luv
05-27-2006, 02:49 AM
That's why I went to college and why I married, both.It's taken life to teach me that life is better alone than it is in a bad marriage. You can't force it.

Speaking of worthless whores, there's never one around when I need one. What can't I have a worthless whore neighbor that knocks on my door for "comfort" about this time every night.

Ahh, dreams.
You need to find a "no strings attached" friend.

I definitely don't feel like a whore (in the sense of the word). I've slept with two men in my entire life. I guess you could consider me a booty call. I got attached for awhile. Now, I'm fine with how things are. IF he ever decided he wants a relationship, I would hop on that 100%. We've been "seeing" each other for over 2 years now.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:51 AM
I think when people get that ring, they think they don't have to try as hard to please their partner, and consequently become selfish. Because they would have to fill out legal paperwork to split it off (not to mention the societal implications of marriage), it makes you less likely to break up over something insignificant. Women and men both stop trying to be as attractive for the other, stop doing those little things for the other cause they no longer "have to."

Moooo
There are some married couples who don't stop doing things like that, though.I guess it's all in the perspective.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:51 AM
You need to find a "no strings attached" friend.Yep.

But I don't expect that I will. I'm still not very outgoing.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:57 AM
Yep.

But I don't expect that I will. I'm still not very outgoing.
We have a weird relationship. We talk about everything under the sun. He encourages me to look for the relationship he knows I want one day. I tell him about different people I'm interested in, and how impecible his timing is. He's good at coming by right after I've received another "friend speech".

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:58 AM
Yep.

But I don't expect that I will. I'm still not very outgoing.

What you are asking for would only fulfill your temporary desires. Hapiness does not come through the form of physical pleasure, it comes through the form of contentment.

There are drugs out there that make sex seem flat out boring. If you wanna have a booty call, take some percocet instead. :-)

No woman is gonna make you happy in any way shape or form. Before you accuse me of being some He-Man woman hater, hear me out. True contentment comes from within. People who search for happiness through others usually end up never finding it, and get used like a ragdoll by the natural human nature to take advantage of those who will let you (comes with egocentrism).

Moooo

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:59 AM
That sounds like something I would say.

tk13
05-27-2006, 03:01 AM
Personally, I don't think there's a problem with the concept of marriage as much as there is with people rushing into things too quickly and not truly thinking about the consequences. Or I'm just naive.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 03:04 AM
Personally, I don't think there's a problem with the concept of marriage as much as there is with people rushing into things too quickly and not truly thinking about the consequences. Or I'm just naive.

I think there should be rules of long courtship, like at least 4-5 years.

Moooo

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 03:06 AM
I "courted" my ex for 4-5 years. It didn't change the fact that we were wrong for each other. You can cling together for a long time when you think it's all you can get.

I think one problem is that marriage is too romanticized. It takes work to be a successful couple, it's not like waving a magic wand.

(oh, there I go again).

CrazyHorse
05-27-2006, 04:13 AM
I think that some folks get married to fix an already "broken" relationship.

I was married after dating for 5 years with my wife. In my mind I was just as married the day before as the day after.

Marrage is a legal commitment. That is the difference.

I will say that I felt better being married than not married as far as our son was concerned. He was born out of wedlock. But when we were married, I felt it would be less embarrassing for him.

I dont think marriage ruins a relationship. But if one is already broken under the surface, it can expose it.

Der Flöprer
05-27-2006, 04:37 AM
I'm a mellower me these days.


You're gettin some pussy.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 04:38 AM
You're gettin some pussy.Nope. Not at the moment.

Life's good for other reasons.

Der Flöprer
05-27-2006, 04:42 AM
Personally, I don't think there's a problem with the concept of marriage as much as there is with people rushing into things too quickly and not truly thinking about the consequences. Or I'm just naive.


Doesn't sound naive. Sounds pretty ****in smart to me.

Der Flöprer
05-27-2006, 04:43 AM
Nope. Not at the moment.

Life's good for other reasons.


Well, the way you were talking, you sound like you've found some peace. Congratulations on that anyway. Here's to you gettin some pussy soon bud. :toast:

Katipan
05-27-2006, 04:54 AM
For the ****ing bachlorette party.

Duh.

KC Jones
05-27-2006, 07:12 AM
It had occured to me previously that many of the traditional needs resolved by marriage are dissappearing, so to some extent marriage is a vestigial social institution. I'd certainly agree that most people marry too young, choose their partner poorly, and are following a cultural/traditional life script because they think they're supposed to.

In defense of marriage; it is a social, legal, and spiritual recognition of the intimate relationship between two people and their commitment to maintain that relationship for the rest of their lives. That's not a bad thing at all, and if people were to undertake this endeavor with the sort of serious personal/spiritual commitment and work ethic it requires, I suspect we'd see far more successful marriages. I definitely believe the 'failure of marriage' in the US has a lot to do with our culture of selfishness. Other nations with different cultural influences don't have anywhere near the same problems with the arrangement. There is also a stability that comes from a strong marriage that makes the ideal foundation for raising children, as well as taking on other life endeavors. There is a great deal of reward in sharing your life experiences with one person, and facing the hardships as a team.

They say it's better to give than receive and I believe that. The sacrifices I have made for my wife, children, family, and friends have been repaid and then some in my personal happiness. I don't believe I'd have been any happier at all if I'd spent more energy on self-gratification - either in my career, hobbies, traveling, or sleeping with as many different women as possible. I put plenty of time in on those endeavors previously and had a lot of fun, but life means more to me now and is far more precious of a gift.

caoecod
05-27-2006, 08:34 AM
I'll be honest.. I married my wife because we've had 2 children out of wedlock.. The 1st was in '97 but I was a weekend Dad which wasn't working to well for me personally.. After dating back and forth once we got back together in early '00, We ended up getting pregnant yet again while dating.. Her and I don't have much in common but we've always managed to be a good team so in "00, we decided to just tie the knot.. We realize that we are 2 different people and it's the wrong reason to get married but you do develop a friendship and teamwork over the years. We generally care about each other.. We had always been sexually active with each other but once the 2nd child was born, it started to fade mainly because she didn't feel good about herself.

The idea that when you get married, the sex slows down dramatically over the first 5 years is absolutely true.. Of course there are exceptions but those are rare.. I think a good reasoning has already been stated about the subject but in my eyes, it's one fact that it's not easy to break up when your married and 2 kids in the picture really complicate things.. We both have agreed that if it weren't for the kids, we wouldn't be together.

As far as the intimacy goes, you wake up together everyday, you see each other at their best and absolute worst that you don't see when you're dating.. My wife and I never have but surely there are many couples that are in the bathroom together at the same time in the mornings and evenings and see the most unattractive aspects of their spouse. MY wife and I just choose not to see that. But there are things you do see. When you do laundry for instance, you see things. When your spouse is sick, in crabby moods, and pure contentment of the situation can bore the relationship.. That's just my opinion..

Earthling
05-27-2006, 08:59 AM
Yesterday my wife and I celebrated our 28th anniversary. Its kind of hard for me to believe we've been together over half of our lives. It hasn't always been easy but I truley wouldn't change a single day that we've been together. I consider myself a very lucky man.

Baconeater
05-27-2006, 09:08 AM
If you're planning on having children, the commitment is necessary to provide the children with a stable home life. While I'm sure there are some exceptions, I don't think kids raised by single parents generally have the same quality of life as ones with parents who are committed to each other.

Other than that, there really is no good reason.

Earthling
05-27-2006, 09:15 AM
If you're planning on having children, the commitment is necessary to provide the children with a stable home life. While I'm sure there are some exceptions, I don't think kids raised by single parents generally have the same quality of life as ones with parents who are committed to each other.

Other than that, there really is no good reason.


Actually the monogamous sex partner is not a bad reason. Its nice to know you and your spouse can do "anything" :p and not worry about std's and such. Its great for peace of mind. (pun intended)

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 09:20 AM
Actually the monogamous sex partner is not a bad reason. Its nice to know you and your spouse can do "anything" :p and not worry about std's and such. Its great for peace of mind. (pun intended)I thought that, once. Until I found out my ex wasn't as faithful as I believed.

Either way, you don't have to marry to be monogamous. I still think kids are the only real reason for it.

Braincase
05-27-2006, 09:20 AM
Some things are worth a lifetime commitment.

Earthling
05-27-2006, 09:23 AM
Either way, you don't have to marry to be monogamous.


Very true...also very rare.

Baconeater
05-27-2006, 09:23 AM
Actually the monogamous sex partner is not a bad reason. Its nice to know you and your spouse can do "anything" :p and not worry about std's and such. Its great for peace of mind. (pun intended)
What is this "sex" that you speak of?

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 09:25 AM
Very true...also very rare.Sort of like perfect marriages.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 09:26 AM
What is this "sex" that you speak of?It's what you watch people in windows media player do while you masturbate.

Earthling
05-27-2006, 09:26 AM
What is this "sex" that you speak of?


Lol. My wife said I wasn't supposed to talk about it anymore.

Smoke
05-27-2006, 09:29 AM
I've been married for 12 years to my highschool sweetheart, if anything it gets easier as time passes by. The hardest part was the 2 years we lived together before we got married. I think those two years were hard because we didn't have the commitment that comes with getting married.

She's my best friend and I trust her completely. She's someone I can always count on being on my side and she likes having sex with me which is a big plus.

unlurking
05-27-2006, 09:29 AM
Yesterday my wife and I celebrated our 28th anniversary. Its kind of hard for me to believe we've been together over half of our lives. It hasn't always been easy but I truley wouldn't change a single day that we've been together. I consider myself a very lucky man.
Congratulations Old Codger!

The wife and I will be celebrating our 14th in 2 months. Got married at age 19 (when my wife was about 2-3 months pregnant). We did it for the child. It has been a rocky road, but as keg already said, if you undersatnd that a happy marriage takes work, and you are both committed, it can be fun.

I know a lot of people romanticize marriage has riding off on a sailboat to some beach. Very pretty and romantic thought. Personally, our marriage has been a roller coaster. But at the end of the day, I love the ride so much I don't want to get off.

stevieray
05-27-2006, 09:31 AM
I was listening to Bob and Tom (a morning radio show), and it got me thinking about this. Why do people bother to get married. I've never met anyone who said things didn't change for the worse when they did, yet everyone feels compelled to do so. If you are a religious person, there's a great reason. If you want the tax break, that's an okay reason. But beyond that, why you would go and change things when you're happy the way they are (and if you aren't, you shouldn't be getting married)?

I've obviously never married, and I am not the type of person to go falling in love with a chick at the drop of a hat. So tell me, married folks...why did you do it when you hear so much out there telling you not to?

Moooo

your assimilation is complete.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 09:33 AM
your assimilation is complete.Ahh, the smell of irony.

stevieray
05-27-2006, 09:38 AM
Ahh, the smell of irony.



You're a bitter, lonely man. Anytime a marriage related topic is brought up, there you are to remind us again of your crappy, failed marriage.

you'll end up alone, you are too cynical for anything else.

Earthling
05-27-2006, 09:38 AM
Personally, our marriage has been a roller coaster. But at the end of the day, I love the ride so much I don't want to get off.


Thats a great line. :clap:

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 09:41 AM
You're a bitter, lonely man. Anytime a marriage related topic is brought up, there you are to remind us again of your crappy, failed marriage.

you'll end up alone, you are too cynical for anything else.I'm not sure who pissed in your cheerios this morning, but that doesn't strike me as a very christian way to speak to someone. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Maybe find an outlet for all that anger. And then try reading some of the things I've said on this thread instead of assuming you know anything about me or what's going on in my life.

Earthling
05-27-2006, 09:44 AM
keg, I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect marraige. Just something to strive for.

cdcox
05-27-2006, 09:47 AM
I've been married for coming up on 23 years. Going in to our marriage, my wife and I both knew it was forever. Not because of the lovey-dovey stuff, but from a commitment point of view. People do change over a lifetime but our commitment was to make our relatioship work among those changes. We've had better days and worse days, but we both know we'll be going through them together. Bailing was never an option.

I think the pain one feels upon a breakup is natures way of saying people are supposed to stay together.

The other thing many of you don't realize is you won't be twenty-something or thirty-something, forever. Physical beauty fades. That familiar person that you can count on spending the rest of your life becomes more and more valuable as the years go by. In my extended family, three men in their 50's or 60's have lost their wives to death. Each one of them was married again within a year or two. They missed that companionship and sense of partnership.

Then there is the family thing. The commitment between a husband and wife expands beyond that to the family. My wife, daughter and I are a family. Nothing comes between that. When my daughter eventually marries, her husband will come into that fold. I definitely would not be in favor of a endless stream of transitional men coming into her life, having kids, and moving on.

Sometimes life gets messy and things don't work out ideally. Divorces happen. Kids out of wedlock happern. But this isn't the norm. The ideal is still life-long marriage and stable extended families. Just because relationships fail or aren't as on fire as they once were is no reason to throw out the ideal to be strived for.

stevieray
05-27-2006, 09:48 AM
I'm not sure who pissed in your cheerios this morning, but that doesn't strike me as a very christian way to speak to someone. You should be ashamed of yourself.

And then maybe try reading some of the things I've said on this thread instead of assuming you know anything about me or what's going on in my life.

I've read what you said, doesn't change squat, you've been singing your song for at least five years.

stevieray
05-27-2006, 09:50 AM
. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Maybe find an outlet for all that anger.

Now this is irony, you've worn your pain from your ex like a badge of honor.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 09:52 AM
keg, I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect marraige. Just something to strive for.I agree on both counts.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 09:53 AM
I've read what you said, doesn't change squat, you've been singing your song for at least five years.Apparently the comprehension part was left out of the whole "reading" equation.

Of course you're one of those folks who sees what you want to see, rather than reality.

Oz_Chief
05-27-2006, 09:54 AM
Old society made women feel like that. I think that's changing for the newer generation, though.

I'll be 30 this November. Some older people would consider me an old maid. When I turned 25, everyone was asking me when I was ever gonna get married. Now, not so much.

Good to hear. I think a lot of women sell themselves short in order to prevent from entering their 30s as a single woman. Here in Lincoln, NE it seems like every girl my age (29) has an engagement or wedding ring. I find that quite unsettling. Doesn't anyone want to travel the world or take time to learn about themselves?

I'll stop rambling now.

stevieray
05-27-2006, 10:03 AM
Apparently the comprehension part was left out of the whole "reading" equation.

Of course you're one of those folks who sees what you want to see, rather than reality.

if you've finally turned the corner, good for you. I have my doubts though, considering you felt compelled to say my post was ironic.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 10:20 AM
Yeah, I'm not sure what I meant by that, either. I think I was just picking on you.

stevieray
05-27-2006, 10:41 AM
Yeah, I'm not sure what I meant by that, either. I think I was just picking on you.

Seriuosly, Kyle, I hope you can find the joy that marriage can bring, because you've definitely experienced the pain.

I apologize for my harsh remarks.

Calcountry
05-27-2006, 12:09 PM
With the divorce rate so high, and there not being common law marriage in Missouri, it would be so much cheaper to live together. When you break up, there's no lawyer or court fees, etc. You just split your differences and move on. I, too, have never been married, so I find this to be a good question as well.Just remember, when you split in this situation, posession is 9/10ths of the law.

wazu
05-27-2006, 12:21 PM
I married young by most standards (23). Almost a decade later, I'm still waiting for the "hard work" part to begin. My wife and I are happier than ever with two terrific children and a homelife that I wouldn't trade for anything.

I'm not a person who never looks back, either. There are lots of things I would do differently if I had them to do again. Lots of mistakes made. But marrying my wife isn't one of them.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 01:23 PM
\Personally, our marriage has been a roller coaster. But at the end of the day, I love the ride so much I don't want to get off.

So its not for a person who loathes instability? :)

Moooo

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 01:23 PM
Wait a second. Being married makes you not want to get off?

No wonder there's no sex.

luv
05-27-2006, 01:26 PM
So its not for a person who loathes instability? :)

Moooo
I'd think it'd be more about compatability. That would help with the stability.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 01:42 PM
I'd think it'd be more about compatability. That would help with the stability.

I'm still not sold.

My opinion is that marriage has nothing to do with logic. Its the result of falling in love with someone and having this idealistic view of what will be. I also think it has to do with the posessiveness people have, to know the other person is theirs for as long as they want them.

That's not necessarily a bad thing, emotions and logic are both good, just opposite sides of the spectrum--which is perhaps why marriage is viewed as, "for the women," since they tend to be more on the emotional side of problem-solving.

Moooo

luv
05-27-2006, 01:48 PM
I'm still not sold.

My opinion is that marriage has nothing to do with logic. Its the result of falling in love with someone and having this idealistic view of what will be. I also think it has to do with the posessiveness people have, to know the other person is theirs for as long as they want them.

That's not necessarily a bad thing, emotions and logic are both good, just opposite sides of the spectrum--which is perhaps why marriage is viewed as, "for the women," since they tend to be more on the emotional side of problem-solving.

Moooo
I wouldn't mind living with someone. Who knows, maybe one day I'd decide that I wanted to get married. I agree with those who think it's better for the kids. I don't agree that you should get married just because you have/going to have a kid. If you love each other, and have decided to be committed to only each other, then I think it would help the child if their parents had the same last name.

Of course, I do know a couple that he two kids. They aren't married, but they're perfectly happy with the way things are.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:03 PM
I'm still not sold.

My opinion is that marriage has nothing to do with logic. Its the result of falling in love with someone and having this idealistic view of what will be. I also think it has to do with the posessiveness people have, to know the other person is theirs for as long as they want them.

That's not necessarily a bad thing, emotions and logic are both good, just opposite sides of the spectrum--which is perhaps why marriage is viewed as, "for the women," since they tend to be more on the emotional side of problem-solving.

Moooo
Giving it more thought, I think it's just a personal choice. If you don't want to get married, then don't. You will either never be convinced or you just haven't found the right girl to convince you. Love is hard to predict. Love isn't always logical.

jjjayb
05-27-2006, 02:05 PM
Why do people bother to get married. I've never met anyone who said things didn't change for the worse when they did, yet everyone feels compelled to do so.


Things certainly didn't change for the worse for me. My life is 10 times better than before I was married.

Now you've met someone who didn't say that marriage made things worse.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:06 PM
Giving it more thought, I think it's just a personal choice. If you don't want to get married, then don't. You will either never be convinced or you just haven't found the right girl to convince you. Love is hard to predict. Love isn't always logical.

Love is never logical. Which is why I have a problem wih it. I look forward to the day I find a girl who is so awesome I lose all logic and reasoning concerning her, but its kinda like the retirement of dating, its what you do when you're done looking around. But yet, time after time, you hear people say it goes so wrong, and I just question if it causes so much problem, why they bother still.

Moooo

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:07 PM
You will either never be convinced or you just haven't found the right girl to convince you. I think there's a flaw in the way you're expressing your idea. Saying what you said is like saying "you haven't found the girl who'll entrap you yet".

BWillie
05-27-2006, 02:12 PM
I could only get married if I didn't have to live with the broad, or see her every day, and she still had sex with me when I wanted. Other than that, I see no advantage. As Chris Rock said ALWAYS HAVE A PRENUP. Most people think rich people need a pre-nup. Why? If you have 60 million and ur wife takes half ur not starving. But if you make 30,000 and your wife wants half, you might have to kill her. (in reference to the OJ case)

Katipan
05-27-2006, 02:12 PM
What exactly are you offering a girl that she's going to feel the need to entrap you?

Gosh boys sure are egotistical.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:14 PM
What exactly are you offering a girl that she's going to feel the need to entrap you?

Gosh boys sure are egotistical.No, I understand what she said and agreed with it, I just think she could've expressed it better in a different way. That's all I was saying.

And I offer a lot, thank you. There's whole piles of clothes and mounds of dust here for the next lucky mrs. me.

cdcox
05-27-2006, 02:18 PM
I'm still not sold.

My opinion is that marriage has nothing to do with logic. Its the result of falling in love with someone and having this idealistic view of what will be. I also think it has to do with the posessiveness people have, to know the other person is theirs for as long as they want them.

That's not necessarily a bad thing, emotions and logic are both good, just opposite sides of the spectrum--which is perhaps why marriage is viewed as, "for the women," since they tend to be more on the emotional side of problem-solving.

Moooo

I disagree that the decision to marry is devoid of logic and based on an idealistic view of the relationship. I'm about as logical as a person gets. My wife and I dated for 3.5 years before we married. The emotion driven "I'm in looooove" phase had long since passed for both of us. It was a rational decision based on the fact that we wanted to share our lives together. That's not to say that we still didn't love each other very much, but it had moved beyond the stage where we got all giddy everything we saw each other.

Serial short term relationships are the emotional ones. You stay together as long as the emotional high is there, then move on to something more exciting once it passes. Pure emotion, no logic.

I do agree that marriage is about possession and commitment. I did not want any other man to be with my wife. I wanted our relationship to be exclusive and permanent. Humans are wired to be this way: jealousy and the sense of loss one feels in the months following a break up are proof of this.

As far as marriage being for the women, that may be true in your 20s and 30s, but men who have been married for long periods of time tend to remarry upon the death of their spouse. Why do you think that is?

Baconeater
05-27-2006, 02:21 PM
Love is never logical. Which is why I have a problem wih it. I look forward to the day I find a girl who is so awesome I lose all logic and reasoning concerning her, but its kinda like the retirement of dating, its what you do when you're done looking around. But yet, time after time, you hear people say it goes so wrong, and I just question if it causes so much problem, why they bother still.

Moooo

I'm not so sure it goes wrong as often as you think. I most certainly wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't gotten married. When things do get worse, it's not always a result of being married. You'll hear a lot of comments about sex lives going downhill, but that usually has to do with the fact most married couples have children, which are sex life killers.

I'm not sure how old you are, but at some point you'll realize that pretty much the entire world would just as soon kick you in the nuts whenever possible, and having someone who is unconditionally on your side is a pretty nice thing also.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:23 PM
As far as marriage being for the women, that may be true in your 20s and 30s, but men who have been married for long periods of time tend to remarry upon the death of their spouse. Why do you think that is?

Loneliness. People are scared to death to be alone. And when everyone else is married and doing their married thing, you are left out in the rain when you don't have a significant other.

Moooo

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:24 PM
Humans are wired to be this way: jealousy and the sense of loss one feels in the months following a break up are proof of this.I think you'd have a hard time making that argument stick, that we're wired to be monogamous. There's a lot of characteristics of human behavior that say otherwise.

(fwiw, I'm about as monogamous an individual as you'll ever find, I'm not making that point based on myself)

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:24 PM
I'm not sure how old you are, but at some point you'll realize that pretty much the entire world would just as soon kick you in the nuts whenever possible, and having someone who is unconditionally on your side is a pretty nice thing also.

But that has nothing to do with marriage. You could have that if you stayed a couple.

Moooo

Baconeater
05-27-2006, 02:26 PM
But that has nothing to do with marriage. You could have that if you stayed a couple.

Moooo
I disagree. Not being married makes it easier to bail when things get rough.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:27 PM
If you are so dead set against it, why are you having people try to convince you?

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:28 PM
I'm not so sure it goes wrong as often as you think. The divorce rate's still pretty high these days, although not what it was in the late 70's.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:28 PM
I disagree. Not being married makes it easier to bail when things get rough.

So you're proposing marriage offers entrapment of a significant other to support you in bad times (since they would bail if they weren't married)?

Moooo

FAX
05-27-2006, 02:30 PM
So you're proposing marriage offers entrapment of a significant other to support you in bad times (since they would bail if they weren't married)?

Moooo

I think that's why they call them "vows", Mr. Moooo.

FAX

cdcox
05-27-2006, 02:30 PM
Loneliness. People are scared to death to be alone. And when everyone else is married and doing their married thing, you are left out in the rain when you don't have a significant other.

Moooo

Don't be so sure you're immune from this. Someday most of the people you hang out with now will be busy with their kids. There will be a lot less woman to choose from. They'll be older and less attractive and have "life baggage". You'll look foolish chasing after the young hotties and sooner or later they won't give you the time of day. Many people do well on their own, you are probably one of them. But by and large everyone is happier when they are around people that care about them. Companionship is a basic human need.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:30 PM
There's even words having to do with "good times and bad" and "sick times and health". Unless you write your own, and talk about sailing.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:33 PM
Don't be so sure you're immune from this. Someday most of the people you hang out with now will be busy with their kids. There will be a lot less woman to choose from. They'll be older and less attractive and have "life baggage". You'll look foolish chasing after the young hotties and sooner or later they won't give you the time of day. Many people do well on their own, you are probably one of them. But by and large everyone is happier when they are around people that care about them. Companionship is a basic human need.
This couldn't be more true. For me anyway. Most of my friends are married, have kids, and they are very happily involved with their families. I'm the friend they call when they need a girls' night out. I just wish that would happen more often.

Baconeater
05-27-2006, 02:33 PM
So you're proposing marriage offers entrapment of a significant other to support you in bad times (since they would bail if they weren't married)?

Moooo
ROFL There's that word again. I guess if you want to look at it that way, but that makes it sound like someone is trying to trick you. I see it more as a commitment to picking each other up when life knocks you down.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:35 PM
Don't be so sure you're immune from this. Someday most of the people you hang out with now will be busy with their kids. There will be a lot less woman to choose from. They'll be older and less attractive and have "life baggage". You'll look foolish chasing after the young hotties and sooner or later they won't give you the time of day. Many people do well on their own, you are probably one of them. But by and large everyone is happier when they are around people that care about them. Companionship is a basic human need.

I never said I was. My question was "Why do people get married." And through the posts in this tread I am figuring out why. As I said before, I look forward to falling in love, and do hope to have a relationship. But I don't see how marriage is a requirement after a certain length of relationship.

Moooo

luv
05-27-2006, 02:36 PM
I never said I was. My question was "Why do people get married." And through the posts in this tread I am figuring out why. As I said before, I look forward to falling in love, and do hope to have a relationship. But I don't see how marriage is a requirement after a certain length of relationship.

Moooo
It's not a requirement. It's a choice.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:36 PM
This couldn't be more true. For me anyway. Most of my friends are married, have kids, and they are very happily involved with their families. I'm the friend they call when they need a girls' night out. I just wish that would happen more often.Be thankful that you have friends in the flesh. Sometimes I feel like my whole live is lived vicariously and virtually, thanks to decisions in the distant past.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:37 PM
ROFL There's that word again. I guess if you want to look at it that way, but that makes it sound like someone is trying to trick you. I see it more as a commitment to picking each other up when life knocks you down.

"I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine?"

It's not a requirement. It's a choice.

A lot of guys you hear would disagree. It was either that or she left him.

Moooo

luv
05-27-2006, 02:38 PM
"I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine?"

Moooo
It's rude to mock people for making decisions different from the ones you would make yourself.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:38 PM
I never said I was. My question was "Why do people get married." And through the posts in this tread I am figuring out why. As I said before, I look forward to falling in love, and do hope to have a relationship. But I don't see how marriage is a requirement after a certain length of relationship.Because it's what's socially expected. So expected that it even transcends the bounds of 'normal' sexuality now. It's what we're programmed to do.

Which is not a value judgement, simply a statement of fact.

cdcox
05-27-2006, 02:41 PM
I think you'd have a hard time making that argument stick, that we're wired to be monogamous. There's a lot of characteristics of human behavior that say otherwise.

(fwiw, I'm about as monogamous an individual as you'll ever find, I'm not making that point based on myself)

Sure it's a difficult ideal to achieve. But its still what most people strive for. Its the best environment for raising children. There are basic emitions of humans that seek to preserve it.

Sure there are other human tendencies that work against monogomy, but when these tendencies win out people usually get hurt, as you know. When the human tendencies in favor of monogomy work out everyone lives happily ever after, so to speak.

I agree that it is a very difficult ideal to achieve.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:41 PM
It's rude to mock people for making decisions different from the ones you would make yourself.

How is that rude? Is that not the jist of it? If what he said is true, it means that marriage is some sort of symbiotic relationship that exists to utilize the other when you need them.

Moooo

ChiefaRoo
05-27-2006, 02:45 PM
I'm not so sure it goes wrong as often as you think. I most certainly wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't gotten married. When things do get worse, it's not always a result of being married. You'll hear a lot of comments about sex lives going downhill, but that usually has to do with the fact most married couples have children, which are sex life killers.

I'm not sure how old you are, but at some point you'll realize that pretty much the entire world would just as soon kick you in the nuts whenever possible, and having someone who is unconditionally on your side is a pretty nice thing also.


I've never been married but I think your right on with your last paragraph. As a 30 year old single guy I agree it's nice to have someone who is on your side when times are tough. Most people in their early twenties haven't been kicked in the baows yet and they're too full of themselves to realize the value of a real relationship.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:45 PM
How is that rude? Is that not the jist of it? If what he said is true, it means that marriage is some sort of symbiotic relationship that exists to utilize the other when you need them.

Moooo
People who mock others do so to try to make themselves appear to be intellectually superior. There are other ways to do so.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:47 PM
Sure it's a difficult ideal to achieve. But its still what most people strive for. Its the best environment for raising children. There are basic emitions of humans that seek to preserve it.

Sure there are other human tendencies that work against monogomy, but when these tendencies win out people usually get hurt, as you know. When the human tendencies in favor of monogomy work out everyone lives happily ever after, so to speak.

I agree that it is a very difficult ideal to achieve.You're now saying something different than what you originally said. We're wired to reproduce, to propogate the species. Monogamy, however, is a social stricture, not a biological one. Not every culture views marriage as a single man married to a single woman, and not every culture pairs off in twos.

In other words, monogamy is not wiring, it's programming. We're taught to be monogamous.

Baconeater
05-27-2006, 02:47 PM
It's rude to mock people for making decisions different from the ones you would make yourself.
Wow, you interpreted that much differently than me! Anyway, if he was mocking me you know that is not only acceptable here, it's encouraged.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:48 PM
I've never been married but I think your right on with your last paragraph. As a 30 year old single guy I agree it's nice to have someone who is on your side when times are tough. Most people in their early twenties haven't been kicked in the baows yet and they're too full of themselves to realize the value of a real relationship.
Two words come to mind. Inexperience and immaturity. Not you, the people in their early 20's. Looking back, I was the same way.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:49 PM
People who mock others do so to try to make themselves appear to be intellectually superior. There are other ways to do so.

I apologise if I came across as "intellectually superior." I assure you I am far from it :) I am just looking for clarification. I think you assumed I was using that negatively, but that reason, in all actuality, had more reason behind it than any other I've heard so far, IMO.

Moooo

luv
05-27-2006, 02:49 PM
Wow, you interpreted that much differently than me! Anyway, if he was mocking me you know that is not only acceptable here, it's encouraged.
I took it a couple of different ways. I chose to respond the way I did. He's seemingly looking for a good, hearty discussion.

Baconeater
05-27-2006, 02:50 PM
How is that rude? Is that not the jist of it? If what he said is true, it means that marriage is some sort of symbiotic relationship that exists to utilize the other when you need them.

Moooo
You must be (or studying to be) an engineer. You're trying to apply logic to something that somewhat defies it. Not everything makes perfect sense.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:50 PM
I apologise if I came across as "intellectually superior." I assure you I am far from it :) I am just looking for clarification. I think you assumed I was using that negatively, but that reason, in all actuality, had more reason behind it than any other I've heard so far, IMO.

Moooo
My bad, then.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:51 PM
You must be (or studying to be) an engineer. You're trying to apply logic to something that somewhat defies it. Not everything makes perfect sense.Sure it does. Especially when you've drunk sufficient alchohol.

Hey, speaking of that...yeah, a good time to start.

cdcox
05-27-2006, 02:51 PM
You're now saying something different than what you originally said. We're wired to reproduce, to propogate the species. Monogamy, however, is a social stricture, not a biological one. Not every culture views marriage as a single man married to a single woman, and not every culture pairs off in twos.

In other words, monogamy is not wiring, it's programming. We're taught to be monogamous.

Sure, but which cultures are by and large the most dominant (and successful) on the planet? Those with a monogomous view of marriage. Those societies have been more successful in propegating their genes than other societies in recent centuries. At some point sociology becomes biology.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 02:53 PM
I've never been married but I think your right on with your last paragraph. As a 30 year old single guy I agree it's nice to have someone who is on your side when times are tough. Most people in their early twenties haven't been kicked in the baows yet and they're too full of themselves to realize the value of a real relationship.

I look forward to the enlightenment that comes with age. It frustrates me I haven't lived enough life to understand the workings of certain things. So when I ask, keep in mind my lack of comprehension or confusion of other people's actions are not out of superiority, but out of lack of experience.

You must be (or studying to be) an engineer. You're trying to apply logic to something that somewhat defies it. Not everything makes perfect sense.

Actually, I despise engineering. Its rules are waaay too concrete and everything is the way it is and that's that. I didn't want an answer as much as I wanted people's answers. How many people actually know why they got married other than "My wife told me to," or, "I was supposed to." And all the reasons I've gotten are good. I am just one of those people who has to question why everything is, especially things which are not concrete (Its frustrating to say the least).

Moooo

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 02:54 PM
Sure, but which cultures are by and large the most dominant (and successful) on the planet? Those with a monogomous view of marriage. Those societies have been more successful in propegating their genes than other societies in recent centuries. At some point sociology becomes biology.This is a strange conversation, it's like a religious argument that uses evolution for justification. ROFL

And I'm not saying monogamy is bad in any way. I'm simply saying it's not human nature. It's a choice, something 'striven' for as you pointed out earlier. And that ability to choose something contrary to our nature is itself part of what makes us human. Animals can't do that.

luv
05-27-2006, 02:56 PM
Sure, but which cultures are by and large the most dominant (and successful) on the planet? Those with a monogomous view of marriage. Those societies have been more successful in propegating their genes than other societies in recent centuries. At some point sociology becomes biology.
Sure. America may be amongst the dominant societies, but I don't think it had to do with monogomous relationships. There are people living in the US who practice polygamy (sp?).

cdcox
05-27-2006, 02:56 PM
This is a strange conversation, it's like a religious argument that uses evolution for justification. ROFL



:) Let's just say I'm conflicted.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 03:01 PM
Sure. America may be amongst the dominant societies, but I don't think it had to do with monogomous relationships. There are people living in the US who practice polygamy (sp?).

America's dominance mostly has to do with our economic policies making us the richest country in the world. So if that's the case, I'd say capitalism was the cause, not monogamy.

Moooo

cdcox
05-27-2006, 03:02 PM
Sure. America may be amongst the dominant societies, but I don't think it had to do with monogomous relationships. There are people living in the US who practice polygamy (sp?).

My point wasn't confined to America or even the last 500 years. Monogomy as the expected behavior for building families was the norm in most of western civilization. I know in modern India and China (two non-Christian countries that have rapidly growning populations) monogomy is the normal mode of operation.

Also, I'm talking about the dominant practice of the society, which will have a much larger effect than a few outliers.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 03:04 PM
You still haven't done anything to address the difference between what's nature and what's nurture. Elements that fall under the realm of "society" deal with behaviors that are learned, not inborn.

cdcox
05-27-2006, 03:05 PM
America's dominance mostly has to do with our economic policies making us the richest country in the world. So if that's the case, I'd say capitalism was the cause, not monogamy.

Moooo

A stable home environment allows children to develop better and gives them more opportunities. The absence of fathers in many urban African American families may be one of the largest reasons for sustained poverty among that population. Yes, I recognize there are many other reasons, but you can't overlook the undersupervised home environment.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 03:09 PM
A stable home environment allows children to develop better and gives them more opportunities. The absence of fathers in many urban African American families may be one of the largest reasons for sustained poverty among that population. Yes, I recognize there are many other reasons, but you can't overlook the undersupervised home environment.

Good point. My psych teachers alwas say most all problems in development can be traced back to the parenting. However a question also comes up of whether or not its better to have one content parent, or two miserable ones...

Moooo

cdcox
05-27-2006, 03:11 PM
You still haven't done anything to address the difference between what's nature and what's nurture. Elements that fall under the realm of "society" deal with behaviors that are learned, not inborn.

I recognize the basic difference.

Let me put it this way. Humans are equiped with certain base emotions (nature). Some of these emoitions and desires are conflicting (reality). Humans are rational beings and can make decisions. Consider the decision to uphold as ideal monogomous relationships to the the "optimized" societal model to best resolve these conflicting emotions.

Nature: conflicting human needs and the ability to rationalize.

Nurture: the learned decision that the best way (at least so far) to deal with Nature is monogomous relationships.

cdcox
05-27-2006, 03:17 PM
Good point. My psych teachers alwas say most all problems in development can be traced back to the parenting. However a question also comes up of whether or not its better to have one content parent, or two miserable ones...

Moooo

It is best to have two happy ones. So strive for that ideal (reason for marriage). Commit 100% to making it work (what is lacking (from one side or the other) in most cases, IMO). If through all that it doesn't work, then you get to your question. But marriage at least gives a chance for the best case senario.

cdcox
05-27-2006, 03:18 PM
Another reason for marriage:

My wife just brought me two freshly baked peanut butter cookies. They go great with beer.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 03:19 PM
Oh, that's just nasty. Cookies and beer do not mix.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 03:20 PM
Nature: conflicting human needs and the ability to rationalize.

Nurture: the learned decision that the best way (at least so far) to deal with Nature is monogomous relationships.You do realize that's pretty much exactly what I've been saying for the last hour...

cdcox
05-27-2006, 03:25 PM
Oh, that's just nasty. Cookies and beer do not mix.

You wouldn't think so.

This goes back to spending vacations at the Lake of the Ozarks with when I was growing up. My mom and aunt would bake dozens of cookies (maybe 10 large coffe cans full) to take down. We'd eat them all week.

When we got into our late teens, my cousins and I started having a few beers throughout the course of the day. But we weren't about to give up on the cookies. Turns out to go pretty good together.

Skip Towne
05-27-2006, 03:27 PM
[QUOTE=Moooo]I look forward to the enlightenment that comes with age. It frustrates me I haven't lived enough life to understand the workings of certain things. So when I ask, keep in mind my lack of comprehension or confusion of other people's actions are not out of superiority, but out of lack of experience.
Cliff Notes version: I'm a n00b.

cdcox
05-27-2006, 03:31 PM
You do realize that's pretty much exactly what I've been saying for the last hour...

Okay. I'd only add that the nurture is not independent of the biology (nature). If we had a different type of logical process stemming from a different brain chemistry and structure, a totally different societal norm could be optimum.

I will agree with you that monogomy itself is not an innate human behavior. But it is an emmergent optimum behavior (for society and most, but not all, individuals) given the constraints of our biology and the universe we live in.

keg in kc
05-27-2006, 03:39 PM
I'm not sure that monogamy is necessarily optimal. It's just what happens to be in vogue at this moment in history. Things can always change, and there's no real way to say what the future will bring, although we tend to always be arrogant and think that what we know is "right".

What makes me think of this is that I read The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress recently and the marriage structure that the loonies had was completely different from anything that I'm familiar with. Not saying good or bad. Just different. And while it was a fictional work, I'm sure the setup was based on something from history.

Who's to say that 100 years from now we aren't living in a matriarchal society with grander, more interwoven family structures. Stranger things have happened in human history.

Katipan
05-27-2006, 03:53 PM
Who's to say that 100 years from now we aren't living in a matriarchal society with grander, more interwoven family structures. Stranger things have happened in human history.

Shiiiiiit. Give me 15 years.

cdcox
05-27-2006, 03:57 PM
I'm not sure that monogamy is necessarily optimal. It's just what happens to be in vogue at this moment in history. Things can always change, and there's no real way to say what the future will bring, although we tend to always be arrogant and think that what we know is "right".

What makes me think of this is that I read The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress recently and the marriage structure that the loonies had was completely different from anything that I'm familiar with. Not saying good or bad. Just different. And while it was a fictional work, I'm sure the setup was based on something from history.

Who's to say that 100 years from now we aren't living in a matriarchal society with grander, more interwoven family structures. Stranger things have happened in human history.

No doubt things could change radically.

When I say optimum, what I mean is that there are billions of people with very diverse individual practices as far as relationships, family models, etc. Each of these represents an experiment with a probability of success or failure. The normalized average behavior will converge to the ideas that have the highest probability of sucess.

If conditions change enough, a new model for relatioships, family, etc, might emerge. Morally, I'd be against such a change, but I've tried to argue for monogomy apart from my own moral perspective.

Katipan
05-27-2006, 04:00 PM
My grandparents generation, divorce was a sin.
My parent's generation, divorce was a disaster.
My generation, divorce is almost part of the wedding vows.

If anyone thinks the next generation isn't going to be worse... well. you aren't a real Chiefs fan.

Baconeater
05-27-2006, 04:05 PM
My grandparents generation, divorce was a sin.
My parent's generation, divorce was a disaster.
My generation, divorce is almost part of the wedding vows.

If anyone thinks the next generation isn't going to be worse... well. you aren't a real Chiefs fan.
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost.php?p=3226508&postcount=4

BWillie
05-27-2006, 04:32 PM
You know, if you think about it. Marriage isn't about "love" or "sharing your life". It is about what an individual thinks will benefit them the most. You can't intrinsically care about anything. You get married because you want to feel important, loved, and it's all to make you happy. It is impossible to make a conscious decision that you didn't think would increase your utility level the most. Ybou cannot do it. Point of this... everyone does things for themselves.

Alot of reasons why people get married I think is society. You graduate HS, ur supposed to go to college. After that you get a job, get settled. Then after that you are supposed to get married. If you are a 40 year old guy, still having fun partying and doing the things you want to do you are viewed by most of society as some sort of failure or bad person.

Count Alex's Losses
05-27-2006, 04:32 PM
Another reason for marriage:

My wife just brought me two freshly baked peanut butter cookies. They go great with beer.

Cookies and beer? YUCK! Divorce her.

Moooo
05-27-2006, 04:39 PM
You know, if you think about it. Marriage isn't about "love" or "sharing your life". It is about what an individual thinks will benefit them the most. You can't intrinsically care about anything. You get married because you want to feel important, loved, and it's all to make you happy. It is impossible to make a conscious decision that you didn't think would increase your utility level the most. Ybou cannot do it. Point of this... everyone does things for themselves.

Alot of reasons why people get married I think is society. You graduate HS, ur supposed to go to college. After that you get a job, get settled. Then after that you are supposed to get married. If you are a 40 year old guy, still having fun partying and doing the things you want to do you are viewed by most of society as some sort of failure or bad person.

This this uneducated POV, I'd agree. I still wonder how many people look back and actually question the purpose behind marriage--not why they did specifically, but what the purpose is in any sense.

Moooo

The Bad Guy
05-27-2006, 08:12 PM
Well, I'm 26, have been engaged for a year and a half, together with the girl for 4 and a half years. Just recently, my fiancee and I decided to postpone the wedding and take a break from each other for various reasons.

If this falls through and we end up completely a part, I will jump into the "I will never marry boat" because I will never let a woman get this close to me again.

Thig Lyfe
05-27-2006, 08:13 PM
I was listening to Bob and Tom (a morning radio show)

Mike Birbiglia is funny on that show.

luv
05-27-2006, 09:48 PM
My grandparents generation, divorce was a sin.
My parent's generation, divorce was a disaster.
My generation, divorce is almost part of the wedding vows.

If anyone thinks the next generation isn't going to be worse... well. you aren't a real Chiefs fan.
Actually, people have gotten to where they think about divorcing before even getting married. Prenups.

Skip Towne
05-27-2006, 09:56 PM
Actually, people have gotten to where they think about divorcing before even getting married. Prenups.
Yep, marriage is a slipknot.

Count Alex's Losses
05-27-2006, 09:58 PM
Divorce is only a bad thing if there are kids involved.

luv
05-27-2006, 10:03 PM
Divorce is only a bad thing if there are kids involved.
Not always. I was 14 when my parents divorced. They had separated a few years earlier, but decided that they should try to work it out for me and my brother's sakes. I was so relieved when they finally got divorced.

Predarat
05-27-2006, 10:05 PM
The main reason I did was wanting to raise a family. But if I do divorce I'll never marry again. At least I hope not. I dont understnad it when someone has had a bad marriage or two and gets married again.

Goddess Tara
05-28-2006, 02:06 AM
Why? Call it temporary insanity from all the chemicals in your brain giving you that temporary high from "love" telling you that it will last forever and it will always be just like this.

Sully
05-28-2006, 12:45 PM
I can't answer the "why" in the big picture. I can only answer it in the micro.... my situation.
I met a girl who I can have 4 hour conversations with about anything in the world. A girl who can look at me from across a crowded room and know exactly who I am making jokes about in my head. A girl who cares in such a deep way for the world as a whole, that she hurts (and cries) every day when she can't change it. A girl who is clumsy and irrational, but at the same time the most graceful, smart and compassionate person I have ever known. I always thought the movie-type terms "my other half, you complete me and completing my life" were just sappy hyperbole, but I actually found someone who does that.....

...and I have to lock her up in legal, binding terminology before she realizes she is FAR outta my league.


I've been with my fiance for a few years. So the newness and the chemical rush is gone. But what remains is our matching intellect. Our jokes. Our common interests. Our intellectual curiosity. Mostly, our ability to put our pride aside and learn from each other.
I actually heard someone describe his marriage in a wierd way. He said he wakes up every morning and decides to love his wife. It was the saddest thing I ever heard, and has stuck with me, because I can't imagine waking up in the morning and having any choice.



Sorry that's so sappy. Been planning a wedding for the past few weeks.

craneref
05-28-2006, 01:01 PM
I have been married for 15 years and wouldn't trade one second of it for anything. No one can make me feel so loved and satisfied and yet drive me so crazy, :p and yet I know that is mutual. The one line that sticks with me is from the movie "As good as it gets" when Jack Nicholson says "I like the man I am when I am with you! " Since I have been married I have felt capable of anything, just knowing my wife is with me. The look that is JUST for me, the touch that can calm the worst of life storms and can conversely drive a raging fire of desire within me, :drool: . Someone that I can be totally honest with, that will not just listen but hear and understand. This relationship is not a 50/50 proposal, but a 100/100 condition, where we both spend most of out time trying to please our partner. This situation creates the best possible scenario for my life, giving me love, laughter and hope thorugh any situation. The bonus is that our children see it and thrive in the situation, they understand love, know personal bravery through loving support and hopefully will choose a mate accordingly some day. Our daughter just completed her Freshman year in college and is VERY picky about who she accepts a date with, becasue she said she does not want to waste her time and effort if she knows that person isn't someone who will make her a better person as well. It amazes my that 99% of her friends that visit or know us comment to her that her parents act like boyfriend and girlfriend, always holding hands and flirting, which means that that never see it from their parents, and that to me is sad. You ask me WHY I would ever get married, but from my position in life, I would ask you, WHY would you never get married to a person who makes you feel like me wife does me?? OH yeah and she loves the CHIEFS as well :p