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Ari Chi3fs
06-19-2006, 07:13 PM
If you were king for a day, how would you change baseball for the better? Here's one man's pitch ... Baseball
By Chris Jenkins
UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER

June 19, 2006

Allen H. Selig and I, sad to say, have pretty much the same haircut. Also the same befuddled look on our faces at all hours of the day.

Bud's had his turn as commissioner of baseball and pretty much botched the job. Under his watch, the World Series went dark and baseball's reputation grew even darker, the darkest since the Black Sox scandal.

When the game came rushing back in 1998 toward unprecedented popularity, it did so under false pretenses and came at a steep price. The escalated salaries and new ballparks, almost all built one way or another on a foundation of illegal performance-enhancing drugs, drove the prices sky-high and made the national pastime less accessible to its fans.

You have to give it to him, though. Bud figured out a way to make the All-Star Game meaningful.

Anyway, after 14 years, it should be somebody else's turn at the top. Might as well be mine.

As acting commissioner (isn't that precisely how Bud started?), these are my demands:

Blood tests. Every day.

Better yet. Leeches. The mere thought of those slimy little bloodsuckers should be enough to finally convince even the steroidin'est, HGH'in'est, most geeked-up ballplayer to stay clean.

All bats must be made of the same type of wood, and not the modern balsa kind that explodes when a hitter taps home plate with it. If the MLBPA is truly all about protecting its players, it should institute a safety standard for bat makers to follow. Might even save a few trees ... not to mention lives. Seriously. Somebody's going to get killed, either on the field or in the stands.

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Pitchers hereafter shall be allowed to touch their fingers to mouths on the mound. Hell, let 'em all load up from here to Niagara Falls. Given the claustrophobic size of the new ballparks, the diminished art of pitching and crackdown on various other juices, a lot of these guys will be needing all the help their arms can get.

Baseball folk will cease using “too expensive” as an excuse for anything, particularly a more elaborate form of drug testing. The average player salary is up to $2.3 million a year. The Washington Nationals just sold for $420 million, a nice little windfall for owners of the 29 other teams, most of whom already are raking it in hand over tightly wadded fist. Whatever thousands of dollars the best tests available would cost – and the restored credibility they would bring – it's car-wash money to these dudes.

First pitch on playoff and World Series games are to be delivered before the monologues by either Letterman or Leno, whichever comes first. Ratings may be boffo for postseason games that start in prime time and are commercialized out to last until 1:30 a.m. on the East Coast, but the game is losing generation after generation of kids either in bed or crashed on the couch when Albert Pujols hits that 14th-inning homer to the moon. Try a day game one World Series weekend. Just once. For old time's sake.

Each club can feel free to install an espresso machine, and uniformed attendant, next to the Gatorade cooler in its dugout. Put it in the place of the old amphetamine jar.

The NL West ... aw, never mind.

To level the playing field, institute the “designated pitcher” in the American League, whereby each club can identify one pitcher in every game who'll face only the opponent's designated hitter.

On second thought, that's stupid. Do away with the DH altogether. Now!

Every person in America should receive the gift of just one more inning of Vin Scully before it's too late.

A crack team of archaeologists and paleontologists will be commissioned to present irrefutable proof to the networks that there is life outside Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park.

The embarrassingly hopeless franchise owned by David Glass hereby is renamed the Kansas City Boils. Or, perhaps more fittingly, the Royal Flush. At the very least, withhold the franchise's revenue-sharing check.

A bonfire is to be built in downtown Cooperstown to burn the infernal “Book” that almost every manager seems to use as his Bible.

With every intentional walk, the batter will be given not only first base, but second as well. Hey, fair's fair. The guys getting the four-finger treatment – Barry Bonds, Pujols, Jim Thome – are in scoring position when they step up to the plate anyway.

Electrodes are to be placed strategically beneath the mound and batter's boxes, set at just 120 volts and planted at cleat depth, timed to go off every 30 seconds between pitches. It's the latest and most desperate, but far more entertaining, attempt at speeding up what's already the slowest game this side of Australian-rules mah-jong.

The “unwritten rules” are to be written. Just so everybody can see how dumb they – the rules, that is – really are.

Bring back the cheap seats. By the thousands.

Finally, but most importantly, and most impossibly, the attitude of major league players (and even some minor leaguers) has to change. Down with the jockocracy. That “it's-our-world” mentality and sense of entitlement that permeates baseball at every professional level – far more than any other sport – is what got it into such a huge mess. The commissioner intends this not as a wholesale indictment. There are still some great ballplayers who are greater guys who understand they have to live by the same rules as the rest of society. But even most of them looked the other way while the cheats dragged their game into the quagmire.

P.S. For every game in which Bonds doesn't hit a home run – going back to the date of his possibly perjurious grand jury testimony – a homer will be subtracted from his career total.

What the heck. You're only commissioner once.

Reaper16
06-19-2006, 07:23 PM
If I were king for a day, I'd make sure that man never gets near the game of baseball. Heck, why not see that he's fired for stupidity and forced to suffer through life homeless and hungry.

JBucc
06-19-2006, 07:31 PM
I would declare myself owner of the Royals and allow them to take one player of their choice from every other Major Leauge team and let them release all of their current players with no financial repercussions.

Dayze
06-19-2006, 08:14 PM
force them to play on a 100yd field; wear pads & helmets; institute a game clock; only play 16 regular season games.....

...it's a start.

Reaper16
06-19-2006, 08:18 PM
On second thought, I'd institute a National-Socialist movement, Naziesque in its brutality, with the aim of initiating genocide against Cards fans.

4th and Long
06-19-2006, 08:20 PM
Is putting a hit out on George Steinbrenner acceptable?

greg63
06-19-2006, 08:30 PM
Thread title thief. :p

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=136988

j/k

Adept Havelock
06-19-2006, 08:39 PM
On second thought, I'd institute a National-Socialist movement, Naziesque in its brutality, with the aim of initiating genocide against Cards fans.

ROFL

Make it Yankee fans, and you've got my support.

I'll go with George Carlin's idea. Land mines randomly buried in the outfield.

Reaper16
06-19-2006, 08:40 PM
ROFL

Make it Yankee fans, and you've got my support.

How about both Yanks and Cards fans? Compromise? :evil:

Adept Havelock
06-19-2006, 08:46 PM
How about both Yanks and Cards fans? Compromise? :evil:

All right, all right. We'll go after the Yanks and the Cards, but WE DON'T WANT THE IRISH. :D

ChiefsCountry
06-19-2006, 08:54 PM
I would do this:

1) Make a salary cap at 90 million. You cant go over it either.
2) Distribute all revenue expect preimum seatings. That means if the Red Sox have a 14 million dollar radio contract too bad they dont get all of it, split it with all teams.
3) Get the games on more networks. FOX can still do the Saturday games but make them all on the air, split it with CBS or ABC.
3) Have Baseball Night in America on Friday night on a network like NBC, CBS, etc. Have all teams on with regional action.
4) Add two expansion teams in Charlotte and Nashville. Switch the Rockies to the AL and move the A's to Portland.
Relign the leagues as so:
American League
East - Baltimore, Boston, New York, Toronto
North - Chicago, Cleveland, Detroit, Minnesota
South - Kansas City, Nashville, Tampa Bay, Texas
West - Anaheim, Colorado, Portland, Seattle

National League
East - New York, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Washington
South - Atlanta, Charlotte, Florida, Houston
North - Chicago, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, St. Louis
West - Arizona, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco

Logical
06-19-2006, 09:04 PM
I would disband Major League Baseball if I was king for a day. I would then change the rules of soccer to make it offense oriented and replace baseball with it.

DJay23
06-19-2006, 09:05 PM
Some things I'd seriously do:

Structure free agency and salary cap like the NFL

Limit the levels of the minor leagues to AAA and AA. If you aren't good enough for that go play in Mexico or Japan. Decrease the draft from 40 billion rounds to like 20. Any other positions must be filled through open tryouts.

Eliminate the DH and destroy the idea so that it never returns.

If you are a season ticket holder, you get a free fitted ball cap. Hold on to your tickets for longer than 10 years and you get to share a specially designated luxury box with other such supporters.

Kids get in for at least half price, and are entitled to one treat at the concession per ball game (ice cream, hot dog, cotton candy, etc.)

DJay23
06-19-2006, 09:08 PM
I would do this:

1) Make a salary cap at 90 million. You cant go over it either.
2) Distribute all revenue expect preimum seatings. That means if the Red Sox have a 14 million dollar radio contract too bad they dont get all of it, split it with all teams.
3) Get the games on more networks. FOX can still do the Saturday games but make them all on the air, split it with CBS or ABC.
3) Have Baseball Night in America on Friday night on a network like NBC, CBS, etc. Have all teams on with regional action.
4) Add two expansion teams in Charlotte and Nashville. Switch the Rockies to the AL and move the A's to Portland.
Relign the leagues as so:
American League
East - Baltimore, Boston, New York, Toronto
North - Chicago, Cleveland, Detroit, Minnesota
South - Kansas City, Nashville, Tampa Bay, Texas
West - Anaheim, Colorado, Portland, Seattle

National League
East - New York, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Washington
South - Atlanta, Charlotte, Florida, Houston
North - Chicago, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, St. Louis
West - Arizona, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco

I like the realignment idea, but adding teams, IMO would make already water-thin pitching unbearable.

I honestly don't really like the Wild Card. Maybe eliminate 2 teams and go back to 4-7 team divisions, like the old days. Do away with interleague play too. I've always felt it diminished what used to make the World Series so compelling.

Reaper16
06-19-2006, 09:11 PM
Some things I'd seriously do:


Limit the levels of the minor leagues to AAA and AA. If you aren't good enough for that go play in Mexico or Japan.
Oh, c'mon! Really? A ball is very much necessary for a lot of prospects' development. The jump from college ball to AA is arguably larger than AA to the majors.

listopencil
06-19-2006, 09:11 PM
If you were king for a day, how would you change baseball for the better?




I would shut it down and make them all play Football and Hockey because Baseball sucks ass.

DJay23
06-19-2006, 09:20 PM
How many guys in A ball actually make it all the way to the majors anyway? I've heard it's a pretty low percentage.

Psyko Tek
06-19-2006, 09:45 PM
I would disband Major League Baseball if I was king for a day. I would then change the rules of soccer to make it offense oriented and replace baseball with it.


how 'bout we just give baseball bats to soccer players?


run down the field whack someone with a bat take the ball


would replace bot h sports with something fun to watch

NJ Chief Fan
06-19-2006, 10:14 PM
id take a baseball bat to arods, barry bonds knees and then erase their names from baseball forever

SNR
06-19-2006, 10:20 PM
I'd lower the ****ing price of beer and a brat in the stands, that's for sure :cuss:

Moooo
06-19-2006, 10:22 PM
SALARY CAP! SALARY CAP!

Moooo

WilliamTheIrish
06-19-2006, 10:23 PM
Raise the mound. Bring back a little advantage to the pitcher. Help lower the ERA and take away from weak sisters hitting opposite field, broken bat HR's.

Moooo
06-19-2006, 10:35 PM
Raise the mound. Bring back a little advantage to the pitcher. Help lower the ERA and take away from weak sisters hitting opposite field, broken bat HR's.

I agree with the pitching thing, but how about taking off the armor plating, and getting some pitchers in the MLB who have the balls to pitch inside to these guys...

Moooo

listopencil
06-19-2006, 10:38 PM
how 'bout we just give baseball bats to soccer players?


run down the field whack someone with a bat take the ball


would replace bot h sports with something fun to watch


That's ****ing gold, man. Gold. I'd watch it.

Garcia Bronco
06-19-2006, 11:05 PM
I would fire all the cheaters and strike the record book of cheaters...sadly...there would hardly be any players or records left.

Mecca
06-19-2006, 11:17 PM
I agree with the pitching thing, but how about taking off the armor plating, and getting some pitchers in the MLB who have the balls to pitch inside to these guys...

Moooo

Pitching inside is real funny these days. If you throw inside the batter basically feels that gives him a right to charge the mound and kick the pitchers ass.

ChiefsCountry
06-19-2006, 11:20 PM
I like the realignment idea, but adding teams, IMO would make already water-thin pitching unbearable.

I honestly don't really like the Wild Card. Maybe eliminate 2 teams and go back to 4-7 team divisions, like the old days. Do away with interleague play too. I've always felt it diminished what used to make the World Series so compelling.

Salary cap would spread pitching around, that is alot of the problem big salary teams stock pile arms.

Moooo
06-19-2006, 11:20 PM
Pitching inside is real funny these days. If you throw inside the batter basically feels that gives him a right to charge the mound and kick the pitchers ass.

So we either change the penalty for doing so to something much more severe and unnegotiable (giving the pitchers more protection for pitching in), or we teach the pitchers kung-fu.

Its funny, cause Clemons can get away with it, but almost no one else can. I honestly believe that in order for a pitcher to be a great pitcher, he must plant a small seed of fear in the back of the batter's head.

Moooo