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Rain Man
06-10-2006, 03:26 PM
Okay, I was in my house this morning, and I decided I'd go for a jog in the park. Well, kind of a jog. As close to a jog as I can get at this particular time in my life.

I changed clothes, and I went downstairs to bring my cats in. As you may recall, my back yard is fenced in with special fencing so the cats can't leave the yard. As a result, we can let them out and know that they'll just hang out back there.

So I go down and I innocently open the door, and all heck breaks loose. O.J., my oldest cat, comes streaking toward the door, yelling "INCOMING! INCOMING!" with a bird right over his head. The bird peels off and he flies past me, yelling, "STILL GOT ONE OUT!"

About that time, my younger cat Jupiter comes speeding around the side of the house. From my perch atop the porch, I viewed it as if in slow motion, him running at full speed, a full squadron of birds chasing him through the foliage. I threw my arms in the air as classical music played. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" There were birds everywhere: robins, starlings, flickers, even sparrows. You know something big is going down when the sparrows are involved. It was a huge coalition effort.

Jupiter dove for cover underneath a chaise lounge, yelling "Bogies at six! Bogies at six! Get them off me!"

Before I could move, around the same corner of the house, sprinting along the ground, came a bird with a broken wing. "Medic!" it was calling. "Medic!" It ran around the other side of the house. The birds in the trees and on the cable TV wire were calling "Redhawk down! Redhawk down!" All troops were scrambling to get the injured bird out of the cauldron of fur and fangs in which it was trapped.

O.J. said, "I'm out of ammo" and held up his declawed paws.

"Take over C3I," I ordered. "I'm going out for Jupiter!"

I dove into the melee. Jupiter yelled, "Cover me! I'm going for it!" and he bolted from the chaise lounge to a table, making his way toward the injured bird. Flickers and robins went on a counterattack against him.

"Mission abort!" I yelled. "Mission abort! It's too dangerous!" I swept into the hot zone, swooped him up, and we sprinted inside at top speed.

"You attacked a local!" I yelled at him. "A friendly local!"

"It was a sniper!" he spat back. "A female sniper! Dammit, Cap'n, let me do my job!"

The back yard was chaos. I couldn't send him back out there. As the closest thing the house had to a heavy armored unit, I decided to make a recon. I ordered the cats to stay in, and went out.

The world had become a different place. The communications networks were going wild, chirps and caws and tweets filling the air. The patios and fences were full of scowling robins and sparrows and flickers and I think one macaw, all armed with beaks and claws and little AK-47s they'd obtained off the black market. One was singing Flight of the Valkyries, which I think was just to intimidate me.

I went around to the side of the house, and there lay the injured bird, one wing badly broken, leaning up against a fence. I approached, and I think the bird was about to pull out a tiny little .45, blasting at my front hull out of obligation and duty even though it was pointless, but before that could happen a P-51 starling came in and went on the offensive, driving me back from the stronghold. I retreated back to base camp.

Thirty minutes later, we heard the familiar whump-whump-whump of the medevac van, coming from Denver Animal Control. With the battle at a standoff, he whisked into the yard, pulled the injured female robin into a pet carrier, and they were off, heading back to a hospital where I'm sure the bird will face a long and difficult recovery.

War is hell. I know. I've seen the look of terror in a cat's eyes as he flees an aerial assault. I've seen the resigned look of death in a robin's eyes even as she resolutely vows to fight to the end. And I've seen the camaraderie, yes, even the love, that leads fellow birds to risk their lives to save one of their own.

I fear that we are now in the midst of a full-scale guerilla war. I can see and hear a male robin out on the cable TV line, repeating a communication over and over. "Robin 4, this is Robin 2. Do you read me? Robin 4, this is Robin 2." At one point, I thought we had the support of the local populace, but this episode has cast all of that into doubt. I may need some reinforcements here, boys.

JBucc
06-10-2006, 03:28 PM
At least you're safe from bears

StcChief
06-10-2006, 03:36 PM
I had a barn cat once...Dove and knocked a bird out of a tree about 5 ft up in a blue spruce..

the birds would dive bomb and torment him at times.

Baby Lee
06-10-2006, 03:38 PM
Talking cats??

Todays lesson, . . never ever drink and jog.

jspchief
06-10-2006, 03:40 PM
You called animal control over a wild bird? eh

Baby Lee
06-10-2006, 03:44 PM
I had a barn cat once...Dove and knocked a bird out of a tree about 5 ft up in a blue spruce..

the birds would dive bomb and torment him at times.
Darndest thing I ever saw was when my doggy was a younger pup. He's a fox terrier, and I knew he was eradicating the back yard of birds and squirrel. But one day I was working in the back yard when a sparrow went to launch from my house's gutter and flit over to the fence, a 15 yard proposition traveling from a 10" elevation to a 6" elevation.
All the sudden, Ozzie springs into action, sprints about 20 yards from the back of the back yard, leaps and snags the sparrow in mid-air, just like you see in those frisbee competitions.

cdcox
06-10-2006, 03:48 PM
Darndest thing I ever saw was when my doggy was a younger pup. He's a fox terrier, and I knew he was eradicating the back yard of birds and squirrel. But one day I was working in the back yard when a sparrow went to launch from my house's gutter and flit over to the fence, a 15 yard proposition traveling from a 10" elevation to a 6" elevation.
All the sudden, Ozzie springs into action, sprints about 20 yards from the back of the back yard, leaps and snags the sparrow in mid-air, just like you see in those frisbee competitions.

Your vicious pit bull should be banned.

Baby Lee
06-10-2006, 03:51 PM
Your vicious pit bull should be banned.
. . . He's a fox terrier. . .

Douche Baggins
06-10-2006, 03:51 PM
P-51 starling? ROFL

Rain Man
06-10-2006, 03:52 PM
Does it really make a difference to the sparrow, Baby Lee? I ask you again...does it really make a difference?

Baby Lee
06-10-2006, 03:55 PM
Does it really make a difference to the sparrow, Baby Lee? I ask you again...does it really make a difference?
My bad, I forgot seedy cocks was an Avian-American.

cdcox
06-10-2006, 03:59 PM
My bad, I forgot seedy cocks was an Avian-American.

Actually, I'd have made my cats stay outdoors till they finished off the robin. They've got to learn to be a man sooner or later.

chagrin
06-10-2006, 04:31 PM
ROFL


rave Sir Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!

StcChief
06-10-2006, 06:19 PM
Actually, I'd have made my cats stay outdoors till they finished off the robin. They've got to learn to be a man sooner or later.

Yep. My barn cat was a bird terrorist when outside....

The birds dove at him. The dumb ones got to close or cocky in the spruce.... he was always on the hunt....

Pretty cool to watch, with a cold beer...on a warm christmas morning