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Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 10:22 AM
OK, so I was thinking about advice that people told me -- specifically things not to say to your spouse or significant other -- before I got married and thought this would be a good place for that type of advice.



My dad told me never to use the phrase, "Dammit, *insert spouse name here*!" And advised that taking pictures of your spouse when they're pissed off because you think it's funny is a bad idea.

I learned one the hard way the other day. If you're in an argument with your spouse -- one you've had countless times before -- it's a bad idea to say, "Oh, are we gonna have this argument again? I'm gonna need a ****in' chair."

Dartgod
06-07-2006, 10:28 AM
It's always a good idea to call your wife a c***.

Predarat
06-07-2006, 10:28 AM
Don't make any fat jokes when they are pregnant. Even if they make one to you first. I am a guy with a few extra pounds and my wife was pregnant and teased me about it. I replied "You wont be able to make jokes like that for too much longer because your going to be getting fatter, and fatter, and fatter." It took a week of flowers, cards, favorite movies, CDs ect as well as putting up with a cold shoulder for a week to make up for that one!

Donger
06-07-2006, 10:29 AM
It's always a good idea to call your wife a c***.

ROFL

Especially if it's preceeded with the word 'slimy.' Never fails to generate an emotional response.

Donger
06-07-2006, 10:31 AM
I hate to admit it, but I enjoy arguing with my wife. She's a highly emotional creature and I learned long ago that the best way to 'win' an argument with her is to become more calm and more logical in indirect proportion to her emotional state.

Drives her nuts.

greg63
06-07-2006, 10:31 AM
Two pieces of advice to guys just married, or who are getting married:

1. Invest in a comfortable couch

2. Never leave the house mad without your set of keys.

That is all.

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 10:34 AM
Two pieces of advice to guys just married, or who are getting married:

1. Invest in a comfortable couch

2. Never leave the house mad without your set of keys.

That is all.
The second one is great, but the couch isn't a necessity. You really shouldn't go to bed angry -- you'll still be mad in the morning AND you missed out on the makeup sex.

Donger
06-07-2006, 10:37 AM
The second one is great, but the couch isn't a necessity. You really shouldn't go to bed angry -- you'll still be mad in the morning AND you missed out on the makeup sex.

God, I do love makeup sex. I've intentionally started fights with my wife with that being the sole goal.

greg63
06-07-2006, 10:39 AM
The second one is great, but the couch isn't a necessity. You really shouldn't go to bed angry -- you'll still be mad in the morning AND you missed out on the makeup sex.

That's where my wife and I are apparently made for one another; no matter how mad we get before we go to bed we always wake up the next morning with all forgiven having totally forgotten about the night before. But you're right you should not let the sun go down on your anger.

ROYC75
06-07-2006, 10:39 AM
Never ever call her Insert name of previous/latest flame when her name is Insert proper name .

They hate that stuff..........

greg63
06-07-2006, 10:42 AM
Never ever call her Insert name of previous/latest flame when her name is Insert proper name .

They hate that stuff..........

Especially during sex.

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 10:43 AM
God, I do love makeup sex. I've intentionally started fights with my wife with that being the sole goal.
ROFL

Tatertot13
06-07-2006, 10:43 AM
No matter how funny you think it would be to piss on them in the shower, don't do it.

BucEyedPea
06-07-2006, 10:44 AM
Just don't go as far as embezzling her inheritance if she has one.
That's a killer.

Iowanian
06-07-2006, 10:49 AM
A wise, wise man once told me

"Don't stab the soup, stir it"

ROYC75
06-07-2006, 10:54 AM
Especially during sex.

I did this once, a long time ago when I met my wife. I got lucky, her name was the same. :)

ROYC75
06-07-2006, 10:56 AM
It's always a good idea to call your wife a c***.


My wife hates that word ....... her daddy called her that as a kid growing up. The mention of that word gets her to fumming all over again.

Rooster
06-07-2006, 10:56 AM
A wise, wise man once told me

"Don't stab the soup, stir it"

ROFL ROFL ROFL

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 10:57 AM
My wife hates that word ....... her daddy called her that as a kid growing up. The mention of that word gets her to fumming all over again.
Fumming? That sounds dirty.

Rooster
06-07-2006, 10:58 AM
I have been married for a grand total of four days. Last Saturday was our wedding. So keep them coming. I need all the help I can get. :)

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:00 AM
I have been married for a grand total of four days. Last Saturday was our wedding. So keep them coming. I need all the help I can get. :)
Congrats to you! :thumb:

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:00 AM
I did this once, a long time ago when I met my wife. I got lucky, her name was the same. :)

Date girls with the same name; smart man. Does she post on the Planet by chance??? :D

luv
06-07-2006, 11:00 AM
I have been married for a grand total of four days. Last Saturday was our wedding. So keep them coming. I need all the help I can get. :)
Why aren't you on your honeymoon?

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:01 AM
I have been married for a grand total of four days. Last Saturday was our wedding. So keep them coming. I need all the help I can get. :)


I'm sorry.....Uh, I mean congrats! :toast:

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:02 AM
Why aren't you on your honeymoon?
He's starting off on the right foot. ROFL He's posting on the Planet on his honeymoon!

Iowanian
06-07-2006, 11:02 AM
Never let your wife or girlfriend have access to your football message board, or leave her alone with your buddy who can't keep his mouth shut under interrogation.

luv
06-07-2006, 11:02 AM
He's starting off on the right foot. ROFL He's posting on the Planet on his honeymoon!
That would be even worse!

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:03 AM
Never let your wife or girlfriend have access to your football message board, or leave her alone with your buddy who can't keep his mouth shut under interrogation.
Oh, man, truer words have never been spoken!

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:05 AM
He's starting off on the right foot. ROFL He's posting on the Planet on his honeymoon!

ROFL

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:06 AM
I have been married for a grand total of four days. Last Saturday was our wedding. So keep them coming. I need all the help I can get. :)

In all seriousness, prepare yourself for some changes. Hopefully you both picked well. The hardest part for me was co-mingling funds. I hope that you realize that she's probably already thinking about breeding.

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:06 AM
Oh, man, truer words have never been spoken!

Yep!ROFL

ROYC75
06-07-2006, 11:06 AM
Date girls with the same name; smart man. Does she post on the Planet by chance??? :D

Nope ...... her name was Carrie. My next girl was Carrie, the one I'm married to for 23 years now.

I have always feared talking in my sleep ........ :shake:

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:08 AM
I have gotten the last word in every single argument my wife and I have ever had:

"Yes dear, yes dear, yes dear..."

Rooster
06-07-2006, 11:08 AM
Why aren't you on your honeymoon?

We are leaving Saturday. We thought a week in between would be good so we weren't so exhausted from all the wedding stuff.

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:09 AM
Nope ...... her name was Carrie. My next girl was Carrie, the one I'm married to for 23 years now.

I have always feared talking in my sleep ........ :shake:

I can relate!

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:10 AM
Nope ...... her name was Carrie. My next girl was Carrie, the one I'm married to for 23 years now.

I have always feared talking in my sleep ........ :shake:
I dated three Michelles in a row once.

Rooster
06-07-2006, 11:11 AM
In all seriousness, prepare yourself for some changes. Hopefully you both picked well. The hardest part for me was co-mingling funds. I hope that you realize that she's probably already thinking about breeding.


I know, the funds part of the relationship is going to take some work on my part. I am paranoid when it comes to money and women.

As far as breeding we have a puppy so I hope I bought myself some time with that. :)

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:11 AM
We are leaving Saturday. We thought a week in between would be good so we weren't so exhausted from all the wedding stuff.

You mean you haven't consummated the marriage yet....I'm sorry that's none of my business. :p

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:12 AM
I dated three Michelles in a row once.

I'll bet that was convenient. :D

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:13 AM
You mean you haven't consummated the marriage yet....I'm sorry that's none of my business. :p
Yeah, because you can't rut like weasles in Kansas... :shake:

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:13 AM
I'll bet that was convenient. :D
Followed by a Janelle.

Rooster
06-07-2006, 11:14 AM
You mean you haven't consummated the marriage yet....I'm sorry that's none of my business. :p

ROFL I used the word consummated the other day with her and she gave me the strangest look and told me to shut up.

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:14 AM
I know, the funds part of the relationship is going to take some work on my part. I am paranoid when it comes to money and women.

My wife had a considerable amount of debt when we started dating and it was one reason why I resisted marrying her. I eventually did, of course, but on the condition that she go into debt management and keep working. To her credit, every penny she made went to her debt once I started paying for everything else (food, car, insurance, etc).

As far as breeding we have a puppy so I hope I bought myself some time with that. :)

Been there, done that. Good luck.

luv
06-07-2006, 11:15 AM
You mean you haven't consummated the marriage yet....I'm sorry that's none of my business. :p
They're busy christening every room in their house.

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:15 AM
Yeah, because you can't rut like weasles in Kansas... :shake:


ROFLROFLROFLROFL

True!

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:16 AM
They're busy christening every room in their house.

Oh ok; well that makes sense then.

pr_capone
06-07-2006, 11:18 AM
I know, the funds part of the relationship is going to take some work on my part. I am paranoid when it comes to money and women.

As far as breeding we have a puppy so I hope I bought myself some time with that. :)

Congrats on the wedding bud... I was married on March 25th of this year.

Funny enough tho... we just got a puppy as well (she wants to kids already). I'm hoping the pup bought me some time as well. lol

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:18 AM
ROFL I used the word consummated the other day with her and she gave me the strangest look and told me to shut up.

ROFLROFLROFL

It's started already.

chagrin
06-07-2006, 11:19 AM
I remember once a girlfriend told me, "don't just stand there, say something"

I said, "F*ck you"

Yeah, that worked.

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:20 AM
Congrats on the wedding bud... I was married on March 25th of this year.

Funny enough tho... we just got a puppy as well (she wants to kids already). I'm hoping the pup bought me some time as well. lol

Congratulations to you as well. But, there is no substitute for a biped.

Iowanian
06-07-2006, 11:20 AM
ROFL I used the word consummated the other day with her and she gave me the strangest look and told me to shut up.

How many stitches did she get afterwards?

I kid.


If you want my honest and most important advice...its this simple.
Establish Trust(hopefully before tieing the knot)
1.Make it clear that you'll never lie to her, and under no circumstances will you ever accept less than the truth to a question....Its the foundation for anything else that happens in your relationship.

2. Keep 1 room as your "man room"....a place for Man-stuff and Never, ever allow her to "help" you decorate. Keep it as your domain. Every man needs a space of his own(even if its the garage) where he can drink a beer, watch football or war movies, cuss, wear his shoes and not have to look at any flower or smell any non-testosterone driven fragrance.

3. Early on...don't perform tasks well that you don't wish to do in the future....If you kiss her butt now, and cook-clean alot....You're now a housewife, for life. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't help with tasks like this, just don't do them too well.

Rooster
06-07-2006, 11:20 AM
They're busy christening every room in their house.

Yes Luv... The washing machine will never run right again. :p

pr_capone
06-07-2006, 11:20 AM
Oh yeh.... as for advice.

Get her flowers as a surprise as often as possible. They dont have to be the $50 bouqet either.... the $3 wrapped flowers found at most grocery stores do nicely.

I try to get my wife a different kind of flower every time.

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:22 AM
Oh yeh.... as for advice.

Get her flowers as a surprise as often as possible. They dont have to be the $50 bouqet either.... the $3 wrapped flowers found at most grocery stores do nicely.

I try to get my wife a different kind of flower every time.

No, no, no! Not EVERY time, you fool!

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:22 AM
I remember once a girlfriend told me, "don't just stand there, say something"

I said, "F*ck you"

Yeah, that worked.

So you're saying that she doesn't appreciate a man of few words???

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:23 AM
No, no, no! Not EVERY time, you fool!
He's right. Bad advice.

Then they EXPECT it.

pr_capone
06-07-2006, 11:24 AM
Now now.... there is nothing wrong with going just a bit out of your way.

Keep in mind, I'm not saying to do so on a weekly basis. Just random. :D

Rooster
06-07-2006, 11:25 AM
How many stitches did she get afterwards?

I kid.


If you want my honest and most important advice...its this simple.
Establish Trust(hopefully before tieing the knot)
1.Make it clear that you'll never lie to her, and under no circumstances will you ever accept less than the truth to a question....Its the foundation for anything else that happens in your relationship.

2. Keep 1 room as your "man room"....a place for Man-stuff and Never, ever allow her to "help" you decorate. Keep it as your domain. Every man needs a space of his own(even if its the garage) where he can drink a beer, watch football or war movies, cuss, wear his shoes and not have to look at any flower or smell any non-testosterone driven fragrance.

3. Early on...don't perform tasks well that you don't wish to do in the future....If you kiss her butt now, and cook-clean alot....You're now a housewife, for life. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't help with tasks like this, just don't do them too well.

Thanks Iowanian. All three of those makes a lot of sense.

luv
06-07-2006, 11:25 AM
2. Keep 1 room as your "man room"....a place for Man-stuff and Never, ever allow her to "help" you decorate. Keep it as your domain. Every man needs a space of his own(even if its the garage) where he can drink a beer, watch football or war movies, cuss, wear his shoes and not have to look at any flower or smell any non-testosterone driven fragrance.
I agree with this 100%. I'm sure she has her room (whether it be the bedroom, kitchen, sunroom, whatever). Not that I've been married or should even act like I know what I'm talking about, but I would think that you could still use some "me time" every once in awhile. Having a place that's yours that you can go to is a good idea.

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:26 AM
2. Keep 1 room as your "man room"....a place for Man-stuff and Never, ever allow her to "help" you decorate. Keep it as your domain. Every man needs a space of his own(even if its the garage) where he can drink a beer, watch football or war movies, cuss, wear his shoes and not have to look at any flower or smell any non-testosterone driven fragrance.

You know, I'd like to think that my wife and I know each other very well, but what did I come home to a few weeks ago? My f*cking home office painted and decorated by her. I was furious. She thought it "would be a nice surprise."

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:26 AM
Now now.... there is nothing wrong with going just a bit out of your way.

Keep in mind, I'm not saying to do so on a weekly basis. Just random. :D

Okay. That's fine. I do that, too.

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:27 AM
He's right. Bad advice.

Then they EXPECT it.

They expect it anyway until their hopes are dashed by the fact that you're incapable of reading their minds.

Smoke
06-07-2006, 11:28 AM
My buddies wife was bitching at him one time in front of myself and my wife. She was really giving him a raking over for about 10 minutes and ended her tirade with "So what are you going to do now?"

His reply calmly was.."I'm going to get myself a beer while you go **** yourself"

I still laugh thinking about it.

luv
06-07-2006, 11:29 AM
Is this advice just for the guys? I've always had women tell me not to cook my best meals right at the beginning of marriage. Then they expect every meal to be like that.

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:31 AM
I agree with this 100%. I'm sure she has her room (whether it be the bedroom, kitchen, sunroom, whatever). Not that I've been married or should even act like I know what I'm talking about, but I would think that you could still use some "me time" every once in awhile. Having a place that's yours that you can go to is a good idea.

You are correct with wisdom beyond your experience. :)

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:31 AM
Is this advice just for the guys? I've always had women tell me not to cook my best meals right at the beginning of marriage. Then they expect every meal to be like that.

No. Men aren't that complicated and don't have such expectations.

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:34 AM
Is this advice just for the guys? I've always had women tell me not to cook my best meals right at the beginning of marriage. Then they expect every meal to be like that.
Not just for guys, no. Actually, you might get the best advise FROM guys here. And if you have any advice for US, feel free to post it.

As for advice for women, Robin Williams once said in an act that women should NEVER disparage the man's almighty sword, even jokingly.

Iowanian
06-07-2006, 11:34 AM
Luv...
Room? Lets try "house", which is why its important for the man to establish ManLand. Pot Pouri, dried weeds on the wall, arranged trinkets...coasters.

The only accetable scents in man-land are Nachos, stale beer, oil, gas, gun oil, hunting cover scent and the occasional flatulate...

If your man-room smells like Lavender, Pot Pouri, candles or a variation of a non-industrial cleaner....you might as well have Redbook on your man-table, an Mary kay salesperson next to you on the uncomfortable sofa you only use with company and watch people paint their neighbor's houses on your bigscreen.

I should have a seat on the Miller Light Man-Law table.

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:35 AM
No. Men aren't that complicated and don't have such expectations.

While I agree that we aren't that complicated; I do not believe that we are not without expectations. Having said thus, I have never refused to eat whatever my wife set before me for any given meal.

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:35 AM
It's spelled "potpourri"...



:sulk:



Here's my man card.

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:36 AM
While I agree that we aren't that complicated; I do not believe that we are not without expectations. Having said thus, I have never refused to eat whatever my wife set before me for any given meal.

I was responding to the 'every' part.

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:38 AM
I was responding to the 'every' part.

Got it. :thumb:

Tatertot13
06-07-2006, 11:39 AM
Never ask if having sex with their hot sister's armpit is still considered cheating

luv
06-07-2006, 11:40 AM
Not just for guys, no. Actually, you might get the best advise FROM guys here. And if you have any advice for US, feel free to post it.

As for advice for women, Robin Williams once said in an act that women should NEVER disparage the man's almighty sword, even jokingly.
I'm old fashioned enough to believe that the man should be the head of the house. This means that he makes most of the major decisions regarding the family (with input of course), and that he should be in charge of the finances (know what's going on, being spent where, etc). I may question a man's choice or desicion, but never publicly. I would also never rag on my husband (if I had one) in front of others.

You're right, I have seen some very good advice given on here. You guys are to be commended (okay, now I'm just kissing your ass)...

Iowanian
06-07-2006, 11:42 AM
You know, I'd like to think that my wife and I know each other very well, but what did I come home to a few weeks ago? My f*cking home office painted and decorated by her. I was furious. She thought it "would be a nice surprise."

Man Law dictates that now, you do one of the following tasks in the near future.

When she comes home from her next trip to the mall/her sisters et al....she find you using a tablesaw on the dining room table, performing some form of Taxidermy function at your kitchen table, and that you are wearing the shoes you've just mowed the yard in, while standing on a floor she's just vacuumed.

this brings up another point for the newlywed....

In a case like this, where in the woman's mind, Donger has so "thoughtlessly" not been thrilled by the effort of his significant other(and we all know she meant well, which you will say, immediately before the makeup poke).........when a new spouse throws their first tizzy and stomps away.....the worst thing you can do is immediately feed this reaction by following her. Set the pace now, and let it be known that this method won't work with you. Take this first oportunity to go re-string your fishing poles or something, and then, when she's finished with the temper tantrum, and is ready to reason, Thank her for the thought behind her action, and explain why is was the incorrect choice.

Establish domain of that room early and often, and you shouldn't find yourself in Donger's position.

greg63
06-07-2006, 11:42 AM
I'm old fashioned enough to believe that the man should be the head of the house. This means that he makes most of the major decisions regarding the family (with input of course), and that he should be in charge of the finances (know what's going on, being spent where, etc). I may question a man's choice or desicion, but never publicly. I would also never rag on my husband (if I had one) in front of others.

You're right, I have seen some very good advice given on here. You guys are to be commended (okay, now I'm just kissing your ass)...



ROFLROFLROFLROFL

Rooster
06-07-2006, 11:44 AM
Luv...
Room? Lets try "house", which is why its important for the man to establish ManLand. Pot Pouri, dried weeds on the wall, arranged trinkets...coasters.

The only accetable scents in man-land are Nachos, stale beer, oil, gas, gun oil, hunting cover scent and the occasional flatulate...

If your man-room smells like Lavender, Pot Pouri, candles or a variation of a non-industrial cleaner....you might as well have Redbook on your man-table, an Mary kay salesperson next to you on the uncomfortable sofa you only use with company and watch people paint their neighbor's houses on your bigscreen.

I should have a seat on the Miller Light Man-Law table.

My man room is the garage right now. Beer fridge, radio, etc etc. Once she came in while I was in there and picked up a broom. My brain said "Oh no she didn't". I politely informed her that she had the whole house and I have the unheated garage and that I will worry about 'chores' in here. I did it tactfully and there hasn't been a problem since.

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:47 AM
Man Law dictates that now, you do one of the following tasks in the near future.

When she comes home from her next trip to the mall/her sisters et al....she find you using a tablesaw on the dining room table, performing some form of Taxidermy function at your kitchen table, and that you are wearing the shoes you've just mowed the yard in, while standing on a floor she's just vacuumed.

this brings up another point for the newlywed....

In a case like this, where in the woman's mind, Donger has so "thoughtlessly" not been thrilled by the effort of his significant other(and we all know she meant well, which you will say, immediately before the makeup poke).........when a new spouse throws their first tizzy and stomps away.....the worst thing you can do is immediately feed this reaction by following her. Set the pace now, and let it be known that this method won't work with you. Take this first oportunity to go re-string your fishing poles or something, and then, when she's finished with the temper tantrum, and is ready to reason, Thank her for the thought behind her action, and explain why is was the incorrect choice.

Establish domain of that room early and often, and you shouldn't find yourself in Donger's position.

Oddly enough, I recently put in new flooring. Much to her dismay, I dragged the kitchen table out into the garage to use as a saw horse.

Fire Me Boy!
06-07-2006, 11:53 AM
Oddly enough, I recently put in new flooring. Much to her dismay, I dragged the kitchen table out into the garage to use as a saw horse.
You can also use her good kitchen knives to strip wires.

Donger
06-07-2006, 11:55 AM
You can also use her good kitchen knives to strip wires.

Yep. Those 'kitchen only scissors' are great at opening boxes, too.

Frosty
06-07-2006, 12:01 PM
Yep. Those 'kitchen only scissors' are great at opening boxes, too.

You have those, too? We have so many scissors around the house that it boggles the mind and each has their own little unique restrictions. Some for paper, some not, etc.

Mrs. Arc seemed pretty perturbed when I used her sewing scissors to trim the hair on the dog's butt. As far as I can tell, scissors are scissors. :shrug:

jlscorpio
06-07-2006, 12:03 PM
I took the plunge for the 2nd time May 1st. I have already applied MANY lessons learned in the past. Never going to bed angry is rule #1 for me. the next day is too awkward if you don't.

Chief Faithful
06-07-2006, 12:04 PM
No matter how funny you think it would be to piss on them in the shower, don't do it.

:clap: That has to be one of the most funny retarded things I have read on this BB. Thank you for that insight. :bravo:

Chief Faithful
06-07-2006, 12:07 PM
I have been married for a grand total of four days. Last Saturday was our wedding. So keep them coming. I need all the help I can get. :)

Why are you spending time on this BB instead of "stirring the soup"?

Iowanian - thank you for the new phrase.

Lzen
06-07-2006, 12:15 PM
Two pieces of advice to guys just married, or who are getting married:

1. Invest in a comfortable couch

Yes because when she's pissed at you, she needs a comfy couch to sleep on. :)

Chief Faithful
06-07-2006, 12:21 PM
2. Keep 1 room as your "man room"....a place for Man-stuff and Never, ever allow her to "help" you decorate. Keep it as your domain. Every man needs a space of his own(even if its the garage) where he can drink a beer, watch football or war movies, cuss, wear his shoes and not have to look at any flower or smell any non-testosterone driven fragrance.



I've got a shop in the basement and it is truely my sanctuary.

Other advise:
1. If keep a spare bedroom and teach her to go their when she can't sleep or when you snore. Once she is trained she will go to the spare room to sleep instead of sending you to the couch when she is mad at you. My wife can get mad at me all she wants and it won't disturb my sleep.

2. If your wife says, "I don't need anything" for any special occassion or holiday DO NOT TAKE IT LITERALLY!!! Plus, sex does not qualify as a present for your wife.

Donger
06-07-2006, 12:23 PM
2. If your wife says, "I don't need anything" for any special occassion or holiday DO NOT TAKE IT LITERALLY!!! Plus, sex does not qualify as a present for your wife.

Indeed. And, remedial as it may sound, if you ask you wife what's wrong and she says, "Nothing," she is pissed off at you about something.

That one took me a few years to learn.

KCTitus
06-07-2006, 12:24 PM
In a case like this, where in the woman's mind, Donger has so "thoughtlessly" not been thrilled by the effort of his significant other(and we all know she meant well, which you will say, immediately before the makeup poke).........when a new spouse throws their first tizzy and stomps away.....the worst thing you can do is immediately feed this reaction by following her. Set the pace now, and let it be known that this method won't work with you. Take this first oportunity to go re-string your fishing poles or something, and then, when she's finished with the temper tantrum, and is ready to reason, Thank her for the thought behind her action, and explain why is was the incorrect choice.

I cannot emphasize enough, how important it is not to do this. You might as well remove your balls insert them into a mason jar and put them on her nightstand, because once you've set this precedent, you're done.

sedated
06-07-2006, 12:24 PM
Plus, sex does not qualify as a present for your wife.

maybe not for yours

Lzen
06-07-2006, 12:24 PM
Never let your wife or girlfriend have access to your football message board, or leave her alone with your buddy who can't keep his mouth shut under interrogation.

Heh, I have story for that. My nephew, my 13 year old son, and I were playing basketball at the park a week or so ago. My 9 year old was sitting there bored. So, my wife comes up to the park and we get her in there and also my 9 year old. Well, I've never really played hoops with my wife. I'm very competitive (some might say too competitive) when it comes to sports.

So, it was my wife, me, and my 9 year old against my 15 year old nephew (who is pretty good at hoops) and my 13 year old son (who is also pretty good - was on his 7th grade basketball A team this past year).

On defense, I guarded my nephew and left my wife and 9 year old son to guard my 13 year old son. Well, the 13 year old abused them like red-headed step children.

On offense, I would zip passed into my wife when she would be open right under the basket.......and......she would miss pretty much every time. :banghead: Uggghhh, I hate losing.

After the game, my 2 sons and I are getting a drink from the fountain. I said something like "Brendan (9 yr old), I take it back. You are much better than your mom. She sucks."


Dammit, that boy doesn't know discretion. Boy, she was pissed at me when he told her that I said that.

Chief Faithful
06-07-2006, 12:24 PM
When ever you do the laundry always put them away a little wet. When your wife asks why just tell her they seemed dry to you and say you can't tell the difference. After a few times laundry will not be your problem anymore.

Donger
06-07-2006, 12:29 PM
When ever you do the laundry always put them away a little wet. When your wife asks why just tell her they seemed dry to you and say you can't tell the difference. After a few times laundry will not be your problem anymore.

Hell no. I do my own laundry. My wife STILL bugs me let her do it, but she has this learn concept of mixing clothes together.

KCTitus
06-07-2006, 12:32 PM
I got out of laundry by washing/drying stuff that wasnt supposed to be washed and/or dried and it shrunk or was ruined.

My basic rule is this...If it's in the laundry hamper, it's washed and dried. Any special Woolite/hand washed nonsense doesnt go in the laundry hamper.

Ive not been bugged much about doing the laundry for a long time.

Chief Faithful
06-07-2006, 12:35 PM
Hell no. I do my own laundry. My wife STILL bugs me let her do it, but she has this learn concept of mixing clothes together.

Sounds like she pulled a reverse on you and trained you to do the laundry.

Mental note: establish a learn concept with the dishes.

pr_capone
06-07-2006, 12:35 PM
I got out of laundry by washing/drying stuff that wasnt supposed to be washed and/or dried and it shrunk or was ruined.

My basic rule is this...If it's in the laundry hamper, it's washed and dried. Any special Woolite/hand washed nonsense doesnt go in the laundry hamper.

Ive not been bugged much about doing the laundry for a long time.

-1 man point for knowing what Woolite is

:)

Chief Faithful
06-07-2006, 12:36 PM
I got out of laundry by washing/drying stuff that wasnt supposed to be washed and/or dried and it shrunk or was ruined.

My basic rule is this...If it's in the laundry hamper, it's washed and dried. Any special Woolite/hand washed nonsense doesnt go in the laundry hamper.

Ive not been bugged much about doing the laundry for a long time.

Nice learn concept.

Donger, thanks for the new term.

Chief Faithful
06-07-2006, 12:37 PM
maybe not for yours

Man, you sure know how to hurt a guy.

Donger
06-07-2006, 12:41 PM
Sounds like she pulled a reverse on you and trained you to do the laundry.

Mental note: establish a learn concept with the dishes.

Ha. Brain fart. Make that 'weird' concept.

I've always done my own laundry, long before she and I met. Mum made us all do our own from a very young age.

KCTitus
06-07-2006, 12:44 PM
-1 man point for knowing what Woolite is

:)

LOL...well...

Inspector
06-07-2006, 12:55 PM
Just make a whole lot of money.

That's all that really matters.

Everything else is just window dressing.

Frosty
06-07-2006, 12:58 PM
-1 man point for knowing what Woolite is

:)

Nah, Woolite is great stuff for detailing your vehicle's interior. Diluted 6:1 with water, it cleans cloth or leather.

Rooster
06-07-2006, 01:12 PM
Nah, Woolite is great stuff for detailing your vehicle's interior. Diluted 6:1 with water, it cleans cloth or leather.

That's a good little tid bit.