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View Full Version : If other NFL quarterbacks had been riding Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle...


Rain Man
06-13-2006, 06:44 PM
We all know what happened to Ben - some busted teeth, a lot of blood, and a good chewing out by Bill Cowher. But what would've been the outcomes for other NFL quarterbacks in this situation? Here's my theory.

Drew Bledsoe – He would have come under scorching criticism from Terrell Owens.

Eli Manning – Archie would have intervened and forced Philip Rivers to get on the motorcycle.

Donovan McNabb – He would have come under scorching criticism from Terrell Owens.

Mark Brunell – He would have thanked God for giving him that wonderful experience and would have tried to baptize the driver of the car.

Brett Favre – He would have received enormous national coverage and sympathy, and then participated in minicamp the following week, throwing seven interceptions.

Brad Johnson – Nobody would have noticed.

Rex Grossman – This is a trick question, because Grossman wouldn’t have been on the motorcycle. He would’ve been at a surgical clinic having arthroscopic surgery.

Josh McCown – Matt Millen would’ve traded for a wide receiver to replace him.

Chris Simms – People would’ve thought he was Brad Johnson.

Michael Vick – The media would be commenting on how he face-planted spectacularly, and no other quarterback could’ve done it.

Drew Brees – He would’ve been traded or cut because, hey, when you’ve got Reggie Bush you don’t need any other players.

Jake Delhomme – He would have survived and been okay, but people would credit Julius Peppers for saving him.

Alex Smith – He would’ve secretly been grateful for missing the 49ers’ season.

Matt Leinert – He would’ve dropped drastically on the draft chart amidst rumors that he can’t take a hit.

Matt Hasselbeck – He would’ve been embarrassed, because five seconds before the crash he would have predicted that he would beat the car.

Marc Bulger – (Long silence). I got nothing. There’s not a single thing about Bulger that’s interesting.

J.P. Losman – He would’ve overshot and missed the car completely.

Daunte Culpepper – Three years ago, he would have crushed the car and kept on going. Now, he would be injured and the driver of the car would have ended up with everything he was carrying.

Chad Pennington – He would’ve been injured. Duh.

Tom Brady – Angels would have descended and saved Tom from harm, and then after the other car stopped, Tom would have climbed into the back seat and given the driver a neck massage to calm her down.

Steve McNair – He would have walked it off, because Steve McNair is tough, man. He’s really tough. Everyone would have been talking about how tough he is.

Carson Palmer – Kimo Von Oelhoffen would have been ticketed for an illegal left turn.

Charlie Frye – Trent Dilfer would take over the team, win a Super Bowl, and then get benched when Elvis Grbac decided to come out of retirement

Peyton Manning – During his first year back, the NFL would institute a special rule that nobody is allowed to touch Manning, and he only has to say the name of a receiver for it to count as a completed pass.

Vince Young – Pfft. As if anything could hit Vince Young...

Byron Leftwich – He would’ve been okay, but Fred Taylor would have been hospitalized with sympathy pains.

David Carr – He would’ve been fine. He takes harder hits than that every Sunday.

Trent Green – If you think that car would’ve made it past Willie Roaf and Will Shields, you’re crazy.

Aaron Brooks – Al Davis would fire Art Shell.

Philip Rivers – Nobody knows…nobody has any idea at all.

Jake Plummer – He wouldn’t have hit the windshield at all, because Broncos only hit in the back.

BucEyedPea
06-13-2006, 06:47 PM
Tom Brady – Angels would have descended and saved Tom from harm, and then after the other car stopped, Tom would have climbed into the back seat and given the driver a neck massage to calm her down.

Yes. He is blessed isn't he. :thumb: :D

Raiderhader
06-13-2006, 06:56 PM
Some funny stuff there.

chubychecker
06-13-2006, 10:09 PM
Impressed, very funny.

NJ Chief Fan
06-13-2006, 10:51 PM
YES!

Monkeylook4food
06-13-2006, 10:58 PM
This type of humor really needs a much larger platform.

Ebolapox
06-13-2006, 11:02 PM
yeah--I think rainman should be hired on as WPI's new humor columnist

Fire Me Boy!
06-13-2006, 11:05 PM
That was funny! Rep.

Rain Man
06-13-2006, 11:06 PM
This type of humor really needs a much larger platform.

If only I could find one. If only...

KCBOSS1
06-13-2006, 11:18 PM
There is no larger platform than the planet! (insert grunt here)

StcChief
06-13-2006, 11:36 PM
Rain Man continuing to amaze us with his wit.

Count Alex's Losses
06-13-2006, 11:36 PM
I have a humor column in the latest WPI rag but it's mostly bad puns.

Rausch
06-13-2006, 11:38 PM
Farve wouldn't have had an accident, he's the Chuck Norris of QB's.

Monkeylook4food
06-13-2006, 11:40 PM
There is no larger platform than the planet! (insert grunt here)Obviously the Planet has a larger message board, but we can syndicate articles through Warpaint to various sources around the internet.

Rain Man
06-13-2006, 11:45 PM
Obviously the Planet has a larger message board, but we can syndicate articles through Warpaint to various sources around the internet.

Well ... (tapping foot impatiently)

Moooo
06-13-2006, 11:58 PM
I figured the Brett Favre one would have said something to the effect of being addicted to painkillers for 5 more years after the accident.

Moooo

Halfcan
06-14-2006, 12:10 AM
If only I could find one. If only...

Nice list.

Discuss Thrower
06-14-2006, 03:24 AM
Reposted as myspace bulletin, fo shizzle.

NJ Chief Fan
06-14-2006, 03:45 AM
Byron Leftwich – He would’ve been okay, but Fred Taylor would have been hospitalized with sympathy pains.

ya should of said that his oline carried him to the hospital

ChiefsfaninPA
06-14-2006, 09:11 AM
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL


This is pure genious I tell ya.

HC_Chief
06-14-2006, 09:23 AM
ROFL
This is great stuff

chagrin
06-14-2006, 09:27 AM
That's great stuff, but I think you should redo the:

"Chris Simms – People would’ve thought he was Brad Johnson." Part - you see, Chris Simms made some damn fine plays this past year, and was much more exciting to watch.

It was Brian Griese who mirrored Brad Johnson

Pennywise
06-14-2006, 09:52 AM
The irony of the whole thing would be if Roethlisberger's facial reconstruction and missing teefees healed into something like this...

InChiefsHell
06-14-2006, 10:05 AM
The irony of the whole thing would be if Roethlisberger's facial reconstruction and missing teefees healed into something like this...
ROFL ROFL ROFL

Frazod
06-14-2006, 10:09 AM
I'm just glad that Plummet is safely tucked away in his Honda *snicker* Element.

I certainly wouldn't want anything to happen to him that might keep him off the field. :evil:

Nzoner
06-14-2006, 10:40 AM
That's great stuff, but I think you should redo the:

"Chris Simms – People would’ve thought he was Brad Johnson." Part - you see, Chris Simms made some damn fine plays this past year, and was much more exciting to watch.

It was Brian Griese who mirrored Brad Johnson

Yeah but Griese never even made it to the motorcycle he tripped over his dog first and was unable to ride.

Ari Chi3fs
06-14-2006, 11:23 AM
Very nice, Rain Man... That shit is golden. Id recommend going to Warfield Illustrated with that, and help make Nick Athan some money. heh.

Ari Chi3fs
06-14-2006, 11:33 AM
geenyus

scooter
06-14-2006, 01:07 PM
Tom Brady – Angels would have descended and saved Tom from harm, and then after the other car stopped, Tom would have climbed into the back seat and given the driver a neck massage to calm her down.

You forgot the part where Peter King uses the (non)accident for an excuse to do yet ANOTHER story about the Patriots.

MOhillbilly
06-14-2006, 01:49 PM
ROFLBrett Favre – He would have received enormous national coverage and sympathy, and then participated in minicamp the following week, throwing seven interceptions.

BucEyedPea
06-14-2006, 02:53 PM
That's great stuff, but I think you should redo the:

"Chris Simms – People would’ve thought he was Brad Johnson." Part - you see, Chris Simms made some damn fine plays this past year, and was much more exciting to watch.

It was Brian Griese who mirrored Brad Johnson


So you're really a closet Buc fan posing as a Cheif's fan?


:p

chagrin
06-14-2006, 03:09 PM
So you're really a closet Buc fan posing as a Cheif's fan?


:p

ha!

No, I just happen to live here in Orlando, up the road from you and I get stuck watchiong those friggin games each weekend - and am too broke to get direct TV.

Ya gotta admit, he sure got the offense rolling, didn't he?

BucEyedPea
06-15-2006, 07:24 AM
ha!

No, I just happen to live here in Orlando, up the road from you and I get stuck watchiong those friggin games each weekend - and am too broke to get direct TV.

Ya gotta admit, he sure got the offense rolling, didn't he?


Which "he" Simms or greasy fingers?

chagrin
06-15-2006, 07:40 AM
Which "he" Simms or greasy fingers?

Um, that would be Simms - the one who got the offense looking like an actual NFL offense.

BucEyedPea
06-15-2006, 07:43 AM
Um, that would be Simms - the one who got the offense looking like an actual NFL offense.


Yeah...well don't forget Griese fingers did lead the Bucs to five wins at the season start before being injured...Simms wasn't so good at first but then seem to get it rollin.' Havin' Caddy sure helped too.

I was disappointed to lose Greise fingers to Chicago. I thought he woulda been a good back up. We just didn't have the money and he didn't wanna be a back up.

stilldiesel
06-16-2006, 10:53 AM
I am a mod over at Stillers.com and I have to say that was one of the funniest posts I have read regarding Ben's accident. I must say Ben is pretty lucky that he seems to be in good health and possibly won't miss any of the regular season. I am going to the game between our teams on 10/15. I went to Arrowhead in 2003 and you guys royally kicked our ass. Great stadium; loudest outdoor venue I have ever attended.

You guys get a little better on the road (defensively anyway) and you will be definite SB contenders.

Saulbadguy
06-20-2006, 12:35 PM
Is this original work, Rain Man?

I just got this forwarded to my email at work.

Rain Man
06-20-2006, 01:44 PM
Is this original work, Rain Man?

I just got this forwarded to my email at work.

This just made me smile.

Yes, it's my own original work. Hey, would you ask the guy where he got it?

Saulbadguy
06-20-2006, 03:24 PM
This just made me smile.

Yes, it's my own original work. Hey, would you ask the guy where he got it?
He said he got it off Finatics, a Dolphins board. He is a Dolphins fan.

BucEyedPea
06-20-2006, 03:38 PM
I must say Ben is pretty lucky that he seems to be in good health and possibly won't miss any of the regular season.


I'd have to agree even if he won't look good. He'll PLAY!

http://img476.imageshack.us/img476/7651/ben8hy.jpg

Calcountry
06-20-2006, 03:51 PM
This type of humor really needs a much larger platform.It should only be available to premium members.

Reerun_KC
06-20-2006, 04:09 PM
I'd have to agree even if he won't look good. He'll PLAY!

http://img476.imageshack.us/img476/7651/ben8hy.jpg


Rocky Road?

Reaper16
06-20-2006, 10:43 PM
This thing is spreading like wildfire, rarely with proper attributuion. I just found it on the NFL boards @ gamefaqs.com of all places.

Iowanian
06-20-2006, 10:48 PM
If Marcus Vick were an NFL QB, he'd have gotten up off the ground, stomped on the drivers knee and raped her 14 year old grandaughter.


bRainman, you're not truely famous, until Snopes destroys the Myth that this thread was created by Sam Kennison.

I anxiously await the sequel post, of what would have become of Retired QBs in Ben's situation.


If it had been Terry Bradshaw instead of Big Ben, He'd still be a bald, mumbling idiot.....with more rings than Don King.

ExtremeChief
06-21-2006, 09:38 AM
Don't forget us when you get famous, Kevin.




funny stuff, as always

mcan
07-30-2006, 12:09 AM
Very funny stuff RAIN... I wish I'd started something that circulated the internet and got someone a sitcom....


Oops... Cat's out of the bad Rain. OK, I might as well tell you. They want you to write a sitcom, but the bad news is: it's the WB. So, you might as well just go back to bed.

Ultra Peanut
07-30-2006, 12:24 PM
Silly rabbit. The WB is no more.

Rain Man
07-30-2006, 12:50 PM
I'll write for the WB. Don't I just have to make all of the characters teenagers?

milkman
07-30-2006, 12:54 PM
I'll write for the WB. Don't I just have to make all of the characters teenagers?

Is that true?

the Talking Can
07-30-2006, 12:59 PM
Michael Vick – The media would be commenting on how he face-planted spectacularly, and no other quarterback could’ve done it.


Alex Smith – He would’ve secretly been grateful for missing the 49ers’ season.



J.P. Losman – He would’ve overshot and missed the car completely.



Carson Palmer – Kimo Von Oelhoffen would have been ticketed for an illegal left turn.



Trent Green – If you think that car would’ve made it past Willie Roaf and Will Shields, you’re crazy.

.

nice

Rich Gannon - He woud have yelled and pointed a finger at his motorcycle...embarrassing for everyone on the scene to watch.

Rain Man
07-30-2006, 01:25 PM
Is that true?

If you're going to start demanding that all of my posts be factually correct, I might as well stop posting right now.